Hi,
I’m wondering about the topic of relationship dynamics, specifically in light of making mindful choices.
Choosing to discontinue associations, when possible, with those who lie, cheat, steal, and otherwise create mayhem in their environment is relatively straightforward and simple, if not easy.... but what of those relationships which have developed over the course of healing from abuse, where at least one of the parties involved may be still in flux?
I mean, I know that I'm in a state of flux... still discovering my own likes and dislikes, preferences, needs, goals - now that I finally realize there are options! Rules of character and integrity underpin all of this continual flowing, but still... sometimes I don't know what it is I want... and I can see how that would be a matter of frustration to others, who are more set in their ways. Often, it's much easier to recognize what it is that I don't want... so it's like constantly playing catch up. I really hope this makes some sense.
So... at the moment, I'm considering the phrase "relationship dynamics"... and I'm realizing that, till today, I did not even know what that meant.
I'd thought of dynamics as the catalyst, the power to move, to change and grow... in this case, within a relationship... and I'd figured that if two people have attained a reasonable level of trust, each in the other, and are enjoying some measure of reciprocity within their conversations, then there is a good, solid dynamic.
But now I read this very basic bit of info, as follows, and wonder - - - - what is the proper method of becoming more intentional in establishing these dynamics? And how much needs to be discussed... and when? And at what point does an aquaintance become a friend? I'd very much appreciate your thoughts and anything you can add to the very abbreviated info copied below. Thanks!
Sincerely,
Carolyn
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The term “dynamics of a relationship” refers to the rules that guide interaction of the two people in the relationship. It includes how they interact with each, how they treat each other, and the level of respect they display for each other. Every relationship has a unique relationship dynamic – from your relationship with your hairdresser to your relationship with your spouse.
Unique to each relationship
If you have five friends, you will interact with each of them differently. You might be more familiar with one, more careful with another and more respectful with yet a third. You might feel free to call one after midnight but would never dare to call another at that hour.
Who determines the relationship dynamic?
Relationship dynamics are influenced by many factors but it is the two people involved who clearly determine these dynamics. And they start setting these dynamics almost from the first hello. Sometimes even before the first hello. For instance, a woman calling a man for a first date might find him not accepting of her initiative. He may turn her down and then later call her to invite her on a date. He is setting a dynamic of him being the initiator.
The dynamic in its simplest form is a determination of what is considered acceptable behaviour by each person in response to the other.
Rules of the relationship
Relationship dynamics are akin to the rules of the relationship – the rules that guide how the two persons treat each other and interact with each. It is rules that are laid down as to what is and what is not acceptable behavior to the two people in the relationship. It is fluid and will change as time goes on and the two persons change.
How Relationship Rules Develop
Most people never think of a relationship in terms of a negotiating process but essentially that is what obtains. Relationship rules begin to be hammered out from the first interaction. One person does something and the other person responds either positively or negatively to that action.