Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Nonameanymore on April 30, 2010, 09:54:19 AM
Title: Coming out
Post by: Nonameanymore on April 30, 2010, 09:54:19 AM
Hi all,
I think I am an N, or definitely have one of the worst traits. I can be really mean to a person I love, if and when they detach. I didn't realise this until today. A friend has tried to show me the way of non-reacting but I have to have the last word and say something hurtful back. There is a chance that the person I last had the brush off is actually an N, but I wouldn't have to react this way if I didn't have clear N traits myself.
:? :? :?
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Sealynx on April 30, 2010, 10:16:46 AM
Maybe you just have a bad temper Persephone? We all have our negative traits and I think some things like being quick to anger are actually biochemical because so much of the process is about adrenalin.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: bearwithme on April 30, 2010, 10:47:13 AM
P: The fact that you can recognize that you have a negative trait, such as this (as you say it), is telling: YOUR NOT AN N!!
Have a great day now and smile.
Bear
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Ami on April 30, 2010, 10:57:31 AM
I know you well enough to say you are NOT an N ,IMHO. Everyone can be a mean jerk. Everyone can be self centered. We all ARE! It is the nature of man--on this earth. Write me (((P))) Sounds like you need a friend ! x o x Ami
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Nonameanymore on April 30, 2010, 05:07:17 PM
Thank you Sealynx, bear and Ami,
On top of everything it's my 40th birthday today (already 1st of May here in Greece) and I am lonely, and I realise I am midway lifewise and it scares me how little I have achieved, not in terms of professional accomplishment but personal development...
Maybe I will come share more next week.
P xxx
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Logy on April 30, 2010, 08:43:00 PM
P.
You have insight. You have analytical skills. You have self-awareness. You are not an N.
Logy
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: bearwithme on April 30, 2010, 09:10:26 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PERSEPHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BIG 4-0!! YOU GO!!!!
:P :P :P :P :P :P
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Twoapenny on May 01, 2010, 02:34:17 AM
Hi P,
Happy Birthday! It's May 1 here now as well so we can all celebrate together! :)
I have found that I have pushed people away for a long time. I started to recognise negative traits, so I pushed those people away, but I also pushed away people who were nice and being kind to me, because to me that meant they would screw me over at some point so I cut them out before they got the chance to.
I think learning how to be with people is really hard. I thought I was an N for a time as well, but I came to realise that there is a big difference between having some aspects of your personality that you don't like (and can work on) and having a personality disorder.
I think being mean to someone if they detach from you is pretty common. For me, I think it triggered such deep seated fears of being abandoned that I would react like the two year old inside me - kind of like whe you're at school and your boyfriend dumps you and you say "didn't want to go out with you anyway!".
I think noticing and/or identifying the problem is half the work. Once you're there you can start to fine tune and build on it. There's never been anything in any post you've ever written that's made me think you are anything other than kind, caring, considerate and working very, very hard to build a good life for yourself. I don't think you're an N, Persephone, I think you're a FAF (Fabulous at Forty!!).
Big hugs,
Twoapenny xx
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Nonameanymore on May 01, 2010, 07:07:03 PM
Thanks bear and TaP for your wishes
This was by far the loneliest and saddest birthday ever...
P.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Sealynx on May 01, 2010, 08:40:49 PM
I think birthdays area always a drag personally!! To me that is why we wish people a happy one and make them blow out enough candles to create a major fire hazard and then present them with gifts....birthdays are only really fun for very young children who want to be teenagers as soon as possible or get their drivers license or have their first legal drink....After that what can we celebrate but what we have yet to achieve....unless we turn it around and think that maybe doing nothing is perfectly okay and celebrating with that drink we once wanted would be fun and remind ourselves of all we can do and do have....So Happy Birthday!!
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: swimmer on May 03, 2010, 06:51:52 PM
Happy Bday P!!!
Don't worry, I think it is common for anyone to fear being something they abhor. I constantly nit pick myself apart thinking I'm an N. If someone you hang out with pushes your buttons, likely a reaction will surface unless you are Mother Teresa (&come to think of it she actually was very depressed, so she turned it inwards). N's often react even if people are nice and civil. Everyone has buttons, even people who have never been terrorized by an N.
You are not an N... You are not an N :)
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Hopalong on May 03, 2010, 08:31:35 PM