Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Somebody on August 19, 2004, 08:08:14 AM
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Pheonix gave me the idea for starting this thread (don't want to take all of the credit and be seen as seeking anything from anybody).
Would you like to see ground rules for this board?
Rules all board participants might be expected to follow, when at all possible?
If so, what would you suggest? And why?
Personally, I would like to see:
1. Please treat eachother with respect
because of the example it sets to, especially, new members, and because I believe all people deserve to be treated in such a way.
What do ya'll think?
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It seems like there is a lot of abuse of the 'guest' feature here, so, I guess, in the ideal world, I'd like to see an end to anonymous posting.
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Nothing personal, Somebody. I've just noticed the problem has become really bad since I've recently returned. Half of the time, I can't even figure out which end is up in the various threads, and, other times, they seem so abusive that if feels unsafe.
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None taken Peanut.
I think I agree, although I don't know how all this stuff works.
Couldn't someone just register as whoever they want from the library or whatnot and not be detected, after all the fuss?
The other thing I'm thinking is, I know how frightened I was to post that first post. It's scary. This is a public board. People can be rude. Some feel totally uncomfortable with the whole idea of posting and may need to test the waters, so to speak, as a guest. I don't even know how to register or what the purpose or advantage of that is. I just wanted to speak about stuff.
What if others just happen upon this board, as I did, and feel that need?
Is it fair to require anything of them at all?
I don't know.
I don't know about how this all works. I'm really pc illiterate, in the long run. I do know that those who create such havock (sp?) by posting under a whole bunch of names and behave disrespectfully, should somehow be banned from the group. I don't know how that can be done or where the line of "disrespectful" would be drawn. I guess my suggestion for the rule #1 would need much clearer definition and great consideration.
I do like your suggestion though. I don't like it when people behave so badly and get no consequence for it. On the other hand, I do understand that some have much to learn and we must try our hardest to be as patient and kind as possible. Maybe "must" is the wrong word but I can't think of a better one at the moment.
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Hiya Somebody. Tricky one. I’m not much in favour of talking about setting rules. I’d rather leave that to Dr Grossman. I prefer to think he knows best! Is that a cop-out? I don’t think so.
But I’m all in favour of making information clearer and readily available, to inform people. Someone mentioned the information on the registration page to me earlier this week I think. I just checked it out. It’s a good guide but I wonder, can you post as ‘Guest’ without registering and therefore without reading that page? I don’t know the answer. This is the page: http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3/profile.php?mode=register I’m curious.
Also, someone asked a while back if the board is moderated. I think it’s fair to assume from the web address and the Index page that Richard Grossman is a/the moderator. Do you agree that this is obvious? Maybe it would help everyone to have this clarified. I don’t know. We could ask Dr G what he thinks if people do think this is a problem. Comments?
Other than those things, I think the Board manages itself. It’s a group of people and people can usually work things out between them. If they can’t work something out, they can ask Dr G for help. That’s the safety mechanism I think. Maybe this could be stated somewhere? What do you think? I don't know what Dr G would think though. I don't know what systems there are in place 'behind the scenes' so to speak.
I don’t mean to duck your question Somebody. I just have different ideas to add to the pot. I like the thoughtfulness of the thread. And I’ve just read what you said elsewhere about re-potting ourselves – I like that too. Now I’ve just read your second post above. How about ‘we can only try our hardest…’ ? P
Hiya Peanut. I’m sad that you feel unsafe on some threads. I think bunny said something about not reading threads you don’t like (hope I’m right there bunny). If a thread feels abusive to you, try to stop reading, or realise it isn’t about you. Do those ideas help? Pick threads you like and feel safe in. You don’t have to read all threads, do you? By the way, I admire your rose! I have no idea how to do that. P
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Hi and good morning Portia.
I didn't read the stuff in that "link" you just inserted before my first post (still haven't, I admit. Just posting back to you and then I must be off or my day will be fairly backed up).
I just posted without reading much at all, that first time, and I did say so in that original post.
Maybe the idea of having rules is a silly one. There's no way to enforce such a thing. The doc is always there to step in, as you have pointed out, anyway, isn't he?
It was just a hypothetical question and one I am interested in hearing ideas about (thankyou for yours too).
I agree, it would be tricky to even decide upon basic rules of conduct.
Our law makers must have had a really tough job and I'm sure the laws evolved over a very long time (shouldn't say I'm sure because I don't know the history- I suspect is better).
I think you're right about making the information clear and available but I also think, people will do exactly as they want. Read it or not.
I'm not sure I agree with your comment about people working things out between them in this case. I say that because of the HUGC thing you are experiencing, at least as it appears, and it seems to me that that hasn't been worked out yet. I also wonder why it hasn't? Is it because there is no way to stop such behaviour on this board or is it because the request has not been made? Why haven't you asked the doc to intervene (just curious)??
I don't think you're ducking the question, P, and I appreciate you appreciating the thoughtfulness. Thankyou. "Try our hardest" would be good, but what happens when we fail?
No spanking?? (just kidding, really I am P). No consequence? If so, then why write the rules, you're right.
I don't think any of us should ever feel "safe" on any thread from now on. Not after all is said and done. Sorry Peanut. No insult intended but there is no safety here and there never will be until multiple posting-by-one-person-under-several-names can be dealt with. Sorry for that Peanut. It's not fair.
The disrespect thing, well, the best we can probably do is as you say, P,
Ask people to try their hardest.
I will add, point out to them when they have not succeeded in doing that, as another possibilty.
Have a great day all!
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I think the board already has a baseline of how to behave. There are a couple of threads that are ugly so I don't read them. If people would stop reading them and stop responding to idiots, the threads would die. Otherwise this board seems very respectful. One also has the option of leaving the board and finding greener pastures.
bunny
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it all depends on what you are looking for, need and want, but my vote says this board "ain't what it used to be." It is too jumbled and chaotic now. I used to feel really connected but that feeling is now gone, maybe it's just me. I'm used to being discounted and overlooked. arrrggghhh ... :?
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Hi
As a newbie Ive logged on as a guest. Either because ive forgotten to log in correctly and I dont have the power to change my posts and secondly because ive used the guest to post things personal to me that I want to talk about more privately.
I think it is about how people use the guest option and not the option itself.
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Oh God ive done it again. That post was from me LEAF. Or guest trying to be LEAF ha ha.
Maybe it should be harder to log on as a guest and easier to log on in your own name.
Im logging out now to log in as me. Do you think maybe im having a problem with myself image. HA HA
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Oh God ive done it again. One of the above posts was from me LEAF. Or guest trying to be LEAF ha ha.
Maybe it should be harder to log on as a guest and easier to log on in your own name.
Im logging out now to log in as me. Do you think maybe im having a problem with myself image or having my own voice. HAHA
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A possibility for the "anonymous" issue....
Why not have the board be "read only" for non-registered members, but to post and view profiles, you must be registered and logged in? Anonymity is nice, but it can also be used to "hide" behind....
Just a thought,
--Peter
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I've tended to notice that people say little if anything about themselves in their profiles. This is obviously for good reasons as most of you guys carry guns over there (US). :lol:
I've posted before on two other sites on the net. After a time, I arrived at the conclusion that they appeared to funnel new people down a particular route. It was fine to talk about what the group owners wanted to talk about.....that's it!! Both seemed to be sales outlets for Dr Sam Vak material and every opportunity was used to push people to buy! Any view that appeared to dismiss Sam the man, meant you'd be terminated!
So I've found this site to be quite relaxed, tolerant and open. I'd like to see that continue as it would appear that less rules, mean more freedom to speak!
Sure people are pains in the ass......but that's is one of the very essense of being human. People take offence too easily sometimes.
IF IT AIN'T BROKEN, WHY CHANGE THINGS!
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Lot's of interesting perspectives here. There is a lot to think about in this question.
A problem I note is the ability and inability to edit/delete posts. This would be a technical thing and it is already set up, but is there a need to change it to fit with whatever ground rules might be brought into exhistance?
On the one hand, a person may wish the option of removing their post, for a number of ligitimate reasons, (man I wish I could spell) and that ability to- delete- is a good thing to make available for them. This is only if the person is registered.
A guest cannot removed/delete their own posts (and may not be aware of that fact until later). They may not realize that there could be valid reasons for wanting to delete posts in future. This is simply a comprehension problem and the information about it is available, if one looks for it, but a guest may not initially do that. Their loss, I guess.
Also, registered people can delete their posts, if they so choose, and may do so for valid and sometimes, let's say- questionable reasons. When a guest communicates with a reg. member and that communication gets---uncomfortable, for lack of a better word, the reg. member can remove their posts from the thread, and leave the thread looking quite odd---with the guest responding to stuff that was once there but is now not. This will be confusing for new people joining the board, to say the least.
On the other, other hand, removing posts allows for the more "real" life experience of communicating, where sometimes people will say: "I didn't say that". Because those posts are now removed, there is the same real life reality of ---lying (not that a person couldn't lie their heart out if they wanted to to begin with). People do this type of thing all the time, so having the option makes the board--a bit more like the real world.
There is a lot to consider, if we bother to. Good for the brain cells, anyhow.
I guess trying to come to a perfect resolution, for laying ground rules on a board, such as this, is probably a bit of a dim idea, much like many things in life that are not so easily and clearly defined.
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As for editing and deleting posts: (i am using *you* in the general sense)
If you are a registered member, you can edit and delete your own posts and you can private message people.
If you are a guest, you cannot.
So why not choose whatever is most comfortable for you given those options.
I am a registered member and don't see any harm in that or any reason why it would be unsafe to be a registered member.
I basically agree with Bunny's reply.
Also, for logging in, I have found that clicking on *log in to check your private messages* first will get you successfully logged in every time.
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HI!
Just chiming in...
I'd like to echo what Bunny has said. We are free to read any posts here whether they be from a registered user or an anonymous guest. Content is what we respond to, I would hope. It is what I respond to. Some issues posted here are dearer to my heart than others, and, as in real life I don't " like " everybody..and, as in real life, I am free to let them know it or not. I have experimented with both..perhaps i've compromised and decided that since i'm an idealist I do not wish to confront people here, and if I do I try to keep a civil tongue. My choice and my upbringing! You guys wouldn't believe how "polite" I was brought up to be..nonetheless it's a comfort zone in which i've grown well...comfortable..I mean otherwise we start sounding like an episode of the Polite gofers for heaven's sake!
I like the concept of respecting one another..one can still have respect for an adversary. It's ok to fight fair..but why go the anger route? I've still got lots of that..but not here, this is my support and sharing group NON? :wink:
I think we are all very intelligent ,as was said ,but above all I feel we are all in need of acceptance which allows our voices to come to life. Angry voices, disappointed voices, tired voices, abused voices..yet voices, to be heard; sometimes contested, approved or disapproved of and challenged.
Support has nothing to do with being right or wrong but everything to do with being heard.
Ground rules? Ask a question=receive an answer, Ask for feedback=receive feedback.
And of course courtesy ( the ability to put ones own needs aside to consider someone elses) and humility which in this context would be the ability to apologize when doing someone wrong, consciously or unconsciously, and the capacity to begin to deal with the truth about our true selves and situations..and forgiveness, because we all come from the same N hell hole. And generosity, not the imposed kind but rather the one that comes from the heart 'cos at whatever depth we're at, we've all got the ability to gently steer someone in perhaps the right direction.
So..I'm sounding sanctimonious huh?! :shock: Well..Yeah! hahahaha! I'm allowing myself ok?!! :lol:
A moment of bliss has come and gone..how refreshing! :D
Now I must return to my Bar-B-Q Fritos corn chips whilst rummaging through my "stuff" for a Prevacid, 'cos Bar-B-Q anything ultimately leads to heartburn. *BURP*..shoot :shock: ...sorry.. :oops:
Sincerely and authentically,
Love to all.
Nic :D
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Hi Nic:
And while were at it, I'm sorry Nic.
I'm sorry that I may have hurt your feelings back there and that I did not thank you for your respectful, kind words.
I think you are very insightful and honest and I admire you quite a bit.
I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope we won't always be--adversaries.
((((((((Nic))))))))
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The Nursery
Tempers can flare and people can get angry; not a lot we can do about that. But anyone who can't let an argument go after a day or two will have his entire thread moved to the Nursery.
This is from another board, but semes like a way to handle some threads that get carried away or too blazen and may run off posters just wanting to stick to a topic.
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The Nursery
Tempers can flare and people can get angry; not a lot we can do about that. But anyone who can't let an argument go after a day or two will have his entire thread moved to the Nursery.
I like it!! :!:
bunny
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Me too. I've given up on ever discussing my topic and I have no resentments about that. I'll have to figger it out some other way.
Let's move on.
Bunny, do I need to appologize to you too? I think I did but maybe not properly?
Aw well, you seem so level headed that I doubt you are much of a grudge holder.
But just in case, I repeat my appology that I didn't respond to enough positive stufff. Me, the person who professes to be basically positive.
Sorry Bunny.
Have a great week end.
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Why don't you just DO the things you apologize about instead of apologizing every five minutes. I don't need any apologies (yet).
bunny
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Yep!
Bunny, being jewish, you should have included an "awready" to what you said..emphasis you know! :lol:
Yeah, Somebody...I can't remember what you should be apologizing about..to me anyway..however..do STOP apologizing every freakin' minute awready huh! ( a la Archie Bunker)..
And don't be tempted to apologize about having apologized to me either 'kay!
Just post and express yourself and we'll relate there!
All the best,
Nic :)
*a la Dr.Evil* www.stopapologizingeveryotherminute.com
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Further to the discussion re: Guidelines and Anonymity -
I am grateful to be able to join the group informally. I have not yet found my voice completely, and still seem to want to protect my nm from anything that might tarnish her image. I know that sounds ridiculous, but, even though I am coming to terms with the reality of her NPD, I am trying to see her through to the end of her days, without any major confrontation. However, by the same token, I truly need a safe place to be able to be Me, to grow, to learn more about NPD and to become strong enough to stand up to her, to find my voice, and to survive.
All this to say Thank You for allowing a Guest to visit this site, without having to disclose our home email, and thereby disclosing our identity. Without this outlet, I fear I might become completely mute.
Thank You, Dr. G. et al.
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I think the board is fine the way it is. It's set up nicely and easy to read. And like someone else said - find greener pastures if it ain't workin' for ya. It's a choice to either read or respond or ignore or whatever. The large majority here are responsible posters imo. If you're concerned about someone using your name, then I guess registering makes sense. I don't guess many people would like to call themselves Nassim.....I've never liked my own name LOL. But if someone wants to steal it, go ahead and I can pick another better one!