Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on June 28, 2008, 12:03:47 PM
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I just got the idea that I have needs and can express and honor them. I can't believe how blind I have been to myself ,as a person.
I was not really a "person", in the sense that I was "filled out" as a whole.
It feels very strange to fill myself in, in even small ways. Can anyone relate? Ami
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I am just realizing that it is OK to consider myself, emotionally and physically. I feel like a baby taking baby steps and it feels scary,but joyful, too. Ami
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Ami,
Yes, I definitely relate. You are seeing that you are a whole person and you have needs which were previously supressed.
Enjoy this awakening and feel/fulfill you needs.
Love,
ann
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Thanks Beans and Ann
I had a good cry to s/one I love and I felt much better. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((Bean, Ann))))))))))
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((((((((Ami)))))))))
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I never realized just how denuded I got, I could not have needs or feelings. Essentially, you are a non-person. I see that I can have a need and express it. It is very new to me and makes me feel more solid, more real, less amorphous. Ami
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I have the need to be honest, with myself, first of all, and then to others It is hard to be direct when you have been so afraid of dissaproval and anger for your whole life. It s like Pavlov's dog----bleh. Ami
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That is my Ami! Someone who expresses her needs and growth and struggles. That vulnerable Am. Here is a toast to you and you needs! Cheers!
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Thanks ,Kelly. I appreciate it, Sweetie! Love Ami
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Ami,
You are so on target. Perceiving our own needs and meeting them is why we're all here. It is the essence of who we are, along with our feelings.
You are doing so well! You may be taking baby steps in seeing them and meeting them, but understanding that you have them (in the bigger context) is such a huge step, it really is. I bet you make tremendous strides from hereon in.
I speak from experience, and as one who still, after all these years, isn't too great at any of this. My parents raised me to have no needs. To meet their needs. (We were talking about this last night at group.) I had been in therapy with one analyst (Ph.D.) for five years, then began with my current therapist ... and when he started talking about needs, I felt like the "dirtiest" person on earth. The word "need" was something I instantly had to dismiss from my mind/consciousness. It was a sin, so to speak, to have needs in my family. It took me years and years, literally, to begin to understand that having a need was okay, it's what we do as human beings. To me it was a dirty word, and I was deeply, deeply, DEEPLY ashamed at the prospect of having them. Talk about shame! This was at the core of much of it for me. It was so profound that I just couldn't even entertain the idea for, I'm guessing, 4-5 years, quite possibly even more, in therapy. It was too shameful to admit, even with my therapist egging me on and encouraging me.
And I have to tell you, although I have had a few small successes in the intervening years, this is still a major struggle for me. I am only just now beginning to get a little clarity on it and to consider what I need in the big scheme of things. I have to say, this is one result of the whole N pastor fiasco thing. He threw me into such a chasm of hurt that there is only one way out, and that is to build my life.
During the last 24-48 hours, I have begun to think that in spite of all the work I have done -- and I really have! -- in therapy, I really do not know myself at all. Needs are a big part of this. Knowing who I am and what I want. It's awfully scarey to think that I am that out of touch with myself.
When I talk about not being able to answer questions, this -- what you're talking about -- is exactly what I'm talking about.
Perhaps this is why I've always felt so drawn to you, that you touch me so deeply. That striving.
Peace,
LC
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Dear Lily
I am going to come back ,later and talk about needs. . I am so excited to even identify a need. I feel like I have been birthed in to a new me by even knowing what needs are(in an emotional sense). I am so glad that you wrote on this thread b/c I want to explore the topic more, Lily. Love Ami
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I know, Ami. I understand that excitement perfectly. Happy posting!!
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It is very strange to have a need. It feels "new" like I have a new life. My first one was realizing that I have sexual needs.I know this is embarrassing,but it is true. Then, I realized that I have needs for creative expression. Then, I realized that I have self esteem needs that *I* have to meet. I have inner needs for integrity and respect,also. Then, I realized that I DO need people.
I realized that I need people who mean s/thing to me, in the heart, not just people who happen to be there b/c of proximity etc. Can anyone relate ? Ami