Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Izzy_*now* on July 01, 2008, 03:31:49 AM
-
I copied this partial post earlier, then was caught up in work. Am looking for the link. I don’t see that sex is banned as a topic, but if spoken about properly, it can be a topic, but to us there might be an overload of shame for indulging in the act, with someone we hate! It is a S. Vak,,,nin quote, but then where is Sam NOT involved.?????
The last line of this short quote is what I know, and the N’s irrepressible urge to spend until the wee hours of the morning with Internet pornography.
The first paragraph is reminiscent of ‘Capturing The Freidmans’ a DVD that Dr. Grossman suggested as a good watch. It was horrific!
Izzy
++++++++++++++++++++++
It is at this stage that the risk of child abuse - up to and including outright incest - is heightened. The narcissist is auto-erotic. He is the preferred object of his own sexual attraction. His siblings and his children share his genetic material. Molesting or having intercourse with them is as close as the narcissist gets to having sex with himself.
Moreover, the narcissist perceives sex in terms of annexation. The partner is "assimilated" and becomes an extension of the narcissist, a fully controlled and manipulated object. Sex, to the narcissist, is the ultimate act of depersonalization and objectification of the other. He actually masturbates with other people's bodies.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ns are such demeaning creatures, as we all know, so when you get around to watching the movie, Savage Grace, if you think you can stomach it, well I thought they were all N-ish and behaviour was just amoral.!
-
Hi Izzy,
Yes, I know that what Sam V wrote about N and sex is true. Even just a hug could have a quality of attempted assimilation to it. Very weird.
Since human beings are allowed no unique individuality by N... his partner has no more identity than a blow-up doll. That's a fact.
I'm gonna pass on Savage Grace, definitely. Too much for me.
Oh, and NPD-ex had some weird porn tastes, as well. He liked to undress the characters in the video games he played, by entering special codes which allowed him to do some bizarre stuff. The whole thing was... very distasteful, to say the least.
Izzy, would you please check Lilycat's thread here: http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8211.0 (http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8211.0) and see whether I told her rightly about making an avatar? I can't even remember which photo site I saved mine too.. only that it had to be posted on the web, and not just saved to my pc.
Thanks!
Love,
Carolyn
-
My NM is a mess when it comes to sex. I believe she was molested - I completely believe this.
She loves being sexy and using sex to attract men. She showed little interest twoard my father after they were married and such ( I heard them talking about it), but I have seen her come on to all of their friends. In a weird way, it was with Dad's approval. Kind of like "My wife is sexy, don't you think?"
Once when I was about 10, I found some topless pictures of my NM, obviously taken by my dad while she was sleeping. I was naive and told them I had found them. She screamed and carried on for hours. As an adult, I just don't think it's that big a deal.
Once when we were really small, a man drove up to my NM while she was mowing and exposed himself. She went screaming and crying to all the neighbors. Again - way out of proportion. When someone said it was worrisome because there were children around, she latched on to that as being her reason for being so upset.
I found out, as I have said, she was attracted to another man and told my dad about it. This was when I was very small - three maybe? She wrote that she told dad about it and he said if she wanted to be with the man, it was just physical and go ahead. It was a friend of theirs. I also remember asking her about why she was with the man when I was little and she said, "Why, does it bother you?" I also know that now she writes to this man on the computer, but does not tell my father and asks the man to keep it a secret from him.
As a teen, my parents allowed me to wear anything I wanted, and I wore very sexy clothes - so much so that other students commented on it. My NM also put me in situations that allowed for sexual possibilities - one I can think of is that a friend of hers did my senior pictures for school and he was a well-known lecher and a photographer of nudes and racy pictures, which he showed me when we were alone. She seemed sure I would get pregnant as a teen and was dreadfully worried she would get strapped with a kid - so rushed me off to Planned Parenthood.
Sorry to go on and on... this is a real can of worms for me because on one end I was called a slut (when I was not at all), but on the other end, I was expected to attract men and given that example by my parents.
Thanks for the topic, Izzy.
Love, Beth
-
Hey Iz,
Yes it is true I think also... I also noticed with (N) friend of my who was almost 20 years older then a boy (21) and toyed with words, sexual words, tease, for her own purpose of image (she was still a turn on) then spoke about women, did the same thing... and made the comment that they all want her male, female... and it was not because of her sexual preference....it was because of control.... very twisted.... own reasons.....she is a goddess.... there are three major things she talks about ONLY.... drugs.... sex.... and her ex H......sorry four... and how pretty she is......that is it.. no more and no less...
and when she's bored.. with them....devalue...... she also never ever has a relationship one on one... although she would argue that... sorry Object one on one.... she always has back up... with the ... words... the flirtation.... just in case....
and boast about this... put her hands out like she was controling the string of a puppet.......
Oh and she thinks she is looking the age of a 20 year old.....she looks good, in good shape.. looks younger then what she is... but 20, no.... and she see's reality different...
Hehe also she thinks she is 4 times smaller then what she really is.... she's like a 6 and says she's a 2...I'm a 6/7 and gives me skirts that is a size 10.. (lol)...
She always was a bit much but after the split up with her ex... whoa.... full steam ahead... full blown....
Moreover, the narcissist perceives sex in terms of annexation. The partner is "assimilated" and becomes an extension of the narcissist, a fully controlled and manipulated object. Sex, to the narcissist, is the ultimate act of depersonalization and objectification of the other. He actually masturbates with other people's bodies.
Yes I agree but let me add... minds too....
very sick..
Love
Deb
-
Hi Iz,
Explain S-E-X. Not familiar. Is it an acronym?
tt
-
LOLOLOL TT. You are a nut :)
Love, Beth
-
Beth,
It saddens me to hear of what you were exposed to as a child. I'll bet you have some very definite ideas about how you parent your kids as far as this topic. I've always heard that one of the best lessons kids can have is seeing parents engage in non-sexual and appropriate affection.
What a double-bind you were in when you were growing up as far as attitudes toward sexuality.
Hi Izzy,
Sam V. really has the ICK factor going on, huh?
cats paw
-
hi TT the nut!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Yes it is an acronym
Something
Everybody
Xrates
(not very clever, but I tried on the spur of the moment)
Thanks too, Carolyn, Beth, Deb and catspaw.
Yes, Carolyn, Sam has some awful stories, and besides SEX he still goes quite overboard in his storytelling, although the truth is in there somewhere. He is even 'ICK' to look at.
I am so sorry to hear about your mother, Beth.
...and what you said about parental affection, cpaw....my parents always slept in separate rooms, Mom would shake Dad off if he tried to put his arm around her in front of us...we never saw or experienced true affection.
Izzy
-
Iz, I was just thinkin, when I replied to this earlier... I wonder how long ole Sam is gonna keep that same photo of himself online?
I mean, for all we know, it could be from the 1980's or something.
Yes, he's the king of Ick.
And... my parents shared a room/bed, but Mom would shake Dad off if he tried to put his arm around her in front of us...we never saw or experienced true affection.
yes. Not only shake him off, but with the most sour and disgusted expression. I know those were different times, but shoot... even Ricky and Lucy kissed onscreen!
Love,
Carolyn
-
Hi Beth,
:o
tt
-
Izzy,
Yes, that was pretty clever, especially on the spur of the moment.
For any parents who would like to share- How did you teach your kids values about sexuality, especially when you may not have had
optimal experiences when you were growing up?
When my mom gave me "the talk" she prefaced it by saying it was what the Virgin Mary NEVER did. Mary, the priests and nuns were all forever celibate, so I assumed it was the highest good anyone could attain, and that they did it effortlessly.
It took me a long time to come across the statement that Adam knew Eve, "and it was good".
Uh, Iz, I hesitate to leave that last sentece there, but what the heck ! : )
cats paw
-
hi Carolyn,
I wonder if my mother got pregnant by radio waves, or something like. Yep different times. Maybe sex wasn't invented yet!
Iz
EDIT in: no problem catspaw and thank you and why hesitate??? 'Cuz it's the bible? No problem.
**I'm easy!
(now I wonder if I ought to leave that last little sentence in there.**)
-
Hi Iz,
hi TT the nut!
Something
Everybody
Xrates
:oops:
tt
-
No, Iz-
Not 'cuz it's the Bible. Because after I wrote it, I could almost do a few takeoffs on it myself, so I can only imagine what
you could do with it !
cat
-
TT
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
catspaw
Oh well. I've known a lot of men...some with big feet and noses and some not-- know, you know, as in talk to....
The Native Canadian, even with only ¼ bloodline, was so handsome, had a perfect nose and normal feet...and an unforgettable
My D inherited his nose, thank heavens. Mine is a Roamin' Nose
Then there is the guy with the big honker who has plastic surgery to make it smaller. This girl too had a huge nose, so she had plastic surgery to make it smaller.
They met, fell in love, married, had a baby with a huge honker!
-
:lol:
you'uns are gettin mighty rascally over here!
Love,
Carolyn
P.S. Glad you clarified that useage of the word "know".... lol
-
Cat,
With the kids I am completely up front... IF they know what they are asking. When my son was younger, he used to ask about where babies came from... I would tell him that women had eggs, that men had sperm, etc. It was until, a year or more later, when he started asking, But HOW.... that I answered THE question. And he replied, "EWWWWW - you mean you did that TWICE????"
Both of my kids know some about sex. I wish my daughter would ask some more questions. I have told her when she wants to know something, to please ask me.
I also limit what they watch for movies and TV (my parents did little of that), so they aren't confronted with it every day.
There is always that bit of oddness when you have to ask your kids to give you some more personal space... when they touch you too closely or stand too close.
Soooo.... I don't make a big deal out of it all... And I plan to do something an older and wiser friend told me about when they are older... I will keep a journal with them in which they can ask me questions and I will answer and we will not discuss it out loud. I thought that was so smart of her.
You guys are the best :)
Love, Beth
-
Hi Beth,
Reminiscing a little here. I'll never forget when my youngest son at about age eight gave me his version of what went on between moms and dads that made babies. He dumped all of his knowledge on the subject in one fell swoop around the dinner table with me, his brother who was two years older and sister who was four years older. His version was so funny! I held my composure, but I had a heck of a time holding back laughter. His explanation of sex came on the heels of the boys letting a couple of four letter words fly between them. After I corrected them, he, the youngest, said with complete confidence, something to the effect, mom, not only do I know all these words you aren't wise to, but I know all there is to know about sex too. Then he gave his explanation. For his age, he had a reasonably accurate idea of it, but his presentation of the process cracked me up. He was a very confident child. I think the thing that made it so funny (to me) was the way his confidence and naivete popped up equally strong simultaneously.
tt
-
tt,
That sounds like my daughter!!!! (Also the youngest). She came home from school after a child in class had mentioned sex and said she knew what it was. When we were alone in the car, I asked her what she knew about it - and she said it was "kissing and other stuff." I couldn't get much more out of her... but asked her to ask me if she had ideas. She has that confidence, too.
Love, Beth
-
::Crossing self and cringing::
The diregard some sick individuals have for everyone around them.....
truly horrifying and I've seen it up close..... seen it's destructive forces at work.
I think I have to skip this thread, for now... dear Izzy.
Lighter
-
Fair enough, lighter
I hope I didn't open any wounds
Love IZ