Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on October 22, 2009, 04:21:35 PM
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My M wrote me an e mail that she loved me and wanted to be there for me and that she has changed.
I wrote back from my heart that I really, really , really loved her cuz I do. She is my M and I will always love her. Maybe, this is cuz I am sick or not enlightened. I don't know but I feel that I will love her.
Anyway, I wrote back over a week ago and she never responded. My friend said it was cuz she does not care. She got me "back" and that was all . She does not care about me, at all.
I still can't see her straight so would appreciate your input cuz you know about N's, unfortunately, and my M is a true NPD.
Thanks for any help. xxxoo Ami
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Hi, Ami.
It sounds like once she got her Narcissistic Supply for the moment, she went back to treating you like a toy that she's now bored with. :( NOT FUN!!!!
Bones
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Thanks Bones. That is what my friend said. My friend said that it is too painful for me to see and I really can't SEE it in a real way. It really IS too painful, Bones. Ami
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I try not to wonder about it any more. Why the hell do they do ANYTHING? Like the old beer commercial--why ask why?
It's like Alice down the rabbit-hole in their worlds. everything is distorted and bizarre, with no sense or meaning.
Try not to take it personally. This is a manifestation of her disease, not yours.
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Thanks( ((Erin)). When I woke up today, I realized *I* was not the bad or sick one. I got sick cuz I had to live in the bottom of the rabbit hole for so long, morphing and morphing so I would not have to see her and perhaps lose my mind, totally
xxoo Ami
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My M wrote me an e mail that she loved me and wanted to be there for me and that she has changed.
I wrote back from my heart that I really, really , really loved her cuz I do. She is my M and I will always love her. Maybe, this is cuz I am sick or not enlightened. I don't know but I feel that I will love her.
Anyway, I wrote back over a week ago and she never responded. My friend said it was cuz she does not care. She got me "back" and that was all . She does not care about me, at all.
I still can't see her straight so would appreciate your input cuz you know about N's, unfortunately, and my M is a true NPD.
Thanks for any help. xxxoo Ami
((Ami)),
Sadly I believe email is an "evil tool" for them to use.
Waiting.................
Wondering.............
Feeling left vulnerable..............
I might be wrong but I think you NM will reply back, but when you least expect it. She is in control now....of the SICK game.
Ami- have to run. Will be back soon. I believe this is a very importantant thread.
Hang on to your friends, we love and care. seasons xo
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Thank you((((Seasons))) You are such an encourager. I know that is one of your gifts. It is beautiful that God gave you that special gift. Do you see that in yourself? xxoo Ami
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(((Ami))
Of course you are not sick or bad. You were just a little girl who happened to get caught up in a horrible mess.
You are not defined by the stuff that happens to you.
Hang in there.
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Thanks Bones. That is what my friend said. My friend said that it is too painful for me to see and I really can't SEE it in a real way. It really IS too painful, Bones. Ami
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Bones
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(((Ami))
Of course you are not sick or bad. You were just a little girl who happened to get caught up in a horrible mess.
You are not defined by the stuff that happens to you.
Hang in there.
Thank you Erin. Your presence is giving me hope! xxoo Ami
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Thanks Bones. That is what my friend said. My friend said that it is too painful for me to see and I really can't SEE it in a real way. It really IS too painful, Bones. Ami
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Bones
Thank you for that beautiful, big hug, Bonesie!! xxo Ami
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Hi (((Ami))),
You love your mom because you have a good heart, you can accept her as who she is, a child of God. Your love of your mom is your virtue. We get a lot of mixed messages when healing our old wounds from Childhood. Just because our parents hurt us, sometimes terribly, does not mean that we cannot still show them mercy, kindness and even compassion, and even sometimes deeply wish them to love us in return.
Until you hear from your mom, all you can do is speculate as to why she did not return your email and embrace the doubts and feelings that come up for you around her delay or nonresponse.
Lise
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Hi (((Ami))),
You love your mom because you have a good heart, you can accept her as who she is, a child of God. Your love of your mom is your virtue. We get a lot of mixed messages when healing our old wounds from Childhood. Just because our parents hurt us, sometimes terribly, does not mean that we cannot still show them mercy, kindness and even compassion, and even sometimes deeply wish them to love us in return.
Until you hear from your mom, all you can do is speculate as to why she did not return your email and embrace the doubts and feelings that come up for you around her delay or nonresponse.
Lise
Thanks for the hug,Lise and the warm words. It really helps! xxxoo Ami
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Ami:
your experience has reminded me of something -
there is healing, comfort, solace, and peace in your own loving... even if it is not returned. Conditioning "love" on mutuality - the return package of love - isn't really necessary. There is also freedom - autonomy - in this.
Just like you don't have to sacrifice all your boundaries or self-respect for love, your love doesn't have to be contingent on someone elses' love back.
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Ami:
your experience has reminded me of something -
there is healing, comfort, solace, and peace in your own loving... even if it is not returned. Conditioning "love" on mutuality - the return package of love - isn't really necessary. There is also freedom - autonomy - in this.
Just like you don't have to sacrifice all your boundaries or self-respect for love, your love doesn't have to be contingent on someone elses' love back.
Thank you ,Amber. I feel that way. *I* want to love cuz I have it within . Ami
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Thank you((( Bones, Erin, Seasons, Lise, Amber))))). This incident and your responses really helped me to face another slice of reality.
xxxxoo Ami
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Bones
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Back at YOU (((((( Bonesie)))))) :D from all us girls----Whitie , Blackie and Ray! xxxooo Ami
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Hey Ami,
I love my NF. She may love back or not or limited but as incapable as she is to love or what extent is about as incapable as I am to not. I have accepted that from both of us. It does not mean that I will except unacceptable behavior.
She has not spoken to me in months after a confrontation and intervention for her children. She has also not did a thing about it and ignored all warnings and in trouble again with the services back in and this time her children may be removed.
She is speaking to her mother about me and I know she is in a lot of pain but afraid to come to me. Yes I would open the door but things will not change. Reality is reality and I cannot pretend as she cannot get real...but I do love her and have great compassion for her for she is so very sick.
You can love her Ami and keep your boundaries. As far as what do we think about things they do.....as my T told me.....They don't think normal as others...So I don't question it anymore because I just don't know.
Love
Deb
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Thank you, Deb. You said a very simple yet profound thing "they don't think normal". I just hope to God *I* can. Warm Wishes Deb,
Ami
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Hey Ami,
I really do admire your ability to feel kindness towards your M and the ability to still fell love for her. It shows that she didn't manage to kill your kindness and compassion and your hope for a peaceful reconciliation.
P.
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Well, after I find my true self and extricate it from my M, *I* want to have love inside me. She will destroy me ,for sure, if I am consumed with hate for her.
xxoo Ami
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Hey Ami,
I really do admire your ability to feel kindness towards your M and the ability to still fell love for her. It shows that she didn't manage to kill your kindness and compassion and your hope for a peaceful reconciliation.
P.
Dear P,
If you look on my Blackie/Whitie thread, you will see how angry I am at my M. I really, really am. I don't know if I will ever be able to engage with her other than e mail and maybe not even that. However, in the larger scheme, my desire is to love the Child of God she is .
I really want to so that for my own sense of self. xxxooo Ami