Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Izzy_*now* on December 28, 2008, 06:52:57 PM
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In Lupita's thread 'again confused" I talked about Ken......
...... and what he said to me, and in these past 5 weeks he has called 6 times, leaving a message only once, from his sister’s place. He listens to my outgoing message, waits for the beep and then slams down the receiver.
I said that once I had someone here, that no need to answer because…so we listened and laughed.
Today I answered, said he was a Jekyll and Hyde and why! So while on a roll I asked him if he remembered what he said to me on June 5, 1970, and he said he didn’t. I repeated it verbatim and he still didn’t remember.
I said my therapist thought it was an atrocious thing to say.
I also told him that my Daughter and my sister now know.
I also said that if people didn’t think he was such a ‘nice’ guy, I would have sued him for sexual harassment, long ago.
Wow! That felt good, and I mentioned how I couldn’t even mention ‘nightgown’ or ‘bed’ without some smarmy remark coming from him.
I told him it cost me $110/hr for 50 years ( on and off) to find out that I was the normal one and all I had to do was to reframe my thoughts and put the onus on, and the frame around, the perpetrator.
EDIT----then I said I was watching a good movie, so 'bye-'bye.....and left him with his thoughts. Only one I'm sorry from him.
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Kisses to you Izzy and so happy you could get this all out.
Love,
Beth
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His sense of entitlement over your body and predation on your vulnerability were awful.
I'm glad you told him, Izzy...
He just seems ignorant, but not malevolent now...
do you feel threatened by him?
love to you
Hops
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Thank you Beth and Hops.
Yes. it is out! He is 80 years old, and somehow, with his dumb ignorance, I could not let him go to his grave not even realizing what he had done to me.... with my own lack of assertivness.
As my boss, the 2 of us only in one office, my desk in front of his, he told me that he loved to look at my ankles, legs, my ass, when I moved to get up and walk out of the office to go elsewhere. I hated that, but I knew everyone thought he was a "nice guy". I was not assertive, and I needed my job for my daughter and me, so I said nothing, but I held resentment.
Then I was in the accident and he kept my job for me--- talk about making a person "beholden to " oneself..... feel indebted...! Then less than 3 months in hospital his cards were signed Love. I talked with him. He said nothing. He was always there, always there, always there, always there and then one day having my bladder irrigated, with a closed curtain, he just swept the curtain aside and came it. I swore at him to ge the H*LL out.
Onwards 1967-2008 nothing but stuff, that I swear he never even realized, but I had to get it out, for MY own good!
I am not afraid of him, not worried about him, not anything about him now. He was the ignorant perpetrator and I was the victim.........no more!
Love
Izzy
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I'm so glad you got to speak your truth, before it was too late.
::sending wishes for continued enlightenment for Izzy::
Lighter
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Dec 30,2008
Izzy,
I want to tell you my thoughts about our conversation the other night. I’m sad that you have had bad feelings toward me since 1970. At that time I was hoping that we could get to know each other better any and go to the future.
I don’t know what to say to you about something I said in 1970. I have no memory of having said such a thing but I’m sure my intention was not to hurt or embarrass you. I’m sorry that you were insulted by what I said.
As to the idea that I might be stalking you by telephone, I promise it will not happen again. If I call & get your service I will confirm that I have something to say.
Hope you have good New Years Day
Ken
My thoughts, By Izzy
You are sad that I have bad feelings, you don’t remember the sexual insult, but you think you did not intend to offend and are sorry I felt insulted. Oh I see! You are sorry I remembered it and pointed it out, but are not sorry for anything you said or tried to do.
No, “OMG, Izzy. I am so sorry I said that! You really must have felt insulted by my total insensitivity. I was so caught up in the moment of thinking I could force myself on you that I was not aware that someone as dumb and disabled as you would even notice”!
It’s the same old story. “I’m not sorry I did tried it: I’m sorry I got caught!”
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Well......
I think you understand it pretty well.
Do you feel better having gotten it out..... heard his response and validated yourself?
Lighter
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Oh yes!
He has not apologized for his actions, just for being "read like a book", when I was somewhat unsure of how to read people.