Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: tayana on June 12, 2008, 12:39:47 PM

Title: Need Some Advice
Post by: tayana on June 12, 2008, 12:39:47 PM

My parents no longer speak to me or have any contact with me since finding out that my partner is now living with my son and me.  For Mother's Day I sent my mom flowers.  Father's Day is this weekend, and I don't know whether I should do anything or not.  My father really isn't all that sentimental.  I really can't afford to buy a gift right now, since money is really tight.  I've not had any sort of contact with my parents since easter, other than one snotty card, and another card sent to my son. 

I'm very jealous of my partner and the fact that she has a good relationship with her family, and when she calls her parents on holidays, it makes me really sad, even though she and my son try to make the day good for me. 

So, should I send a card and maybe a gift card to a restaurant or something?  Or should I just not do anything?

If anyone were to ask my mother about this situation, she'd say that I was the one not speaking to them, and that I didn't want anything to do with them and I'm keeping my son away from them.

I joked with my partner last night that we should just show up and get some of my stuff.

What does everyone else think?

Title: Re: Need Some Advice
Post by: changing on June 12, 2008, 12:50:35 PM

Hi Tayana-

You can send a nice card and say that you are thinking of your father and want to know how he is, and that you love him. You do not need to spend money that you cannot afford in an attempt to make things right- your love and caring are priceless. Then release the outcome- you have done what is right, and it would be up to him to respond. Please do not agonize over this. I am happy for you Tayana, please do not rob yourself or your family of the happy present ( I don't mean gift with a bow!!!) Do what you know that you should, and then let it go and give the love and acceptance that we all need to your family, intact and undiminished by suffering over things that you cannot control. You can use all of that energy to love and nurture those who appreciate and need you.

Love and Peace,

Changing

Title: Re: Need Some Advice
Post by: Leah on June 12, 2008, 12:58:43 PM

Hi Tayana,

Firstly, I love your choice of quotation:

                         

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

-Elanor Roosevelt

I think you can send a card to your father with simple expression of the love that you have for him. 

Go with the flow from your heart, and please don't add any strain with concerns of a gift, for we can only give of that which we have.

Love, Leah

Title: Re: Need Some Advice
Post by: debkor on June 12, 2008, 01:11:29 PM

Tayana,


I think if you want to send a card, go right ahead.  Do what feels right for you.  They are the ones making a choice of no contact with your because of your lifestyle.  But it is your life and your happiness.  You do what feels right and good for you.  If you don't want to then don't. 

Do what is in your heart and makes you feel comfortable not if they wll accept a card, a dinner,or what and how they wll receive it.
Stop thinking about them and their response.  You are not the one who has to come around.  They choose their life as you have.
Either they accept you and your partner or not.  That you can not control. This does not mean you cannot tell your father you love him.

Love
Deb

Title: Re: Need Some Advice
Post by: lighter on June 12, 2008, 06:21:37 PM

I think, if it was me.... and I wanted to... I'd meet up with my father on his antiquing day and tell him happy father's day.

I'd have a card, maybe a thoughtful little gift and I'd not worry about how my mother was going to react, should she find out.

I'd embrace my father, forgive him for being a weeny (to keep peace with my mother....silently perhaps) then enjoy my partner's family and seek their functional acceptance and love.

You didn't have any choice regarding your FOO....

but you can choose new family for yourself....

: )

Love, Lighter