Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: seasons on April 15, 2008, 11:53:47 AM

Title: Going NC with guilt, family celebrations..
Post by: seasons on April 15, 2008, 11:53:47 AM

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Title: Re: Going NC with guilt, family celebrations..
Post by: Gaining Strength on April 15, 2008, 12:36:05 PM

What does your daughter think?  Would she enjoy goinig out to dinner with her father's familiy?  Would she rather not having aunts and uncle for her celebration?

That might be a good place to start.

I have definitely changed the way I celebrate special occassions.  One of the things that I have learned is that conflict between what I "should" do and what I want to do was all within my own mind.  And that gives me the power to overcome it.  They will be upset whether I include them or not - it is "no-win" if you consider their point of view.  I am convinced that this healing depends on learning to  cut them out of the decision process.  They will complain no matter what.  I have to let go of that.  It is what your daughter wants that really matters.

Wishing you great strength in getting through this planning and this special event.

Yours,
Gaining Strength

Title: Re: Going NC with guilt, family celebrations..
Post by: seasons on April 15, 2008, 01:26:50 PM

Thanks

Title: Re: Going NC with guilt, family celebrations..
Post by: Ami on April 15, 2008, 06:55:04 PM

Dear Seasons,
  What *I* hear,under your words, is the expectation that family events HAVE to follow a certain pattern. People seem to be throwing guilt on you b/c you have this expectation,inside you(it seems to me. I could be wrong)
 I think that your celebration can be what you and your D decide and that is OK.
 You should not have to please people who are not even very close to your D, to begin with. That is how I see it, Seasons.
                           Love   Ami

Title: Re: Going NC with guilt, family celebrations..
Post by: seasons on April 16, 2008, 09:43:04 AM

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You really need to decide exactly what your boundaries will be and don't feel guilty about sticking to them.  I would recommend writing them down on paper, carry them in your wallet and refer to them often.  Also remind yourself of how worked up they get you and how that affects your children.  I remind myself every day that it has to stop with me, and I need to be the best parent I can to my child - being stressed out with my extended family is not fair to my own famliy.   Anyone that gets in the way of me making a good life for my child will not be part a of my life. 

I found this and it spoke dicrectly to my heart. As it is the complete truth, as I see it.

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Ami,
You should not have to please people who are not even very close to your D, to begin with. That is how I see it, Seasons.
                           Love   Ami

Thank you ((Ami)) for hearing my voice, leaving me with a sense of value. :)   Means so much to me as I heal.  Love seasons