Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Overcomer on April 22, 2008, 09:41:41 AM
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Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory-everyon thought he was delusional but he was not. Someone wrongly accused of murder and sent to death row. Running away from a serial killer and just when you see the door he grabs you and pulls you in for the kill. THIS is how I feel. I am running away from my mom all the while she is labeling me as the one with the problem. I am stupid. I stay for more abuse and beg for her to admit wrongdoing! She will never and I have to walk and never look back!
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Dear Kelly
You described the NM ,perfectly. Everything the N hates about herself is projected on us b/c we were more vulnerable,as the child.
I am seeing it for the first time, ever. You have to see the "gap" , which is that the problem is THEM. You have to see the projection, Kelly. Love Ami
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I see it, Ami. Problem is the N mom will never EVER admit wrongdoing and I have to live with the frustration that she really believes I am the one with the problem. And then she has the counselor believing it. Well GS will be proud because this time I am gone. The said inside me has eaten away at my body and I an always in pain-same as your stomach aches. I need to get over my anger at the injustice of it all. I need to NOT care. I want her to suffer but the concern should be for me.
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Dear Kelly,
I am so, so angry at mine,right now, because I SEE what she did to me and I could KILL her, with my bare hands. She violated me b/c I was weak .
I am so angry right now, too. Ami
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Kelly,
I am learning that we can never prove what is what. We just have to learn to love our lives in a way that is good and rewarding for us. I think that your best bet is to stop focusing on proving her wrong, as you said, and moving along into your own life.
Love, Beth
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Yes we can go off the deep end of anger together! Problem is we both suffer physically because of it. I have not been pain free for a couple of years. I guess for me it was not a blatant thing early on-it was mind control. Now that I have gotten free from her manipulations she is on the offensive. If she can paint me a lunatic then she is free from any remorse for her actions. I believe she has a heart and that is why she chooses delusions so she can live with what she has done to me.
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I have stomach problems ,as you know, from stress.I hate her so much, Kelly. I really, really saw how she treated me and I am filled with hatred and rage at her.
They LOVE to try to destroy a vulnerable person. They hate any good qualities like love,kindness etc, They see a red flad and they see "weakness' and want to destroy it.
Ami
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Well we are singing the same song here. Our rage at the injustice eats away at us does it not? Same with our Hs-They do not seem to get it. I was lying in bed yesterday-sick-and I asked him about his new job and he snapped at me-I told him I wanted him to treat me as nice as he treated the dog and then he said what do you want to do Kelly? Basically asking if I wanted a divorce and I wanted to yell YES I WANT A DIVORCE YOU ASSHOLE! Maybe I am crazy! I have road rage-I am impatient!
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My friend and her H were here,today. I don't think you OR I descend to this---he whistles for her,like a dog--bleh. Ami
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EW! Tell him to take a flying leap off a short pier!
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Your H whistling for you HAS to be an all time low. Ami
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Kelly
AS I feel my anger, I feel more whole. James has been helping me with Alice Miller concepts. He says you have to feel your anger an under that is hurt and fear of abandonment. He said that we "forgive" too fast.
I feel such an anger .
Kelly, WE are not crazy. Don't let your M put that on you. You are as sane as I am(LOL) Love Ami
PS In the N world , the crazy one (the N) tells you YOU are crazy. The kind one is the bad one. Good is bad. Bad is good. Beauty is ugly. Ugly is beauty.
Everything beautiful about life is MADE ugly by the N.
They want to destroy anything that has virture. They want to bring it down to what THEY are---ugly.
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Maybe that is why my mom has had so much plastic surgery-because she knows she is ugly
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(((((((((((((Overcomer))))))))))))))))
So sorry you are hurting
love,
ann
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Actually,Kelly
The N's and abusers,in general, FEEL very ugly. They don't have the beauty of life in them. They take beauty and stomp it out.
Ami
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Dear OC
I am sorry you are still hurting. Your mother has had plastic surgery, facial? Is/was she really not a good-looking woman?
Just asking to see if she knows or feels ugly, from your perspective.
If she is really not physically ugly, then perhaps she just feels it inside? and would that give you reason to hope that she has feelings somewhere else inside, about other matters?
xx
Izzy,,, who tries to examine everything---leave no stone unturned.
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I think my mom was kinda homely growing up. My grandfather did not encourage her much. She has had two face lifts, a tummy tuck and some other things. But you cannot keep the aging from happening. She is 71 But could easily pass for 60. Problem with her is this generational pride and arrogance. My grandfather would not work for others so made a living by gambling and fighting chickens!
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Kelly,
My grandfather made a living gambling too or at least tried to he lost more then he won. Chicken's don't know about. He was big time into the horses and the bars and himself.
Love
Deb
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He just had this way of controlling the family. Then all of a sudden people stopped cow towing to him and he lost his edge. People started ignoring him and he died with the family pretty much ignoring him. I wonder if mom will live her final years surrounded by loved ones or alone-my bet is alone. But I will probably be the one who goes and visits after all she has put me through!
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Kelly,
Aw that is sad isn't it. I guess my grandfather went the same route and my mother did help take care of him in the end of his days with her sisters. Well, four of her sisters. My mother and her one sister were treated horribly. The other two were I guess good. Her one brother and the other sister were long gone years before. Her brother showed up to the funeral and was selling fur coats out of the trunk of his car to the people who came to pay thier respects.
Love
Deb
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I got an email from my mom telling me it was borderline personality disorder not bipolar that the counselor said. I do not know but I think that is worse. Then I looked at my reaction to all this and I think it was too much reaction to what she said. I think she cannot say anything to me without deeply hurting me on matter how benign it is. The truth is it reminds me of people who are allergic to bees-one sting a reaction-2 A more severe one and 3 Shock or hospital.
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Let's get her out of your head for today, okay Kell?
You need to relax, breathe deeply and meditate for 10 minutes, then pamper yourself through a nice bit of protein, go outside for a 10-minute walk to get your cheeks glowing, tune into spring happening all around you, then go to your interview.
Today is about TOMORROW. Enjoy your job interview!
love
Hops
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Hey thanks Hops. I do kinda spiral into obsession, dont I? I decided to take it easy-drink a cup of coffee-get my d ready for school and then drive her-come home and then get ready to go to the interview. I bought new hose-washed my skirt-and did some research on the company. If this job pans out I can be in the store half the time and calling on businesses the other half. I figure this might give me the opportunity to leave-pick up my d at school between appointments. Say a prayer!
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YOU GOT IT, Kel.
xo
Hops
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::saying a prayer for your interview right now::
You are OVERCOMER and one good feeling leads to another.
Light
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(((((((((((((Kelly))))))))))))))) Love Ami