Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: dinnyc on October 16, 2004, 01:51:04 AM
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I was the "chosen" child in my family. I have 2 younger brothers who, I'm realizing now, have been jealous of me and my family. My kids got all the attention. What everyone didn't know is how strangled we all felt. I can see now how we were all caught in the spider web, slowing having the life sucked out of us. I envied my brothers' freedom.
I decided to stop "feeding" my parents everything they needed, and boy, did I get dumped in a hurry. Totally disowned. Which on one hand was such a relief and on the other hand, devastating.
My brother has become the "chosen" one. I've had to fight hard to keep a relationship with both my brothers and try to educate them about NPD. It's working, because they know something is wrong with dear old Dad, but neither is ready to face this. They both feel so obligated and loyal to Mom, who is a master of guilt.
Just interested if any of you have been the "chosen" one and how you handle it.
Dinny
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My brother is the "chosen one." He's paid a high price for it, having impossible emotional demands put on him, plus it made him physically ill. He had to move away to save himself. I think the chosen ones are equally endangered by N parents.
bunny
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Hi Dinny,
Not a "chosen one" here (sorry) but just wanted to say that my sister clearly was with my mother, and she was so uncomfortable with it.
She acknowledged to me that she knew she was (great validation, as my mother would refer to any such feelings as "sibling rivalry" on my part) and couldn't understand why, and really disliked it.
To have a blatant "chosen one" is really such an unhealthy thing for a parent to do, and it seems to be disliked by the one chosen, as much as the one/s who weren't.
I'm really glad your brothers are listening to you regarding NPD, especially the brother who has now become the chosen one.
If he can see that it isn't really a compliment at all (though it may seem so at first) and that it is really the parent, using and manipulating the child, that might help him not to get caught up in it, and get emotionally hurt by your mom...
BT
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I am the chosen one. My Nmom & sis fought like cat & dog for most of my childhood. She was the oldest and moved an hour away. My sis told me when I was younger that I was the favorite...and when I was older she said that I was my mom's puppet. I didn't know how I was manipulated until I met my husband. When we were dating it was as though she went out of control. There was always an argument around the holidays. When we got married and I moved out, I started to realize how controlled I was and now since we havent spoken in over a year - I am sure my sis is the chosen one now.
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For a long time I suspected my sister was the chosen one. At this point in our lives, we really dont' care!
The chosen one has to deal with hour long phone calls from the nMom. Occasionally, we will make the nmom mad at one of us. At that point the chosen one moves from one daughter to the other daughter giving the chosen one of the month some much needed rest from mom.
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My brother, being the only one with a penis, is the chosen one. He does, however, lack those other 2 things that normally accompany the centerpiece. :lol:
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At that point the chosen one moves from one daughter to the other daughter giving the chosen one of the month some much needed rest from mom.
OMG! That happened all the time, if she wasn't mad at me it was my sister:shock: Did she also tell you when there was an argument, "oh you are just like your sister" as though it were a dig to hurt you? :cry:
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At that point the chosen one moves from one daughter to the other daughter giving the chosen one of the month some much needed rest from mom.
OMG! That happened all the time, if she wasn't mad at me it was my sister:shock: Did she also tell you when there was an argument, "oh you are just like your sister" as though it were a dig to hurt you? :cry:
BTW, this is Angrygirl - I forgot to log in :roll: