Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on May 30, 2009, 01:09:00 PM
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I am really getting in touch with these deep feelings of having no value, feeling entitled to nothing. It hurts so badly. Just wanted to reach out and touch s/one and hear other people's experiences.
Ami
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Hi Ami,
I'm going to guess, yes. But I'd also guess that some who had adequately good parents also have the capacity to feel the same emotions you're experiencing. Big question! Have you heard of The Grant Study? I only know of it vaguely, but I expect it might hold some answers on the subject. The study was done using only white males. That doesn't diminish the book in my opinion. I believe there is a universality to human emotion whatever the gender.
Best to you and yours,
tt
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Dear TT
I will look up the Grant study. Thanks TT. Ami
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Hi Ami,
It often feels like you and I are on similar wavelengths these days.
I suspect it also has to do with sensitivity. my roommate told me recently, "it is difficult to be sensitive in an insensitive world."
One of my bibles is "Children of the Self-Absorbed." Have you read it? In it, she talks about these feelings you mentioned and they are definitely associated with having n-parents and she talks about lots of coping strategies when one has to be around an n. I have gotten my relationships with my n FOO contained in that I have little or nothing to do with them. But the feelings persist. now that my job is over for the summer, I am allowing myself to lay in bed alot and let these feelings of worthlessness come out and feel them.
I have a Buddhist practice. When I am chanting, I feel invigorated enough to go outside. I think we have to have a starting place. To me, that starting place is self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Please write more if you feel like. I want to hear.
xoxxo
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I think they do.
I think you have to argue hard.
(That's another part of our training: be silent, submissive, accepting.)
I think we need to wake up and be furious that we have been so unkind to ourselves.
Recognize it as as deep an injustice as when we see a child abused.
Because it is.
We are the child. Feeling, staying in the feeling of worthlessness is ourselves slapping, hitting, hurting ourselves. And it is cruel.
So I think we need to grow very large and authoritative and powerful and stop the cruelty.
We are worthy.
Just as any toddler you see is worthy of love and kindness and delight in being alive.
love
Hops
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Wow--what great responses--Hops and Dawning
I have been doing Kundalini Yoga, Dawning. It is better than therapy,IME. After each session,I see distortions. These distortions are what make me see myself as worthless.
Today ,I saw that I hated myself b/c I could not make my M better . I tried to do all I could to take care of her ,emotionally. She hated me b/c I did not make it all better for her.
I saw it with my heart, not just my head.
I ,also, saw that my boundaries have been very distorted. I am not a defined individual but a person who gets value by attachment to others and their finding me valuable. Seeing this REALLY hurts.
I guess this is my big insight for today.
It helps to have good friends to discuss this pain with. Thank you,friends! Love Ami