Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: towrite on April 25, 2008, 12:43:48 PM
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I am still struggling with what my BF did --- touches on so many threads here. I get so deeply scared when I get criticized that my whole person is a lie that I go to some cold place where warmth never enters. I know part of it is a resurfacing of or retriggering of my FOO's treatment of me. Some of the words are exactly the same. I just want to go in the closet and sit on the floor in the dark - exactly what I did as a kid.
Today I am not taking this blame. I accept no responsibility for whatever my BF thinks I did b/c I know what I did and it ain't what she thinks. This is where what Lup posted about not understanding people creeps in. I have learned that, if I cannot connect with what a person says about me, hard as I try, if it makes no sense to me or contradicts my experience of that reality, then it's probably that person's irrationality --- and irrationality is unexplainable. It's based on faulty presumptions, faulty perceptions, and colored by that person's needs and their own woundedness.
It also helped to journal a lot of it. I still get a feeling of cold on my back when I think of her, but I think that feeling is a response to the idea of what it may have been like had our friendship continued. Maybe my sixth sense that I am well out of it.
Kate
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towrite... I agree journaling is an excellent idea, esp when you're not sure what your feelings are.
If you can, try to invest yourself in uplifting activities that aren't surrounded by your bf, or anyone who's creating confusion for you.
Hope you feel better.
Lighter
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Dear Kate,
I am glad you are better, today? I felt like you would be better, today. Just a gut feeling.
I am learning to trust my heart more, Kate.
I would say it is 98% right. That is good odds. Love to you, Ami
((((((((Kate)))))))))
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towrite,
Yes I agree with light and
I took notice that colors and smells were very relaxing to me. I like the smell of lavender and the color also. I always found some sense of calmness when I smell and see these colors. I love hot baths with lavender oils, and body creams.
Maybe at home you can find things (that help you relax) clear your mind and just feel comfortable.
Love
Deb