Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on July 27, 2009, 04:25:04 PM
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I can relate to the sadism of your M. Mine did not do physical things like the meat fork with your B. Hers was emotional . She LOVED to shock me about sexual things that were too old for me to understand.
She would get a look of delight on her face when I would look as if s/one punched me in the stomach(which she had emotionally)
I can relate to feeling selfish when you have ANY need. That is the one I am trying to exorcise, now.
I am trying to get back to a human being and not this distorted person who survived trauma as a pretzel. Ami
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I can relate to the sadism of your M. Mine did not do physical things like the meat fork with your B. Hers was emotional . She LOVED to shock me about sexual things that were too old for me to understand.
She would get a look of delight on her face when I would look as if s/one punched me in the stomach(which she had emotionally)
I can relate to feeling selfish when you have ANY need. That is the one I am trying to exorcise, now.
I am trying to get back to a human being and not this distorted person who survived trauma as a pretzel. Ami
NWomb-Donor used to talk about sexual stuff that she did with my father when it was REALLY INAPPROPRIATE for my age at the time. It wouldn't surprise me that these N's thought NOTHING of using their own children for their sexual gratification!
Bones
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((((((Bones))))
We lived a radical life and NOT in a good way.
I know I am still in denial about how bad it was. Maybe, you are not. Ami
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((((((Bones))))
We lived a radical life and NOT in a good way.
I know I am still in denial about how bad it was. Maybe, you are not. Ami
I learned the hard way, a long time ago, that denial changes NOTHING!
Bones
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My Nmom told me a few inappropriate things about my father, that would have humiliated him to know she'd said to me.
I remember feeling somehow invaded and deeply uncomfortable.
Par for the course.
Ugh.
Hops
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Don't ya just HATE it when they do that?!?!? :P
NWomb-Donor had a picture of GC, nude, when he was much younger and she ENJOYED showing it off to just ANYBODY at ANYTIME!!!! Then she'd laugh at GC reactions!!!!!! Completely inappropriate!!!!!
BonesMS
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My NM used sex to scare me. She was so certain that I would be a "bad girl" and get pregnant in HS that she would tell me horrifying stories about sex and pregnancy. When I was old enough to have "the talk," she never explained sex to me, just told me to never do it unless I was married and wanted a baby, and then to never do it again because it was "dirty." I ended up getting my sex education from school - from the silly films they showed and from playground talk.
Once I reached HS, M used to constantly tell me that she almost died giving birth to me, three days of labor, that the pain was so intense she begged them to shoot her, and so on. That made me a "bad child," while my brother, the golden child, was a "good boy," because he didn't hurt coming out (well, duh, I was the first). She constantly told me tales of friends she had known who got pregnant as teenagers and died. She would describe the pain and bleeding in gruesome detail. Well, I didn't get pregnant in HS (you kind of need a boyfriend for that to happen, and I wasn't allowed to date). The real impact was that I never had a child at all. She put so much fear in my mind that I could never get past it as an adult. That wasn't the only reason that I decided against having children, but it was definitely a factor.
Kathy
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I can relate.
NWomb-Donor used to go into excruciating detail about the complications she went through when I was born premature. (I can't help but suspect that she attempted to abort herself and botched it.) Nevertheless, she blamed me for the suffering she went through and told me, at one point, "I wish I had aborted you. The only child I ever wanted was your brother."
I never had children because I didn't want to expose any innocent child to this sick, dysfunctional @#$%!
Bones
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What a great thread. I feel so wonderful that I am not alone in the SICK things I lived through! Ami
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Strength in numbers!
Bones