Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: LilyCat on May 06, 2008, 12:59:02 PM
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Okay, everyone, I have date #1 tomorrow after work. I had put an ad on craigslist asking if anyone had been in group therapy; he replied and told me that was the most bizarre ad he'd ever seen. (Probably right, ha, ha. But when I thought about it, many of the nicest men I've known have been in my therapy group.) We've been emailing for about 2 weeks and I really like what he has to say. Just very low-key, nothing big, lots of minorly funny stuff. Just seems like a reasonable human being.
He's 10 years older than I am, but what the heck. I'm really looking forward to meeting him. Totally no pressure. He's looking for someone to hang with first, and then if something happens, that's fine.
Have someone else who's interested, but he's 10 years younger! (Big age span!) Not as interested in him, but worth meeting him.
In "guided communication" with a few from eharmony. The two most promising haven't communicated lately, so we'll see.
Tomorrow's coming at a good time, I was having a hard time about the N this morning. Boy, what a number he did on me. What a hurtful human being. I still haven't entirely perceived the extent of how much he hurt me. Sometimes I think of him and I'm terrified; sometimes it just hurts like a knife.
Will let you know how I do!
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hi Lily
I hope this date works out for you. Just keep your eyes and ears open for red flags, and
don't expose too much about your personal self and struggles at the beginning. If he can read you he might learn it on his own, and you go about a 'natural' date, as you will try to read him from things he says (or doesn't say) and does. --how he holds his cutlery, if he interrupts you too much trying to get the conversation back to him, his personal appearance re cleanliness (fingernails and teeth)
well I won't burden you now. :lol: :lol: :shock:
I am one who tries to not jinx things by announcing them in advance. I must be weird as many oh this Board do.
Good Luck
Izzy
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Lily,
Same as Iz said.
Oh I feel like a nervous excited mother with first date of daughter, Oh your not a kid, but it's a first date, and been there done that and slowed down now, so , I get to be excited for you.
Have a lot of fun, enjoy.
Oh and meet at public place with lots of people.
Ok I'll shut up now.
Love
Deb
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So excited for you Lily Cat!!! Have a wonderful time. Remember he will be as nervous as you. I admire your adventurous spirit!
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Thanks, everyone.
Great advice, Izzy, I will keep that in mind. Cutlery?? I think I need help with that one.
Deb, you made me laugh, as always.
GS, thank you. You know, this ups the ante with our co-dating thing ... your turn!
Will let you all know how I made out. (Errrr, how it went. Not expecting anything in the other sense.)
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Reporting in ...
Well, he was an "old" 63-64, as compared to my brother-in-law, who would be fine (if I could stand him) -- just this side of being a geezer, really.
But he was very nice, and very sweet, and quite entertaining. Told me a lot of dating stories, some his, others of women he'd talked to, especially about online dating. That was fine, he did it in a good way, and he gave me a lot of helpful tips about online dating.
He was very sweet, I enjoyed his company, he paid for dinner (at a diner, but still, that was very nice), and we both knew we weren't there for sparks to fly, so it all worked out very well. I'm very glad that I went. My girlfriend here at work did a good job on the hair and make-up, I looked great, so it was good practice. I'll probably see him here and there just as good company.
So, in terms of gentlemen I'm 2 for 2. (I had gone out with someone about 6 weeks ago -- not a penny in his pocket, was French-Algerian but has lived here since the mid-60s, but he really was a true gentleman).
It's only going to get better from here!! Cuz I'm going to keep lookin' better and better and gettin' better and better.
Thanks for all your support. Gotta call another guy tonight.
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That's great Lily
You have likely made a friend, someone with a few more years experience, who doesn't expect you to drop your drawers at the sight of him. Someone who is lonely and you cheered him up by listening attentively to hiis tales, and I hope he did the same for you.
I applaud you
Izzy
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Lilly,
I am so glad you had a nice date. You may just have made a new friend with your draws on (ha ha) Izzy, you are so funny.
I do think that if I had removed the romantic part (that we all look for or fall for) and feel that we really like this person as a friend, *first* then romantic we would save ourselves a whole lot of problems through out and maybe the end as mine had resulted.
The nice part about ageing and maturity is that we do have experiences on our side now and can choose a little more carefully.
and choices are not ever over. There is no age limit, that you have missed the boat or can not experience things that you did at the age of 18,20,or 75. So I do think that things are more on our side now.
So here's to you Lilly, with all your experiences to share and take in new ones, with your draws on or off.
Love
Deb
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I'm so glad things went well but this is my favorite part:
It's only going to get better from here!! Cuz I'm going to keep lookin' better and better and gettin' better and better.
Thanks for all your support. Gotta call another guy tonight.
I'm so pleased for you - really pleased.
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Yay, Lily! Nice going.
I heard a great line from a friend once when I was obsessing anxiously over online dating. She advised, don't have lengthy intimate written correspondence until you've MET. If a few brief, balanced emails or a phone chat or two indicate liking, then say, Time to Meet. Otherwise, you can spin out your precious heart energy on someone with whom there might not be any chemistry. And chemistry does matter.
Then, the line was, if someone doesn't float your boat consider it good PRACTICE (just as you've already figured out, that's such a helpful attitude) and say to yourself:
Let's keep the line moving, NEXT....
(I thought that was very funny and somehow summed it up.)
Good luck! Thanks for sharing the adventure.
Hops
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Hi Hops,
Thanks for the great advice -- you are so right. It's funny, I was just beginning to realize that about keeping the emails balanced et al. Not that mine have been unbalanced, but I think I want to keep my cards closer to my vest.
I TOTALLY LOVE the bit about "Keep the line moving." That's my new motto!
Thanks so much -- and have a good weekend. (You and everyone.)
LC
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Lily,
Sounds like you had a lovely date. I'm happy things went well and you are going to continue with such a great attitude.
You are kind and funny, someone out there will be very lucky.
Best wishes, seasons
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Ha ha Hopalong - Keep the line moving - I love that!!!!!!!!
I also absolutely agree with Hops abut the whole writing over the internet stuff. There is massive power in words and words mixed with the fantasy of what you imagine the guy to be can lead to all sort of disappointment.
Sounds like you are doing it perfectly though Lily. I have a friend who is internet dating at the moment. Her line is moving rapidly but she is having a fabulous time..
Spyralle x