Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: debkor on June 26, 2008, 01:45:11 AM
-
Thank you Carolyn,Light, changing, Lilly, Iz, for your prayers and kind words..
G'ma (called by everyone) my H's mother passed today.........
I'm a little troubled with things right now and keeping my mouth shut...but people are so insensitive... .....
First I am not close to his family...they never made or offered a welcome...14 years...except his mom.. she treated us very good and took on my children as her natural grandchildren..... the rest...strangers to me.. like some one casual on the street....
They tend to leave my H out.. not completely but....it's a little to Fk'd up.....
Last week his M went in hospital for a fall... he never knew till she was out...and called him herself.. the sister never called him...
A week later he called to let his M know my son got promoted.. no answer... called the next day...no answer.... he assumed she went away with the S which she did often... I said, call your sis... and... she was in the hospital again...he talk to his M in the hospital and she said.. that his S got busy and must have forgotten.... How the hell do you forget that for 2 days....
He went last night to see his M in the hospital.. said she looked very tired.. frail... kissed her and said I'll see you tommorrow M ...
This afternoon, My D called me who also works where her G'ma works... She said, M did you know g'ma died this morning... WHAT...her sister called and asked to speak to the Mgr. and I said she is not here but this is her Gdaughter..... she said did your M or F call you.. my D said no, she said I'm sorry your G'ma died.......
So now I'm hoping that my H got the call and was just taking some time before he called home... or was on his way home.... please let him have been called.... so I called him... and he answered.... what's up.... and I knew... no one called him.....Her son~~
He did not know but her job was called.....
So now I'm thinking Ok so everyone is upset, they screwed up, and I'm trying to talk myself into believing this.....
Now my H is just coming through the door and his N calls to tell him..... LAST maybe....so I still say.. screw up.... can't be.... must be screw up.....
Later on his S calls to discuss the plans and said..... the hospital called and said that I can come and see M for last goodbyes and I had to hurry.. she looked peacefull.... AND NEVER TOLD MY H and he was here all day.....and he did not have that opportunity for closure.....or a choice...... and it is so very sad.....sad... sad....
He was very close to his M and he is very hurt....
I feel very uncomfortable as do my children going because we feel like strangers which we really are..we were not with g'ma just the rest ...and this.. this is terrible what has taken place... How can people be so insensitive... he was her son....
Love
Deb
-
Hello Debkor-
Sorry for the sad loss in your family. And the shock...how cruel people can be. She seemed like the best of his family- but you and your husband can now take up the mantle and act with the same dignity, humanity, and love that his mother lived...I will be praying for you all, to be comforted at this time.
Debkor, you are someone who transcends the flubdubs of society...Do what duty requires and what your heart needs to do and you will always "fit in"- no matter what, she chose you as her daughter, and your children as her grandkids .
((((((((((Debkor and family)))))))))
Love and Condolences From Your Friend,
Changing
-
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Deb
I am sorry, and no one told G'ma's son! How awful! in a right thinking mode, no one 'forgets' this for 2 days.
How old is Daughter who was given the news?
Who is his N? Previous wife?
Sounds like a mess of insenitivity to me!
I am sorry!
Sympathies
Izzy
-
Thank you changing.... I could give a flying... about them... but I feel bad for my H..
Iz,
His S is 59yrs old.. Oh sorry, N is not Narcissist it's his Niece..... they are not bad people they are just..set in their ways.. and he is easy going...can be a push over... and he is very hurt.....
Love
Deb
-
Dearest Debkor:
I am so sorry about what happened to you and your partner. Best not to fit in with that bunch. Easy for me to say. It sounds very cruel in an offhand way, which is the hardest i think.
i am praying for you and your husband.
Much llove,
Sea storm
-
I'm so sorry Deb, and very sorry for your husband. What a hurtful thing to have happened.
Juno
-
Deb,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Gma and that your husband had to find out the way he did, instead of sharing it as a family occurrence. As you know, my family has done this to me as well, and I find it terribly puzzling why they would do this. It is nice that your husband got to speak tp his Gma before she passed. I am sure she appreciated seeing him, and that she knew how special he was and how much he truly cared for her.
Love,
Beth
-
I am so sorry, Deb. My heart goes out to you.I know that I was comforted in supernatural ways in my recent grief. I could not have gone on,if not for that. Blessings to you and your family, Ami
-
((((((Deb and husband)))))) hope you two will just hold each other close and your kids and comfort each other through this time.
You all will be there to honor the memory of Gma and to show your respect and devotion to her.
Hopefully that will be the tie that binds... and over-ride the other's foolishness.
You're all in my prayers.
Love,
Carolyn
-
Dear ((((((Deb and H))))))),
I'm so sorry too for your loss and for sibblings without heart.
Go and pay your respects to G'ma and close your eyes and ears to those who have no clue what it is to love.
Sela
-
((((((((( Deb and H ))))))))))
I am so sorry for your loss and your H's heartache.
I am saddened knowing of the other's thoughtlessness.
Love, Leah
-
Deb, I am so sorry to hear about your/H's Gma. Please accept my sympathy.
What they have done to your husband and you is cruel and terrible. My mother did it to me once -- gave me the wrong time and TOWN for my favorite aunt's (her sister's) funeral so that I missed it. I looked like a complete fool. Complete. So I know how it feels.
I know you will both go with an earnest heart, and much sorrow, and Gma will see that and know it.
Hugs to you and your family. Please post here if you need some support.
-
Thank You Everyone..
It is very calm today.. and we are blowing off any stupidness that has happened... My H is alright with everything... and our friends and my family... will all be there too......
Got to let this go...we spoke about it and it's of no use to hang on.... who knows why people act/do the things they do.... who knows how they are suffering...can't take someone elses...and make sense of what does not belong to us..
All emotions are heightened..... and we have to remember that......fingers are pointing... and ours were in there too.....
He forgives his sister.....and is being very compassionate.... I don't think it was done ... with any intent of harm..... just insensitive...and I don't think she even knows it was....
He reminded me he is not close to the rest of his family....and that may be part of why... they didn't think..and knows this.. accepts this...it is just the way it is...
He spoke his peace... said I wish I had that choice..I did not... and he really let it go.......Very simple.. Spoke... said his feelings and did not expect anything back... just said what he wanted to...felt hurt...made it known... and now will grieve his loss.....
Lesson learned... it's not about focusing on thier stupid decisions or no thought of the other...it's about M.....and grief.... and that she was thier M too. ..and they all loved her.... and the rest he does not care about....he is not in control of any one else's thoughts or non thoughts/actions...and has so much compassion and forgiveness....in the midst of such deeply felt loss.
Amazing.....
Love
Deb
-
Hi Deb,
I want to give you a consoling hug. I know it is a bittersweet time for you and hubby.
I love it that G'ma called for him. You know they have a way of getting things in order in preparation for their passing. Her calling for him was part of her preparation. A gift from her to him. Does that make sense?
Kindest regards,
tt
-
Sorry for your loss dear Deb. May the Lord give you all the wisdon and put the words on your mouth so you can handle the situation ccording to his will.
Praying for you.
My love to you.
-
Deb,
Condolences to you and your H in your loss of G'ma. It sounds like you and he are fortunate to have each other.
cats paw
-
It's terrible that your familie's grief is compounded by the insensitivity and lack of warmth exhibited by your husband's remaining family members.
You'll of course go to the service, whether people make you feel welcomed or not.
You're going to support your husband and say goodbye to G'ma..... nothing else.
Those things can be accomplished without socializing with people who will, no doubt, be dealing with grief of their own.
Keep your goal in mind and forgive those who can't do any better.
Be glad you're able to teach your children and break that cycle.
(((((Deb, husband and children)))))
My prayers are with you, Lighter
-
I'm so sorry, Deb--and for your husband, too. That feels so yucky. And so hard for you to watch as it happens.
Please know that I am thinking of you this week as you and your family navigate the grief and confusion.
Love
CB
-
Oh you guys, thank you all so much, good friends.....
TT,
Yes, gifts, makes perfect sense to me.. I had the experience to be with my mom in her passing.. Oh what *gifts* I have ....She lived with me and passed in my house.... we had hospice and a book they gave me called Final Gifts... what a comforting book..
I was so scared.. so, so scared.. at first and maybe would have missed things... but the Final Gifts we both recv'd....was such a comfort and we both are at peace.. and the memories... it has changed me... it has changed my thinking...
In the end.. we both had comfort and peace.........and they do not die alone (even if we can't be there) someone is there for them from where they are going....they are never, never alone... what comfort.....and that was only one of my gifts she shared.. and I listened...
My H's M has *final gifts* he just is not aware of them yet..he will realize what they are.. he's grieving to hard right now.
Love
Deb
-
((((((Deb)))))) just thinking of you and your family today and hoping that you're finding comfort and peace.
And I love what you and tt shared about gifts...
my Grandma gave that gift to me shortly before she passed away and I will treasure it always.
Thank you both for reminding me.
Love,
Carolyn
-
(((((deb and hubby)))))
Thinking of you.
Light