Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: ann3 on July 20, 2008, 02:29:23 AM
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Hi Everyone,
Just got back from a date: my 1st date in 2 years.
I met this guy, he's an MD. I told my therapist I'm reluctant to go out w/him cuz I think he's an N. But, my therapist encouraged me to go out w/ him cuz it's good experience, so I went.
As mentioned, this guy is an MD and he talks about his friends who have Bentley & porsches cars, stay in the Beverly Hills Hotel for 7 weeks and are Bigwigs in Major League Baseball. To me, this was all a red flag that he is an N.
As dinner began tonight, I noticed that he did not ask anything about me and our conversation became 2 monologes: His monologue & my monologue: There was no interactive dialogue between us, no exchange of conversation.
So, I told him that to me, the conversation felt like 2 monologues, but no dialogue and then asked him why he didn't ask me about myself. He responded "it's because I know people in the mafia, so I never ask questions." I thought to myself "WHAT BULL SH*T!!!!!!" And then I told him "I feel that your inability to ask me questions about myself points to narcissism within yourself".
THEN, ABOUT 15 MINUTES LATER, HE SAID TO ME: "YOU MAY BE RIGHT THAT MY NOT ASKING YOU ABOUT YOURSELF MAY BE NARCISISTIC"!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!!! HE ADMITTED TO BEING NARCISSISTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I confronted the N and he admitted he was being an N!!!!!!!!!!!
{Esoteric question: If an N admits to being an N, is he/she truly an N? Like wise, if a tree falls in the forrest & no one hears it, does it make a sound? WHO CARES!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW AN N WHEN I INTERACT WITH ONE & THIS GUY IS AN N!!!!}
So, I want to encourage everyone: When we feel someone we date or be-friend is being an N, let's gently bring it to their attention. In my case, it ended the relationship, but, so what?? I do not want a relationship with an N and perhaps, this will let Ns know that WE KNOW that they are Ns. {Note: this strategy may not work for N-parents, N relatives, N bosses &/or other power based relationships}.
Perhaps my date did not know he is an N and I was the bearer of bad news since I made him AWARE of his Nness. The point is that I called him on his N-ness. I wanted him to know that he was being an N and that I saw his N-ness.
Who knows: maybe we can slowly change the world by calling Ns on their N-ness?
POWER TO US NON-Ns WHO CALL THE Ns ON THEIR Nness!!!
IT'S SOOOOOOO COOL!!!!! :D :D :D :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Dear Ann
You were really, really strong. My Goodness, you do have quite a bit of confidence that you may not be aware of. It is better to face the truth early on. I think that you saw the situation correctly and expressed it, honestly. THAT would make for a good date(lol) Love Ami
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Your post sounds so strong!!! Way to go!!!
Now it's time to go on a real date with a real human - no more Ns! No more Ns! No more Ns!
BTW - how was dinner? Is that a little like asking Mrs. Lincoln how she enjoyed the play?
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That line about the mafia is just the best.
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(((((((( Ann ))))))))
Amazing - Empowering - Wonderful!
Leah x