boundaries boundaries boundaries
What they're FOR, is to keep us safe and sane.
In children of Nparents, the whole boundary-setting thing can be fraught and brittle and difficult.
Of COURSE it doesn't come smoothly and intutively to us. (We were taught to be fragmented, not safely contained within a loving, responsible, self-sheath.)
But that's okay.
Even if it IS fraught and difficult and not-natural-feeling, that doesn't matter!. The MORE we practice setting boundaries that help us feel safe and sane, with no matter WHO, no matter WHAT the DNA or lack thereof...
the more natural and intuitive healthy boundary setting will eventually come to feel.
I place my faith in that. Not in "doing it right" -- just in, doing it MORE will eventually lead to doing it without fear, doubt, self-recrimination.
The idea boundary set would be a boundary set that we don't even have to think about afterward.
Because we're busy living on and being present to our busy fulfilling lives.
love
Hps
boundaries boundaries boundaries
What they're FOR, is to keep us safe and sane.
In children of Nparents, the whole boundary-setting thing can be fraught and brittle and difficult.
Of COURSE it doesn't come smoothly and intutively to us. (We were taught to be fragmented, not safely contained within a loving, responsible, self-sheath.)
But that's okay.
Even if it IS fraught and difficult and not-natural-feeling, that doesn't matter!. The MORE we practice setting boundaries that help us feel safe and sane, with no matter WHO, no matter WHAT the DNA or lack thereof...
the more natural and intuitive healthy boundary setting will eventually come to feel.
I place my faith in that. Not in "doing it right" -- just in, doing it MORE will eventually lead to doing it without fear, doubt, self-recrimination.
The idea boundary set would be a boundary set that we don't even have to think about afterward.
Because we're busy living on and being present to our busy fulfilling lives.
love
Hps
Hopalong, there are so many 'gems of wisdom' in what you say, it's a veritable Royal tiara.
The whole concept of one needing to learn about how to establish one's own healthy boundaries as an adult automatically reflects the sadly obvious. That one's boundaries have been repeatedly violated at some time past or present.
The awareness of the need displays tremendous self-awareness. Solid boundaries are vital in determining what constitutes a healthy relationship.
One example of a particular 'set-in-rock' boundary I have is that I don't speak with clients, customers or associates on the phone during evening meals, on week-ends or on holidays. I am very strict with myself regarding this. I have made my associates very aware of this, " Only call when I'm with my family if it's a life or death situation, otherwise I'll surely hang-up".
There were been many attempts in the past on the part of others to engage me at these times, thereby satisfying their own infantile need to feel important, believing that these personal family boundaries of mine are for others & not for them, attempting to place themselves in a position of perceived importance. This is not meant to imply that I am by any means an important person, because I am not. I simply have a role which demands I be in contact with a diverse range of people from different industries, & levels within those industries.
I believe that in the process of respecting ourselves, our word & our own personal boundaries, we are acting as our own best friend, protector & greatest supporter. We can very easily determine whether we are dealing with a respectful person when we have healthy boundaries in place.
Respectful people will respect my boundaries without challenge. I believe it is vitally important that we be our own best friend, & having boundaries is an important part of that.
Lizzie20