Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Izzy_*now* on May 15, 2009, 11:35:09 PM
-
--asks Janet, the home Care nurse in regards to my bandages.
I asked her in my Johnny Cash voice, ”..and just what might you be wearing m’ dahlink”? she thanked me for the laugh.
Then she came to see my leg and the pics are below. I am ‘caving in’ now, but she says all is well
The major part is over but no leg physio untill June.
I have tremors now and again, and a queasy feeling. The pains I have were always there, just overshadowed by the big one.
Am awake very 2 hours at night, get up and stay up a bit then back for another hour or 2 , but get my sleep in. Am fighting it off now at 8:31 as that gives me too early start a on being up about 4 times tonight.
That sister of mine and I are making progress in being 'intimate' I read into her that she was ok with other people but not the family.
Izzy
-
I love you, Izzy!
-
Oh Izzy
It sounds really, really hard.
I am so sorry .
Ami
-
Those are some hot pics!!!!
Glad to see you are keeping your sense of humor and healing!!! I think your wonderful sense of fun is what helps you recover when things get back!!! You are a great woman!!
Love, Beth
-
Looks, and sounds, like you're definately on the mend, Izz.
I wish you could sleep without waking and having to get up all the time.
((()))
Mo2
-
Thanks Dawning, ami, Beth and Mo2
Well here it is 1:16 pm and I just got out of bed. This is crazy, but I think I ought to go with it. I read this last night!
Sleep disturbance after major surgery is common. The "surgical stress response", that is the body's response to the trauma of surgery, is quite profound and has an important effect on sleep. Many hormones and metabolites are released, fever is common, the sympathetic nervous system is activated (adrenaline). Pain, pain medications, starvation, psychological factors, age, and a person's usual sleep profile all affect sleep after surgery. Pain decreases sleep, and, conversely, inadequate sleep exacerbates pain
"inadequate sleep exacerbates pain" and how! I whipped out of bed not stiff at all, well already I barely remember. You'd think I was late for church!
I was up at 6:30 am, had coffee, took all my meds but couldn't hack it and finally went back to bed. It's like admitting to laziness, or failure, but as a few people said, "Remember! You have just suffered a trauma!"
So I see old behaviours and feelings attached to my now thinking, and I even resent some of the hours chosen for my helpers to come. but I am not their only client/patient and take my turn. When did my life stop being my own? The day I was hit, I guess!
..but my leg won't stand anything on it but light cotton, nothing heavy, nothing rough, so here I have the heat on in May--better keep track of those additional payments! My hands tremble and my legs 'shake'.
Naturally, I analyze it all to death, and I so dislike complaining! There is always someone worse off.
Love
Izzy
-
Hey, Hips (today's nickname for you Izz):
Your complaining is APPROPRIATE and wonderful to hear and keep it up.
Far far better than you write reams, weep buckets, vent endlessly.
Far, far better for your ultimate health.
WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE STOIC.
imn-ho,
xxoo
Hops
-
Thanks Hops,
and here I came back to say I can't hang in so am back to bed at 3:36. I don't get all this weariness!
Bet it's about 2 hrs. then up again
Iz
-
Well of COURSE you're weary!
You have been through a great PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL trauma
AND
you're coping with serious pain...having recently had excruciating pain...
and you haven't had a sound night's sleep in weeks.
This is so natural.
Baby yourself. Do not criticize yourself one syllable for expressing distress.
My God, Izz. It's so completely natural and normal and appropriate that you are distressed.
Pain
exhaustion
loss of wheelchair
loss of autonomy
pain
exhaustion
RE-triggering of trauma for initial paralysing accident
Listen to this please:
It's a wonder you can even type. Narrate your story at ALL.
Izzy, you are amazing but that does not mean you shouldn't be a human puddle right now.
Remember, all the seeds of life are in that puddle.
You will reknit, be remade, be healed...in time.
Be patient with yourself and your body and then MORE patient.
And keep typing, venting, describing...this is SO GOOD for your mental health, hon.
And it does not hurt or inconvenience or discommode any of us here in the SLIGHTEST to read your acounts.
I for one am honored and glad to share and hear you here.
And I'd bet my left you-know-what that others feel the same.
love to you, much comfort, a cuppa chamomile, and sympathy, all my deepest sympathy for all the beatings your poor body has taken...
And gratitude. I feel gratitude that my friend Izz has such a strong soul, such a whole spirit, such a marvellous nature.
That's bigger than your body ever could have been even were it forever untouched by harm.
Hops
-
Thanks Hops
For the permission to not feel up to par. Something must have been ingrained when I was little, like many other things. I must use the patience that I have and bear with myself.
As well as still being shaky (I had those 12 separate sessions of what I thought were convulsions, on the shoulder of the street) I have this almost steady feeling of illness, like sick to my tummy, and I don't eat much, about half of what I used to and have lost some weight, yet the ill feeling remains.
This sore throat and tongue's a b*tch and no way am I able to get to the dentist to have that tooth looked after. I had to cancel two dental appointments made for April and May. One to replace a lost filling that left a sharp edge--now I have TWO sharp edges--maybe when tubed a filling was knocked out, but dental wax won't stay put. (sheesh I hope I'm not pregnant!)
I was back up at 4:30 so hung in through the Frost-Nixon movie and a few youtubes and now off to bed.
How exciting and not a good book to read. 9:36
Love
Izzy
-
This is enough to drive a neatnik crazy. My bedroom, then and now!
The only advantage is I can leave the pillows set up for my leg
That board against the nightstand is what Terilyn wants me to put my bony bottom on to transfer, and
I can keep things handy, under the bed, but I don't want a fitted sheet , as justfolding up my odd cotton flats on this one side is sufficient for the duration
One less job for Christiine, as well. Besides if she were to make the bed, I might be right behind her telling her to "Never mind! I'm gonna use it!"
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
Hi Izz:
\
For some reason, I've been picturing your bed up against the opposite wall....... you're getting in and out on the other side, propping up for reading and movies facing the other direction.
Oh well...... what I'm worried about now, is that dentist appt., not furniture placement.
When are you planning to go to the dentist?
And why is your throat sore?
I hope you were taking the probiotics with the antibiotics.
(((Izz))) You're amazing...... it's OK to cut yourself slack. You'll be in your proper flow soon enough.
Mo2
-
Hey Mo2
Well you know that rule. Mustn't see head of bed from hallway/doorway. I was partway in that day and my closet runs beside where I was sitting.
I won't go to the dentist until I know I can transfer to his chair and be almost upside down as he does the work. As for the dental gum. I finally have it working. I have a piece on from after dinner last night and it 10:07 am now. I was making the bits too small. Just coffee this am. I've been up since 6:30, bad night. Am heading off now.
The other appointment with dentist was my 6 month cleaning, but since I have integrated baking soda (household/straight) into my regime, he hardly has any cleaning to do.
Throat is sore likely from the breathing tube insertion
No I didn't take probiotics. When I go out by w'chair taxi, it is to one place, that must be on the list, and straight back home. no other stops (No wonder I want to drive again!) so Mary jo filled prescription and I went to hospital next day and was on IV antibiotics.
so nighty-day
Izzy
-
I am amazed at how well you are handling everything, Izzy. You are NOT complaining. You are telling us what you are going through. I think people here want to hear and help to the small degree they can. Ami
-
thanks Ami
It's amazing the things that we learn from dysfunctional people that are really away out of whack in our thinking and that the intent is just ordinary chit-chat.
This to me was whining. As well, my focus is all on me, but then that's what I must do to keep an even keel and heal properly.
I awakend at 4:20 this pm and didn't know if it was Saturday or Sunday and had to check on my computer. Every day is the same thing, pain, eat, sleep, computer, then change order and repeat, then change order and repeat and it runs all the days together.
Thanks for stopping in.
Izzy
-
Dear Izzy
Bill taught me to "Check it Out". When I feel s/thing, ask about it.That way I am learning to trust myself .
The biggest loss I had from my FOO was lack of trust in my basic perceptions.
It sounds like you are leaning this, also. Ami
-
Ami, Yes, check it out, or think on it really hard. What feels right? Recalling similar incidents helps me. but I try to remember if it was a family member who told me 2+2=5.
Forgive me, everyone. I think I am on a roll, then will try bed again.
When I was doing leg exercises in Rehab in’69, I went down to the gym one morning, got out of my chair to the floor mat, but my 2 physios ignored me. I bummed my way over to the corner and got my own sawhorse, metal boot and weights and dragged them all back to my mat and set up for exercising, with the pillows and all. As I lay there trying to move paralyzed muscles, a few tears tricked down into my hair and I became very determined to never need anybody again. *Well that didn’t happen* but I felt so ignored, then I realized they probably did it for my own good and realized I never complained about it , put things away, but I still needed their help to get back into the chair. I was wearing stretch pants and they stretched away up but looked like a 100# bag of potatoes with all the potatoes staying at the bottom. That was me until I found my own way of turning my back to the chair and pushing myself up and in with my arms. Nothing was ever said about the other, and they helped every day. After all, they have records, progress reports to keep.
Physios don’t pamper you. You work! and that is why I surmised that this one now was not pushing me to the library, that I was to do it. Well there’s too much pain, at this point, so I cancelled. I desperately need some good books (am on Catcher In The Rye for the 20th time. I have my original from 1956) and the compromise after her next visit is that we go tomorrow and she will assist in rough spots when required.
To check it out, I also wrote to my lawyer about this and asked if he thought anyone might be watching me--well watch on! ICBC tries to get a person off this paid help as soon as possible and I don’t want any flukes. No way would I attempt to go out on my own with this pain. Lawyer’s father is here all week, so he’ll reply soon. My emails help me keep records of what I have told him and my journaling has the rest. Lawyer is coming for a full disclosure on 26th.
I cannot believe, yes I can, it’s happened before, that it is 5:09 in the a.m. here (Pacific Time) and I am still awake. If my leg is paining I get up, then when my bum is sore from sitting I go back and arrange my leg differently…if it would stay the same I would draw a chalk outline of my leg and get it right the first time. Sometimes it takes 10 tries. In the hospital a nurse would set me up then leave but I’d need an adjustment--the awful pain then I couldn’t manage alone at all… and have to call her back for ¼ inch, ½ inch adj…. so I let my positions here settle in before I do, just in case.
Holden Caufield is a-callin’
xx
Izzy
-
Wishing you better days ahead Izzy. You are so strong, funny,amazing, just unbelievable!
Sent with a healing thoughts of more sleep and comfort. Love, seasons
-
You MUST have books...
good Lord, doesn't your city have any program that would deliver library books to someone going through what you're going through?
I know how urgent it is to have escape. But you shouldn't have to go out and endure horrible pain just to get books to read!!
There must be some volunteers--brief description of the kinds of books you like, via email...hell, email a church!
love to you,
Hops
-
thanks seasons and Hops,
Yes we have books and you wont like my attitude, but I like to choose my own books, just as I like to choose my own meat, when I shop. Fortunately I hade examples in my freezer for Christine and she is doing quite fine, but all my Library books went back and they do not deliver. I can search what they have but I prefer to go in person---so many authors, so much junk, maybe for someone else, but not for me.
If I choose a dud, it's my own fault and I don't read it!
Izzy