Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Gaining Strength on May 12, 2008, 08:53:59 AM

Title: Moving Forward
Post by: Gaining Strength on May 12, 2008, 08:53:59 AM

Well this has been more difficult and taking much longer than I expected.  I had no idea how profoundly entrenched the negative thoughts and the self-abusive brain patterns were.  The mornings and the nights are the worst by far.  By mid morning I have found my stride with good positive thoughts and patterns to counter and replace the old destructive ones.  And even though I am facing that same battle pattern daily - wake - struggle; get going - good thought patterns; wearing down - negative again - there is an overall certainty that things have changed and that the battle is won, depending only on more and more practice.

Saturday and Sunday were excellent days.  I found myself overcoming things that in the past would have sent me to bed.  Satuday night I went out to dinner with another family and found that true excitement and enjoyment and liking myself had replaced a sullenness and an expectation that something would go wrong and that ultimately I would experience some kind of rejection.  Yesterday,, I was working on my square foot cleaning (and Saturday too) and felt myself begin to slip into an oblivion of despair and hopelessness when I found (in a whole new power) that I could turn my thoughts and lift myself out.

I remind myself that even though there is little evidence of the changes in my mess that I "know" the change has arrived and I refuse to let the old despair take charge.  Day by day I am able to step up the battle just slightly.  Day by day, I am able to move forward.

The big switch for me is when I find myself slipping into despair I am able to ramp back up by calling on myself to dig into a mode of "determination".  And I am winning this war one small battle at a time.

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Juno on May 12, 2008, 10:13:56 AM

Bravo, GS, and big hugs (((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))

Love, Juno

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: gratitude28 on May 12, 2008, 10:21:06 AM

(((((((((((((GS))))))))))))

To a new woman!!! You should change your name from Gaining Strength to Got Strength!!!!!!

Love, Beth

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Ami on May 12, 2008, 11:17:07 AM

Dear GS
  I am here ,in mind and spirit, next to you, on your journey.   Love   Ami


((((((((((GS)))))))

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: sKePTiKal on May 12, 2008, 02:18:36 PM

GS - you're reinforcing your strength... like Beth, I think you need to consider updating your name!  You're demonstrating your strength now...  it's real, visible and tangible!   :D

(I think I can apply your "square foot" approach to my situation, too... great idea!!)

Here's a concept for you: when I train adults who are terrified of technology, I talk a lot about the learning curve... that at first, the curve is so steep because because you have to learn all the terminology, at the same time you're processing what things look like, and how to double-click, what different kinds of tools look like and what they do/don't do. We teach this level in very small bits & pieces to not overwhelm and further frighten people. We almost always show them "undo" very early on, to give them a level of reassurance and confidence.

But then, after practicing all these little things enough times, and getting familiar with where thing are located, what they're called and how they work, the student hits a plateau - finding that they can apply the same knowledge to a new software program or website... and that once the plateau is reached, any further learning gets much, much easier. The learning curve flattens out - and you can learn easier & FASTER...

You sound like you've reached the plateau stage - and now you're able to apply what you've learned to all kinds of 3-D situations. You're able to stop yourself from continuing the old "beat yourself up" thoughts and to give yourself credit and praise for the real accomplishments of each day. Each time you do that, you're creating a new mental/feeling habit!

It's going to get a lot easier, from here on out... even when you start tackle new things.

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Gaining Strength on May 12, 2008, 03:49:00 PM

PR - how helpful.  I am immediately thrown into one of the things I teach - standardized testing.  I spend 10% of my time on the material and 90% on developing and "proving" the students' confidence.  I can apply what you are describing and what I have seen in other "fearful" students as well.  Perhaps tonight I will change my name.  I think it is time too.  I selected that name because it was positive but I am ready for a new name reflective of where I am now.

Thanks so much for the encouragement.

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Leah on May 12, 2008, 05:12:30 PM

I believe in (((( GS )))) ..... from Gaining Strength to Got Strength  

Bravo to you for all your perseverance and hard work.

Love, Leah

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Gaining Strength on May 13, 2008, 01:34:05 AM

OK - I did it!  I became someone new!!!  It feels great though it will take some adjusting.  Thanks for the encouragement - it was awesome.  I feel so strong!! and I love it.  Thanks - Got Strength

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Hopalong on May 13, 2008, 05:14:57 AM

 :D :D :D  ((((((((((((((((GS))))))))))))))))))))  :D :D :D

xxxooo

Hops

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Leah on May 13, 2008, 06:18:37 AM

((((((((( Got Strength )))))))))

 :D :D  I am so very happy for you   :D :D

Love, Leah

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: gratitude28 on May 13, 2008, 07:07:12 AM

I love you! You are the greatest! You deserve the name change and everything that comes with it!!!!!!
Love, Beth

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: sKePTiKal on May 13, 2008, 09:12:46 AM

Here's to NEW!  :D

You deserve it, kiddo...

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Ami on May 13, 2008, 06:49:16 PM

Hi GS
 Thinking of you and sending good thoughts of peace and joy your way.   Love   Ami


((((((GS)))))))))

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: debkor on May 13, 2008, 07:36:31 PM

Oh I do like that name  *Got Strength*.

I knew you could do it now I get to hear you do it.  Yippie!!!!!!!  You worked hard!!  Congratulations of breaking the cycle of negative thoughts,  your path has changed.... YIPPIE!!!   8) :)

Here's to You! 

Love
Deb

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Certain Hope on May 14, 2008, 10:41:22 PM

(((((((((((((Got Strength))))))))))) Amen!!

You know me and my verses. Well, here's one you've brought to mind:

Then he said to them, "Go, eat of the fat, drink of the sweet, and send portions to him who has nothing prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord.
Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."   Nehemiah 8:10

You go, girl!

With love,
Carolyn

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Hopalong on May 15, 2008, 01:53:39 AM

How did today go, GS?

Hope if there was one step back you remember about two steps forward, and do the math.

love
Hops

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Gaining Strength on May 15, 2008, 03:43:38 AM

The days are going well.  So much better than in many years.  I am developing a confidence in my relationships with other people and it is a tremendous relief.  The nights are the most difficult but that will come in time.

I have this little book about "favor" that repeats in many ways to "expect favor", expect good things to happen, expect people to be nice, expect people to like you, and on and on.  In reading this daily and practicing it over and over I have come to see how profoundly my expectations had been shaped to expect the worst in every situation, insignificant and significant alike.  I expect waiters and waitresses to keep me waiting and to bring me the wrong order and to charge me too much.  I expect the clerk in the store to wait on the person who came in after me before waiting on me. I expect the other mother's on the baseball team to exclude me from their conversations or to leave me out in some other way.  But as I change this attitude I am finding that people are beginning to ask me to do things or I am willing to ask people to do things.  It is one of the strangest things I have ever experienced - to see it working is beyond miraculous.  My resentment and bitterness are evaporating!  My hope is growing and my fear and anxiety are dramatically diminishing.  That old devil shame is still powerful but I have cut off at least 10 of its 20 heads and I won't stop until I have cut them all off.  Oh when I begin to get frustrated by my little boys defiance I remember to love him like it's my last chance and even his attitude changes almost immediately.  Life is beginning to be worth living.  I am thankful.

And it is impossible to express what a difference you all have made.  To see you echo my progress back to me when I cannot see it has encouraged me and strengthened me and pushed me forward in my journey.  I could not have done it without you all.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart. - Got it now!

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Ami on May 15, 2008, 06:51:48 AM

Dear GS
 I could hear  that you WERE different, earlier today. Now, after reading your post, I can see what happened. You "shifted" in how you "thought " about yourself. 'As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he".
 I was thinking about it, yesterday.
If WE think some way about ourselves, it becomes reality,in a way that is hard to fathom. You are experiencing this and I am so happy. You have all the qualities that anyone would want in a friend, loving, caring,loyal, wonderful listener,iinterested in other people, open, warm. In fact, you have taught me so much about how to be a friend.
 Your ONLY problem is believing the old ,worn out messages about yourself, the lies and distortions. In REALITY, a person would be blessed to call you a friend !         Love   Ami

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Hopalong on May 15, 2008, 08:29:36 AM

Oh GS.
Know what?
It is showing on your face.
You're thinking friendly thoughts toward people...they can see it and so respond!

Wow. As lovely as you were before, having light in your mind...you'll be a knockout.

SO proud of you, girl. ATTA GIRL, GS!!!!!!!!!!!!

love to you,
Hops

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Gaining Strength on May 15, 2008, 09:45:01 AM

Thanks Ami and Hops.  Boy do those Atta Girls feel good!

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: seasons on May 15, 2008, 09:58:57 AM

Quote

It is one of the strangest things I have ever experienced - to see it working is beyond miraculous.  My resentment and bitterness are evaporating!  My hope is growing and my fear and anxiety are dramatically diminishing.  That old devil shame is still powerful but I have cut off at least 10 of its 20 heads and I won't stop until I have cut them all off.  Oh when I begin to get frustrated by my little boys defiance I remember to love him like it's my last chance and even his attitude changes almost immediately.  Life is beginning to be worth living.  I am thankful.

Got Strength your are amazing!!!   Strong, Loving, Giving, Accepting, Deserving of A BEATIFUL LIFE!

Congratulations, love oxox seaons

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: sKePTiKal on May 15, 2008, 04:54:32 PM

grooooviness, GS!

I swear, there are so many of us getting to a good place, we need to have a have party to celebrate!

Title: Re: Moving Forward
Post by: Leah on May 15, 2008, 05:00:51 PM

((((( Got Strength )))))  you are a shining beacon.

Love, Leah