Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: LilyCat on July 01, 2008, 12:28:38 PM
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Today is a sad anniversary for me; it's the day my brother had his accident in Glacier National Park.
In fact, it's the 30th anniversary of his fall.
That seems so long ago, and it feels distant, but it still impacts me. Not as much as it used to, but it does. I think right now, today, much of the sadness is in knowing how deeply it affected my life. I have so often wondered over the years what life would have been like if this hadn't happened.
He fell on July 1st, but we didn't know about it until July 3rd. He'd borrowed someone's backpack to hike, and it had their ID in it, not his. Then they had trouble finding a relative to contact. (They ended up calling my poor grandmother, who was really elderly at that point.)
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Dear Lily
I am so sorry to hear about your pain, today. I did not appreciate how bad anniversaries of events were ,until recently. It IS very, very painful. I am so very,very sorry, Lily.
Thinking of you today. Love, Ami
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Lily,
That must have been a terrible time for you and your family. I am sorry for your loss, both then and in the life you had after.
((((((((((((((Lily))))))))))
Love, Beth
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Lilycat,
I think your brother would be pleased that your heart, your whole being misses him terribly on the anniversary of his passing. Some of the most painful memories are the ones that keep us most in touch with our humanity. My best to you.
tt
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Lily,
Thinking of you and your tender heart on this day... remember you brother will always be around you... he is there in spirit today standing along side you.....keep your memories close to your heart and celebrate his life and the time you had together.... thank you for sharing him with us...
Love
Deb
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Thank you all, each one of you. really.
...for what it's worth, Karen, my friend here, really (really) is able to get in touch with people. I never thought she did with dead people (except her relatives), but I asked her if she could get in touch with Craig (my brother) after he was hurt, so to speak -- and wow! She really hit a big load. She said sometimes it just comes to her in huge quantities, and it did, now. (Pre-accident, post-accident, and now.)
Wow, she told me a lot of stuff, all really good or funny and also honest. SO much.
It's always really interesting to watch her go through this. Wish you could see it. Normally I don't put much stock in this kind of stuff, but she really can do it. I should tell you everything she told me about the N pastor before we even knew anything bad would come down. She really, really nailed him. Unbelievable. I would never have guessed that what she said that day would be true, but it was. (And she said my brother didn't like him from the get-go, that what I thought was a connection between the two was my brother being around me, trying to come between us.) She also said N had ...fetishes ... which if I knew what they were would disgust me. (To take a little detour from the subject of my brother.) I'm putting this on record -- she said within a year or so something outrageous was going to blow up at his new church, and he was going to be run out of there. (Wouldn't doubt it.) So, let's all stayed tuned for that one!!
...but back to my brother. She told me a lot of good stuff. She explained to me exactly what happened with his accident, which we never knew.
Wow, and she told me just how deeply we were connected, spiritually, which I also thought/knew but she was really adamant about explaining it ... it's a little beyond what I even thought, although nothing she said surprised me. She picked up on some things she absolutely could not have known.
But the big message was that he wants me to go back to writing. At first she said there was something I used to do that he wanted me to go back to doing. Then she said it was something we had in common. I couldn't really think of anything, but then I told her this ... but she already knew it. And then the "Writing" message came on stronger and stronger and stronger. He's very adamant about it. He said I really needed to write what I know (??) -- experience, or something -- because people need to know it, hear it. He will help me with it.
As I said, I normally don't put much stock in this stuff, but she really is amazing, and what she came through with today was astoundingly accurate. She got his sense of humor, which was unique, and many other things about him.
She said it was very unusual, but that he left a large "imprint" "here" (on earth, I guess; our energy field) -- she described it like when you ses a star fall, you still see an image of the star after it falls. That kind of thing. He has a lot of energy left here, in a very positive sense.
And she said he's always around me. Spends a lot of time in my living room. (I don't!!! I spend it all upstairs.) Watches my cats.
And Carolyn, she said he loves Fester!! Fessie is his favorite of all the cats I've had. (Of course, he's the only male cat, too.!!)
She also got how much my brother really loved women, and I mean that in the most positive of ways. (He did, she's right. He really loved women as ourselves, for us, womankind, so to speak.)
...but the big thing was writing, which is neat, because it's been on my mind a lot lately.
....Hmmm. What do make of that??
I also knew they would like each other, too.
Gotta go -- birthday cake time for someone here.
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Hi LilyCat,
I enjoyed hearing about your brother, and the cats. You have a cat named Fester? I'd like to hear how he acquired that name sometime. I also understand about anniversaries, and I really like how TT phrased it.
cats paw
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((((((Lily)))))) I'm just praying that God is covering you in His very own protection and comfort and peace on this sad anniversary.
and Teartracks... that was lovely.
Carolyn
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Aw.........yes, a moment to pause and think about that day. When your friend told you what happened did it hurt or help?? Thinking of you this day and always...Kell
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Thanks, everyone.
Oh boy. My sister just called to tell me one of my cousins died. (We're all pretty close. This one was a particularly sweet, nice guy.) Have to go out of state to the funeral, so not sure when I'll be back on the board again. I'm going to try to come into work for a half-day tomorrow. He was so nice. Quiet, but sooooooo nice. He had diabetes, never married because of that, I think. He was always at every service for every member of our family. SUCH a nice guy. I will really miss him.
In terms of what my friend said -- well, it smarted just a little when she told me what actually happened in the accident, but really, it helped tremendously. We never knew exactly what happened. She brought in some real detail that pretty much explained the whole thing. And everything else was really wonderful -- just very loving, and about how much he's around me, and very specific things. Things about his life after the accident. Very interesting, but largely what I thought. The writing thing was really, really special, though. VERY special!! She also confirmed that he had really tried, and still wanted, to be my intellectual guide; that he wants me to see the world from the left brain as well as the right (I think sort of in terms of seein the world and philosophy, sort of) ... but that I had given him much from my emotional side and he really appreciated that.
It really was very wonderful. Totally unexpected. I was surprised at the depth of feelings I felt.
As to Fester -- well, his entire name is Uncle Fester. I have no idea if the shelter gave him that name or if he came to them with it ... but they must have named him that, I guess, because he was a stray. I found him online and went to look at him because of his name. The cat I lost was name Lily Munster, so I just had to go see him!!
--- Ick!! Gotta make another quick post, maybe I'll come back. Something just happened at work. Sorry
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(((((((Lily)))))))) I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. If I miss you tomorrow, you have safe travels and take good care of yourself, okay?
Love to you, along with prayers for a safe trip and comfort for the family,
Carolyn
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LC,
I can only think, agnostically, that there'd be something right in the universe if your cousin and your brother are connecting now.
I'm very sorry. So much sadness.
But I'm glad you're feeling it and noticing...somehow I think grief times are okay when we accept them with tenderness.
It's from our purest place, missing someone we loved.
xo
Hops
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Hops, that is so beautifully said. Yes, I'm sure that, if not at this moment, then sometime soon, my brother and my cousin will meet again. My mom's side of the family has very strong "blood" connections ... anything to do with the farm!
This reminds me, one of the things my friend tapped into yesterday was that my father and my brother were hanging out together. This made me happy, as my dad never treated him well in real life; she said my brother initiated it. I know my dad loved my brother (and me) ... but ... you know how the family thing goes! I'm sure they're fishing or something. I actually believe this is true, because she said my mom was near, but keeping her distance a little, because that's her thing. She couldn't have known that. I've never told her anything that would indicated that.
So, anyway, thanks to you and everyone. I'm just here for a half-day and then I'm heading off. It's always good to back up to where my dad lived. Beautiful country, and real people.
xoxoxo to all,
LC
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Lilycat
My thoughts and prayers are being said for you, and your ((dear brother)).
So sorry to hear about your cousin.
With Sympathy,
(((LC))) seasons
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((( LilyCat )))
Sincere condolences.
Love, Leah
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I am very sorry, Lily. Love to you, Ami
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I'm sorry ((((Lily))))
Lighter
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Thanks, everyone.
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Dear Lily,
If you want to share... how was your trip and all?
Welcome back!
Love,
Carolyn
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Thanks, Carolyn. I'll share via a new thread. So glad to be invited to talk about it!