Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on April 14, 2010, 08:07:42 PM
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I met someone I think I really love.
When I thought we were over ,I was depressed.
When he came back lol, I am anxious
The idea of someone SEEING the deep inner self terrifies me.
There is so much shame in me about everything. When someone gets close, I am afraid I am gonna become catatonic LOL
Ami
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I met someone I think I really love.
When I thought we were over ,I was depressed.
When he came back lol, I am anxious
The idea of someone SEEING the deep inner self terrifies me.
There is so much shame in me about everything. When someone gets close, I am afraid I am gonna become catatonic LOL
Ami
It is scary ((Ami)).
It's so confusing wanting to be close yet unable to set yourself free to experience a loving relationship.
Does your special person know of your history? Do they have patience to walk with you one small step at a time.
Maybe if you were assured no pressure............ in time that would give yourself permission trust yourself and your gut?
I hope this relationship brings smiles and joy. I know you have been through hell. You deserve to love and be loved.
Listening with care. seasons xo
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Hugs to you, Ami. Intimacy is scary. I find it really hard but long for it more than anything else. Season gives great advice. Can you do baby steps? xx
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This person had a past AS bad as mine but he is very different than I am. He is a fiery , fighter type of person.
You know I go on and on about emotions :)
I can bring all these reams and reams of emotion to him and leave them there .
He does not talk about them much---hardly at all.
It is just the SENSE that I am understood.
He will say one word to my hundred lol but that word seems to make me feel like it is OK and *I* am still OK under ALL of it.
I feel I can show my bad parts to him and *I* am still there afterwards------not dissolved like I thought would happen when the "Bad" came out
I have FORCED myself to be real with him--show shame, fear, pain, etc.
I did it cuz I needed to and I had the desire to be real MORE than getting him .
I am surprised he still cares cuz you guys KNOW how strong the "bad" is in an abused person.
With him, he is not squeamish about deep things.
He has a place in my heart with my GM.
What will happen I don't know but I am up at 5 AM cuz fear of intimacy LOL Ami
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Is this the same guy? You have known him for years now right?
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A different guy, Kelly.
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Hi Ami,
How is your new relationship going? More importantly how are "YOU."
Only if it is something you would like to share.
seasons xo
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So the other guy is no more????
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I can PM you with what happened Kelly.
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Thank you for asking ((((Seasons)))
You are the best est buddy ever.
I bet you are that way in real life--a friend forever.
I am learning and growing and trying to be REAL--my greatest challenge and greatest desire.
If I can be real then I will be a success with or without a man.
It is going well--very different cuz he is very strong LOL
x o x Ami
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Still going well Ami? Don't forget to keep testing and testing, baby steps to trust etc. You can do it!
((((((Ami))))))
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I am learning and growing and trying to be REAL--my greatest challenge and greatest desire.
If I can be real then I will be a success with or without a man.
(Ami)
Bingo!! Would love to talk more about this topic.
Glad your doing well, have fun! seasons xo
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Ah! If I knew how be more "real" then I'd be more 'free.'
Ami: Wow. How are things going? What an adventure of sorts! I think your experience is beautiful. (sorry, but I do).
Fear is okay for you? or not okay? Is it hurting you? Is it in your way? Intimacy is such a tricky emotion and it pulls all kinds of things out of the dark....hmm.
(((hugs to you)))
Bear
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Ok Guys. I will hit you with a big one. He is much younger. It just happened. Did not mean for it to and was not looking. I feel really afraid LOL. x o x Ami
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.......aaaaaaaaaaaand the problemmmmmmmm is?? LOL!
:P
Fear is just another insecurity the N's have injected into our minds at a young age. Fear holds us back from the possibilities and beauty of life. Not saying that your fear of intimacy is like that but maybe it is. I fear therefore I am. Not so. I understand you Ami...you may not think so but I do. Little by little, let some of go. What do you think about all this...
Bear
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Thank you bear, Seasons, Kelly,Portia and Twoapenny!
Trying to be real in your life is really scary but what is the alternative????
Being fake LOL.
The hardest part is my M's voice when I want to feel value "Who do you think YOU are ?"
Then, I think a giant arm will come out of the sky and slap me for DARING to value myself.
Sigh---------can we get over it--someday ??????