Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: English on September 26, 2009, 06:36:54 AM
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I was reading an old thread about self abandonment. I saw one thing there that struck me. I use television as a way to dissociate from my feelings. I'm ashamed to say this, and I frequently kick myself because I watch so much TV. But when I try to do other things in the house like house work, my stained glass, repairing something, I have to have the TV going even if I don't listen to it. I subconsciously can't llive with my feelings? Does anyone else experience this problem? I just disappear into the TV. And I can tell that I am hiding my feelings inside, but it's like a mind numbing drug. I watch it for the numbing, but then my whole life is numbed.
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I was reading an old thread about self abandonment. I saw one thing there that struck me. I use television as a way to dissociate from my feelings. I'm ashamed to say this, and I frequently kick myself because I watch so much TV. But when I try to do other things in the house like house work, my stained glass, repairing something, I have to have the TV going even if I don't listen to it. I subconsciously can't llive with my feelings? Does anyone else experience this problem? I just disappear into the TV. And I can tell that I am hiding my feelings inside, but it's like a mind numbing drug. I watch it for the numbing, but then my whole life is numbed.
Dear (((English))))
I learned at the retreat that we will medicate pain in some way. You are using TV which is probably one of the better ways. It is not bad that you are doing this.
You are trying to comfort yourself b/c you are filled with pain. xxxxoooo Ami
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Hi English,
I disappear into movies and books, consistently, but the topics Must be something that I would never think of happening to me!
or any other living being
like
a CIA agent shot in the leg and the head, with a broken wrist, still running full tilt after the bad guy and not bleeding and no mention of pain, finally gets him, then beats the crap out of him.....and I think "Get Real" and continue reading as if it were true!
Don't give me any escape that could be/would have been a possiblity in my life!
:shock: :shock: :shock:
Izzy
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I don't watch much television but I enjoy that feeling of calm and timelessness that comes from doing a painting or woodworking, with the stereo or Tv in the background. It gives me the feeling of being at home in my home. That sounds simple but it isn't something I grew up with. I think blaming yourself for zoning out in front of the TV is being a bit harsh.
Unless I am refusing to work on a specific feeling, I don't see anything good about spending a great deal of time trying to feel everything. I think life should be a balance of thinking, feeling and relaxing. I deal with a lot of parent induced anxiety that has been with me since childhood. It is like a constant background noise in my life. Did feeling it yesterday or the day before that make it better? In my case NO.
If I know I have something to learn from a particular feeling then I sit in silence with it until I figure it out. However, I find much of what I call "feeling" is really a habit of anxiety. I also find that I can overwhelm myself by taking on way too much in the feeling department. Often when I dwell on feelings I start beating up on myself. What I find I need more than anything is to turn down the negative voice any way I can. That gives life a chance to happen without it having to interrupt a pervasive "mood". A call from a friend "feels" a lot better when I have been relaxing in front of the TV than it does when if been dwelling for an hour on my "feelings" that tie me to the past.
I have given enough of my life to stress, fear and anxiety and attention doesn't make them better. For me, acting "as if "the world is okay, even if I am distracting myself, is a welcome relief from that N mom in my head that wants me to be hyper alert. The more I can zone out peacefully and come back to a world in which nothing bad has happened, the safer I feel with myself, my feelings and other people.
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Me too English.
Same Rx.
There will come a time in my life when I remove the TV.
At one point I had it in a closet for two years.
Life has been so rough for the last few years I crave the voices' comfort.
I have some shame about it, but I know there will be time to change this habit.
You're lonely?
What I will substitute when I'm feeling more engaged in my life is music.
love
Hops
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Self-abandonment......This word hit me. I'm a newbie so do not know the old thread. But I started to think - how have I abandoned myself? Why have I abandoned myself? We probably know the answer to the second question. Being raised by a narcissist.
How have I abandoned myself? Like you, English, too much tv. It takes my mind off of ME and makes me focus on others. After all, we were taught to focus on others. Then, the internet. A source of knowledge. A connection to others. Will this bring me acceptance? Will someone out there validate me?
Sealynx,you said "However, I find much of what I call "feeling" is really a habit of anxiety." Habit of anxiety. That's it. That pervasive, low anxiety that lets one function. You smile at people, you are satisfied with your life. You try to figure out that "feeling" and just can't quite hit it because it's "anxiety".
That's where I'm at.
So how does anxiety tie into self-abandonment? Maybe I'm anxious because I know I am not being true to myself? I've abandoned myself?
Hopalong, when I have been happiest is when the tv is off and music is on. So I need to find how to get back to that point.
Logy
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Hi Logy,
Good to see you!!
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Hi, Logy!
Bones
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Hi, Bones and Sealynx,
Nice to say hi to old friends and meet new ones!
Logy
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Hi ,
Nowadays it seems almost a necessity to be able to listen to the TV, radio, CD player,surf the web, text and talk at the same time...AND comprehend it all :lol:.
tt
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I went through a period of about two years where I couldn't be by myself and not have something going in the background. If I was home the tv was on whether I was watching it or not. If I was in the car, talk radio was on, even though I couldn't stand it and argued with them the whole time. I just couldn't have 'quiet' intrude. Even music wouldn't do the trick. It had to be someone talking. I think I was trying to drown out the voices in my head. You guys know the ones. The endless soundtrack of critics that slams us for every little move we make. I couldn't stand to be by myself. I didn't really want to be with other people either though. I went to some strenuous lengths to not be around people.
After I started back in T again I started being able to just listen to music again. It was like I'd taken the boiling water off the stove and could just 'be' again. I find myself going back to having to have something talking in the background when I'm stressed or when I have something that I don't want to face. I feel very anxious if I try to listen to music at these times. I hate talk radio, lol. Sharon