Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Lupita on June 13, 2008, 12:14:22 PM
-
Can we work together in how to teach others to treat us with repect?
Can anybody give me examples?
Can anybody help me how can I teach my students to be respectful without being authoritarian?
Can anybody help me to elicit more respect from otehrs?
Cab we model some behavior that I can copy?
Thank sfor your help.
-
I guess I have to learn how to play in the paypenn, something I did not learn not only because I did not go to kindergarten but because I come from a very disfunctional family.
Share toys, be a nice person, etc.
-
Hi Lupita,
How are you today?
Any news on the "new" teaching position hunt?
I am still praying for you.
I don't think it matters as to whether or not you attended a kindergarten. How did you engage / play along with your friends at school ?
Love, Leah
-
For me, learning to gaurd my heart, instead of extend it to everyone who appeared... esp the those needy, was the difficult part for me.
I can't tell you how many times I've been slapped verbally by someone who took an open kindness from me and turned it on it's head in a sly backbiting way.... or the traps I've fallen into and still struggle with.
That said.....
1) extending respect to everyone you meet.
2) Giving your students choices and consequences. (you always enforce, of course)
3) Believing people when they tell/show you who they are. (refiling them accordingly in your heart)
4) Living behind healthy functional boundaries you've taken pains to internalize.
It might just be that simple.... at least from where I'm sitting now.
(((Lupita)) How is your son? How are you?
Lighter
-
Hi, Thank you so much for your responses Lea and Light.
We can do another thread for my career problem and my son. I need to keep this thread on track, how to elicit e good response, how to teach others to teart us with respect.
Wayn Dyer says that we teach others how to treat us by putting up with the way they do.
If somebody treats us ina discomfortable way we need to enforce boundaries.
But how, I need models, pattenrs to foolow, I have no idea what to do. I nweed examples.
Your ideas are nice Light. Thank you.
Still I need something more. Coaching in how to behave to inspire respect.
-
One of the most important questions to answer in a teacher interview is:
What do you do if a student throws a paper ball at you while you turn your back to write on the board.
Are you going to ask who did it? Nobody is going to tell you.
OK, somebody give me ideas here.
Somebody told me, they would not do it to me, they know they are dead meat if they do.
How can you do that?
Nobody wanted to give me an asnwer.
Hmmmmm!
Any ideas?
-
I suppose the entire class suffers?
Like in the army?
That way the class begins to enforce the rules, for the sake of their own priviledges and comfort?
Maybe they lose some special something, unless you receive a letter of apology and the promise to do better, etc?
If someone apologizes and makes restitution, that's a wonderful lesson to teach/enforce.
Gutting out the discomfort of enforcing a boundary is awful but.... they won't ever stop testing you until you provide consequences and follow through.
Of course, you have to tell them what the rules are, up front, so you aren't arbitrarily TAKING unrelated priviledges from them.
The consequences should relate, logically, to the ball of paper incident, which is respect and a personal boundary.
I can picture your first day's converstion and introduction going somehting like this:
Teacher: Class... there are rules in here. 'I've provided a list of priviledges we may enjoy if we A) B) C) D) by the end of the day."
That is a very clear expectation with a clear choice and consequence.
They may enjoy the priviledge if they comply, or lose it if they do not, as a group.
If the Class allows one individual to disrupt their ability to enjoy their priviledge, then that's their choice.
What else could you do? Let them all enjoy the priviledge and no one recieves consequences? No.
I can imagine your setting a boundary regarding discipline and respectful behavior on the first day of class,
sounding like this.
Teacher: "With respect to disruptions in class, those who cause disruptions will be A) B) C)"
depending on the level of disruption, you choose one of the consequences you provide, without exception.
I'd post the consequences and give verbal reminders to engener the spirit of cooperation.
"I really want you guys to enjoy priviledge A) this afternoon so.... let's make happy choices and make sure you get to enjoy that."
Creating an advesarily spirit wouldn't be my goal..... and the children need to understand it's THEY who are responsible for their choices... not you.
You're happy when they earn their priviledges, and sad for them, when they don't.
Does that make sense?
Lighter
Lupita, I really want to know what your Personality test comes out as.
-
Hi Lupita-
You are a wonderful teacher , and take your students to heart- it is not simply a job to you. I think that your classes are blesed to have you there giving them your knowledge and spirit. I know that you want all children to have what they need and strive to do your best. But we all have free will, even children- according to our circumstances , we can exercise our free will more or less.
You are a good lady and your work will help so many children. Many children will be forever transformed by their time with yoiu, some children will remember you and wish that they had appreciated you, and others may continue in folly.
Lupita, I think that your intelligence,dedication and dignity teach others respect, in the most meaningful way. I hope that you have a wonderful day, and are proud of yourself and the great work that you do.
Love,
Changing
-
Changing thank you for your kind words. You bring tear to my eyes. Thank you so much.
I still need some more ideas. Lighter thank you, your ideas are good, but it is only one aspect.
When I answer to that question in an interview they will want me to address it in different aspects.
From the progressive aspect from the classical aspect and from the discipline aspect.
You are adreesing it from a moral aspect.
The question again is
What will you do when you are writing on the board and students stop working and one throws a paper ball at you.
In the first place you have to say that you never give your back to the students. Never.
But in the case that happens you have to have plan B. I do not have any ideas.
-
Now, I have proven that positive stimulus cause positive responses. I have it here, when I say something positive to people, people respond in a positive way. I have ben negative all my life and start to change now, I will see results in a short time.
Also I belong to a fitness website where I got o check for events and I alays post positive things about the groups and the poeple and always get positive responses from them.
How to applay that yo the classroom?
Many students come with a negative attitud already. No posityive is going to help them, they need structure. What to tell, what to do.
My first question stil is unanswered.
I need to have an answer for that question for my next interview.
-
Dear Lupita
*I* have noticed the change in you, more inner strength.
I don't know the answer for the kids. My sons had a teacher who was a young, petite woman and she could control a class of teenage kids, with love.
I am not sure how she did it.She had a glow, an aura. You could feel both her strength and her love. It was poweful.
The kids listened and behaved. I wish I could give more specifics, but I don't have any.
You are dong so well, Lupita. Blessings, Ami
-
Ami, what is the name of that teacher, what school, I miht be able to contact her and ask her for help. Jost give me her name and school. I willf ind her e mail and ask her.
CB - That is a wonderful answer that in fact I can use in an interview. I will copy and paste and adjust to the education interview. Percect possibility that might touch the soul of one interviewer. When you are in an interview, you have five to six persons, in a commitee to ask you questions.
CB you are a very wise woman. Your answer is a progressive answer. Great!!!!!!!!!!!
-
So, after the interviewer ask the question i say:
You are not supposed to turn your back to the students, never, ever, but if you commited the mistake anyway, then you have several possibilities. That is why you prepare your class before thes tudents enter the classroom, and that is why you use the overhead projector, so you are facing the students while you are wwriting.
Now, if you still did it anyway for X or W: (then I proceed to say the following)
I don't think that a kid who throws a paper wad at you with your back turned is necessarily disrespecting you, even though he might appear to. Maybe he is acting on a dare, maybe he is trying to see what your response will be, maybe he is doing one of those brainless things that kids do without thinking. If I assume that he is doing it because he disrespects me, and I reprimand with that in mind, I might reinforce an attitude that might not actually be there. If I assume that he is doing something brainless, and address it from there, then I help in the process of defining our relationship.
Does that make sense? Turning and saying something like: You are too old to be doing stuff like throwing paper wads. That's what little kids do. You are on your way to being adults, on your way to university, to responsible jobs. Grownups dont do stupid stuff like that. Think of who you are about to become and start practicing that.
That sounds stilted and awkward the way I write it, but put it in your own words. Don't put the idea in their heads that you feel disrespected. Don't put yourself in any way in the victim role. Stay the grown up--draw them into your world instead of letting them pull you into theirs.
You can also stop the lecture immediately and give everyone extra busy work to do that makes everyone feel the consequences. Don't send them home with more busy work--make the work start right then. That might be better saved, though, for a continued problem.
This addresses one aspect. I need two more ideas. That was brilliant CB.
-
Yes.... assuming better intentions.
Very good, CB.
Giving them the chance to be understood, instead of assuming somehting negative.
It's always a good idea to treat people the way we want to be treated and nurture our relationships into what we want for them.
We detach and teach by example, if nothing else.
Lighter
-
Lup,
This always worked like a charm. Think of the football team. How they are a family (a team)
No different then the classroom:
22 students in a class. Yes they are individuals in a team setting.
One gets out of hand, throws something, does not step up to the plate when asked to come forward.. others just look, say nothing. not going to rat.. that is teaming up... They are a team.. they are acting as a team... and your the coach...but one big team.. So you are supposed to respect your team your team mates whatever you do as an individuall effects your team mates, respect yourself, respect your team...and the whole team will suffer the consequences of the one that did not take responsibility.. Hey they teamed...afterall... United as a team...United we Stand, Together we fall.. Thier choice...
Love
Deb
-
Thank you Debkor. That is an answer for another question.
22 students in a class. Yes they are individuals in a team setting.
One gets out of hand, throws something, does not step up to the plate when asked to come forward.. others just look, say nothing. not going to rat.. that is teaming up... They are a team.. they are acting as a team... and your the coach...but one big team.. So you are supposed to respect your team your team mates whatever you do as an individuall effects your team mates, respect yourself, respect your team...and the whole team will suffer the consequences of the one that did not take responsibility.. Hey they teamed...afterall... United as a team...United we Stand, Together we fall.. Thier choice
These are the most asked questions in teaching interviews. I am getting pretty scared by now. I f anybody wants to help, please do.
God bless you.
Typical teaching candidate questions:
Why did you decide to become a teacher?
Have you ever taken care of someone? Did you enjoy it?
Do you consider yourself a risk taker? (Give an example to back up your answer.)
Are you a positive and energetic person? (Give an example to back up your answer.)
If a student said she thought you were the worst teacher she ever had, what would you say?
If I were your principal and we were setting goals for next year, what would they be?
What is the last book you read?
Have you ever considered publishing a book?
Some people say you should demand respect. Do you agree or disagree?
Tell me about yourself.
How would you rank these in importance and why? Planning, discipline, methods, evaluation.
If a student came to you and said, "None of the other students like me," what would you tell him/her?
Are you an empathetic person? Give an example.
How can you tell that a person is a good listener?
Are you an objective person? Give an example.
What do you want to do with your life?
How do you feel if a student does not meet a deadline?
It is the first day of class, you are writing something on the board and a paper wad hits you in the back, what would you do? Later the same day, if all the students drop their pencils, what do you do?
What was the most frustrating thing that happened to you as a student teacher?
What was the best thing?
Do you believe you should build rapport with students? If yes, how?
How do you give your students recognition? Do you think a student can have too much recognition?
How do you encourage students to learn? Can a student be forced to learn?
How do you handle a child who seems gifted, but is a discipline problem?
How do you feel about computers in the classroom?
How do you present a new word to a class?
What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
What is the role of the principal? Does a conflict exist between your perception of a principal's role and his/her role as your evaluator?
Describe your student teaching experience.
During your student teaching, were you ever involved with a situation at school involving racial tension? If so, how did you handle it?
How do you establish authority/discipline? What do you do when a discipline problem arises?
What subjects have you taught?
Are you patient? Give an example.
Do you ever feel angry towards your students?
What will you be doing in five years?
What is your educational philosophy?
If you could create the ideal school, what would it be like?
Do you like to be challenged? (Give an example to back up your answer.)
What do you like most/dislike most about teaching?
How do you feel about noise in the classroom? How do you handle noise in the classroom?
How would you handle making a difficult phone call to a parent?
The ones in read, I do not know thw answer.
Bolded red, extremely important.
Friends, I am scared.
-
Don't be scared.
I'll answer some and get a Teacher friend to answer them too.
She's a nurse with her doctorate in teaching. '
You'll be fine: )
When do you need these by?
Lighter
-
Hi, thanks Light, I need it yesterday. I have to be ready at any time somebody calls me. I keep sending resumes.
So, when will you see your friend?
-
I've been a bit daunted lately but will call her after appt today.
Should get some answers this afternoon.
Lighter
-
Thanks CB.
Working with Angry Students: Do's and Don'ts
The Do's
- Do listen through the anger.
- Do prevent total frustration by acknowledging the feelings of the individual.
- Do rephrase what is being said in an attempt to identify the issue(s) at the heart of the situation.
- Do allow the person to vent and tell you what is upsetting him or her. Use silence to allow the individual to talk it out.
- Do maintain eye contact.
- Do set limits. Explain clearly and directly what behaviors are acceptable. For example, "I will be willing to speak with you as soon as you lower your voice and sit down."
- Do be firm, steady, consistent, and honest.
- Do empower the individual by helping him or her problem-solve.
- Do feel free to postpone dealing with the situation by setting another, mutually agreeable time to discuss it. Meeting on the same day is preferred. Be punctual.
- Do, whenever possible, separate the person from the situation that is causing the problem before attempting to reach a resolution.
- Do focus on what you can do to resolve the situation.
The Don'ts
- Don't interrupt, particularly during the first 20-30 seconds of peak anger. Interrupting will likely prolong the outburst.
- Don't minimize the situation.
- Don't get into an argument or shouting match.
- Don't press for explanations for the disruptive behavior.
- Don't become hostile or punitive.
- Don't demand, command, or order.
- Don't blame, ridicule, or use sarcasm.
- Don't be cute or humorous.
- Don't touch.
- Don't make things more complicated.
- Don't take responsibility for the emotional state of the individual.
- Don't ignore warning signs that the person is about to explode. These include changes in physical demeanor such as visible tensing of the body, assuming an aggressive stance, clenching fists, gritting teeth, etc.
- Don't ignore your own limitations.
Do's and Don'ts taken from "Guidelines for Dealing with Disruptive and/or Emotionally Distressed Individuals." University of Colorado at Boulder.
Further information regarding disruptive or emotionally distressed individuals can be found at the following University of Colorado website:
CU Desk Reference for Faculty and Administrators
Contact Us | Contact Support
Disclaimer | Equal Opportunity |
Privacy Policy
© 1994-2008 Colorado State University
This page was last updated 3/28/2008 Center for Advising and Student Achievement
202 Aylesworth NE
Colorado State University
Fort Collins, CO 80523-1032
Ph: 970 491-7095 | Fx: 970 491-1133
-
Hi lupita! mostly I am way out of depth on these questions since I am not a teacher so any ideas I have are totally untested and theoretical.
Except for:
How do you handle a child who seems gifted, but is a discipline problem?
I can tell you what my teacher did to me. She gave me responsibilities! I was appalled. But then it was a challenge and then it was fun.
Here is what happened. We had a really tough, challenging history teacher, Miss A. She taught AP American History to the 10th grade, and AP European History to the 12th grade. During the year I took AP American, I was clinically depressed and spent most days cycling between exhausted fatigue and manic anxiety, crying jags, hopelessness. It was a bad time and I was mostly thinking about suicide, not US history - handed in all papers late, flubbed many assignments. The teacher marked me down as 'not a contender.' Then I got a high score on the AP test - a 4.
The European history class was only open to students who scored highly on the US history test. So I signed up for the European class, though I was afraid Miss A might not let me take it. One day, early in the year I said "Wouldn't it be a good and fun way to review what we have learned, if we created like a sort of Jeopardy game with topics and competitions?" And Miss A said, "Why Iphi that would be a good idea. I want you to put the game together and in 2 weeks on Tuesday, we will have that game and you will be Alex Trebec." Then she assigned the whole class that they would have to think up trivia questions and submit them to me.
She was so smart, lupita. Knowing my poor performance/motivation history, she involved me in the class, gave me extra tasks that held me personally accountable for the result because it was me who would be running the whole game, and also it was a task that would involve the entire class in a group exercise they would have to cooperate on, and took the onus off the teacher. And it was fun. There was grumbling, but we all got really into it and it was much more fun that lectures. The element of competition, knowing all questions were from our books, motivated everybody. Meanwhile, I was motivated to find tough stumper questions.
My classmate became a teacher in the same high school and she told me they still play the Jeopardy game - 20 years later. We all got high scores on that AP too.
Another thing she did was have activity booths and stations around the room. For example, in one corner were postcards of famous European artworks and quiz questions about them.
So thinking of Ms. A, I think her answer to you would be delegate responsibilities and activities to the kids, with clear goals and definite time schedules, making them cooperate with each other to accomplish the goals.
She always told us, "If you don't do your work, you won't be prepared. If you are not prepared, then you will fail - and deservedly so." I still like to say "and deservedly so!"
There is a book I am planning to buy, that I have read articles about. Have you heard of Alan Kazdin? He is a professor at Yale who runs a clinic that studies and teaches about parenting and motivating defiant, oppositional kids. My son isn't defiant (yet) but Kazdin's clinic concentrates on motivating the child with goals that the child defines and achieves. It gives the kids a stake in the process. Some friends of ours are using a behavior/goals technique with their young daughter and it is working out really well. She chooses a goal and works toward accruing points all week. Heck, I think that process could motivate me as an adult at work right now, and don't see why it could't work for any age young person since they are the ones defining the goals.
Here's a main page link that has further links to FAQs and articles etc:
http://www.childconductclinic.yale.edu/
-
Iphi, fantastic!!!
Now, what about the other questions? I have two wonderful answers for one same question.
Below is a sample “What To Do When I’m Done” poster. You’ll notice that it uses the acronym WORD to get across its message: “Write, Organize, Read, Draw.”
Write (Poems, Songs, Letters, Compliments)
Organize (your backpack/binder, the classroom)
Read (textbook, free reading book, magazine)
Draw (maps, pictures, art work)
Also consider these things to do:
Homework
Internet
Puzzles
FREE TIME
Find a book
Research on interest
Explore manipulatives
Enrich your passion
Tidy-up
Invent!
Make a drawing
Entry in a journal
These are just two examples of such posters. You can get creative and come up with countless other ideas for more posters.
Day 1 Bottom Line: Find ways to reduce passive compliance and begin watching your kids become more engaged and responsible students!
Here are some ideas I found in theinernet in a book Seven days for a prefect classroom.
This could be one answer for what to do with free time.
No free time, keep them busy, engaged nad occupied all the time!
One question off the list, better said three questions off the list.
Thanks everybody, please, pray for me. I am getting pretty scared. Counties are frozzen right now. I keep waiting.
I need a job. God help me!
-
Working With Angry Students
(Source: Adapted from McKeachie, 'Teaching Tips,' 1994)
Occasionally you may encounter a student who is angry. Whatever the reason, the following suggestions might help to diffuse the situation:
Listen carefully and respectfully.
Acknowledge that the person may be right, there is some logic to their argument, some evidence.
State your position calmly.
If it is a class issue ask the entire class for assistance in clarifying the issue.
If it is a personal judgement issue then provide evidence for your position (e.g., how other people did, clarify your expectations).
If you believe the situation may apply to others, ask the class for feedback on the issue in general there might be more angry students out there.
If you are at fault, admit that you were wrong and tell the student (or the class) that you will get back to them in a couple of days with some options for resolving the situation (this will give you time to get advice from others, such as the course instructor).
Don't fold too easily. However, if the student is right be fair.
-
Here are a few ideas that are useful when dealing with angry students:
1.
Don't be threatened by a student's anger. Students know when they can intimidate with anger.
2.
Let choices and logical consequences shape the student. The consequences must be logical!
3.
Don't preach! Often a short statement is all that is needed. If a student has a habit of getting angry and doing the same thing over and over, discuss strategies with the student {when he/she is not angry, as to ways of dealing with the anger}.
4.
Distinguish between major and minor issues. Let the student know which is which. Even minor issues cannot be ignored, but often only a comment may be necessary.
5.
Share some of your experiences with anger with the students. Students need to know anger is a natural human emotion. What we are trying to do is modify unacceptable ways of expressing anger.
6.
Show how actions today create the person of tomorrow. Students need to be taught how, what they do today helps shape their future. Use this one cautiously.
7.
Respond to anger in a quiet manner, never with anger. Two angry people create a fight, one angry person and one calm person often finds a solution.
8.
Never let anger, in a disrespectful fashion, occur without commenting on it. Sometimes, if a student is extremely angry, it may be best to give the student space. If that is so, acknowledge what you are doing to the student.
9.
Never stop dealing with negative angry emotional outbursts. To stop sends a message to the student that you have given up. They don't like to receive that message. Teach them how to deal in a positive way with anger.
10.
When away from the storm, reevaluate all angry interactions to see how you would do it differently next time.
-
Working with Angry Students: Do's and Don'ts
The Do's
- Do listen through the anger.
- Do prevent total frustration by acknowledging the feelings of the individual.
- Do rephrase what is being said in an attempt to identify the issue(s) at the heart of the situation.
- Do allow the person to vent and tell you what is upsetting him or her. Use silence to allow the individual to talk it out.
- Do maintain eye contact.
- Do set limits. Explain clearly and directly what behaviors are acceptable. For example, "I will be willing to speak with you as soon as you lower your voice and sit down."
- Do be firm, steady, consistent, and honest.
- Do empower the individual by helping him or her problem-solve.
- Do feel free to postpone dealing with the situation by setting another, mutually agreeable time to discuss it. Meeting on the same day is preferred. Be punctual.
- Do, whenever possible, separate the person from the situation that is causing the problem before attempting to reach a resolution.
- Do focus on what you can do to resolve the situation.
The Don'ts
- Don't interrupt, particularly during the first 20-30 seconds of peak anger. Interrupting will likely prolong the outburst.
- Don't minimize the situation.
- Don't get into an argument or shouting match.
- Don't press for explanations for the disruptive behavior.
- Don't become hostile or punitive.
- Don't demand, command, or order.
- Don't blame, ridicule, or use sarcasm.
- Don't be cute or humorous.
- Don't touch.
- Don't make things more complicated.
- Don't take responsibility for the emotional state of the individual.
- Don't ignore warning signs that the person is about to explode. These include changes in physical demeanor such as visible tensing of the body, assuming an aggressive stance, clenching fists, gritting teeth, etc.
- Don't ignore your own limitations.
Do's and Don'ts taken from "Guidelines for Dealing with Disruptive and/or Emotionally Distressed Individuals." University of Colorado at Boulder.
Further information regarding disruptive or emotionally distressed individuals can be found at the following University of Colorado website:
CU Desk Reference for Faculty and Administrators