Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: teartracks on June 09, 2008, 05:57:40 PM
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Hi,
Your Very Own Self Inner Snob/Elitist
What does she like to do to show she's superior to others? What and whom does she like to talk about?
tt
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Hi,
Your Very Own Self Inner Snob/Elitist
What does she like to do to show she's superior to others? What and whom does she like to talk about?
tt
Hi tt,
I have no idea, can you please give us a clue, or at the very least your thoughts on the subject? Help?
Are you wishing to enter into dialogue with reference to someone who is Narcissistic / NPD and displaying the above ?
How would a person perceive another as being like that ?
Would that not be based upon a personal opinion ?
A perception, or presumption, or even an assumption ?
If it is an inner quality ........... how can one ascertain what the person looks like to be the person portrayed in your question ?
Without that being a presumption ?
Love,
Leah
EDIT in: Just looked up the meaning of What is a Snob?
A snob, guilty of snobbery, is a person who adopts the worldview that some people are inherently inferior to him/her for any one of a variety of reasons.
Personally, I believe ALL people are EQUAL.
I hold an Egalitarian worldview.
Leah x
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tt,
Usually, my inner snob is a critical voice that likes to point fingers at others behaviors and imperfections so that I can feel bigger and better than them to improve my self-esteem. This is something that I am working on, still, however, I am making progress, and in AA, as we say, it is progress not perfection! :D
Rarely do I find myself doing this sort of thing anymore...mostly, if I do catch myself critical, then I have to point the finger right back at myself!!
Good question which requires introspection.
Lise
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tt,
Been sitting here trying to think of what sort of snobbery I still have left to root out, when it came to me -
As much as I appreciate you as a person, there are times when my own inner snob tries to tell me that it's not worth my effort to figure out what you're looking for in some of your posts.
Oh, how wrong I have been.
Remember eons ago, when I griped about your editing?
That was snobbery.
Wow, I have just royally snobbed out on you, come to think of it... and it wasn't even "personal"!!
Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way, but isn't there a strong connection between snobbery and preconceived notions/prejudices?
What and whom does my inner snob like to talk about?
Why - me, myself, and I, of course!!
Great thread, tt... I think I have the hiccups now!
Love,
Carolyn
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Thanks TT,
Well, here on this VESMB board when interacting, I believe ALL people to be human beings who are born EQUAL.
People who have joined for a purpose - of healing, and reciprocal support and encouragment along the way.
It matters not one jot to me as to whether the person displays;
> typing errors
> grammar, commas, spelling errors
> a different style of written presentation
And the person can edit their posts till the cows come home, it matters not one jot and tittle to me personally.
Love, Leah
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Dear Besee,
From my perspective, I do not see this post accusing anyone. This post was a direct question that requires introspection of oneself, not others, but our own behavior. It is a fair post -- IMO.
Lise
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Oh, I do hope that this thread is not another one of those threads with an hidden agenda and meaning?
Can we not just get on with the purpose of why we joined this VESMB board?
For reciprocal healing, so I thought.
Love to (((( everyone )))) Leah
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I think I have to gaurd myself when discussing parenting techniques such as co sleeping, breast feeding and child discipline.
I'm sure I've assumed an elistist attitude during some past heated debates.
I never feel good about it afterwards.
I know subjects we feel very strongly about, like politics and religion, can get heated but we should try to remember what our goal is....
is it to be heard? To score points? To humiliate? To transferr aggression?
I'm interested in being heard, 99% of the time so I try to choose my words carefully and say what I want to be heard.
I also, ahem, struggle with making observations.....
without using humor/sarcasm.....
after prolonged focused efforts on my part fail to get me more than blustering in return.
Once I'm sure the other party is running a shell game and avoiding honest communication.....
I feel making obvious humorous observations helps me leave it behind.
Now.... my intentions might come under scrutiny....
but nobody has to wonder how I really feel about it.
Which is the intention.
Lighter
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I think most members here arrive at the board with the genesis of their preconceived notions in place, though I suppose new ones could be birthed after arriving here.
Yes, that is more than possible, if one remains open minded with a desire to change, with growth, restoration and renewal.
Instead of choosing to be blinkered and narrow minded.
Makes a world of difference in attitude of thought, words, and actions.
I really do believe.
Love,
Leah
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Ahh... that's a very good question, tt. But my brain didn't even begin to grow till 40... the part of it I didn't pickle, at least.
The editing thing wasn't a matter of form... and especially it wasn't a question of dishonesty...
it was just that I already had a hard time deciphering your meaning - and just about the time I'd formulate some thoughts, I'd return to your post and see that you'd edited it, thereby changing all of my prepared notions.
Silly, huh.
I wanted so much to understand, but then felt like a monkey wrench had been tossed into my slow-moving gears.
About folks arriving here with presets...
I think - yes, in a way, as far as the buttons already programmed by the N's and other abusers in their lives...
but also, I think alot of us are somewhat blank slates (at least that's how I've often felt) as a result of having had the identities which we thought were ours smashed to bits by N. The latter speaks more to someone who just escaped a N marriage, though, I think.
Will be giving this more thought, too!
Love,
Carolyn
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I think alot of us are somewhat blank slates (at least that's how I've often felt) as a result of having had the identities which we thought were ours smashed to bits by N.
These speaks volumes and directly relates to this topic.
It seems that part of my inner snob is a defense to protect my identity, not the one that I think others see, but what I know to be true and real for me about me.
But, the looking at ones self and knowing ones self is a lifetime process. Are we ever really done, or complete in our selflessness?
I know that I am not.
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Exactly, Lise.
Even in the example I gave to tt...
it was mainly based in fear - - a defense against being found incompetent, incomplete, not measuring up.
And no, I don't think we're ever done...
but we are being poured out, you know? Like a drink offering... an oblation... either to glorify ourselves... or not.
Love,
Carolyn
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I've never seen you do that TT. It doesn't even sound like the person I know of as Teartracks.
Are you speaking of yourself or speaking theoretically? If you are speaking about yourself, i must be living on some other planet.
I've never even seen the "snobbish" aspect you speak of.
Oh well. I just like you - maybe I've overlooked these others parts of you which you confess today. Who knows.
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Perhaps even more so because of your confession. But i have always thought well of you and continue to do so.
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Hi everyone,
tt's board snobbery in a nutshell:
Some people come to the board in deep distress, barely surviving, making appeals for help in the only way they know how. I can't and don't require myself to respond to everyone. I am limited in the quality of help I can offer. The bug in the ointment that translates as snobbery on my part is when I respond to a hurting person with some smart assed, non relevant, unhelpful, utterly stupid post that in my heart of hearts I hope will give the impression that I am high and dry, living above the fray when I'm not.
Yuck. I think I'll throw up!
tt
tt,
I never would have guessed that you were doing that, either. You've never seemed a bit snobby to me.
Do you think it's only natural that we would not have something to say to each and every poster?
I don't mean because of time constraints, but just because we read their words and simply don't have a response?
So when a snob-driven response comes out, is that a defense mechanism against feeling something that was triggered within ourselves by the poster?
Really, I'm not trying to dig into any deep psycho-analysis, just wondering whether snobbishness falls into the defense category or more of the entertainment subdivision/I'm here to put in my time because this is what I've done for the past X years - of why we might respond a certain way.
eek.. I hope that makes sense.
Love,
Carolyn
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I try not to be a snob on the board. I have never felt "better" than anyone............I have gotten irritated with others who feel their opinions are THE one and only way....but not enough to really get angry. I know a couple people have gotten mad at me.
As far as being a snob outside the board........when I go into Walmart I tend to look down on people....... :(
And when I go to the other side of town I also have this condescending feeling towards the low lifes...............I never thought I was like that until I felt myself rushing out of a store because of the snaggle toothed people who shop there. Also once we went to a concert and decided to go to a neighborhood bar close to the venue. I had that feeling there...........like everyone was looking at me and wondering why I was there..............I told my h I would never go into a dive like that again.....
Does that make me a snob??? Maybe.
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So, now Leah has just brought this thread up in response to my posts here as well as my mention of a form of inner snobbery on the Blame Game thread...
If you read my posts here on this thread you will see how honest and introspective I am about myself at the risk of allowing Leah to use it against me...which is exactly what she is doing.
Now, who can be honest hre on the board when Leah is shaming everyone for being real?
Lise