Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Leah on June 27, 2008, 09:36:53 AM
-
Are You Buying in or Moving by?
Guest article by Jaelin K. Reece, Intuitive Counselor
Do have people in your life that like to create dramas?
Do they like to stir up energy and conflict, adding fuel to the fire and then reveling in it? Do they fit the term “Drama Queen” "Drama King" ?
It can be a challenge to be around people who are addicted to drama.
When you've been working diligently to lessen drama in your life by creating peacefulness and calm, drama can be very noticeable.
It becomes uncomfortable and it stands out to get your attention.
You begin to notice the woman in line at the coffee shop who doesn’t get the right coffee and proceeds to get so loud that the entire shop notices, or the man at the convenience store who is rude and obnoxious to the clerk and proceeds to drag the other customers into the attack, or the mother-in-law that blows everything out of proportion so that she has some adventure in her life, even if the entire family is miserable.
The list goes on and on.
If you are undertaking a healing journey to achieve more balance and peace within your life, drama comes up and tests you. The test is whether you chose to 'Buy into it' or 'Move right by it.'
It is a choice, just like choosing happiness. You can make any choice on your path. If drama feels uncomfortable to you and you've decided it's not for you, then move right on by it, but it's easy to get sucked into the old pattern- especially if it is coming from family members.
The test is to see whether or not you choose to see it for what it is: buying in OR moving by ?
Personally, I know the choice on my path.
Leah x
PS. My father was addicted to drama.
-
Leah: I hesitate to post here because I am breaking my own rule I set for myself awhile back when I posted (and nobody responded) about being addicted to soap operas and this board conflict as well..........I have decided that the best course of action for me is not to respond to the drama. But I just have to point out that it is threads like this that feed the drama even if they point out how pointless the drama is. My advice to any of us who is done with the drama to stop posting about drama. To avoid those people who perpetuate the drama and keep ourselves (no matter how frustrating a person is) from responding to their jabs and antagonistic words. There are too many people (IMO) who are looking for a fight and I have chosen to stop engaging. You will notice I have virtually stopped (until now) feeding the fire. And I will not continue on this thread to debate or whatever.
I just wanted to point out that the longer we kieep referring to the conflict, the conflict will keep perpetuating itself.....
With love AND respect to the whole bunch of us!! Love, Kelly
-
Dramatic Family Patterns
Family patterns have more emotional charge attached to them. You grew up with this family. You lived with them day in and day out. You know them better than they know themselves. However, you also slip right into the family role playing dynamic when you are with them.
Unconscious Dramatics
Buying into the drama can happen so subvertly that you don’t even notice that you did it. Your unconscious habit slid into place and it just happened, without you realizing it. You may not even notice until well after the fact. Regardless of how long it takes to discover, you got caught. You bought into it! Now what?
Recognizing Drama Addiction
Awareness is the first step. Becoming conscious to your surroundings and relationship dynamics is the next step. You need to pay attention. Become an observer within your family. Watch how they relate to one another and to you, without getting too involved in the outcome. You are simply there to be a witness, not to participate. Think of it as gathering research or an investigation. You are collecting data that will help you to analyze upcoming interactions you may be involved in. You need to begin to recognize when drama addiction is happening.
Thrill Seeking
The addiction to drama is not much different than an addiction to gambling. When drama is happening in a relationship dynamic, excitement happens, your body produces adrenaline and there is a rush of energy. People addicted to drama are seeking that rush of adrenaline, or the thrill that the rush of energy brings them. For people that lead a very uninteresting or monotonous life, that rush of adrenaline helps them feel alive. It’s like a mother living her life through her children because her life has become mundane and flooded with boredom. Creating drama means stirring up the energy. Think of it as a thrill seeker trapped in a mundane life. Stirring up drama by creating family conflicts and blowing things out of proportion may be the only expression the thrill seeker has left.
Choosing Peace Over Conflict
Even if this is the case, it is still up to you to choose whether to play the game and ‘buy in’ OR choose to see it for what it is and subsequently ‘moving by.’ It is a choice.
When you are looking to create peace and calm within your life, drama begins to take a back seat. The adrenaline is no longer as important. Meditation and the energy high that comes from knowing you are connected and one with the flow of the universe is more than enough to know that you are alive.
What path do you choose: buying in OR moving by ?
Personally, I choose to "move by" and move on - along my path of life.
Yes, "Guarding my Heart" along the journey.
Love, Leah
-
Choosing Peace Over Conflict
Even if this is the case, it is still up to you to choose whether to play the game and ‘buy in’ OR choose to see it for what it is and subsequently ‘moving by.’ It is a choice.
When you are looking to create peace and calm within your life.
Personally, I think this is so validating WHERE it refers to FAMILY life and FAMILY members
This validates my reason for Limited Contact with my father.
And, also, throws yet another light on the behavior of my mother, and generally, in respect of people interactions or observance, in life.
For example, how many times do I read/hear in the news, and/or witness around us, of those who are "acting out" as "Drama Kings and Queens" ?? I do.
I appreciate this article written by Jaelin K. Reece, Intuitive Counselor
and whether or not anyone chooses to apply it to the "board" -- or themself personally -- is after all, anyone's personal choice alone.
It is a simple truth in life -- everything boils down to choice.
For explaining my reason to someone in REAL life [the board is not central in my life] as to why I have LC or NC as is applicable, I feel I can now quite simply explain my choice.
My personal choice -- may not be the same as another's choice.
I can only ever have ownership of my choice, feelings, thoughts, words, and actions.
Love, Leah
-
Overcomer,
This is an extremely relevant topic for alot of us. Essential to remember and to keep in mind as we find ways to deal with the people in our lives who remind us of our original "N".
It is still relevant even when it reminds us of recent "drama" or conflict.
I appreciate the info.
Dandylife
-
I would hate to be labelled a drama queen. Poor ole things. It reminds me of tragedy queens. People go through things and they mess up. I don't see compassion in this labelling.
Also, people are entitled to their opinions without being tongue lashed. I don't care how literate the tongue lashing is.
Overcomer you made a relevant point.
Sea
-
Hi Sea,
I hear what you say about "labels" but, however, I feel I need to highlight the fact that no-one has been labelled in this thread, not one person.
Just the same as if it were a general thread on the subject appertaining to any behavioral disorder, which does have a label, and we all freely use on the board, i.e. N or NPD.
Oddly enough, in the last few days (and months) I have had "labels" appled specifically to me in postings within threads, all kinds of character maligning labels and otherwise.
So, yes, I agree with what you say, in so much that there is NO compassion in "labelling" someone.
I did not sense compassion with being "labelled"
However, no one is being labelled in this thread.
Instead, it refers to FAMILY in the main.
I have not "labelled" my father, however, I have explained, expressed, what he chooses to do. His choice after all. I feel sure a therapist would explain it in the same way too.
I do hope this helps clarify the thread.
Love, Leah.
Edit: I have modified the title so as to be considerate.
-
Each person decides upon their own choice:
If you are undertaking a healing journey to achieve more balance and peace within your life, drama comes up and tests you. The test is whether you chose to 'Buy into it' or 'Move right by it.'
It is a choice, just like choosing happiness. You can make any choice on your path. If drama feels uncomfortable to you and you've decided it's not for you, then move right on by it, but it's easy to get sucked into the old pattern- especially if it is coming from family members.
The test is to see whether or not you choose to see it for what it is: buying in OR moving by ?
-
This is an extremely relevant topic for alot of us. Essential to remember and to keep in mind as we find ways to deal with the people in our lives who remind us of our original "N".
It is still relevant even when it reminds us of recent "drama" or conflict.
I appreciate the info.
Dandylife
Hi Dandy,
Having stepped back for a while, I am so inclined to agree - I do think that this is relevant, very much so indeed, whether it is "family" rooted/related or not.
I think there is much to glean from Jaelin K. Reece' enlightening article - it's not all or nothing - and I can see how anyone can "buy in" without even realizing it.
Essential to remember and to keep in mind as we find ways to deal with the people in our lives who remind us of our original "N".
I do think this is the key, in life, generally, not just here on the board.
The finding ways to deal with the people in our lives and/or in our interactions with people - who remind us of our original "N" for whatever reason i.e. the character or expression of a person.
Yes, I feel it is essential.
Thank you.
Love, Leah