Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Overcomer on January 11, 2009, 08:35:57 PM
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Hi!! You haven't seen me here for awhile because I have been working my butt off at the furniture store. From the day after Christmas to the 7th of Jan I only had one day off.....a lot of twelve hour days..............crazy!! But my first month all by myself I ended up number five out of twenty five. I rocked!! They say things like "wow, you are doing a great job!!!" The hours suck but my h is out of work so he watches my daughter.....
p
Anyway so my mom calls me and tells me she has this consulting group at our store and they are coming up with a succession plan. I say, "are you going to sell it?" She says no, I want to turn the reigns over to you......." so I go in for lunch and these guys tell me they would like to talk with me. So the next day I go in and they basically tell me they are planning to revamp the company around me and am I on board................well, I say, "hell no!!" I am not coming back unless my mom is 100% out.............and I do NOT trust her....................so they leave for a minute and my mom and I are in the office alone and she starts this crap about me bailing out on her.....
Then the next day coincidentally one of the employees messages me on facebook and asks me if anyone has begged me back? Then he goes please please please...I asked him if he was joking and he proceeded to tell me that no one can stand my mom and the place is falling apart......
Then the guys that are there as coaches tell me they surveyed the whole staff and my mom scored very low on their questionairres.......they told me I needed to come back.....I said......ONLY IF I HAVE A CONTRACTUAL AGREEMENT (LEGALLY BINDING) WHICH SAYS I AM IN CHARGE AND SHE IS OUT!!!
More to come...........
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Just keep knocking their socks off (at the furniture store you're doing well at.)
Even if your mother signed the exact papers you wanted.... would it really be worth going back?
Maybe......
maybe not.
Lighter
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Kell I am so impressed and excited for you!!!!!!!!!!!
If you do decide you want your Mom's business, I hope you get your own attorney to review any agreement you're offered.
But you may need to set some limits at the furniture store too...because your health matters and those are killer hours.
GOOD
FOR
YOU
FOR
GOING
FOR
IT!
Hops
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You DO rock, Kelly. I have missed hearing from you. I am glad you checked in. You are a success story!
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OMG, Kelly!!!!! It's all so awesome.
It's like your dream came true: You've succeeded on your own and your NM now wants to put you in charge. OMG!! So incredible.
Agree with you: get a legal binding contract to protect you if you agree to do this. You should proly hire your own lawyer to protect you in the contract. There should be penalties in the contract in case yr NM goes back on her word. Also, if you're thinking of doing this, suggest you write your wish list of want you want (ie: NM cannot give orders to employees, etc) & give it to your lawyer so it's incorporated in the contract.
Yr NM is so passive/aggresive: you left & now she wants you back. Now that you've created a new work life, she wants you to give it all up. Be careful. I don't trust her.
xoxox.
ann
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Cons about the furniture store.....at least one twelve hour day a week. One 9 1/2, one nine, one 7 1/2 and one six hour day. Every Saturday and Sunday without question. Any sale and sometimes they make you work everyday.....all day......kind of like between Christmas and New Years. It was odd because you could really NEVER do anything. Up and off to work....come back and go to bed, just to get up and do it all over again. By day 14 I was a 49 year old walking zombie.....plus I was anemic. I got into a yelling match with another salesperson because he stole my customer and I stole him back!!
They do not really care about the employees.....you have to be there awhile to start to be thought of as a person even.........I guess that is the way in most businesses....once you are there at least a year you fall into some sort of a "club."
The thought of going back to the store is frightening but exciting. At first I felt like a fly being lured into the web by a spider......my mom, the Black Widow, was there waiting to snag me and try to reign me in and control me. I was about to come back and allow her to stay a little but I believe my stipulations will be far more stringent....like, I get to be President.......she is no longer that..............because in the job descriptions it stated that I would be accountable to the President.... I have decided that unless I have complete control I will not go back. She said she wants out ASAP......that means OUT in my book...........OUT.......I can deal with the furniture store. I don't have to go back so unless my demands are met I can really say no, can't I?? I love being in control of my life.
I was reflecting on my 15 years working with my mother. I realize now that without this I would not have grown like I have. I would not have drawn my boundaries in my personal life. I would not have been able to stand up for myself. Although it still hurts to hear my own mother berate me, I now know it is because she is flawed, not me!!
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I am so proud of you and so amazed. She no longer rules you and you ARE in charge of your life. I can't say enough how proud of you I am. I think this transition from being ensnared into the wretched life revolving around an N parent into a life where you are the hub is one of the most difficult of all. But you have made such an enormous step.
I'm behind you 100% for whatever you decide about the store or the furniture sales. You clearly know best for yourself. Way to go. Can't wait to hear what happens next.
I love the way she "starts this crap about me bailing out on her....." Never mind that SHE bailed on you years ago. Never mind that she doesn't give 2 quips about you or your situation. But that is par for the course for an N parent to say - it is all about her. This time it didn't fool you one bit, it didn't tug at your heart and cause any remorse. It shouldn't! You MUST take care of yourself and your children. Way to go!!!! You are an inspiration!
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Thank you, GS so much!! It feels so good to be in charge.....it does!! It was funny.....this consulting group came in and in less than a week they said to me, "this business has been all about your mom filling her needs to be important..................but she has spent a small fortune to keep funding her ego...." They also told me that it is obvious to them that she needs out and I need to be in. It is obvious to everyone but her.
She told me "I bailed out on her" and I told her that while she was "transitioning" the business to me, she was coming in every single day and I was not about to put up with that..............she told me she didn't come in everyday until I bailed....................another selective memory from the deluded mind of an NM.....
I believe that God works in mysterious ways.............it has taken this business to free me from my mom. It may also be this business to finally put my mother in her place. The staff was livid that she paid these consultants when they truly know all the answers to the questions.............only my mom won't listen. I think it is going to take these expensive professionals to finally get her out of there. Instead of them coming in and changing everyone else.....they came in and are telling her the best thing for the business if for HER to leave.....
Oh, God DOES work in mysterious ways!! The consultant tells me I will never have the freedom at the furniture store that I will have at my store.....but I say without a legally binding contract...............wild horses could not pull me back.....................I will do JUST fine at the furniture store!!
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Set your boundaries......
say little else......
enforce boundaries.
Just my two cents.
Lighter
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Hey Kell,
Everything sounds great.....and Ditto with Light..
boundaries.....your boundaries.....
Love to you Kell
Deb
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Yep. my latest boundary is to demand to be the president of the company.....if she wants out ASAP then a transition is not necessary...
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I wonder......
what exactly are you hoping for here, OC?
Lighter
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I would like to go back if she would leave but she won't so I am leaning towards staying at the furniture store!
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I hope she leaves because I know you would like to go back. But you are right to stay away until you have it in writing in a way that you can go to court and enforce it.
There are many draw backs at the furniture store but there is one HUGE advantage - SHE IS NOT THERE!!!!!
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I don't think she'll leave, either...... even with the consulting firm telling her the truth.
She's dangling the carrot.
Now......
where's that stick?
Lighter
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The consulting group is working like crazy. My mom is obviously eating this up....so the guy told me to call my mom. I asked her what she thought of all this and she went on to tell me.....then she said something that kind of sealed the deal for me...........she said (and I am paraphrasing) "to stay at the furniture just to get your strokes is not fair to your daughter....." As I ruminated on that statement it became very apparent that my mom sacrificed me and my brother's security growing up to get her strokes AND she has harmed our relationship over the years just to get her strokes. Those men said that everyone has needs based on the Maslow's hierarchy....my mom has used the business to meet her higher needs. She has put so much money into the business to make everyone think she is successful just to fill her higher needs. At the furniture store I get my needs met and I am happy. So far less money and more hours but no anxiety.....
I will make further demands and if they are not met. The answer is NOOOOOOOOO! I will stay.......at the furniture store.
I got out the book in which I was interviewed for..............WILL I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH BY MCBRIDE.................it reiterated what I know. These women will never change. They are setting up a new schedule where everyone has to work until 7 pm.....I guarantee my aunt won't have to....unacceptable...
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My decision is this. Not now. I have a job interview for a store I would really like to work for. I will put off my decision until I know what gives with the new store. If I do not get the job then I will put my demands in writing, have my mom sign it and go back to the store....although I like the furniture store it is demanding and they treat the sales staff like dirt...
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You are doing such a great job taking care of yourself. I am so amazed and impressed and encouraged and inspired. Way to go Kelly.
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If I do not get the job then I will put my demands in writing, have my mom sign it and go back to the store....
Kelly,
Don't want to sound discouraging, but it is possible, if not probable, that her signature on a document is a one way ticket to court.
If you go into it prepared for that beforehand no problem; but to these people a signed contract is no more to be honored than a handshake or a promise. They usually lose in court but the process is long and expensive.
No guarantee she will not honor a contract of course, but best to prepare for the worst.
mud
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yes.....the rules do not apply to her...
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Update: The consulting group wanted me to come in on Saturday so I could start working. We had a meeting to announcement my mom's retirement and my stepping up. We are shortening the store hours, etc. I typed out a no notice resignation letter. I walked into the furniture store early in the morning.....no one was in my department. I put my letter on the manager's desk and then went and cleaned out my cubby. I messaged my dear friend who I have bonded with and told her to inform the management of my letter and asked her to handle any deals and split the deals with me.....she messaged me back and said "gttood for you."
I will miss everyone but I will not miss the hours. I worked my butt off in December and really did not make much.......it would have gotten better but it amounted to only $400 per week.....
So I am back but I still am in the running for a store that opens in May. This will give me ample time to see if my mom really plans on backing off or if she is just jerking my chain. I think she spent around $70,000 on the consultants............a pretty expensive price tag to yank my chain but we will see...
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Well, I have been back all week. My mom came in for a conference call. I asked her where we were going to have it and she said "the office where you are sitting now." She didn't say MY office, but she didn't say YOUR office either.
My aunt says my mom is depressed. She compulsively went in to hang a picture in the gift gallery and BANG it smashed into a million pieces.
Just LEAVE mom!!!
Have another job interview.....gotta keep my options open!