Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Hopalong on April 19, 2010, 06:09:35 PM
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I am being a good ADD girl and taking my medicine.
It has helped me a lot with this big freelance project that is due to be finished in 48 hours and for which I am terribly behind and because of which I will probably have to pull an all nighter which is unhealthy and stupid.
It gives me energy and focus just as promised once I start the task. I do better for longer, once I begin.
It does NOT cure my horrendous procrastination and avoidance of starting. (When writing is dull, even though it pays, I sort of want to claw out my brains before I start. No excuse, pure immaturity. I do have a very good whine about it being for a poet like a sculptor being forced to make ashtrays for a living. However, I have heard that whine before. Got it memorized.)
So. I have been writing here like mad (loving it) and reading blogs and watching Dr. Phil and ... postponing the project to the point of insane urgency. I can do it, tonight and tomorrow, but only if I stay on it!
Since I will be up for hours and I know myself and I know I'll keep peeking in here because this is real and worthwhile and interesting and compelling and affectionate for me...I have a request for anybody who's up to it.
Would anybody who wants to tonight, and maybe tomorrow, pop onto this thread and write me some short (no labor needed!) encouragement that I can do this, I can really get it done?
It really would help. I probably won't even post a Thank-You, because that would be all it'd take to get me off and posting again blablabla when I have to NOT.
But I would be feeling a pat on the back with each one and a hug and I would be so very grateful.
much humble and kind of embarrassed (see Bear? Still got it! :o) love,
Hops
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Short version:
Anybody who's willing to type just a short line of: atta girl, keep going, you can do this, stay with it you, go type some more now, you are definitely able to finish this...or some such--anytime in the next 48 hours...
I really, seriously, would be helped.
xxoo
Hops
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Okay Hops...
This is my friend emergency week! I've actually trained for this event.
Sunday a friend called me hysterical because a mouse had gotten into her toilet the night before. Luckily she didn't call me at 3 a.m. when she found him! She lives 45 miles away so it wasn't a come get the mouse call. She had dispensed with the mouse, but now had to go to the bathroom really bad. She wanted to know if more mice were going to show up and bite her on the ass she did an extended stay on the pot!!. I assured her that mice were not aquatic animals nor were they semi-aquatic and in possession of tiny scuba gear. While rodents have been know to enter broken sewer lines, there would have been other signs that something was wrong. We agreed that the mouse probably came into the bathroom to drink from the dogs water bowl, was scared by the dog, went to hide in the toilet and fell in the bowl.
Sunday night just as the late news was coming on, a friend who is the biggest procrastinator I know he called me because he was having trouble writing a five page essay for his application to a doctoral program. For his topic he'd chosen a subject related to his work that he bitches about constantly. Not a good start!!!
He was of course repeatedly writing himself into one anger filled corner after another and felt it was my job to extricate him. I suggest to him (an MA in English) that he needed to firm up his thesis statement and create an outline of the points he wanted to make. He said, "Oh" and promptly asked me to dictate a better thesis. I did and he then insisted on reading me several "sentences" from the one he'd written and didn't like...I listened to several paragraphs of mindless listings and pedagogy as mice did back strokes in my head. I finally convinced him his was on the right track and he agreed to go back and continue from where he left off at page six.
Now that you've had a good laugh and released some endorphins.......Stick to your outline...don't digress too much and you will be fine!!!!
Sea
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Hops,
Once you get started, it's gonna flow. You're a great writer, so write on!! You go girl & here's a pat on the back: Good job!
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Hops,
Nice to hear from you. Now close this down and GO GET 'EM! I look forward to hearing about how GREAT you feel once it's complete.
Logy
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Dear Hops:
You can do it. You can move mountains, I have seen that. Just take one little step. It does not have to be huge. Just one little step and you will get there one step at a time.
Tell all the nags in your head to f off and/or get off your back. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH, SMART ENOUGH AND GOSH DARN IT PEOPLE LIKE YOU!
You go girl!!!
Lots of love,
Sea storm
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Hey Hops, :D
Stop reading this and go get started! Starting's the hardest part, get that done and the rest will be pie. Well, sort of. Git'r'done!!!
Big Hugs, Worn
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You can do it, girl!!!! I have always had faith in you! You are one of the most capable, intelligent and strong people I know!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))))
xo Beth
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:))). Go Hops!!!!
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HEY HOPS>>>>GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GIRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLL!
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Hey Hops,
Hurry up and finish so you can come run the weedeater while I mow the yard...I'm trying to find my truck! :lol:
Gitterdone!
tt
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Hey Hops, :D
Stop reading this and go get started! Starting's the hardest part, get that done and the rest will be pie. Well, sort of. Git'r'done!!!
Big Hugs, Worn
Thanks worn,
That's what i was going to say:
Get back to work Hops. You can do it!!!!
Love
izzy
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ONCE more with feeling!!-- Back to work!
IZ
Hey Hops, :D
Stop reading this and go get started! Starting's the hardest part, get that done and the rest will be pie. Well, sort of. Git'r'done!!!
Big Hugs, Worn
Thanks worn,
That's what i was going to say:
Get back to work Hops. You can do it!!!!
Love
izzy
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Hi Hops...Productive night I hope....Mornings area always a good time to put new ideas into action......grab a coffee and WRITE!!!!.
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Morning, Hopsy!
Hope you had a good and fruitful night! Just want to encourage you that some people need an adrenaline boost to be creative (better than drinking!) and will create situations to provide them with that. You may be one of those!
Find your current in the river and keep riding it. You can do it.
Love
CB
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Only just returned here - but *****Hops*****
pom poms. (I think Nic told me that.) Hope it's done! Or doing! :D
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I recognize that familiar pattern of procrastination, Hops.......
along with the certain energy giving chemical dump, caused by diminishing time-lines. The super-human focus and productivity always get the job done, but whew! What pressure we put ourselves under!
Wishing you peace and strength......
till you tie that pretty bow on a finsihed project: )
Love, Mo2
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(Bear puts on a very tight high school cheerleader uniform in Red, White & Blue and steps out onto Hop's front lawn and shouts):
"YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAAAAN YOU CAAAAN!
YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAAAAAN YOU CAAAAN! GOOOOOOOOO HOPS!!"
(Bear ends with split-jump and X-marks the spot maneuvers with pompoms, runs off lawn and jumps back into car decorated in streamers)
NOW SHUT THIS DOWN AND GET TO IT, HOPS!!
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Yeah Hops!!!! You are loved!!!!! You can do it. Here comes the brass band and the baton twirlers.
We are cheering for you.
Sea storm
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You can do it!!!
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Way to go!!!
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Hope you got what you needed.
Isn't the response incredible!!!
What a place of support this is!!!
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Way to go Hops!
seasons
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Oh Hops...of COURSE you can do it! And, what's more, it will turn out great. I write for a living as well and I know that sometimes you just need to explore and muse a bit before that first sentence that gets you started finally hits you! Yes, you're working against the clock....but really time doesn't matter (except that you've got a deadline!). A really great piece can be written in 30 minutes or 30 days....It all depends.
I don't know about you, but when I finish a piece, I get a real adrenaline rush and a feeling of accomplishment and value. You will too. Just visualize how you'll feel when the last sentence has been written and spell check has been completed. More importantly, just think about what you really want to say....the words themselves aren't all that important...just getting the message on paper (er, computer) is really what it's all about, I have found.
I have been a journalist and writer all my life and I know sometimes the work comes easy...and sometimes you have to reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeach for it. But I've often found that just getting started is often the hardest...especially the intro or lead...So start in the middle or anywhere and go from there.
So hang in there...We're all behind you...And remember to visualize the finished work and how you'll feel. It's a good feeling...and it's just a few short hours away.
Sunblue
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Wow! You've accomplished so much! Keep going! Focus! You're almost there!!!
Logy
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Go Hops ! :D Yeah yeah yeah 8)
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Late night wake up call. You're the girl! Keep focused!!!
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Hi Hops,
Thinking about you and sending the white light. I hope you can feel all the love coming your way. You sure deserve it.
Love,
Sea storm
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Yooooooo Whooooooooo Dearest Hops,
Where are you????
Mighty quiet there.
Sea storm
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Shhhh...she's working. :D
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Hops, you know I know how to compaction-hyphenate! Sending you wishes for fast editing.
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Hi Hops,
Seize the day!
tt
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Hops - after great effort... REST... then reward!
Wonder what you'll choose to reward yourself?
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HOPS!
Hey!
How'd it go?
You all right?
::offering comforting cup of cammomile tea::
I'm guessing you're ankle deep in papers and research material, but projects in on time.
Mo2
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<offering neck/shoulder massage>
Sending calming thoughts 8)
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Hoppy.......
Hey girl.... Howareya
Hugs,
Sea storm
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Just checking in... after the usual re-writes & all... are you "done" yet? Did you make your deadline? Or was the deadline not quite as life/death - dropdead - as it was made out to be?
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Ha deadlines. Who here is an ambulance driver, a surgeon? I used to ask people: what's this for? When is it happening? Who's relying on this? Okay if you're writing a script for Obama to deliver at the inaugural address, then that 'deadline' has a certain priority. But hey, so what, what's a big deal. Someone else will do it if you tangle with a Greyhound at 80mph. They used to say to me "the deadline for this is x" and that's usually the start of negotiations.
Hope it went well Hops!
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I can't believe it, but I do.
Once again this VESMB has proved itself real, real, real.
It will be puzzling to future philosophers to figure out how cyberspace most changed lives.
I think the difference was when people figured out you could send love, not just information.
THANK YOU. Your messages made me laugh, felt like hugs, and your encouragement and especially your willingness to do this tangible support for my silly but real struggle just heartened and moved me through. It wasn't a brilliant performance and I kept battling, but you DID help me keep going (or re-starting), and I got through 99% of it fine. The deadline turned out to be a bit more elastic than I thought --whew--so I have one last SHORT piece to do today, and then that's it. Back to the regular job Monday. All in all it is good!
I want to thank you individually but I hope a group hug will do this time.
I'm wrung out because yesterday morning I took my 14 y/o big old dog to be euthanized. It was time, for a host of reasons (among them me traveling soon and worrying about her pain and maybe some neglect, not fair to leave the worries to our tenants, and she had become very weak and totally incontinent and collapsed regularly), but even when it's right you know how hard that decision is. I had made it once and chickened out, and there was resistance (but no help) from my D. Not awful though.
Pooch's death was so gentle, we snuggled on her old sheepskin in the back of our van with the door up -- we didn't even have to go inside. And after the kind vet gave her a sedative, we just enjoyed the sunshine and trees and breeze full of awesome smells (for her anyway! from the pet-walking area) for about half an hour (we were the only ones there, early a.m....it was very peaceful and private). They left us alone for about 30 minutes and I had plenty of time to stroke and talk to her. While she relaxed I fed her chunks of fresh liver (not an accustomed treat so an amazing taste was about the last thing she was aware of, except how much she was loved). I am not sure she was even aware of the final shot.
Then I took her to our favorite park and parked by her woods for a long goodbye, then to the SPCA to leave her to be cremated, where the sweet man carried her like the most precious thing in the world. He kept talking to her, telling her how beautiful she was and that she was in a better place. Waaaah. True.
Wrung out and weary but relieved. Saying goodbye HURTS. But I had let two other pets wait too long and they suffered and I vowed to never do that again. And I didn't. Sweet B. had a passing I'd love to have myself (substitute chocolate for liver).
Though my D didn't want to let her go, she was also decent about it. She didn't go with me (I think she just couldn't--too many losses) but came out to say goodbye. And she went to see a friend this weekend which I'm glad about. Our tenants come back tomorrow, and I'm glad I took care of pooch without them. They mean well but the wife is pretty insensitive so it felt better to be private for old B. What a sweet, majestic dog she was.
In her prime, running across the fields, she was amazing---huge thick double coat with glints of chow red amid the black, feathered tail flying, shepherd-ish ears, collie-ish face with rottie coloring. She was just a magnificent dog, so beautiful I used to have people stop and tell me so and what breed she was. Hah! I told them, part chow with black tongue patches, we figured that much, and part shepherd mix (her stray mother looked like a white shepherd, B. had a few white hairs), and part traveling salesdog. I may have told y'all this story, but she was born in a veterinary school student surgery clinic, where they learn procedures on unwanted dogs...operate, rouse, re-sedate, operate again, euthanize. Awfully sad but probably necessary to learn. But they hadn't realized B's mother was pregnant with 7 premature pups. B was the only one born breathing and was hand-reared (they also were able to resuscitate one other) by the vet student, son of a friend of mine. So she was kind of a miracle dog. I was going to name her Fetus but at that time I lived in a very conservative neighborhood of very observant Jews who were extremely nice to me (had me over for seders and were just wonderful people) but I was already stretching their tolerance way past their comfort zone by being a twice-divorced Unitarian single somewhat wacky woman. So I decided not to try their nerves by standing on my deck yelling Feeeee-tus several times a day.
I will be 60 in a few days and feel about 80 but I know time is elastic and with self-care I can recoup. And with friends like you.
Thank you all so much for taking all those moments to send me care and encouragement, which were received so actually, as though you were bringing cups of tea (and oh, a shoulder massage)--
What an extraordinary thing, to say, will you help me? And have a bunch of kind people say YES.
with love and a very grateful heart...
Hops
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Hops what a wonderful, kind, considerate and also self-loving thing you did for yourself and your pet. I could also see her running across the fields! You're a great writer Hops, expressive.
People are right now working on how cyberspace is changing lives, brains, communication: or so I read from time to time. This board is real alright, that's for sure.
Well done Hops, all round. Love to you too!
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What an extraordinary thing, to say, will you help me? And have a bunch of kind people say YES.
That's the way it's supposed to work, Hops. And it DOES work, most of the time - anyone who's not tried it yet, doesn't know what they're missing. Just like you helped your pooch, Hops...
now, I have to go cry a raft of tears over your story.
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(http://)
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Hugs and comfort to you at this difficult time. She is a beautiful girl. And because of your gift to her she is once again running through fields. And will be there and run to you again someday.
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What a sad and beautiful story Hops.
If only we could all go with so much love surrounding us.
To your beautiful girl and the lifetime of love you shared, Worn
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((((((Hops))))))
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::Sniff::....
Such a sad, loving story (((Hops, daughter and Poochie.)))
Mo2
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Sorry for you loss. Hops.
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Good Evening Hops,
Do you still want some help? This can be ongoing. Maybe you would like affirmations every day. That is ok.
Here is one. You are very funny. What a good thing that is. Funny and a bit unpredictable. Nice combo.
Sea storm
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Thank you dear people...for all the love and sympathy over Miz B.
It's funny, not funny hah-hah but funny-life, O funny life...that it's a weird kind of happy-sadness.
It's a CLEAN grief, unlike the kind I had for Nmom. (I did have clean-grief for my sweet Dad, who was the kind of person who when he was visiting somewhere, a shy cat who always hid under the bed upstairs when company came would trot down the stairs, walk in and hop up to sit on his lap.)
I have her pic (the one here) posted HUGE as my screensaver, and it's so sweet to see her face and just imagine planting a big ole smack on her muzzle, telling her again, I love you, sweetie. I tear up and miss her, but I feel really GOOD about helping her go so gently. (I had terrible sorrow over my miscalculations and cowardice in not making appointments to help two previous old animals go mercifully...so this has helped heal that. Fourteen years later, I was brave enough to do RIGHT BY THIS PUP. ) I'll always remember B. with love and will miss her acutely for a while. But I won't obsess, and this is a peaceful time... Thank you all for meeting it with such kind affection. You would-a liked her, really! She was a cupcake! Looooved people. (Especially when they dropped cheese.)
Two pieces of GOOD news!
ONE: My freelance thing? They received it, had a meeting, sent me praise for the work and offered me another assignment! Dang! There IS hope that my old brain has value. And I have another interesting assignment in the wings when this next one's done. Woo hoo! I am starting to imagine a future, rather than moldering away in a business run by an N who will never value me. Whee!
TWO: Seastorm said I'm funny. There's nothing I love better than being found funny. Seriously. To me "funny" is the best thing ever. I'd rather make people laugh than almost anything else. Except maybe get modestly rich.
Naaaah. Ain't happening.
love,
Hops
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Whoo Hoo, Hops!
::doing the Snoopy dance::
Sounds like you're working towards something good.
Remember Ms. CB's journey to owning her own restaurant business?
I bet you do; )
Mo2
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AaaaaaoooooooooGahhhhhhhhhhh
Happy dancing all over the place. This bodes well. You do have excellent writing skills. Phoooey on N bosses.
Love,
Sea storm
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oh, Hops,
She's beautiful. You can see the intelligence in her eyes. You were so lucky to have her all these years...I know what you mean, having to let her go and having a clean grief on account of it. There IS such a thing as muddy grief and clean grief and there is something almost healing about the clean kind.
You are a brave and good woman, Hops.
CB