Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Izzy_*now* on June 03, 2008, 09:48:33 PM
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A PM to me for some unknown reason, as Ami doesn't even like me
Izzy
Ami
Hero Member
Posts: 6426
Re: (No subject)
« Sent to: Izzy_*now* on: June 02, 2008, 05:55:20 AM »
« You have forwarded or responded to this message. »
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Quote from: Ami on June 01, 2008, 05:17:26 PM
Dear Richard,
Lighter(IMO, for many reasons,which I could share) is posing as a Board member ,who I believe has died(Changing).
Changing told me 3 weeks before she stopped posting that she was in grave danger from her ex H, who was involved with very,very "shady" people.I was very close to her and she told me,in confidence.
Now "Changes" has come "back" as Changing and nothing rings true.
I think it is dangerous to the board for s/one to assume s/one else's "identity". IF(and I know it is not true) she IS Changing, she should have to be able to access the original name in order to portay herself AS Changing, IMO.
I am a very grateful board member . I am simply writing about a situation and offering my opinion. I hope that is acceptable to you and not being presumptuous .
With greatest appreciation Ami
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No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
Friedrich Nietzsche
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Izzy,
Wanna borrow my "I Don't Do Drama" t-shirt?
Carolyn
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No Thank you, Carolyn
I don't do T-shirts
Izzy
P.S. Changed the title and wanted to add that "just when you think it is safe...."
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Okay.
Well, I did a bit of research of my own re: this password business.
Turns out I never designated a "secret question" to my account. So if I lost/forgot my password, I couldn't retrieve it that way.
Also, I have a new primary email address now (provided by my new isp). If I'd used my previous isp email address when registering my account here on the board, then the "forgot my password" link sent there would not reach me and - again - I'd have no way to retrieve my password.
Bottom line:
Lawyer or not, my password would be irretrievable via the ordinary means provided here on this board.
Amazing what you can sort out when you have no preconceived notions.
In days gone by, I've suspected some pretty strange stuff at times myself, but I've found that Dr. Grossman has been proven correct, when he told me once that folks' suspicions are usually wrong. So I think it's a good thing to give up such theorizing... at least, that works out better for me :)
Carolyn
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Hi-
I am OK- just a computer illiterate. I am sorry if I have upset anyone- I have been following my DV counselor's advice and doing what I can to keep safe, was extremely broke, etc. I am sorry if I have caused any problems here.
Love,
Computer Dummy Changes (will be Changing again after Thursday with your kind tutelage)
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I hope so very much that I am wrong! Ami
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I have so much trouble figuring out if I am being myself - or some scripted, programmed robot - that I can't imagine having the time to wonder & worry about whether other people are themselves, too... or imposters. And it's surely distracting; I need to keep my focus on what I am doing/feeling.
So I take everything at face value. Including that people are who they say they are - with the understanding, that sometimes we don't know who we really are.
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just wanted to add I am removing my posts, message board drama is to be a huge step backward in life, I hope you guys figure it out and then take a break from the computer, it really helps me personally.
I know I have been sucked into drama on email/MB's before and its just not worth it!
When you hear of "someone dead" "someone pretended to be that dead person" etc it sends cold chills down my spine, I immediately think there is some strange stalker around here and I can't risk the wasted time and effort to read of this stuff
God Bless
JO
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It is in Dr G's hands, Little jo.
You can be safe going on with the board.
I am very interested in your situation and many , many other people are, too.
Love to you, Ami
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Dear Lighter,
If I was a newbie I would be a bit afraid of your post above...Ami is actually following her gut instincts.
Your post, if I might say, is dripping with contempt, disdain and sarcasm, which is form of passive aggressiveness which in my opinion is more scary than the out right defensive anger.
For the sake of putting myself in your shoes, if I was being accused, I too would want to defend myself and I would feel angry. False accusations are painful. But Ami is just following her gut instinct.
I would have to imagine that there could be other ways to get around an IP address...such as using chat cafe's? Am I wrong?
Lise
Oh, did I mention condescending?
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Dear Lighter,
Ami has already said on more than one post "I hope I am wrong" or words to that effect.
I feel that it would be far more beneficial, not only for Ami, but for everyone, if an open caring discussion took place with Ami, rather than any passive aggressive / rude / covert postings placed on the board, here and there.
Bearing in mind the agreement we all "ticked" yes in agreement, upon joining this VESMB message board.
Sarcasm is a form of passive aggressive abuse - and I can signpost to that fact which is a truth.
I have sat here feeling immense sadness for Ami, as she is a person, a fellow member of this board, you see, something is just not sitting right with me, regarding how Ami is being treated for posting openly of her real 'gut instinct' concern ......... which is her truth.
I have read again, on the "password" thread, which was to be a step by step form of help to the personage of "Chang, C, Changes, Changing" (why the play on several names, posted here and there, is in all honesty quite baffling to read) and this thread, Izzy's thread, with Ami's message to Dr Grossman, and I do understand exactly why it is that Ami had, has, such a real concern ........ her truth.
Given that prior to "changing's" final posting on January 09, 2008 -- Ami has shared with us on the board that "changing" had been engaged with Ami and had said to Ami that she was in fear of her life, due to the reasons expressed.
Then, "changing" stops posting soon afterward.
What would anyone think? Indeed, a couple of threads were created in earnest, with concerns about "changing's" sudden disappearance and cessation of posting, to which members posted.
According to Ami, apparently, "changing" was open and friendly with Ami, and so understandably Ami would be bewildered to see someone come onto the board as Chang es
and not make contact with Ami. Then, when questions were raised, state that she can't recall the previous personal messages they exchanged. Can't find her profile -- can't do anything about her password.
I really do understand why Ami has openly and honestly posted of her very own concerns and "gut instinct" - based upon what she herself is aware of - for we don't know of the PM friendship, but I believe Ami when she says that there was a PM friendship with "changing" personage up to and including "changing's" last post in early Jan'08.
I myself had a good relationship with "changing" out on the board. But, I did not engage in a PM friendship with "changing"
And so, I too was somewhat bewildered with Chang es postings on the board.
If someone told me in PM's that their life was in danger, then suddenly disappeared for a long time from posting on the board, I too would most likely fear the worst case scenario.
> ISP's and PROXIES etc., ? (of which I am not genned up on, however, someone did post about this here on this board a few months ago -- Jan/Feb time?) I am sure that one could find out about this on the web.
> FREE Internet Access at Schools, Colleges, and other public community places ?
> Internet Access at the Library ?
> Internet Cafes
Dear Ami ,
I really do understand the reason why regarding your truth, your gut instinct.
And I feel so saddened to know that you have supported your friend "changing" in your PM friendship, who had expressed a fear for her life with you, for that must have been such a heartrending burden, and then afterward, it must have been quite painful when "changing" disappeared from the board ion January 09, 2008.
Then someone suddenly appears as Chang es and no apparent acknowledgement or direct communication!
Please know that I hear your voice, and I believe you.
Love to you, and to everyone.
Leah
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I think that both Lighter and Ami - each one - should sit back and work on figuring out why they're afraid of each other...
... and stop trying to convince the rest of us that we should be afraid of either one of them.
Carolyn
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Carolyn, Lighter, please don't misunderstand my posting.
I have merely written that I understand the reason why, regarding Ami's concern and truth.
Grateful,
Love, Leah
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If Changes is really Changing ---Why doesn't she just get in to then Changing profile, which is STILL there and post from there?
Seems simple enough or am I missing s/thing ? Ami
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It appears to me that Ami wants me to stop being a friend to lighter, that she believes lighter is messing with me and demeaning Changing.
Ami's 'I hope I am wrong' would mean more had it been in her message to Dr. Grossman.
Some responses re this are not clear and it is also not at all clear why we have not heard from Dr. Grossman on this issue. However he might still be reading all Ami's PMs from Changing, and now having a word with changing, who is still trying to correct her account re the password.
Izzy
Re: (No subject)
« Sent to: Izzy_*now* on: June 03, 2008, 09:11:43 AM »
« You have forwarded or responded to this message. »
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Quote from: Izzy_*now* on June 03, 2008, 09:02:37 AM
I haven't figured out why you sent me this, since you don't like me, or if you really believe this. Did Dr. Grossman reply to you?
Quote from: Ami on June 02, 2008, 05:55:20 AM
Quote from: Ami on June 01, 2008, 05:17:26 PM
Dear Richard,
Lighter(IMO, for many reasons,which I could share) is posing as a Board member ,who I believe has died(Changing).
Changing told me 3 weeks before she stopped posting that she was in grave danger from her ex H, who was involved with very,very "shady" people.I was very close to her and she told me,in confidence.
Now "Changes" has come "back" as Changing and nothing rings true.
I think it is dangerous to the board for s/one to assume s/one else's "identity". IF(and I know it is not true) she IS Changing, she should have to be able to access the original name in order to portay herself AS Changing, IMO.
I am a very grateful board member . I am simply writing about a situation and offering my opinion. I hope that is acceptable to you and not being presumptuous .
With greatest appreciation Ami
I think it is demeaning for you to be engaging with someone(Lighter) who is just messing with you .Also, she is demeaning Changing ,who we both loved. Ami
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This came next
Why don't you say it on the board and we'll hear everyone's opinion? Izzy
I don't think it is right for Lighter to imitate Changing and I don't like to see people messed with.
This is one of those, "Don't believe anything you read and only ˝ of what you see" moments! Better yet is is more like a Hallmark Moment when I see how much Ami cares for my welfare.
Izzy
Where, oh where is our good doctor?
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This is my situation, Izzy. I don't think YOU would try to assume the identity of another board member for the purpose of aggrandizing yourself and/or simply,messing with people
I think that IF Lighter did this, she should get the third strike and get kicked off the board.
I see that my desire for this is fuled by my past even though the present situation deserves justice.
THIS was my past. My M could demean, mock, ridicule, decimate others and never, never have to face it, with consequences. She could do it over and over, again ,and never have to have to face,herself . She never never had to pay, even in JUST being responsible for what she did.
Lighter has 2 strikes against her for trying to humlliate and embarrass me. IF she tried to imitate Changing by assuming her identity and then "mocking " people's love for Changing (including MY own), I think she should get kicked out of our board community.
That is my story, Izzy. It is in Dr G's hands. I am free from the administration of justice, with Lighter. I am telling my side b/c I want to be free of my connection to both people, Lighter AND my M. Ami
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Prick me , I am done. It is in Dr G's hands.I trust he will do what is right and what is best and that is the end of it, for me. Ami
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I'm surfacing for two quick observations and then I'll resubmerge;
1. Shouldn't Ami have kept this between herself and Doctor G until he either confirmed or denied her suspicions? Making a serious accusation about other members based only on one's 'truth' and then disseminating it to other board members seems like less than optimal behavior, to put it politely.
2. There is no such thing as 'her truth' or 'his truth' there is only the truth. Anything else is only opinion, suspicion or feeling. When we start believing or labelling our opinions, suspicions and feelings as truth, we start saying and doing things we otherwise wouldn't and anyone who disagrees with us automatically becomes not a rational person with a different opinion but an irrational adversary who refuses to recognize facts.
mud
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1. Shouldn't Ami have kept this between herself and Doctor G until he either confirmed or denied her suspicions? Making a serious accusation about other members based only on one's 'truth' and then disseminating it to other board members seems like less than optimal behavior, to put it politely.
I think that Ami's fear of Lighter, and the hatred attached to that fear, is so strong that she lost all perspective on this.
It's had lots of time to build, too, as - during Changing's months-long absence - Lighter would occasionally post updates on the board re: Changing's circumstances.
Each one of those little updates likely reinforced Ami's conviction that there was a deception in process.
I've had some similar convictions/suspicions in the past - and I have shared those, on occasion, with a couple trusted friends.
Fear and hatred can inspire some pretty bizarre behavior.
Anyhow, I feel that Ami shared this info with Izzy because of Izzy's past, close relationship with Changing.
Optimal behavior? No. But I think she was genuinely doing what she thought was best.
What I think would be far less than optimal is if Ami and Lighter continue this personality clash ad nauseum (because that is really ALL it is) instead of getting it out into the open and each determining what it is about herself that creates such a stew in her about the other.
Carolyn
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2. There is no such thing as 'her truth' or 'his truth' there is only the truth. Anything else is only opinion, suspicion or feeling. When we start believing or labelling our opinions, suspicions and feelings as truth, we start saying and doing things we otherwise wouldn't and anyone who disagrees with us automatically becomes not a rational person with a different opinion but an irrational adversary who refuses to recognize facts.
mud
Dear Mud,
Thank you for highlighting that there is no such thing as 'her truth' or 'his truth' in reality - as there is only, in reality, "the truth"
However, on this board, and I have noted elsewhere in relative articles to do with healing and suchlike, that there is a common phrase which has been quoted and mentioned here often, frequently in fact: 'her truth'
and in particular, Lighter uses this phrase, as in her address to me in a thread a few weeks ago, wherein it was highlighted to me that a member was expressing 'her truth'
and so to that end, I have used the same terminology / phrase so as to communicate effectively with understanding, to and for the benefit of the addressee, namely Lighter.
Hope this helps clarify any possible misunderstanding.
As I would like to stress that I only believe in "the truth"
The truth was, is, that "changing" did post to Ami that her life was in danger as per the above copy of a post to Dr G - then "changing" ceased posting and disappeared from the board on January 9, 2008. That is the truth.
The truth is that there are means of remaining engaged with the internet when one cannot do so within ones own home, just to let people know you are well etc., and remain in communication as and if desired.
The truth is glaringly obvious when someone apparently does not acknowledge you and/or ignores you -- or denies a previous close friendship.
The truth is that one clicks on the Member List and selects the letter C to find "changing" on the member listing and up pops the profile.
The truth is that one is universally advised (as I was) to create a moblie email account with the likes of hotmail or yahoo etc., when in a domestic violence situation and posting on any internet forum or to email in general
Love,
Leah
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I really am done. If Changing is gone, she is with God. I said the truth,as I saw it. I put it forth to the arbitrator of justice, Dr G.
I saw my childhood pattern of being humiliated and then blamed. Thanks again to the indescribably wonderful friends you make ,on the board. We have been through the wars together, N damage.
I feel loved for being me by some precious friends.What more can you ask? Love Ami
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Dear Carolyn,
You offered some kind words to me and I would like to make the move to offer an apolgy.
I was too argumentative when I first came on the board. I was very angry and did not know it. I acted immaturely, at times and I am sorry. If you don't care to accept this, that is fine. I am glad that I offered it, and it stands if you care to accept. Ami
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Dear Carolyn,
You offered some kind words to me and I would like to make the move to offer an apolgy.
I was too argumentative when I first came on the board. I was very angry and did not know it. I acted immaturely, at times and I am sorry. If you don't care to accept this, that is fine. I am glad that I offered it, and it stands if you care to accept. Ami
Accepted, Ami.
I think that when you can extend apologies to those whom you've wronged who do not offer kind words to you, then you'll be free.
Carolyn
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Thanks Carolyn for accepting.
I don't understand the last statement. Could you explain? Ami
You're welcome, Ami.
The last statement is just a feeling of my own, based on what I've seen, and I could be wrong.
What I meant is this -
if you've wronged others on this board or elsewhere, and if you're waiting for them to offer you what you think are kind words (before you will apologize for your own wrongs),
then I think that attitude will hold you in bondage. At least, that has been my personal experience.
Carolyn
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Dear Carolyn
I will think about what you said. I know I fall short of how God wants me.That is the truth to the hundredth power. Peace to you, Carolyn, Ami
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Dear Carolyn
I will think about what you said. I know I fall short of how God wants me.That is the truth to the hundredth power. Peace to you, Carolyn, Ami
Good deal. Thank you. I know I fall short of how God wants me, too, Ami... often and regularly. Peace to you, as well.
Carolyn
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I think that Ami's fear of Lighter, and the hatred attached to that fear, is so strong that she lost all perspective on this.
It's had lots of time to build, too, as - during Changing's months-long absence - Lighter would occasionally post updates on the board re: Changing's circumstances.
Each one of those little updates likely reinforced Ami's conviction that there was a deception in process.
I've had some similar convictions/suspicions in the past - and I have shared those, on occasion, with a couple trusted friends.
Fear and hatred can inspire some pretty bizarre behavior.
Anyhow, I feel that Ami shared this info with Izzy because of Izzy's past, close relationship with Changing.
Optimal behavior? No. But I think she was genuinely doing what she thought was best.
What I think would be far less than optimal is if Ami and Lighter continue this personality clash ad nauseum (because that is really ALL it is) instead of getting it out into the open and each determining what it is about herself that creates such a stew in her about the other.
Carolyn
I really agree with everything you say here Carolyn.
On the flip side, a person can be downright wrong, fallible, and way-off, blundering, loopy, but it does not follow that they are a wolf in sheep's clothing, evil, deserving of obliteration, tarring and feathering or being run out of town on a rail. There's plenty of fear and hatred going in both directions and it would be really great to see the parties concerned make mature efforts to own their own responsibilities instead of harping on the evil of 'the other guy.'
Izzy and Ami and many others were terribly worried about changing earlier this year. I was one of those people. Her ex had done many frightening and threatening things. He had menaced her and actually described to her ways he had thought of doing away with her. Then changing abruptly stopped posting. As I am sure others did, I PM'ed her account to ask her to at least send a note if she intended to leave the board or take time away, to indicate she was alive, healthy, well and safe. After a couple of months, Lighter posted that changing was doing fine and had been in contact with her.
I had to think about it first, but ultimately I accepted that it was most likely true.
I would have much preferred if changing had posted that she was taking time away for no reason or any reason. However, my feeling is that changing in general believes she is worthless and nobody cares what happens to her, that she was upset by board conflict over the month of December, that perhaps her 1st semester grades were not what she demanded of herself - and I could easily see changing in such a situation cutting off all extraneous activities and only focusing on the necessary.
Dear Changing:
And you know what changing, that is okay with me, whether I am off or on in my estimation of what happened with you in your abrupt ending of board participation. I am glad you are alive and well.
I feel that it is hard for you to accept that board members would be concerned or worried, or even spare thought, about your fate. I also feel that reading that sentence would provoke a lot of guilt in you, and I am sorry because I don't mean to do that. I mean rather to say, I hope you will sit for a while with the reality that people, however tenuous and internet-y, do care for your well-being and continued existence. I don't believe you would ever, ever, ever knowingly treat people poorly or cause them anxiety, but I do believe that you would disbelieve that anyone would ever feel anxiety on your behalf.
Also, in general, because of the how much I have been hurt this way by my family, I will not have a third party intermediary relationship dynamic in any situation, on or off the board.
I think that the lessons I have painfully learned about intermediaries has general application and would be useful for everybody here to consider, going forward.
Despite the chaos in a teapot engendered by changing's sudden disappearance and sudden return, I don't think she should be obliterated, demonized and sent off from the board. I think it is okay for anyone to make a less than optimum choice and just because they do make a less than perfect choice, something you may not like at all, that is no reason at all to take an opportunity to attack that fallible individual.
Oh wait, nobody mentioned or would even consider demonizing changing or sending her off from the board? Of course not. Please extend the same to everyone. Thx. Best regards.
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Ummmm, changing left bc she thought bagworm followed her here.
She also was saving money by giving up her internet service.
That's all been covered and this has truly gone beyond the pale.
Lighter
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If changing gave up her internet service how is it that she got in touch with you Lighter and not the board nor any of the others with whom she was close.
The big suspicion comes from the thread you started about Changing and then the post you put in that thread that Changing would be coming back but that she would be changing her name. There is enough room for others with whom Changing was close who have not had the same relationship at all with Changes - to cause wonder.
This is the only post I will make about this. My purpose is in simply making the point that something does not smell right about this but I chose to only make this one post concerning the matter. I am concerned but it is not material to my healing and I am powerless to change anything about Changing, Lighter, Changes, this argument, this board. I am only empowered to change myself.
Thank you - Shame Slayer
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I found her e mail in PM's from months before she dissapeared.
She sent me rare return e mails from the library, which I was very happy to receive.
It seems odd to me that people.... who claimed to know changing so well.... doubt her posts are her own.
Lighter
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Hi, Bean,
You have stated a few things that are really your opinion as fact. I like your opinions and think you have something valuable to say. It makes me sad to see that you've expressed them so poorly. Could you please try again?
Thanks!
I value your opinions, too, and I'm sorry your you're sad at my expression of my own.
No, I don't know any better way to express what I've said, all of which I prefaced by the words, "I think"....
in other words, yes, it is all nothing more than my opinion.
Love,
Carolyn
P.S. on edit - Bean, I'm sure that you're a very good friend to those whom you choose to support.
Personally, I'm not trying to support any one individual here above another, but only to see all of the bigger picture without the emotional involvement and to offer my own thoughts, for what they're worth. No offense taken if someone decides they're not worth much! oxoox
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Hi all,
Haven't posted in a while. I hope Changing is safe and OK.
IMO, I think Lighter should focus on the topic of ::toilets and snakes:: because they suit you!! LOL!! :D :lol:
Can't wait to hear you gush about next flush!! :lol:
annie
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It seems odd to me that people.... who claimed to know changing so well.... doubt her posts are her own.
Lighter
This seems odd to me, as well.
When all of this hoopla first began, I read back through "Changes" posts and thought they sounded just like "Changing" (whoever she is).
Carolyn
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Ami,
I don't know. Anything I could say about Changing would only add more confusion to the mix... which is why I haven't said anything till now, and then only that her words as written in her public posts on the board sound like the same person to me. Same style and cadence.
For the sake of your peace of mind, I do hope that you get the answers you need, and soon.
Carolyn
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Thank you, Carolyn.
I hope Changing is alive and well. She was very special and deserves the best. Blessings to you, Ami
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Phfff--
That changing...
didn't make her return....
about ami? :shock:
That's what this is all about?
Why not pm her with an update....
she's been overwhelmed and sabotaged and.....
never mind.
Lighter
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Okay, Bean... I see, at least partially.
You're right, I should have re-phrased that sentence to say - "(because, imo, that is really ALL it is)"
But my opinion stands, along with the other view which I expressed, in saying:
I think that both Lighter and Ami - each one - should sit back and work on figuring out why they're afraid of each other...
... and stop trying to convince the rest of us that we should be afraid of either one of them.
As far as standing on morally higher ground, I'll have to give that some continued thought. I don't think I'm neutral, more like equally disenchanted.
One thing I would not want to do is determine based on my own subjective opinion that one individual is more deeply wounded than another.
If nothing else, I think that we should each stand in equality on that here.
Love,
Carolyn
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People we support vs. a person who feels like a friend..
I have noticed that there are some who choose to not respond to me, and I think I have seen that they choose to not respond to others …all on an ongoing basis.
Two that come to mind are bean and Bones.. I think they are both female. but from day one, I was never drawn to their monikers. I have absolutely nothing against them, but we are not close friends.
Do all of you understand what I am saying?
I have always said I am an atheist. I do not respond to Bible Preaching and being told to check verses . I don’t respond. I have an N sister who hides behind the teachings of the Lord. I wave them away as far as speaking is concerned. Yet I do tell myself that God knows everything I think and do.
I think that anyone who is filled with the Love of the Lord will show it in his/her way of expressing him/herself.
Do you understand what I am saying?
A radio show recently had a preacher on as a guest and after being introduced and all his qualifications mentioned, the host and guest turned to the topic of Domestic Violence. It was so heavenly to hear the preacher come up with opinions and never mention the Lord and Christianity. He spoke as he lived! He never said, “Be saved and you will be healed”. (I made up that last quote.)
It is my belief that people who are automatically living as God wishes, would never be cruel to another person, would never accuse another person, would never sabotage another person…………none of that crap. These people are always kind.
Do you know what I am getting at?
I did announce that I was going to become a lurker, then I received Ami’s PM. Why? It seems I have been drawn back in to try to support my friends and question the apparent sabotage of one of them.
(I've made my mistakes in the past. I know, so it doesn't need to be mentioned.)
This is about expressing on the Board what has happened to us outside the Board, and since we have all be abused, please let us try to not abuse one another.
IMHO
Izzy
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Hi Iz,
People we support vs. a person who feels like a friend..
I have noticed that there are some who choose to not respond to me, and I think I have seen that they choose to not respond to others …all on an ongoing basis.
Two that come to mind are bean and Bones.. I think they are both female. but from day one, I was never drawn to their monikers. I have absolutely nothing against them, but we are not close friends.
Do all of you understand what I am saying?
According to a study by JWT and as reported by The Economist, 80% of young Chinese people believe that digital technology is an essential part their life. Compared with 68% of Americans. Twice as many Chinese as Americans (25% to 12%) said they would not feel okay going without internet access for more than a day. 82% of young Chinese agreed that “interactivity helps create intimacy, even at a distance,” compared with 36% of Americans.
Just 30% of Americans said that the internet helps their social life; 77% of the Chinese respondents agreed that “the internet helps me make friends.” And not just friends: 32% of the Chinese said that the internet broadens their sex life, compared with 11% of Americans. According to JWT’s chief trendspotter, Marian Salzman, “our study confirms that the Chinese internet is buzzing with virtual pheromones—‘cybermones,’ if you will.”Mr Diller has another term for a unit of emotion flying about in cyberspace: the emobyte. In general, he regards America’s emobyte deficit as a problem: yet another sign that the balance of power is shifting to China. “More activity online means a more connected and a more evolved workforce—just what China needs as it makes its move from being the workshop of the world to a developed economy in its own right,” he says.
Iz, maybe with your advanced computer skills, you just got the jump on the rest of us with those 'cybermones'! :lol:
tt
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Hi Iz,
It is my belief that people who are automatically living as God wishes, would never be cruel to another person, would never accuse another person, would never sabotage another person…………none of that crap. These people are always kind.
Do you know what I am getting at?
No. I can only guess at what you're getting at.
Automatic
a. Acting or operating in a manner essentially independent of external influence or control: an automatic light switch; a budget deficit that triggered automatic spending cuts.
b. Self-regulating: an automatic washing machine.
Kind of leaves God out, don't you think?
tt
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Aha I used automatic, as a try. I don't know the word for someone who has G_d within himself, and his speech and actions show this, but yet he does not Preach!
His abilty to show his spirituality shows in his behaviour and speech!
{Christ ! I know nothing about being religious. Gimme a break on my choice of words!}
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For one thing, I am not interested in studies. They are of no help whatsoever to the people on this board!
It is my belief that people who are automatically living as God wishes, would never be cruel to another person, would never accuse another person, would never sabotage another person…………none of that crap. These people are always kind
automatically--well people who have accepted whatever they are to accept to be baptized in a river and be guaranteed a place in Heaven. Those people.
That being the case, they don't have to preach to others about G_d, they just have to live a life of which G_d would approve and then there would be no fights on board!
Ain't that the way it works?
Eh? ' Ain't it?
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Why would I try to extend a helping hand to someone who appeared so self-sure, so not needy?
bean
Now there's a haunting question.
I hear you, Bean... but I see the acting-out all over the place.
Maybe it's something from my own past which does not allow me to see the one variety of acting-out as any more acceptable - or less damaging - than the other.
Nonetheless, I will try to help... whether I consider someone a friend - or not.
Love,
Carolyn
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Bean,
I like the idea that talking this through is helping one another :) Feels like it to me, too.
Back in the day, I felt that I saw alot of myself in you, too. Of course, that was ages - and many changes - ago.
Oh, I remember (here on the board) you trying to remain neutral and asking people to behave appropriately! You did alot of work on communication techniques, I think, and I benefited alot from the examples you set.
Sometimes it is a matter of timing, I guess. If a person is ready to let go, and ignore then they're ready. Often they're just trying to sort things out for themselves and are not seeing the big picture, yet.
Yes, I absolutely agree.
I know exactly what it's like to not be ready to let something go and ignore it!
It's in the saying and sorting that I've uncovered the real issues, within myself, that were stirring up such angst related to someone else's behavior.
Are you suggesting that I'm contributing to bad behavior if I post to a silly thread?
It's okay if you are!
But I don't think that folks posting to silly threads are doing anything but being themselves ...and so I disagree.
It's not for me to tell others that they should view a silly thread (or threads by one particular poster) as poor behavior and abstain from replying there.
If others are able to simply be silly for the sake of silliness, then more power to them!
People have various, individual ways and voices they use to cry out for help, Bean... along with individual ways and means of letting off steam.
I like straightforward. It works for me.
I also appreciate the styles and approaches of others, who've not had my life experience or traveled my road.
It's been a struggle for me to shake loose from my own judgmental tendancies re: how something should be handled...
so I don't want to approach that precipice again in any way, shape, or form. Different strokes for different folks, and all.
In my own life, people who have helped me the most are the ones willing to step up to the plate and say "you're really angry, aren't you? Why?" Not the ones who go along with my often silly or exaggerated attempts to label the one I'm having difficulty with as the "bad guy." Also, equally unhelpful is when seeing me angry/hurt/confused, those people tried to help me by shouting "wake up! It's not so bad!" (not that you're shouting - I'm thinking of others who've tried to help me, in particular now). I'm trying to be more compassionate to those hurting, without enabling more bad behavior. Sometimes the delivery of the message is crucial when trying to help. Sometimes you gotta ignore some bad behavior and let people see things for themselves. Else, I've found I can easily be drawn into the problem rather than the solution. tricky stuff
Yes, I'd rather hear it like it is, and not have somebody agree with me that so-and-so really is a louse - poor me, etc, etc.
And I'm all for ignoring bad behavior... to a point. It's when there's a consistent pattern of it that I'll speak up at last.
Definitely tricky stuff.
My blood pressure is stabilized... thanks for asking :) Been able to regulate it - so far - by taking a very low dose of med just every other day.
Still hopeful about being able to wean myself off it entirely, but that hasn't happened yet. If I go three days, it spikes.
Feeling great, though! I have a second grandbaby now... another little girl, born March 29. Wish she wasn't so far away, but I'm loving all the photos and putting together little care packages to send. Communicating regularly with my oldest daughter now, as well.... which is a huge sign of healing.
I'm sorry to know of the ongoing hassle at work, Bean... but very glad you're taking a break!
Maybe you really should monitor your bp... the guages are inexpensive and can give you some assurance in that regard.
They always say that high bp has no symptoms until it's too late, but I can definitely feel when it's out of whack.
Please don't mess around with it and wonder... not worth it!
Thanks for writing... it's good to visit with you and to compare views. I don't want to be narrow minded, so even if a few hackles get raised, I'll try to smooth them down and listen quietly.
Love,
Carolyn
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Hi Iz,
Well, to tell you the truth, your #44 post is kind of preachy...I'm not chastising you, just making an observation.
Preach on sister!
tt
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Well I for one do not have a clue what is going on. I was shocked to see Changes is Dead :shock:
Anyway, I do believe Light is light and changes is changing. I am not going back to read where things started or have people raising an eyebrow.
As far as you leaving light for peace on the board if needed. I don't think the word is peace because if that is what it takes there will never be peace here. It will just be some other thing or some other person. The word is *life* such is life. Life is made up of all different people/opinions/Please don't leave you or changing/changes. I will not feel peace and peace is not the word (for me). I would feel sad if that was to happen. To deny *living and imperfections and right or wrongs and have to have Proof. That is crazy to me. I take you at your word, your reads, your stories and I enjoy them all with exception of the bad things.
I even think alright so people raise and eyebrow to things, well, ok this is human too. Nothing wrong with that but I don't need proof, I don't care. I don't feel harmed or betrayed or anything else.
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Sorry hit something and it sent off without finishing.
I guess what I am asking is why does it get so hell bent on finding out the Truth and nothing But the Truth that it takes a life on here of it's own. Almost seems like an investigaton. Do you really care? What would it do to you? How would it change your life/your feelings. Is it betrayal feelings? And what if you are wrong? How does the other person feel being on trial?
I really don't think any other then changes/changing and light/lighter is who they are and hope I keep hearing from them.
Love
Deb
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As far as you leaving light for peace on the board if needed.
Hey deb....
I wasn't talking about my leaving the board....
I was referring to whoever's creating the chaos.
As for changing's demise.....
I think she was surprised to hear about it too: /
Lighter
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Light,
Shew, I'm glad to hear that. I was concerned about you or Change leaving .. Thanks for clearing it up.. Good to know your gonna still be here and she's alive.
Love
Deb
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Hi Iz,
For one thing, I am not interested in studies. They are of no help whatsoever to the people on this board![/b]
I got a kick out of your statement. I just have to ask, what study was this conclusion based on? :lol:
tt
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Hi tt
just mine!
I pass them by because no one have ever included me in one, so the %-ages must be off! :lol:
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Hi everybody,
Once someone forgets their password and re-registers, there is no way to know whether that is the same person or someone different--unfortunately, the burden falls upon the new registrant to re-establish trust. I have no substantial evidence that Changes isn't Changing, but no way to verify that he or she is. Everyone will have to make their own decision.
Best,
Richard
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Hi Iz,
just mine!
I pass them by because no one have ever included me in one, so the %-ages must be off!
"There's your sign!" :lol:
tt
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Hi everybody,
Once someone forgets their password and re-registers, there is no way to know whether that is the same person or someone different--unfortunately, the burden falls upon the new registrant to re-establish trust. I have no substantial evidence that Changes isn't Changing, but no way to verify that he or she is. Everyone will have to make their own decision.
Best,
Richard
Thank you, Dr Grossman
Truly appreciated.
Sincerely, Leah
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Hi Iz,
just mine!
I pass them by because no one have ever included me in one, so the %-ages must be off!
"There's your sign!" :lol:
tt
"There's your sign!" :lol:
My sign is Taurus... the stubborn bull-headed person.
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Just an observation.
Changes and Lighter are both online at this very moment.
Thought those with notions of subterfuge might be interested.
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Dear Carolyn,
I have 4 computers in my house, I could be 4 identities. Just wanted to say that. Ami
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Dear Carolyn,
I have 4 computers in my house, I could be 4 identities. Just wanted to say that. Ami
Duly noted.
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Hi-
I understand how people can be wary on Boards, etc- in fact, at one point I had reason to think that Ami had some sort of personal or professional relationship with Dr. Grossman and requested his clarification on that point. So far I have not gotten my Changing name back. I am really in the thick of things, do not have 4 computers like Ami, and come to the board for the help, support and fun. I have very limited resources and am in the thick of things at present, truly exhausted- I would like to post , but not about this subject any more at present- I am tired and hurting and have a lot of troubling items to get imput on.
Ami, if you wish I can post some of the items that you PMd me as Changing, as well as some of the items that I replied.
Can we all just get along?
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Can we all just get along?
Those words have been my very own words (of similar ilk) and heartfelt sentiment, here on board, on more than one occasion, from whence I joined in January 2007.
Love to (((((( everyone ))))))) Leah
An inclusive person of independent thought with an egalitarian worldview.
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Hi Leah-
Thank you.
Love and Peace,
Changing
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Hi Bean-
I have never sent a PM to anyone, as I rememeber, just replies to PMs sent to me-I have never posted Ami's PMs on the board- in fact I don't have them at present, and can only remember what she wrote me, and respond to Ami if she wishes me to with our previous correspondence. I would certainly do that.
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Changing,
I hope that at some point really soon your return here can be about you and your own needs, concerns, interests...
as it should be.
Welcome back.
Carolyn
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::claming hands over mouth:: :shock:
::going to start brand new thread:: )
Lighter
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Ami, if you wish I can post some of the items that you PMd me as Changing, as well as some of the items that I replied.
Dear Changes,
Hi Changes, I hope you are well despite all that you are going through. We have never connected much on the board in the past when you were Changing.
Curious about something? Please do not take offense, but I need clarification, how can you access your old PM's under changing if you cannot access the account of changing?
If Ami is wrong, well, then I would just like to say hi to you and I hope that we can get to know each other better because Ami has told me much about you in the past....all good, as a matter of fact Ami shared on several occasions how much she missed you and how worried she was about you.
Much warmth to you.
Lise
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Hello-
Gabben-I have not accessed my old PMs- but can remember their content to a great extent, and could recall some items that might make her feel more at ease. ( I believe that I said that in response to Bean but it may have been unclear as I am extremely tired at present)
Bean- I would be very happy to do whatever Ami would like. I am exhausted and do not want more "drama" for anyone- that is why I would like to do what Ami would like me to- I don't want to cause any problems or hurt for anyone, and I do not feel especially competent at this moment to initiate anything , but I would do what she indicates would be helpful.
Certain Hope- Thank you so much for welcoming me. I am facing so much uncertainty- I wish that I hadn't married that man, and could just hightail it away. It helps to have you caring support. Hope all is well with you.
Lighter- Thank you for your help and support since I came on the Board. I think that things will be okay, and it will all work itself out.
Love and Peace,
C.
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((((((((Changing)))))))) you sound absolutely worn out to me and I'm very familiar with that feeling.
Please take your time to express whatever is most on your heart and then deal with the rest of the questioning at your own pace.
Like Dr. Grossman said, it's up to everyone to re-establish trust and that's only going to happen as individuals see fit... for some, it may be impossible, but that's not your issue.
Just take it easy and make yourself at home here.
Love,
Carolyn
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I would stick with signing off as one or the other, as folks tend to start thinking all sorts.
either sign off as Changing - as you did first off a few mins ago.
or sign off as C. as you are now doing.
I stick to Leah
If I started signing of as L.
folks may tend to start thinking all sorts, perhaps.
Just a small word of wisdom?
All the best, Love, Leah
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Lighter,
That would not even satisfy some folks.
Suspicious minds work in different ways.
Once seeds like that have been planted, it's really hard to shake off.
It'll pass, in time.
Carolyn
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Lighter,
That would not even satisfy some folks.
Suspicious minds work in different ways.
Once seeds like that have been planted, it's really hard to shake off.
It'll pass, in time.
Carolyn
I hope that is a corporate inclusive statement, if so, yippee.
Goodnight folks and may God Bless you, one and all.
Love, Leah
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Lighter,
That would not even satisfy some folks.
Suspicious minds work in different ways.
Once seeds like that have been planted, it's really hard to shake off.
It'll pass, in time.
Carolyn
I hope that is a corporate inclusive statement, if so, yippee.
Goodnight folks and may God Bless you, one and all.
Love, Leah
Leah,
I find this post of yours to be an obnoxious snipe, but then that's typical of your treatment of me here.
This sort of childish behavior only speaks to your own lack of character...
just something to keep in mind.
Carolyn
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Carolyn,
It was NOT a snipe
we ALL said that fun was permissable.
YIPPEE is a shout for JOY
and its mine.
Stop controlling the board please, it is an all inclusive board.
What Would Jesus Do?
Love, Leah
Edit: 1 rule for everyone else
and 1 rule for Leah
seems apparent, I think.
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Carolyn,
It was NOT a snipe
we ALL said that fun was permissable.
YIPPEE is a shout for JOY
and its mine.
Stop controlling the board please, it is an all inclusive board.
What Would Jesus Do?
Love, Leah
Leah,
I am not controlling anything but my own boundaries.
I am free to declare how I feel about your posts to me and that is all I have done here.
I hope that you will show some sound character and stop treating me in this way, but if you choose to continue, I will continue responding with my own feelings.
Carolyn
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Dr G gave the verdict. I wish the best for my dear friend, Changing. If she is here on earth or in Heaven. Ami
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::really wishing changing would stop apologizing::
Not that apologies aren't called for.
Lighter
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Oh Ami-
I am here and I am back with my "real" name! Thank you for caring. I got a restraining order and the guns have been turned in.
I will PM you if you would permit, now that I have "Changing" back- I am sorry if I caused you any problems.
Love,
Changing
YIPPEE!
and finally, "Goodnight" and God bless you ((((((( everyone ))))))))
Love,
Leah x
PS> Who is so tired and drained.
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My Dear Lighter-
I hope that any problems that I have caused you I can make up soemhow- and that goes for everyone. I am a ninny and not a computer savant like Our Izzy.
Ami- please let me know if I can contact you- I truly miss you and am sorry if I caused you any problem or harm. I was in dire straits and am still trying to find a way to finish things with Bagworm without further unpleasantness and tragedy.
Love,
Changing
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I do apologize to you, Carolyn
my British sense of humour, dry wit -
- assuredly, absolutely no offence was intended.
Whether you believe me or not, is your choice entirely.
Gracefully,
Love, Leah
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I am truly shocked. I am so happy that a beautiful person like you is still here,on this crazy ,crazy earth, Changing.Please PM me, at any time.
Your being alive is all that counts, dear friend. Love Ami
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Welll..
the upside is....
Little Jo has her answer.
Lighter
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No, the upside is that Changing's alright and she's back :D
The rest of it is manure under the bridge! !! !
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Dang lighter,
Could you stop fanning the flames with snippy remarks?
Ami stated her beliefs, Dr G weighed in (although not to your satisfaction as you stated) and changing responded.
You keep interjecting by posting sarcastic snippy editorial remarks and by doing so, you perpetuate the discord. I notice that you do this on other threads. Seems you have a need to control.
We know where you stand. We know your position. Now, let it go. What's done is done. Move on. Basta.
Changing is right: Let's try to all get along (or at least stop snipping at each other)
ann
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Hi,
Don't remember who said you can't have two ISP's in one house, but why not? As long as you pay them do the ISP's carriers care if you have more than one? I'm kind of ignorant, so cut me some slack if I'm asking another dumb question.
tt
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Dang lighter,
Could you stop fanning the flames with snippy remarks?
Ami stated her beliefs, Dr G weighed in (although not to your satisfaction as you stated) and changing responded.
You keep interjecting by posting sarcastic snippy editorial remarks and by doing so, you perpetuate the discord. I notice that you do this on other threads. Seems you have a need to control.
We know where you stand. We know your position. Now, let it go. What's done is done. Move on. Basta.
Canging is right: Let's try to all get along (or at least stop snipping at each other)
ann
ann3
Can you not bring yourself to ignore a post that you do not like?
If no one mentions it, she will think that no one cared, or that no one saw it, but you are perpetuating, not she.
......and obviously I am a part of perpetuating too, but you might have noticed I never responded to one of you numerous snarky posts to me.
Izzy
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Izzy Dearest-
Thank you for being so good to me , and helping me with information regarding the computer , etc- I am so ridiculous!!!! And thank you for your humor and for sharing the brilliant simplicity of vision you possess- it has made my life so much better, whatever the circumstances. I have a long way to go, but can enjoy the journey so much more when I am thinking about one of your wacky stories and how it applies to a current debacle!!! When Izzy talks, I listen!!!
Love,
CHANGING (thanks for helping me change my password you genius you!)
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Hi changing,
Glad you're back and doing better.
As for the rest of the conversation....... :roll:
mud
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I agree with Mud..........the sound of reason................. :shock:
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Dear Changing,
You are a sweet person.
Congratulations on completing 1L; it's a BIG accomplishment and even a bigger accomplishment considering all the pressures you were under.
Bravo!
love,
ann