Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Dawning on January 04, 2009, 05:15:05 PM
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How does one deal with a string of losses in life?
I lost my family from the moment I was born - unless I sacrificed my own happiness by playing into their need for me to be worthless and messed up.
I have lost friends seemingly because I couldn't give them what they needed.
I lost my ability to have a child because I pined on for a man who broke up with me when I was 33.
Loss seems to follow me around. I have no money for psychotherapy right now. And no time.
I will take some acting classes starting 17 January.
I am listening to Claude DeBussy now. Very calming.
What might help?
I need to feel connected. But no one seems to what to connect with me.
Dawning.
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((((Dawning)))
I think Amber's written account of overcoming would be a helpful read.
Lighter
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Dear Lighter,
Can you (or anyone) point me to Amber's written account?
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Yes! Who is Amber? I don't see the name on the Member's List.
EDIT.]
As far as losses are concerned, but don’t go by me, I have had many.
I lost my family without even knowing it, because I was born overly sensitive.
I lost a baby brother to death, when I was 7.
I lost my only love , Joe, because I didn’t choose well. He was an alcoholic and physical abuser, who loved me and fathered my daughter, but I was not wise enough to see that we, in the end would not work. He completed suicide at age 47, when I was 40 and our daughter was 15.
I lost my daughter at her age 18 when she met a Narcissist who divided and conquered, without my knowledge of the aberrant behaviour of an N. So at the same time, I lost my grandchildren, 3 altogether.
I lost friends because I was not like them… being that I was to keep secret the abuse that was happening at home and did not feel worthy of anyone’s friendship.
I had my own way of thinking, which appeared to be wrong.
Now in my 70th year I have put all the pieces together from reading and therapy and realize I was not as much a mess and different that I thought I was.
I reframed many, many incidents, and put the actual perpetrator in the position of ownership of the misdeed, and put myself in the position of a person who really did not hate herself, but was too easily scapegoated and shamed by others who were dysfunctional.
I have made my mistakes, certainly, but am in a much better position now to realize what happened in my life.
Therapy for me was from age 19 to the present, 50 years, but not steadily, as I found that NO therapist actually could connect with me and my failings.
I now know I am classified as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
Much Luck and Insight
Izzy
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Hi Dawning...
I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I hope the new year will bring some new connections you can't even visualize now...
I would love to sit with you and enjoy Debussy.
Elgar, Mozart, Suk, Dvorak, Saint-Saens, Williams...on and on.
That is a real joy.
Sending you a hug and cup of friendship,
Hops
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Amber is PheonixRising and you;re right Izzy.... her story isn't listed on member's story board.
Lighter
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((((((((((Dear Dawning,)))))))))))))))
There are so many levels on which I relate to you and the losses you've endured.
I wish I had simple answers to what to do about losses. I don't. A lot of it is simply enduring, even when it seems pointless. Identifying the 'point' always seems to come after the fact for me. My faith in God sustains me.
tt
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Thank you for each and every reply. I appreciate your responses and love.
In the last week, I have discovered within myself the breakthrough connection between loss and stress. They are so connected with me and have been since I was born. Whenever I encounter loss or even FEAR loss, the stress in my body elevates and I can actually feel this. So I am sitting with it but it is fricking challenging! I am also 44 years old so peri-menopausal. If so, then I guess menopause can be a blessing because I haven't learnt about this connection until now.
Dawning, who is taking a break from making sage wands. :)
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Dawning....I relate to you with the ability to feel the stress. I, too, ache with stress. I went to the doc and he put me on some meds for arthritis pain.....
The best advice I can give to you is to identify where you feel the voids and write down things that may fill the void........
Maybe adopt a child. Or babysit for a friends child.....work in a nursery at church.
Join a club.
Change jobs.
I LOVE the acting class!!! Be in the theatre!! Go to the theatre.......make some fun for yourself!