Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on June 03, 2008, 11:10:19 PM
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As some of you know....
I've been living somewhere new for a while...
and I've learned how to use a snake.
The toilets here back up if you....
well...
lets just say that I've solved the problem by having my children go potty and flush.
Wipe once, flush.
Wipe again, if needed, and go in for the final flush.
There were 3 incidents the first week.
About one a week thereafter, not to do with my children but hey....
I fearlessly field any potty needs snak'in, at this point.
The first incident involving my child, I missed.
It flooded an entire bed and bathroom.
A professional company had to come in and handle it......
industrial fans ran around the clock for weeks. :shock:
I can't tell if it's the toilets or too small a pipe connecting to the sewer or what.
Been interesting, I'll say that.
Lighter
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Hi Lighter friend-
Sometimes the newer low-flush toilets, that are supposed to conserve water, can cause this. If your area required replacement of existing toilets with low-flush, there may not be enough force generated to take everything completely out- this is especially problematic in multistory buildings- many jurisdictions have removed ordinances and gone back to the original style toilets, though some new designs use less water and yet are equivalent to the old toilets in terms of flushing!!! Oh, how exciting this information is, isn't it!!!!
Don't use caustic products like Draino before you use a snake- it can be disastrous (I know that you know this, but this is just a reminder)
Love and Best to You and the Babies,
Changes
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DRAINO!
::running to check cabinets::
Why didn't I think of it?
Just kidding: )
The water saving toilets is prolly exactly what I'm dealing with here.
Lighter
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oh lighter
I didn't know you had moved! I saw snakes and being they are the worst creatures for me, I didn't look at your post.
Now I know but I have never tried one of those things!
off to bed to read my book.
Love
Izzy
shiver, shake, shiver, shake
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Enjoy your book, Izz....
Nite.
Lighter
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sounds like a bucket of water by the john, to be poured in to aid flushing when there are solids, might help?
I swear, on the board we can solve anything. :lol: Now to wander off topic in my happy morning addle...
There are snakes everywhere. Nature's a mystery.
We had a copperhead in my basement that leapt out and just missed the bug-man.
My toes curled for weeks...it was uncomfortable going into the basement.
I still check.
Hops
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Hey Lighter, if you're on a septic tank, draino's not very good for it.
I use some drain/septic tank cleaner that's a bit "greener" - the brand name is Roebic. It's "good" bacteria (I guess like yogurt is for digestion) for your drains & septic tank.
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Hops,
I've already gone hog wild and put toilet paper out (where the children can find and reach it)
::gasp::.
Yes.... everyone can see it, as my oldest used paper towels when she couldn't find or reach the extras, poor dear... flooding incident, remember?
I can't imagine how I would be censored if I put buckets in the beautifully decorated bathrooms... all faux painted with matchy tassled towels and those tiney 10 pound trash cans with matching square 5 pound toothbrush cups.. :shock:
Oh no no no nono nonono.
Simply won't do; )
Maybe I can find matching buckets.....
and apply jewels?
Maroon and gold....
::nod::
As for the snakes..... we have lots in the creek out back. Big 4 foot long Copperheads.
I had no idea they were so orange... marked like rattle snakes.
Kinda scary but snakes don't make me go all crawly so I'm just amazed and mindful when I see them, generally swimming from our side of the bank to the other, cause we startle'em.
Amber.... we're not septic and it never occurrs to me to use chemicals in the potties. I think bc of stories I heard about my Maternal Grandfather's pipes being full of holes when they sold their house.... he never called a plumber, just used more draino. Yikes.
I'm sticking with the 2 to 3 flush method, as it really seems to work.
Now.... if I can just get the neighbor's kids to poop at their own house.
Every time I see that little boy coming.... he's doing the potty dance.
Wasn't like that at our old house, but we didn't have so many children in the neighborhood either.
Lighter
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OK... there were gurgling bubbles coming up from one of the more useful toilets in my area.
I flushed nothing... and the toilet backed up :shock:
It eventually drained away so I flushed again.....
same thing.
Again.
Same thing.
How in the heck does NOTHING clog it up?
::resisting getting snake out as long as possible::
Lighter
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Hey Lighter - saw your hello on the hello thread (didn't want to hijack changing's thread so am saying hi here .... )
I am doing ok these days. Have been pretty busy, so haven’t been able to keep up with reading let alone posting.
Thanks for responding re: my kitty – she is doing remarkably well for her age and condition, and I am cherishing every moment we have.
BTW – no new kitties, we are overwhelmed with animals.
Inside: 3 cats (2 kitties rescued from the shelter last year plus my older cat), 2 rodents (cute as anything, like little squirrels they climb all over us), 50 gallon aquarium….. fish, snails, shrimp…. (speakin of poo - between the litter boxes, cage - those rodents are lovely little critters - they throw their poo through the bars, and the slimey aquarium filters, we are up to our eyeballs in poo .....)
Outside (and sometimes inside :shock: ): frogs, snakes, turtles, tons of birds (eagles, hawks, swans, ducks, geese, song birds, owls….), deer, groundhogs, bunnies, raccoons, foxes (ever hear a fox scream at night? Pretty scary - thought we had a sasquatch out back 'till I found out what it was....)
I have a large body of water behind my house and I never realized the amount of wildlife that came with water (including a house covered in spider webs and very, very large spiders [yuck – my H tries to tell me that they are our friends because they eat the bugs, but I tell him that they can go be friends with the neighbors – don’t like spiders at all!]).
I have been thinking about you and hope that you are doing ok. You mentioned awhile back about stoicism, and how sometimes it doesn’t help. Been thinking about your words.
When I lived with my FOO, my emotional wellbeing depended upon being stoic. If I let anyone in my FOO see a glimpse of pain, hurt, weakness….. it was like bleeding in a tank of great whites – the feeding frenzy would start.
I find it very difficult (still) to break that habit – it is one of those survival tools that I had to set in stone – never, ever let any weakness, pain, etc. show. I have also seen how it can backfire. Early on in our relationship, my H (then boyfriend) said to me, “You don’t need me for anything do you?” I was so totally self-sufficient, financially, emotionally (never leaning, never asking for help…).
He felt ….…. unnecessary/not needed in our relationship. What a horrible feeling to have caused him. I will never forget those words. My stoicism was actually causing him discomfort. I let the walls down for him. In 3-D, I still chose carefully who and in what situations I do that. In his case, it was one of the best decisions I ever made – for both of us.
Stoicism can help us survive certain situations, but in some cases, it can also harm – not only ourselves, but those we care for.
And I know you know this : )
Take care,
Peace
PS - INFP - I can see that. Another INTJ here.
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Ahhh... when our defenses stop working for us.... and become part of our problems.
So difficult to figure out, FP.
How wonderful you did.
That kitty is a dear friend to you.
There's no replacing a friendship, I understand....
and about the poo.
:x
I think I'd take the spiders.... if I didn't get bit too often, lol.
As is... I have a very busy kitty box down the hall from my bedroom and the dog likes to spend time playing in it :shock:
ACK.
Sounds like you have no shortage of animals to love you.
I'm busily savoring time with my wee ones, as well.
Enjoy and check your box every once and again, K?
Lighter
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I've got this toilet in the master bedroom and the part where the hose connects (the plastic part) has broken. Can a replacement part be bought and what tools do I need to fix it? My other toilet also leaks and I'm thinking that it might be a gasket but I'm not so sure. Oh wait, is this place not for this kind of advice?
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Hi FP,
Stoicism can help us survive certain situations, but in some cases, it can also harm – not only ourselves, but those we care for.
I'm just curious. Bo stoicism, do you mean that you cover over your emotions and mostly exhibit behaviors born from the rational part of your mind? I have a niece who is rather stoic. Not much registers in facial expression or body language to the person who has not studied body language. I've known her from birth and In adolescence, I know she was rather expressive, and even rebellious. I guess I'm agreeing with your above statement. Once I'd like to see her break out of her stoic shell and reveal the other good and enjoyable parts of herself.
tt
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Lighter,
I've been dealing with a similar problem for a good year or more. Every once in awhile -- usually at a great time, like Christmas -- things ... back up. Boy, have I had some messes!
After a lot of experimentation, I found something at Lowes (Home depot would probably have it) that helps almost all the time. It's a black plunger, but the whole thing is one piece of plastic, and instead of a rubber ball on the end it has a bulb with accordion folds. I use it on the toilet and it generally helps. Usually take between 15-20 plunges, depending on the severity of the situation. You can look this method up online -- that's how I learned to do it really well.
I also got something I thought didn't work, but lately has worked quite well. It's called Main Line Cleaner. You put it in and let it sit, which might be hard with kids ... but it helped a lot. It's totally organic -- just bacteria -- so you don't have to worry about anything.
I live in fear of flushing my toilet!!
Good luck!
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Lilycat:
There used to be one of those cool black plungers 2 stories above where my potties are.
Last time I ran the stairs for it..... it wasn't there.
So.... had to learn to use the snake and it's on my floor so.....
that's what I'm stickin with.
I agree though... that type is better than the little ball ones.
Sorry you fear the flush.
Who needs that added stress?
Lighter
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I've got this toilet in the master bedroom and the part where the hose connects (the plastic part) has broken. Can a replacement part be bought and what tools do I need to fix it? My other toilet also leaks and I'm thinking that it might be a gasket but I'm not so sure. Oh wait, is this place not for this kind of advice?
darren
You are a little far from home aren't you? Someone give you the wrong directions?
Nevertheless, I'm sure if someone here can help you, they will, but I sense that your equipment is outdated and might also be dysfunctional if a woman is involved and feeding it the wrong 'information' (you know what I mean so as I don't have to put it in print)
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Hi tt,
When you questioned this, I did a search on stoicism to make sure I wasn’t misusing the word here. Search results were very interesting given the roots of stoicism and how it is defined today. (Thanks for asking – learned a good bit there!).
One of the current definitions I found: One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain.
With this definition in mind, yes - I meant that I would cover (or suppress/not allow them to see) emotional reactions – if I showed hurt – they knew what hurt me, and would do it again. If I showed joy – they would do or say something to try and take it away.
I can’t say I was truly stoic – I still felt it, but I didn’t dare show it; so maybe superficially stoic?
Just thought of another way being stoic can have an adverse outcome. When one appears strong/stoic and another appears weak/helpless and there is a flare up between the two …. many (not all by any means) are prone to sympathize with the one who appears weak/helpless (even if it is against all rational thought) – this happened a lot with my mother and me. By appearing strong, some went after me to defend the one they perceived as “helpless” rather than look logically or rationally at the situation and truly see what was going on – used to drive me crazy (ha – so much for stoicism).
I suppose it is human nature though to protect those perceived as weak.
My thoughts are with you and your niece. I hope that she too learns that some people are safe enough to let those walls down (if this is the underlying reason for her stoicism); stoicism may feel safer, but IME, it can also harm, and it is a very lonely place to exist.
Peace
PS - Lighter, you did it again – summed up my looooong paragraphs in a single sentence – you have a way of seeing to the heart of the matter and summarizing, simply and beautifully - how do you do that!!!
I am sorry to hear of the accident, when it rains it pours. I hope you are all ok? You are such a good mother, I am sure you have thought of this, but can you somehow make an adventure out of living at your new residence for the little one? Sending extra hugs your way.
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FP... it is easy to be mean to strong people, isn't it?
A friend said that to me, 25 years ago.
Very human to want to protect those who appear helpless or weak.
Wolves in sheep's clothing.....
how frustrating, in all the variouse situations we encounter it.
Lighter
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I've got this toilet in the master bedroom and the part where the hose connects (the plastic part) has broken. Can a replacement part be bought and what tools do I need to fix it? My other toilet also leaks and I'm thinking that it might be a gasket but I'm not so sure. Oh wait, is this place not for this kind of advice?
darren
You are a little far from home aren't you? Someone give you the wrong directions?
Nevertheless, I'm sure if someone here can help you, they will, but I sense that your equipment is outdated and might also be dysfunctional if a woman is involved and feeding it the wrong 'information' (you know what I mean so as I don't have to put it in print)
Yes, I'm always a bit lost. It actually took me a bit to get that without the proper words, but I have now figured it out. Hehe...
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Hehe...
[/quote]
Hey, darren....
you can't be the VP of the BC (Beautification Committee.....)
and laugh. :shock:
Lighter
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Lighter - is your little one OK now? Still missing the old house?
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She's never going to be OK but.... she's just little and becomes distracted with her life.
Just a sometimes crisis and we drove by the old house yesterday, which was the trigger, there.
Going to bed sometimes seems to bring sadness and wishes for our old routines...... the lost comfort of home.
They're playing with their Pet Shop dolls and building cities at the moment.
All smiles and happiness.
Lighter
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Ah. "New home" is hard for all of us, I think. I don't think anyone ever outgrows that.
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My little ones have lost so many things..... all at once.
HOME is one that keeps tugging on their hearts.
I don't think it'll go away anytime soon.
Lighter
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Hi darren,
Sorry in advance - another long one. I am sure Lighter will come along and sum it up in another one-liner ( :P to Lighter)
I can’t help with the drips - I flunked plumbing 101 – my expertise is limited to …. if it defies the laws of gravity, time to call a plumber or my H : )
(Think I’ll leave the snakes to Lighter – love ya, Light, but I am not going there)
Darren, you asked: “Oh wait, is this place not for this kind of advice?”
I am not sure why you are asking this? Not sure how it was asked, ie, tone?
IMO, I like to think that this place is for any kind of advice; a place to find our voices in any way shape or form that may manifest, within reason.
Sometimes, at least for me, when life is at its most difficult or stressful, I NEED to step back and focus on the everyday minutiae or step back and find laughter – it helps to ground me in the here and now when I am currently swamped in a stressful situation that I can’t control, or memories of the past have me spinning with PTSD, or at times when I am depressed.
I never really learned to stop and smell the flowers as a child – my life has been one of constant anxiety, and I mean constant. In my home growing up – I was always, always on guard; had to be to dodge the fists. I had to be a step ahead, anticipate, anticipate, anticipate….it became so ingrained, that to this day I still have trouble relaxing (and don’t know if I ever will be able to totally relax – is there such a thing?). For me, these “OT” posts are a learning lesson – it balances so much in me – from these posts, I have learned to live in the moment; a gift that I have no words to express how grateful I am for. It is especially important to me as I have small children, and can’t afford to get caught in the past for them.
Given that this is a very diverse group of people in different stages of realization, working through, and healing, I have found I can’t expect everyone here to relate to what I need at any given moment nor can I expect them to post a certain way, and in fact, for me to expect that is unrealistic. That being said, there was a time when I did indeed expect that here and I was so very wrong. A bit of an Nspot in me - ouch! Please know that I am not saying that this is where you are, just my view in response to what “should or shouldn’t” be written here.
I don’t know, I may be wrong, but it strikes me that to try and dictate what people say or to expect them to behave a certain way here … seems to me that that would be like trying to control another’s voice – or another way to render them voiceless?
Just like I am learning to find my voice – I am also learning that it is not my place to dictate to others how or what they should write – I can only control me, therefore, it is up to me to choose what to read and what to allow in. There is peace in that. My choice. As towrite says … keeping the zipper on the inside.
When I write these days, I write hoping that some will understand, but by no means with the expectation that everyone understand. This is going to sound crude, and I apologize in advance – but how many people can relate to having a father crawl in bed with them as a child? Not many I suspect. If I expect everyone to understand where I am coming from, I am bound for disappointment on top of sometimes overwhelming pain. Don’t need more pain, you know? On the other hand, for those in a partner/relationship with an N – I don’t have a clue as to the depth of the pain and betrayal they feel have felt, and I feel inadequate to help in those situations.
I do try to be careful with my words, but I am not always successful. As this is a group, what I may say to one person, may inadvertently hurt another. I have found it impossible to balance everyone here into the equation when I write something. Sometimes that trips me up and I don’t post for fear in trying to help one person, I will hurt another.
You wrote a poem not too long ago (I hope it is ok that I copied it here)….
Rain falls
And dark clouds fill the sky
Foggy boggy soupy weather makes me wail and moan and sigh
Slipping into darkness and the eriee dreary fog
Who could make their mind think clearly
When they're in this mental bog
I do not where I would be without the friends who help me see
That one day the sun will pierce the shadows
And its light will come to me
Thank you for sharing this – it is beautiful. To me, that is what this place is – in all its wonderful diversity. Friends here have shown me how to step back and remember where I am here and now (and no longer in the hell hole of my childhood) - they have helped me find the light that pierces my particular brand of darkness; a wonderful gift that I am so very grateful for.
Peace
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::wiping eyes::
(((FP)))
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Peace
thank you
I agree wholeheartedly about not trying to control others' voices...how gracefully you put it.
I hope you enjoy a beautiful weekend with all the creatures around you.
(Now I want a pygmy goat.)
love,
Hops
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That was absolutely beautiful, Peace.
No doubt we've all had enough dictators in our lives.
Thank you for sharing your voice with us here.
Love,
Carolyn
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Thank you Lighter, Hops, and Carolyn - you and many more here who have helped me so much.
((((( ))))))
Love,
Peace
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FP.... YVW.
Lighter
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Hey Lighter,
I think I found a plumber for you. (The plumber with a sense of humor). Scroll down if the image doesn't show at first.
http://www.blogcadre.com/images/stella/plumber_with_a_sense_of_humor_2005_10_06_14_09_44 (http://www.blogcadre.com/images/stella/plumber_with_a_sense_of_humor_2005_10_06_14_09_44)
Peace
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LOL! Love it, Peace :D :D :D