Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ellie on September 07, 2004, 05:09:56 PM
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Hi Ellie:
How about this: When she calls say:
"I'm busy right now." and hang up.
No guilt. No worries. No n-junk to digest. Just hang up the phone and get on with enjoying your birthday????
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW ELLIE!!!!
Hope it's a great one!
s
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Can you screen your calls and not answer when she phones? Then delete any obnoxious messages. Don't let her spoil your birthday and have a wonderful time! :lol:
Happy birthday,
bunny
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Ellie,
Can you screen all of your calls? Just don't pick up or maybe just leave one extension off the hook. You've probably already thought of these, but just know you have the resolve to do it. Good luck. I have my Nsister on my call block list. This is a very cheap service and easy to use.
MM
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I understand your frustration. My birthday is in 2 weeks and I get cards that say they are praying for me! Get Caller ID and have a wonderful birthday. Dinny
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, Bunny, MM:
As for screening the Nparent's call tomorrow: they have caller ID so they can screen their calls but do not want anyone else to know they are calling so they use calling cards for long distance calls. It comes up as a call from somewhere here in the state. I do not answer if I don't recognize the number or name, but the kids have been conditioned to answer if call waiting comes in while they are on the phone because they have screwed up some calls for us in the past. I have 2 teens and someone is always on the phone.
Happy Birthday Ellie.
I would be for what Bunny & MM said, too. If you truly don't want to speak with her, then I just wouldn't. There's always a way.
If your kids pick up, can you get them to say that you are busy/unable to come to the phone but they will just give the message that she called with b-day wishes?
I'm just afraid that if you answer and say you are busy, it will escalate into another agrument. Once you pick up the phone and are communicating, anything could happen from there. It might be better just to have zero contact.
In spite of it all, I hope you have a nice day, and enjoy your bike goodies :-)
BT
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Hi Ellie,
Happy Birthday!
What is it about birthdays. My family is obsessed about them too. They treat me like dirt the rest of the year. My N brother is disgusted with me everytime I see him and its been three years or so now since I saw him. But he would always send a birthday card saying "We love you!" Talk about a fantasy.
He got to calling me on my birthday after I tried to reconcile with him about three and a half years ago.This was no bueno. After I tried to reconcile with him by letter he didn't send me a birthday card, for the first time in 20 years. I guess this was his punishment for me trying to straighten things out with him. When I called him to see why my attempt at reconciliation made him not send me a birthday card that year- first time in 20 years, he started calling me on my birthday the next year. Anyway. when I tried to find out why my attempted reconciliation resulted in no birthday card, he said my letter was "Weird." The letter of reconciliation contained a concern about keeping contact so we would have a relationship after my parents are gone. So anyway this disgusted sanctimonius brother began to make noises that I was a project to look after. Trying to reconcile turned ugly. I invited a monster into my life.
To remedy this, on my birthday I just take the phone off the hook and go to the beautiful outdoors here on the west coast. Yes siree! I'm gone! And there is no message to come home to cause the phone's off the hook the whole day. It just rings. I don't even want to hear his voice.I know though that some monsters will try to call later on but at least that whole day I have peace.
I also take the phone off the hook on Christmas. We see the inlaws before then. That day is just for our immeditate family.
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>>>>edited<<<< Hope you are having fun on your bike
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What ever you decide Ellie, re the probable phone call, decide firmly.
If a kid accidently passes the phone, say the preplanned words and hang up. Don't wait for a response. No conversation. And remind yourself to just forget it and not let it get to you at all. No response or reaction-predecided.
If you can avoid speaking to them at all, that would be great. What ever happens, just enjoy your day and your bike and your new attitude to not let them upset you, especially on your birthday.
Also, your hubby offering you a chance for a birthday party may have been his way of wanting to give you what you gave him. Maybe next year, you can have a list of who to invite, what he could bar-b-que for you, and what beverages he could have on ice. You deserve to celebrate with the best of them Ellie! Take a rain cheque.
s
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Happy (Belated) Birthday Ellie.
And all the pain you have caused us all your life by not listening to us and doing what we tell you to do......
I'm glad you didn't listen to them. Oh, their poor poor pain because they didn't get their way. :evil: Bet they have never done any self-reflection. Oh, yeah, N's don't know how to do that. :twisted:
"We still love you even now. You are still our daughter"
I've gotten this one too. :roll:
Recently, I got a funny one from Ngrandma: "you are loved just as much as my own children and grandchildren." Sheesh....if I didn't bear a striking physical resemblance to her I would think I was adopted.
Anyway, Ellie, you've got some good advice here. Additionally, I would say that N mothers see children's birthdays as *the day they gave birth* and there is nothing more to it than that. I still get toys and balloons from my mother when my birthday rolls around. On the last one - my 40th - I threw all the toys at the wall, smashed them. Put the unsmashable toys in a bag, marched down to the local store and threw it in the trash.
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Not sure if I'm too late but....HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ellie! :D Hope you had/have some big treats just for you. With chocolate sauce on :D P
PS When I video-tape 'Easy Rider' later today, I'll think of you, yeah, ring that Freedom Bell gal! 8) Very very cool. :D
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Last year my mother decided that we (her children) were "too old" to get any birthday presents. So there would be no more coming and we'd better be informed! She had my father convey this message to us via email. Part of the message was that SHE still wanted birthday presents. I did not give her one. Like I care about presents. I cared about her ugly attitude.
Ellie- happy trails on your bike today. :lol:
bunny
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Hey Bunny!
There must be some real evil in me because after a tactic such as the one your mother decided to use, I'd be tempted to do the opposite, and send really, really nice, hard-to-resist gifts, with lovely, handwritten, beautifully decorated cards reading something like:
"We're never too old to be treated with kindness! Enjoy your birthday".
:twisted: s
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Greetings Ellie,
Have a joyful, happy birthday! Enjoy your special day.
:D :D :D
Hugs, Seeker
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Hi Ellie,
Hope you are having a great birthday!!! But in case things are not as great as you had planned, there is always tomorrow to make it up. According to my 72-year old friend/mentor, EVERYDAY is a birthday!!
Similarly, when you are in love, everyday is Valentines day.
Switzerland
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I still say send her a pic of your tshirt ,,,,
BAD TO THE BONE ...
BITE THIS ONE MOMMY ,, HAHHAA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!!!!!
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it's the sensitive mind issue -- those with passion, compassion, sensitivity and a strong moral fiber remember things. Life's events hold more importance to people of integrity than to those of the self-centered "I AM THE UNIVERSE" states of mind. Selective memory is part of the N's MO -- does it help me? No? Then fuggit abowt it. They want and quite often get authority without responsibiity, and that's a shame. They do not seem to ever have that "rock in your gut" feeling of guilt or remorse. Their whole essence is based on deceit and a wicked spirit ... boo ... booo .... I say boooooo ... :!:
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Quote:
Hey big sis,
Just wanted to say Happy Birthday to you! But please stop getting older, cause that means I have to real soon too!
My response:
Quote:
Thanks
Actually 45 ain't so bad. I'm having the time of my life now. At this point you realize you better start doing the things you want to do now – cause you're not getting any younger! So that's what we're doing now – having lots of fun!
Her response back:
Quote:
I don't want to get older though...
What a downer from your sister. Instead of celebrating with you and catching your great outlook she turns a joke into a putdown statement of stupidity - like you staying young will keep her from growing older? Like she's the only one that doesn't want to get older in the world. What's with these people's twisted technical way of putting it back on others with them in charge of life. Seems like they can't say anything with out ordering people around. Sorry - your sister seems depressing to me. :evil:
Kind of reminds me of when my mom got my mother-in-law to chime in with her and say "Xxxxx's get-ting old-er" on my 35th birthday. It was like Na Na Na Na Na Na. It seemed like it gave them great pleasure and they sang with relish the song of my aging process. It was sick.
I love your outlook Ellie!
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Good morning all!
It just occurred to me: N's are soooooo afraid to get old, aren't they?
Afraid of aging. So afraid to get "old"- the "o" word- the terribly, awful, age thingy!! And soooo afraid of it all.
Afraid to get all wrinkly and unattractive, since wrinkly is so unattractive to them and since the media has tried so hard to teach us all that wrinkly is unattractive.
Maybe because they are afraid of death?
Afraid they will die alone?
Afraid their behaviour will pay off and nobody will bother to go to the end with them?
Afraid of what will happen once they leave here?
Afraid there maybe is a God or some higher power?
Afraid they will have to pay for whatever they've done here?
Afraid to age, get old, die?
"You're not getting older, you're getting better!"
That was a jingle in a t.v. commercial at one time. That stuck in my brain like glue, for some reason. I believe it!!
You're getting better at trying to get better.
You're getting better emotionally.
You're getting better at empathizing and understanding yourself and other people.
You're getting better at living well and trying to get better at it.
You're getting better at learning and better at knowing things.
You're getting better........a whole, long, long, list of stuff to think about.
Aging is a natural process. I love how the natives and many cultures value their elderly population and give them loads of respect for their wisdom! They treat older people as very important, valuable people.
We could learn from those cultures.
What are you getting better at, now that you are aging a bit?
Are you afraid to age?
Just something to think about.
Have a great day!
s
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Hey Ellie,
So fill us in if you have the inclination. Did you get the phone call from nmom? And if you did, what happened.
MM
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Hi Ellie:
Or, you could send a card that says:
"I still care about you, even now. You're still my mother".
Ofcourse, it would only be effective if you do care a little, even now.
If not, it could be kinder to ignor that b-day entirely.
I'm with you in regards to looking at aging as a privilege. What a great way to look at it! And so true too, when I think of some I have known who have died so young. Thankyou for that reminder!
It's a privilege to live past each b-day, no matter who sends cards, calls or not.
Hope you enjoyed yours and you get to see many more happy ones!!
s