Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on November 15, 2009, 07:08:32 PM

Title: How Would It Look In A Practical Way ---If You Loved Yourself
Post by: Ami on November 15, 2009, 07:08:32 PM

I ask this question b/c  I am beginning to love myself. I see that it was my NM who split off her hated qualities on to me. I carried them for her . I did it to save her life in my child's mind.
Probably her hated qualities were just human ones like selfishness , jealousy etc---the seven deadly sins which we all have. She thought she was bad.
I am seeing that she was who she was. I did not cause her problems. I tried to fix them  and I couldn't make a dent,of course.
 Maybe I can let myself off the hook and love myself.
What would loving myself look like? That is my question . Thanks for any help!!!     xxxoo  Ami

Title: Re: How Would It Look In A Practical Way ---If You Loved Yourself
Post by: Sealynx on November 15, 2009, 08:27:59 PM

At this point in my life it is looks like allowing people not to like me and be okay with that without trying to figure out what I did or how I can please them in the future.
It looks like allowing myself to be a bit boisterous when I'm out with friends and have a drink or two without feeling shame the next day for not being perfect.
It looks like writing a grant to get paid for some of the things I like to do and do them as a service to others, rather than waiting around for people who never seem to find time to spend with me in order to do them.

Title: Re: How Would It Look In A Practical Way ---If You Loved Yourself
Post by: Ales2 on November 16, 2009, 05:57:11 PM

I have a vision board, one side is the pictures and the descriptions of the life I want. Great friends, new home, soulmate, my own family, time to travel, money in the bank etc. On the other side are sayings, quotes, tidbits and mantras I have learned about myself that I call POP- Personal Operating Principles. They are completely MINE,  based on my self-knowledge of who/how I am, accepting my limitations etc and are focused on the healing I need to achieve what is on the front of the board. As I am learning, the POP side of the board is growing. I only put things that are truly relevant and resonate with me.  To me, this VBoard symbolizes how much I DO love myself.....

Title: Re: How Would It Look In A Practical Way ---If You Loved Yourself
Post by: HeartofPilgrimage on November 16, 2009, 06:11:45 PM

Hmm ... very good question. I've made quite a bit of progress in this area in the past 25 years, but still have a ways to go. Here are some ways that I'm getting better, but want to get better still ...

1) When I truly love myself, I don't expect any more out of myself than I expect out of other people. I cut myself slack. I accept my own imperfections.

2) When I truly love myself, I am able to face my mistakes, faults, and bad behaviors. Loving myself makes me strong enough to admit I was wrong without feeling like worm dirt.

3) When I truly love myself, I can release others, especially my family, to follow their own destiny. My sense of self-worth is not determined by what they do, so I can set them free.

4) When I truly love myself, I have more patience with others, because the "voices" of criticism in my head are still and I'm not completely fed up with criticism that comes from within ... so I have patience left to deal with other people's nonsense.

5) When I truly love myself, I trust myself to make good decisions and to do the right thing. I'm not always looking to someone else to confirm what I already know.

Title: Re: How Would It Look In A Practical Way ---If You Loved Yourself
Post by: bearwithme on November 17, 2009, 03:09:37 AM

I like all of these!!  I'm stealing them if you all don't mind  :P :P

Title: Re: How Would It Look In A Practical Way ---If You Loved Yourself
Post by: Ami on November 17, 2009, 07:17:05 AM

Thanks (((((Sealynx, Ales, Heart, Bear))))
So many good thoughts to take with me!                       xxxoo  Ami

Title: Re: How Would It Look In A Practical Way ---If You Loved Yourself
Post by: Ales2 on November 17, 2009, 11:41:56 PM

You know what - if I did truly LOVE myself, everything on the board would come really easy to me - and I DO love myself. So, In my healing I think its a matter of cleaning house with the kinds of relationships that are keeping me trapped in the past and away from my true goals. hmmm.... seems like I've given my healing a new focus....

Title: Re: How Would It Look In A Practical Way ---If You Loved Yourself
Post by: Ami on November 19, 2009, 03:59:56 PM

I think that I am loving myself now cuz I stuck up for myself . Someone tried to kick me cuz she thought I was down. She got MORE than she bargained for and she was surprised as Hell.
 I will not start fights or provoke fights but if s/one takes me on--I will fight back as I see fit.                                      Ami

Title: Re: How Would It Look In A Practical Way ---If You Loved Yourself
Post by: Ami on November 21, 2009, 07:33:36 AM

I think self respect would be the biggest thing in loving yourself---respect for your feelings and thoughts. That has been my biggest challenge.