Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Members' Stories => Topic started by: seasons on June 04, 2008, 01:11:05 AM
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Maybe if I journal my fears and needs I can come to some peace.
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I don't want to read my above post. I don't want to see how out of control I felt. Not now.
Going way back I remember riding big wheels with my little brother in the back yard, down the driveway, along the side walk and back again. We filled up our gas tanks, pretend, where the oil filler was. I can remember the pretty green paint on the house, red big wheel with huge black wheels that made great skidding sounds as you peddled back to a stop.
This day especially was beautiful, sunny, flowers along our path, the shade felt so nice, falling under the full oak trees.
He was so handsome, dark brown hair, brown eyes with olive skin. I was/am fair, med brown hair with hazel eyes. I remember being free, happy, safe with my little brother. I thank God for those days, as short as thay may have been.
I remember like it was yesterday.................... isn't that an amazing gift from God.
Days very early on before it all, before the bad stuff.
I had him for a short time. I loved him and miss him. God decided we would say good bye when he was 6 and I was 8.
My parents missed him so much. They are together again, I am thankful, for they were apart for so long.
I know I was strong, silent and kept on going. Didn't want to speak about it. It was the begining of my voicelessness.
It feels good to cry, to mourn and miss him. I don't think I have ever let myself go there. I don't think I felt I had a right to my pain, others had to have been way worse, I was just a little kid, I thought at the time.
I plan on just letting my inner thoughts flow out. Some for the very first time. I believe it will be good for my soul, a cleansing I hope.