Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Sealynx on June 10, 2010, 12:45:41 PM
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Hi Folks,
Yesterday I got a letter that my application for promotion was turned down. The problem stems from cuts and our administration deciding to use vague attacks on promotion packets in order to give the person little grounds to argue. In my case they simply labeled my portfolio..."Disorganized". You can argue for days over a word like that. I won't bother. For the past two years I have been involved in a huge project that caused me to work literally 18 hour days. I am also the only one in my organization who understands the technology well enough to even work on this.
Looking back on my "need to please" I see how I have continually gotten myself into these "no win, no pay" situations. I am not really required by my position to take on huge projects like this but everyone seems to know who to ask for "special" help and they are always willing to praise me until it is time to pay me. When I started this project it was something I wanted to do and loved doing, but this latest development has killed it and just thinking about continuing turns my stomach.
Tomorrow I'm going to resign from the project and go back to my normal duties, which if I thought about it, are more than enough to keep me too busy, especially since I have already seen that my efforts are not being rewarded and never will be. This is going to upset a lot of people. I will need to compose my letter carefully so as not to give them any grounds to cause harm to me or insinuate that I am not doing my job. Please see me writing the perfect letter and freeing myself from this project with ease. If there is one thing we learned well it was how to support others...I'm asking you to use that energy for me this once!
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Hi Sealynx- Sending you my best wishes!!
One of the lessons I have been learning is that as DONMs, even though I think I respect myself a lot and thought I always have, I don't send that message when I end up respecting others more in the situations where I don't assert myself and set boundaries. I get fearful, because well, its a confrontational situation - the opposing party is putting me in the position to have to value myself and delineate with what I will and will not accept. I have a hard time with this because it feels confrontational, but its really just a "speak up and be assertive" situation. I've discovered that speaking my peace in professional, detached, and non-emotional manner works well with rational, professional people. I also know that if my reasonable boundaries are not respected or I am retaliated against its time to move on, knowing I did the right thing by being professional.
One more thing about performance. I recently learned this lesson - sometimes managers will berate you for not being perfect - no one is perfect and you are good enough and deserve to be treated with decency and respect even when you've made a mistake ( unless of course it was illegal, immoral or unethical, or was maliciously negligent). Be cautious here thought - if the boss is criticizing you and its about responsibility and accountability - and you have made a mistake or underperformed, admit it, but again, don't allow the disrespect. Bullies in the workplace try to uphold an unreasonable standard that will forever make you a target of belittling comments about your performance, this is unjustified and should be a red flag.
Having said that - I cant quite tell yet whether your situation is one that can be improved upon by reasonably asserting yourself or whether that might be harmful. Please feel free to elaborate more.
I wish you the best of luck in writing your letter - you deserve to be valued for your time, your contribution and your can-do attitude, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!! Best, Alesia
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Hi Sealynx,
You can do it. The perfect letter.
Your attitude about it all is admirable. Hope this turn of events gives you more time for fun things like Kayaking.
tt
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Thanks Ales,
The situation you describe assumes that managers have the power to promote those who do the right thing.
This is not that kind of situation. This is about cutting cost and not promoting senior employees. The exact situation is that our promotion policy is rather narrow in scope. The thing I was asked to do was both innovative, broad and time consuming. Whether you get credit or not is really not about whether you deserve it. I have the support of all the managers in this situation, anyone of which would have given me the promotion on merit. The problem is that the promotion committee is "currently" controlled by an administrative culture that is looking for ways to NOT promote someone in order to save money. I know of one portfolio from last year (before the new culture took hold) that was absolutely horrid and it was for a promotion much larger than mine. The culture changed while I was working on this.
So my project can be seen in one of two ways. You can appreciate the innovation, value to the organization and sheer scope or simply say...well...this is the only part that "exactly" fits the criteria so the rest is a "disorganized" heap, why did you even include it and where is the rest of your work??? It is ugly, mean and insulting to someone who has worked very hard. It is also not something I can change by being more honest or hardworking.
Using that criteria, everyone who is working on any innovative project whose parts are not specifically mentioned in the policy can be treated in a similar manner... if they choose. Of course this has never been done before because it is SO counter productive. Remember however that they have already gotten me to do the work!!! They have what they want and probably assume that I will beg them to tell me how to better organize myself for next year when I could well encounter the same situation thus continuing to work for ...nothing. It is a situation where you have to decide when enough is enough and protect your health. People get sick and die when this kind of culture takes over.
If I were just entering the workforce and had an entry level salary, this would not have happened. Given the current job market and my level of seniority, I can't simply walk off and find something else, especially in this area of the country. They know that. So my best choice is to go back to being as "normal" as possible and not attract any more attention.
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Well said TT. Joy promotes health. Kayaks promote joy!!!
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Hi Sealynx,
A sad thing I see about your story is that there was a time when going the extra mile, doing a little more without being asked, small gestures indicating a willingness to give more than you take had a better than good chance of being noticed and rewarded. Is it me, or has the workplace shifted to a place where that's not ture anymore? It's hard for me to tell since I'm retired and out of the business world completely.
tt
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TT,
Companies now hire people to design policy that creates "no win" situations. They usually start by making jobs "cookie cutter" so that they can replace you in a heartbeat with someone younger and cheaper. It is no wonder we have BP in the gulf killing workers and lying its a** off. This immoral behavior is now sadly more the rule than the exception. Luckily I have 30 years in and could retire, but I don't make enough to live for 30 or 40 more years on a portion of my salary. I am going to spend more time on my writing and painting and think less about work.
Sea
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(((Sealynx)))
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Thanks Kat!
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Sea - I can't remember... are you in higher ed?
The situation you described - and your choice - reverberates exactly with my experience in institutions. I learned to delegate, to empower/enable the people I supported... until they became self-sufficient... and then insulated myself from the vagaries of the blame-game admins who just needed someone to kick that week, to look like they were doing something.
Good luck on that letter - and may the powers that be, release you (just) from the project. Resigning from my projects would've been equivalent to resigning from my job - and when the opportunity actually came to me - I didn't waste time on political correctness, negotiating, or prose. Here's what I'm doing, when, and adios.....
Not ALL businesses treat their employees as "commodities"; not ALL institutions are like the one I was involved with. Some actually respect and recompense a good work ethic and experience!! You know, VALUE their employees and the contribution they make to the bottom line.
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Yes, it is Higher Ed. But most of what I am doing is actually way above the requirements of my positions. I am on more committees than I am supposed to be on and teaching is my primary responsibility, not creating innovative computer technologies. The project allowed me to create a virtual world but all the work was done "in addition" to everything I was supposed to do as a faculty member. Typical daughter attitude...if I do more than anyone else I'll earn the minimum that everyone gets! What is going on is not aimed specifically at me. It is aimed at everyone of my type. It is just more disgusting to me because of all that I've done. So I am not refusing to do any part of my job. That is the good part. Thanks for reminding me that there are still good companies out there. If I've learned anything in the last 50 years it is that any company that hires me does get something of great value.
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Hi Sealynx,
I really understand your situation. It is like there has been a handbook written for large institutions on how to squeeze the marrow out of the bones of their employees:
Lets them know they are replaceable
Get employees competing against each other rather than cooperating
Do not complement employees on a hard job well done, rather raise the bar subtly and with regularity
Praise new employees for their worth as fresh blood and new ideas
Never give an inch
Allow no emotion or expressions of frustration from employees
Tell employees you are interested only in solutions not problems
Extinguish communication through emails and memos
Identify pleasers and if possible work them until they break without telling them this
Throw out the idea that its a good idea to keep an employee healthy by not overworking them
Glad to hear that you are going to take care of yourself as it sounds like they dont care if you die at your desk. Actually, no one does. Burnout is a real thing. It means that one's health starts to go at all levels not just the feeling crazed part. I am off on stress leave ( also have a bad knee). I could have dragged myself around but am lucky I can barely walk as this is something no one can shame me about or dismiss.
I developed a character that I could role play with who would say things in a completey bland, unemotional way. Speaking very slowly as to mesmerize my employer, I would say things like: Thankyou for the opportunity to make a difference. There have been enormous benefits to .............. At this point it would benefit everyone to pass the baton on to (others) and concentrate on building resilience in my clients. My new target is to achieve ............As you can see there has been a great gain in ........
This was the only way to deal with this narcissistic psycho. I used a language that seems ridiculous to me but it speaks to them. Forget about saying that I am getting overwhelmed and burnt out because I am getting worked to death. It is aweful to see that when the economy is down, it brings out the worst in employers. Also, the movement to huge companies and living for the bottom line combined with unemployment is driving the workforce back to Dickensian times.
Good Luck!!!!!!
Seastorm
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Thanks Seastorm,
You said it well. I feel exactly the same way.
I wrote an email to my work group announcing my departure without an explanation other than it was time for someone new to take over. They were nice people and I thanked them for their time and asked that they show my replacement the same support they showed to me. I cc'd the supervisor I had done the project for and who I had already told I could no longer continue to work on it. I'm not sure she believed me at first because I have always been such a workaholic "do be". She offered to help me redo my portfolio twice (for next year...allowing me to lose an entire years of service contribution since only 3 years count.) She was nice. The problem is actually above her head and I know that. She was just doing her job. After the second, no, she accepted my decision and said she respected my contribution. She will find someone, probably someone young who they will promote and give all the credit for the work I did. It is amazing how some projects flourish when the "right" person takes over. At least I appear to have gotten off with no major damage. That is all I was hoping for.
Sea
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Good Grief.
What an upside down crazy making workplace. You have it right though. This is what happens. This follows the rule that scares the rest of the staff ie. you are replaceable. There will be someone BETTER to replace you, worms. Don't buy into the bullshit Sealynx. You deserve better and this shows the medal of the weazels you work for. A nicer way to say that is dont take it personally.
Hugs,
Seastorm
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I now work on a remote campus so I seldom deal with the main campus which is a decidedly depressing place full of bad things. If this were not an internet project I would not have had anything to do with them and don't intend to in the future.
Rebecca
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Sealnyx - Yoru second post describing more about the environment explains everything. I've been in that environment too, but probably with alot less seniority - but still, I get the politics of that. Sorry. Thats a really tough place to be. Sounds like your email was well recieved, meaning no harm done. I really wish you the best in this situation.
Seastorm - your list of what large scale organizations do is amazing accurate. Thanks for sharing that, even if its sad. You really should right an article about American Corporate culture and how its killing us. I learned that the only way to get anywhere is just be bottom line focused and make sure management knows that about the work I do. I was always at work for all the wrong reasons, and therefore yielded the wrong results. Also, loved your observations about hiring the "pleaser" uh....that WAS me....no more.
All the best to you,
Alesia
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I find this type of culture most depressing in higher education - where one expects, and the "party-line" says - that individual effort is rewarded. The hypocrisy drips... and yes, tt: most people, when being honest, admit that they are aware of the reality of what goes on in their institutions. Some stay because they're close to retirement; the health care is cadillac and in truth, raises are suspiciously given - just high enough; just often enough - to keep the people pleasers and workhorses enslaved. It really is as if they've never read Dickens, Seastorm! (Perhaps he's not fashionable anymore?? Like human nature ever really changes??)
But, as bad a picture as can be painted, it is still possible to do the right thing, to positively impact individuals, to count coup on the small victories when they do happen - and to cherish the relationships made despite ALL of the negativity, the entropy, the idiocy.
Sealynx: Set your boundaries; protect yourself; use the benefits you do have to enrich your life (not just to manage the stress)... and realize: it's just a job.
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Hi PR and TT,
Good response to TT, PR. I wrote a letter to my Dean, which I did not feel the need to send, just get off my chest. You see, the class I teach includes chapters on Morality. Among other things mentioned in the letter, I made the point that students are required to study material that we as an institution neither believe in nor practice. So why do we mislead them into believing it.
Like PR I think there are many reasons why people don't look too hard at the morality of any institution. We go to church on Sunday and support whatever our company comes up with on Monday. Look at what is going on in my home state of Louisiana right now. In spite of seeing our state bird, the brown Pelican, covered in oil and dying by the thousands, our state senators are begging Washington to restore drilling to a gulf so polluted that it will never sustain our fishing industry again. They want to believe that things can simply go on as they were rather than pulling back to see that change is needed.
Just as we could be using the money that BP will pay us to invite clean future oriented industry to our state, the people I work would rather close their eyes to to obvious immorality of what is being done and see it as just a new policy. They are essentially saying, the system is stepping on me a the moment so I don't want to risk this nice perch I have!
As PR noted, if I refuse to get involved in the larger culture and restrict myself to the enjoyable part, like seeing young people grow and work toward their dreams, then I can survive by taking my creative ideas to sources outside of education. The current culture encourages innovation only to take the product and eat the creative person behind it alive.
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Thanks Ales,
Sea did a great job! I laugh when we talk about how American innovation is falling behind that of Japan and other countries. That is because so many our institutions have abused us so badly that we no longer want to "throw our pearls to swine." They've moved to places like Japan which actually has a word for being "worked to death". Sooner or later they will come to understand that the value they put on honorable work is being exploited and their productivity will fall as well. I don't think this will stop until it has circled the globe and touched every culture that either has a strong work ethic or desperately needs the money, like what is happening to Walmart workers in China right now. Maybe we should wise up and start preaching the way things are on Sunday rather than how we pretend they are.
S
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Sea,
Yes, it is amazing how silent people are about this issue.There is a corporate narcissism that is doing the things that our Ns did to us.
The kids are lucky to have a prof that cares as much as you do.
Some say that narcissism is evil and in the big picture it is. Always choosing to follow the bottom line and the dollar is no way for an institution to survive and thrive. Eventually,the lack of a moral compass brings things to such a state of sterility that they crumble. Universities in BC are having a rough time surviving and are having to change because of the times.
I wonder how you survive? Obviously by saying no to this IT job. Good luck to you. I am sure it is not easy or nurturing to feel that you have to strategize to survive.
Hugs,
Seastorm
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The current culture encourages innovation only to take the product and eat the creative person behind it alive.
This needs to be sent to the Chronicle of Higher Ed or posted on their blog, where people might be tempted to say what's on their minds. When that dull roar becomes loud enough - and large enough - perhaps someone will pay attention and put these institutions on notice (maybe accrediting agencies??) that these so-called "internal" issues are now going to be examined in the light of day - just as any other questionable labor practice would be.
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The current culture encourages innovation only to take the product and eat the creative person behind it alive.
This needs to be sent to the Chronicle of Higher Ed or posted on their blog, where people might be tempted to say what's on their minds. When that dull roar becomes loud enough - and large enough - perhaps someone will pay attention and put these institutions on notice (maybe accrediting agencies??) that these so-called "internal" issues are now going to be examined in the light of day - just as any other questionable labor practice would be.
If it could happen to Gallaudet University after the Fernandes mess, it can happen to other higher educational institutions that act unethical.
Bones
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My favorite higher-Ed story:
Just a few years ago, the head of HR at this institution was finally dealt with. Keep in mind as you think about him, that his position was responsible for administrating all non-discrimination policies, including EEO, sexual harrassment, bias issues, etc. Welll this good ole boy was a relentless sexual harrasser, told attractive women to "get on my couch after you close the door", at one point bullied a pregnant employee so badly that she wound up sobbing on the floor of her cubicle, and after 9/11, went around the office showing people the most violent, loathsome video games on their PCs while braying about "killing all the ragheads" (although he had several employees of Middle Eastern origin), more sexism, more bullying, more racism, etc... Too many anecdotes to tell.
Finally, a small group of women took some sort of legal action or grievance. What did the institution do? He had to go, clearly, there were too many affadavits for them to get away with promoting or keeping him. THEY SENT HIM TO ANOTHER STATE INSTITUTION WITH GLOWING REFERENCES (these became publically available, and they did glow) -- where he...drumroll...is head of HR, in charge of the same policies he so egregiously violated over and over and over...
And years earlier, an incompetent Medical Center administrator who used state helicopters to go on golfing excursions when he wasn't holed up in a hotel at the coast with cocaine and prostitutes...when his behavior was complained about, he was promoted, of course. Became a VP, stayed until retirement, huge pension...
I know so many similar stories. It's just staggering.
Hops
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Sort of reminds me of the Vatican, Hops - just transfer them away from the people "in the know" and the "problem" will disappear....
SIGH. The source of the "corporate narcissism" in these institutions isn't with the offenders themselves; rather it's the people overlooking & not dealing with the issues/offenders... or protecting them... or using them. At the root of the issue at the top, is that they simply can't/don't deal with these kinds of issues (take no responsibility and simply don't care) - they take a hands-off attitude claiming they don't want to interfere or micromanage - despite evidence completely to the contrary in other aspects of mundane day to day business.
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The best hospital narcissism story I ever heard was during Katrina. As doctors waited on a rooftop for helicopters to lift critically ill patients to safety they were amazed to be held back as the first birds air lifted not the sick, but the sick of being there executives who had been forced to stay during the storm!!!