Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: alone48 on June 03, 2008, 03:16:52 PM
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I haven't been gone because things are better, actually quite the opposite. N is back roaring his ugly head and I've just been laying low.I don't think he'll ever be gone until he totally destroys me, he doesn't want me but that isn't really the issue with N"s is it? I know this is very noncommittal but I am so paranoid that I have to keep it this way, I need all the prayers and wishes I can get. Thanks.
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Oh alone.....
::sending you prayers and strength while you're under siege::
Is there some way to distance yourself from N?
Lighter
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Hi Alone,
Ditto with Light,
Maybe just visiting us here you can distance yourself a bit..
Love
Deb
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Going to the magistrates court and seeking a temporary order of protection is an option too.
He shouldn't be able to approach you, call you or threaten you if you're being stalked.
You don't need an attorney to ask for that.
Lighter
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Please take care of yourself, Alone. You can't give up and let him win. Please take the advice here and find a way to get away.
Love, Beth
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Thank you everyone, but it's not a physical threat, more legal issues. He will probably win, because I cared enough I didn't protect myself. I have had no contact with N since 10/2007 personally, he doesn't work that way. I probably will never directly hear from him again, I am not worth his attention. He will destroy me in other ways. Thank you again.
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(((((((( Alone ))))))))
Your personal safety and well being is number one priority.
Please get in touch with your local women's domestic violence and abuse unit -- for help, guidance and support.
From a safe place: a trusted friend's house, or use the computer at your local library.
In the meantime, I will most certainly pray for you.
Love, Leah
PS> Dear Alone, we posted at the same time. Your local women's dva unit will most likely be able to signpost and give free advice on the legal matters.
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Thanks again, but it was my own stupidity for loving him and I probably deserve whatever I get. He wins as I always knew he would.prayers are probably my only chance, but I feel I betrayed God too.
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Dear Alone,
Just wanted to remind you that this will stop.... bBecause I remember well that I was so sure, once upon a time, that it would never, ever end... but it will.
He is not all powerful and he cannot destroy your spirit. He's just a cloud without water and he'll blow away.
Really.
I'm praying for just exactly that.
Love,
Carolyn
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You sound so discouraged, Alone.
I'm sorry it feels so heavy right now.
When you say "destroy me", what do you mean?
Is he after all your money?
Is there no hope from your attorney?
Is there no option to stand up and fight even belatedly?
Wishing you peace even amid a storm,
Hops
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Alone,
You don't DESERVE anything except to be healthy and happy. Do you think that every person who makes a mistake is/should be punished? I surely don't. It is not too late to do anything you can to help yourself. Please, please go talk to someone - even if it is just to tell them that you feel you did make a huge and irreversible mistake.
((((((((((((Alone))))))))))))))))
Love, Beth
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I am sorry you are hurting, Alone. You are a precious person who deserves love and honor. *I* can see it, Alone , and always have.
I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad and despairing, Alone. Love You and thinking of you, Dear Friend. Love Ami
(((((((((Alone)))))))))))
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Thanks again, but it was my own stupidity for loving him and I probably deserve whatever I get. He wins as I always knew he would.prayers are probably my only chance, but I feel I betrayed God too.
Oh, Alone... please know that it's not so... he isn't nearly as powerful as your mind is trying to convince you he is.
I remember feeling just this way and it was so strong... he even seemed to be omnipresent for awhile there, as I'd see him nearly every time I'd leave my home.
And you are not stupid. These people can be expert con artists and you simply wanted to believe... which is really easy to do when they're reflecting back to you all of the love and goodness which is in you to begin with. It's never theirs, you see? It's always been yours, just they mimic it back to you. All of that light and hope is still yours, just as it always was. He can't steal it if you don't let him. Please don't fall for his illusion of power now. You've got more than he's ever capable of possessing and that can blossom again.
Love,
Carolyn
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It probably does feel like you're being destroyed.
And it's worse bc we help them engineer our doom, at least in the beginning.
The courts can go on for a long long time.... you have to figure out how to settle your mind and find a better life until he's exhausted everything he can inflict on you. You already know that'll be a very long time, no sense kidding yourself.
That you're hooked into the reality is sad, but there's also no where to go but up.
(((alone))) I never figured out how to do what you're trying to do.... and not be bent under the weight of it.
What does your attorney say?
Maybe someone here can give you some legal insight, if you share?
Remember... nothing good nor bad.... lasts forever.
Lighter
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Alone, you sound so discouraged.
I hate to hear you sounding like you're sitting under a downspout all by yourself, wondering why you're soaked...
Hon, what is he after, exactly? Is it all about taking as much of your money as he can?
Wouldn't surprise me a bit if that were true...it's certainly been my Nbrother's motivation.
But the part that gets me under the downspout isn't just the nuts and bolts of financial defense, but the knowledge that the OTHER thing he wants is to grind me under his heel. That's the part I have to shake off as a repetitive neurosis of narcissists that I do not have to be awed by. It's the pitiful aggression of a bully.
I don't know what is winnable or not in my case nor yours, but what does your attorney say?
It's hell waiting for the legal wheels to grind, isn't it. How long has it been in litigation?
love and comfort and an umbrella,
Hops
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I know that financially he wants anything and everything he can get, but now it's about destroying me also. He has so much hatred stored up towards so many people and it all seems to be directed at me. He has accused me of something and it looks like it may fly. I did something I shouldn't have to help him and he covered himself well. MY STUPIDITY!! I will make no excuses and deserve whatever I get, but he will walk away looking like the victim. Again my stupidity. My shame, degradation, and loss of character only seems to empower him. Thanks for all the encouragement and I will try to keep you updated if possible.
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I am SO, SO, sorry. One false move with an N(OR N like person) and you are screwed and good!. I am truly hearbroken for you, Alone.
Love Ami
(((((((Alone))))))))
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I know that financially he wants anything and everything he can get, but now it's about destroying me also. He has so much hatred stored up towards so many people and it all seems to be directed at me. He has accused me of something and it looks like it may fly. I did something I shouldn't have to help him and he covered himself well. MY STUPIDITY!! I will make no excuses and deserve whatever I get, but he will walk away looking like the victim. Again my stupidity. My shame, degradation, and loss of character only seems to empower him. Thanks for all the encouragement and I will try to keep you updated if possible.
Dear Alone,
I just want to encourage you to stand fast in the confidence that the whole truth will be revealed.
Your shame, degradation, and loss of character - if they really exist - are transient, temporary, fleeting, isolated in a moment of NPD-trickery which can't remain hidden.
I know, they seem to gain momentum when N launches his mission to gobble up every speck of truth in sight, but you can hold on and not lose ground. I know you can.
It's all a delusion.
As you simply own what's yours and allow his crud to lie and stink at his feet, it will all settle out.
Love to you,
Carolyn
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It sounds like you compromised yourself, in order to do your N a favor, some time back?
And now he's using it against you?
Now your only defense is the unlikely truth.... and he's spreading lies and confusion so quickly, there's never going to be any clarity.
I'm so sorry this unfair attack has been launched.... even sorrier you have to accept and live with it, beyond weathering the storm and presenting the facts with as much dignity and honor you can muster. That's all you can do.
He doesn't have any dignity.
Nor honor. ::shaking head::
Those are two things he can't take from you....
though it may feel he's stripping you to the bone.
He can't do that.... unless you let him.
Please, be calm and take refuge in the fact that you're a decent human being... you can look yourself in the mirror, and know that you'll live as an honorable being.
You won't grow old and die with the self hating knowledge you were a manipulative, predatory, hateful.... mean little spirited person.
That's his burden to bear, when it catches him.
You?
Go out and enjoy the weather, reading, your work, your friends.... but please enjoy the blessings you have today.
One day at a time.
He can't take that from you either.... if you don't let him.
Lighter
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Thank you all so much for the encouragement. I cannot share with others that do no understand, Right now I don't feel like a good human being and think maybe I'm worse than him that I allowed things to be what they were. Right now I just don't like myself and think I deserve whatever.
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Dear Alone
We are so hard on ourselves. I could say things like "You are a good person",but I know that many people have said things like that to me, but *I* don't feel it.
I wish that you discover your beauty, warmth and humanity. We all make mistakes ,based on our human flaws. I am starting to let myself be a little human, not hate myself b/c I fall from perfection.
I know that what you did fell in to the category of human, Alone. I am sorry you are hurting. My heart goes out to you. Love Ami
(((((((Alone)))))))))
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Well.... I think you need to examine those thoughts.
You were taken in by someone who misrepresented himself to you.
If anyone else makes you feel bad about that....
they haven't taken off their shoes and put yours on.
It's hard for other people not to blame the victim, bc it's easier to blame the victim.
Please understand...... they don't "get it."
They might have been taken in themselves.... had they been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It's not your fault and he wouldn't have been able to take advantage and manipulate you the way he did..... if you weren't a kind giving person.
That's what they do.
No.... that's what they are.
It's not personal.
You were just a nice person who got in his way.
You'll build your boundaries up..... you won't let this happen to you again.
You might share your journey and help those that come after......
it'll be OK.
Forgive yourself, alone.
Whatever it is you did...... you did it bc you were asked to.
Because you cared about him.
You know what's in your heart and so does God.
Release the guilt and stop beating yourself up.
Get down to business.
Legal business and building your boundaries, strong and true.
This is going to painful and long but...... you'll grow through it.
Know.... it'll be OK.
It will.
Lighter
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Thank you!!!!
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((((alone))))
We've walked in your shoes and we don't doubt how badly you've been manipulated and unfairly used.
It's outragouse that they have no conscience but.....
they'll never experience life with any joy.
It'll always be about winning and taking advantage of people.
His winning depends on pretending all the time, every moment of every day......
but you can find serenity and comfort in your own skin.
Priceless.
Begin.
You don't lose if you find a way to overcome.
He won't ever have that opportunity, unfortunately for him.
Poor N.
Lighter
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Hi alone,
Sending you my best wishes for endurance as you wade through the legal mess.
tt
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Dear (((( Alone ))))
First and foremost, please forgive yourself.
Then proceed forward with the peace that will bring to you.
I admire your honesty and courage to walk through and deal with, this endurance, which is only for a season.
Love,
Leah