Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Dr. Richard Grossman on August 09, 2010, 04:17:39 PM
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Hi everyone,
Here’s a terrific article on therapy by Daphne Merkin from this week’s (8/8/10) New York Times Magazine:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/08/magazine/08Psychoanalysis-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1
I’d be happy to talk about it, but I’d like to hear your comments first…
Best,
Richard
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Dr. G,
You beat me to it! I read this article this morning and really enjoyed her perspective (although I'm not sure that the process itself was enjoyable to her). The part that really struck me was the comment from the friend that his wife was going to stop therapy and use the money to buy a grand piano. My own experience is that, although I wouldnt forego the therapy, there did come a point where a "grand piano" did more good. (In my case, it wasnt a piano).
My sense is that there comes a time when mastery and competence and creativity is the most important need of the moment in healing. That time came, for me, when I had hashed and rehashed my history to the point that I was bored with it myself. Maybe that's where we are supposed to end up. When I abandoned analyzing the pain and its causes for the pursuit of some creative outlet, I felt the first exhilaration of healing. The talk, I think, was necessary--just as brushing one's teeth and cutting one's toenails is necessary. Still, brushing teeth and cutting toenails has never been the goal, but rather just one of those things that must be done.
Thanks for sharing this...I am looking forward to hearing your perspective.
CB
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Hi Dr G
Anyone who wants a therapist “who could make me happy” is worth a lot of money to therapists who will take it. I’ve (so far) got as far as the Woody Allen comment and am not sure I have enough time in my life to read the rest…
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What seems to be missing here is anyone else or a real focus for the therapy. I get the feeling that therapy was like a school she attended. She seems to be a perpetual student who keeps switching colleges and never graduates. I don't personally find therapy to be very useful unless I have something to work on.
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Hi everyone and thanks for your comments!
One could easily dismiss Daphne Merkin as a complete nut. 40 years in therapy with so many different therapists—and always the feeling that if she found the right one, she could be made to feel happy. Ms. Merkin has chronicled her pain elsewhere—we’ve talked about her before on this Board ( http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8730.msg138560;topicseen#msg138560). I would guess there is a biological element (predisposition) to some of her unhappiness—and clearly she would be a difficult patient for anyone (witness how she threw up roadblocks with the one therapist she did think was terrific).
The problem is the characterizations and criticisms of the therapists she saw, I believe are correct. (Why she would continue to go to such therapists probably has to do with the New York mentality—where psychoanalytic therapy still holds sway. I also suspect that viable, intelligent alternatives are hard to come by.) I was trained in psychoanalytic therapy in the late 70’s, around the time the philosophy was nearing death. (There is still a psychoanalytic institute in Boston, but I was recently told by a graduate school classmate that there are more teachers/supervisors than there are students). I had come from a rigorous scientific undergraduate school, so when my first mentor in graduate school had me listening to his therapy sessions via tape recordings (after which we would have a five minute discussion—with me expected to say “wow” or “that was very interesting”), I felt like I was on a different planet. Things came to a head quickly. One day I said: I understood there are unconscious processes (I recently had heard a talk on the “split-brain” where one side did not know what the other side was doing), but I didn’t understand why psychoanalysts grouped them together into “The Unconscious”. I truly thought this would be an interesting topic of conversation. What followed instead was a 5 minute rant about the “f-ing American psychologists” (of which I was one)—and essentially, my mentor never spoke to me again, although I was still required to listen to many hours of his taped therapy sessions. Still, I gave the theory a chance in the years to come and in the course of my training listened to and heard about many more of what I considered to be damaging sessions by distinguished and renowned therapists--just like the ones that Ms. Merkin describes. At the end of my training, I had found only one or two therapists that I would send a family member or friend to—for most of the reasons/criticisms that Daphne Merkin lists.
I believe that good therapy (for people like Ms. Merkin—who, even though she is a terrific writer, fits the criteria of “voiceless”) absolutely requires a good match (see my "Are We a Match?" section of my web site http://voicelessness.com/are_we_a_match_.html (http://voicelessness.com/are_we_a_match_.html) ) and is dependent on the human qualities of the therapist as well as the patient. And I believe strongly that there should be a two-way attachment. While I think insight is important, I consider it a by-product of the new and different attachment (and the parts of the brain that attachment affects). Insight, on its own is, at least for the people I see, largely pointless. The "brilliant" observations/clarifications of the unconscious only further separate the two parties in the room—and simply satisfies the therapists’ narcissistic needs. Finally, with the right matches and solid (but, of course, often difficult in the beginning) two-way attachments, over time (I am talking years) I have seen "character transformations". I’ll stop here and let everyone respond…
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Hi Dr. G.,
I am taking your word for it that the article was a good piece on therapy. My experience and what I think I know on the subject (from what I've experienced and read) fits into a completely different arena than the northeast/New York thinking that you mentioned and which came through in her article. Out here, things are a bit different from Ms. Merkins experience. Comparing what 'out here' is like to her experience in NY would kind of be like saying that Lady GaGa and George Jones both sing country music.
I wrote a response last night and immediately started second guessing myself. Took it down and didn't save it, otherwise, I'd post it again. Now that I read your post, we weren't that far apart on our take on the article. I could relate to her symptoms, but hardly any to her pursuit of healing. I couldn't relate to what I imagined her circle of family, friends, co workers, onlookers must be like. I couldn't relate to having funds/benefits enough to cover 40 years of therapy three (or there abouts) times a week. I admire her tenacity though. Having a flock of therapists who were willing to shuttle her indiscriminately (my impression) amongst themselves blows me away. After reading the entire article, I thought, there's something wrong with this picture, several somethings.
Another thing I thought was that the piece was high in commercial value, but low on content once you remove the filler material from her story. But then that's what selling papers is about...$.
tt
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Hi tt,
When I wrote that it was a "terrific" piece on therapy, I purposely didn't clarify. My daughter e-mailed me the link because she knew I would enjoy it. When I wrote her back, I told her it was "horrifying, sad, and a little funny." Most importantly, it told the truth--as Chekhov urges all writers to do. I had the same reaction to it as I did the newish Joan Rivers movie, "A Piece of Work"--which also told the truth, and which I thoroughly enjoyed. Of course, I grew up a Jewish New Yorker--so you're right, much of this may not translate in the rest of the country.
Best (I almost wrote Beset),
Richard
P.S. My daughter is now living in Brooklyn, a half mile from my great-grandparents' and grandparents' mausoleum. I told her great, if she lost her job, she could always move in there. Ooops, that may not translate either...
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Hi Dr. G.
Your travails with your mentors remind me of stories I read about Dr. Bruce Perry's (The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog) early years. He is probably the leading expert on the effects of Childhood trauma. It was considered wrong for him to fraternize with his patients by doing things such as taking a poor family home on a frigid day, but much of what he learned came from breaking that and other rules.
S
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P.S. My daughter is now living in Brooklyn, a half mile from my great-grandparents' and grandparents' mausoleum. I told her great, if she lost her job, she could always move in there. Ooops, that may not translate either...
May not translate, but it sure is funny. :lol:
Dr. G., my impression of you is that you could enter, learn fast and practice in the hinterlands with little problem. Ever done or thought of doing that?
tt
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This article left me feeling really good about myself. I have also been in and out of therapy. I go into therapy with a struggle in my life. I learn to deal with that struggle and get some good advice from my therapist. Then I venture forward, taking what I have learned and apply them to my life. Practice. Learn this lesson.
The next struggle comes up. Back into therapy. Practice new lesson. Each therapist contributed something to my journey.
I couldn't finish the article. I'm a midwestern person. By no means ignorant. Graduated in my field magna cum laude. Come on, people, take responsibility for your own life. Yeah, you might not have had a great start. You have struggled with manipulative people. When the manipulators are your own parents, you bear a special burden.
The author mentioned that after Dr. S evaluated her dream about Mark the therapist regarded her as a "hopelessly crazy person". My impression is that the author has no interest in working toward a satisfactory life for herself. She just wants someone to acknowledge her as the queen. Mark, her therapists. All the people who have worked to help her she has chosen to toss aside. Criticize. How can ALL these people be bad, after all these years?
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My sense is that there comes a time when mastery and competence and creativity is the most important need of the moment in healing. That time came, for me, when I had hashed and rehashed my history to the point that I was bored with it myself. Maybe that's where we are supposed to end up. When I abandoned analyzing the pain and its causes for the pursuit of some creative outlet, I felt the first exhilaration of healing. The talk, I think, was necessary--just as brushing one's teeth and cutting one's toenails is necessary. Still, brushing teeth and cutting toenails has never been the goal, but rather just one of those things that must be done.
Hi CB,
The following applies to only a particular group of patients into which Ms. Merkin may fit. (People see therapists for many reasons, and most are happy with the experience/result.)
Therapy for these people is not about hashing history over and over again. Rather, the past and the present are talked about so that the therapist feels what it's like to be the patient (knows the patient's world as intimately as possible), and ultimately this knowledge becomes part of a unique relationship. The conveyance back to the patient of “getting it” cannot be a mechanical act by a therapist (e.g. “So, you’re saying…)—the patient sees right through this and feels just as alone. In fact I think few people (including therapists) can “get” it, much less convey it back—and I’m not sure it’s teachable. For most people, their very solid sense of self get in the way—everything is filtered than translated through this self. Maybe only the voiceless can hear the voiceless. Anyway, if the therapist can "get it" and have the patient’s life/world affect them, gradually the patient makes an attachment and feels safer and safer in the world—and no longer alone. I think this is what Daphne Merkin was/is longing for and never found.
Best,
Richard
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Anyone who wants a therapist “who could make me happy” is worth a lot of money to therapists who will take it. I’ve (so far) got as far as the Woody Allen comment and am not sure I have enough time in my life to read the rest…
Hi Guest,
I would bet Ms. Merkin would settle for: not depressed, not alone, valued, and free to be herself...
Best,
Richard
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What seems to be missing here is anyone else or a real focus for the therapy. I get the feeling that therapy was like a school she attended. She seems to be a perpetual student who keeps switching colleges and never graduates. I don't personally find therapy to be very useful unless I have something to work on.
Hi Sealynx,
It is hard for the voiceless to convey what it is they want--and very often they fight their own wishes/needs in the therapist's office. If you finally get a little, you're going to want a lot--and you've spent your whole life trying to stay away from the conundrum. This is why Ms. Merkin pushes away as hard as she can the one therapist she loved.
Best,
Richard
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I understand what you are saying about the two-way relationship, but the counselling relationship necessarily involves a business arrangement that begins BEFORE the relationship, so I think that is always right there in the room. It's not bad. It is what it is, so it can't be a real friendship. I think that's right, but may have to think some more on that one.
Hi CB,
In the beginning of therapy (again, for the kind of people I see), the business end has its effect--sometimes in surprising ways. Some patients are glad/relieved to pay me because they want to keep in their mind that this is a traditional "doctor/patient" relationship--no closer than that. If they didn't pay me, they would feel extremely vulnerable. But for most people, as the relationship develops, the business aspect typically fades to the background--almost as if it were an unpleasant but necessary chore in a marriage. For others, the "issue" comes and goes depending upon how they are feeling about me at the time.
Anyway, psychiatrists are just people and I dont know how in the world they can spend all day doing what they do. I would be a mess.
I keep my practice small--otherwise I couldn't do what I do. Sometimes, I wonder what I would have done if I couldn't have done this--I can't think of anything as fulfilling. I feel very lucky.
Best,
Richard
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Hi Logy,
You may be underestimating the differences between you (brain + experience + interaction between the two) and her (brain + experience + interaction between the two). (I hope you are--given what she has been through in her life!) Here's the prior New York Times Magazine article describing her chronic depression:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/10/magazine/10Depression-t.html?scp=2&sq=daphne%20merkin&st=cse
People who suffer from chronic major depression often live hellish lives--and they try over and over to find someone/anyone (or anything) that will bring them some relief. There are some terrific books on the subject including Styron's "Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness" and Andrew Solomon's "The Noonday Demon--An Atlas of Depression.
Best,
Richard
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Dr. G., my impression of you is that you could enter, learn fast and practice in the hinterlands with little problem. Ever done or thought of doing that?
Hi tt,
Perhaps I could, but (luckily for my patients), when my mother put me down in one place when I was a small child, she could always count on my being there when she got back. It's part of my character. I bought a house (with my wife) 30 years ago--my first house--and here I am, still. I don't like change--my wife tolerates this aspect of me. (I guess I have a few other redeeming features???)
Best,
Richard
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I wonder, assuming that Ms. Merkin truly is one of the voiceless...
what has changed for her, that she can now write out her experience and make it public? Clearly, where the article ends, she feels confident enough in herself at last, to navigate her life without the safety net of another therapist. And even take the risk of making her journey public - which is a risk that I am not completely ready (nor see the real need) to take, preferring the "half-way" measure of sharing those stories here on the board instead. Yes, I'm still afraid of people's reactions to the story and even reactions to the fact that I was helped a great deal by therapy. There is still a lot of misunderstanding about what therapy is and how it works. Merkin has the advantage that the culture she lives in accepts that "Everyone needs therapy".
I had a horrible experience in an insurance interview - and was subsequently denied insurance - because of therapy. The man interrogated me in a badgering way to tell him why I'd gone to therapy - "stress", which was true, wasn't adequate for him - and he kept insisting that I was diagnosed as "something" - or was lying. He kept suggesting various things... and would not believe me when I told him I wasn't given a diagnosis and that it was none of his business what the topic of my therapy was. Eventually, I gave him my T's phone number and told him to ask her.
As memory serves, I stopped short of recommending therapy for him!
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Thanks, Dr. Grossman, for the link to her first article. Even though I have been on antipressants, been in therapy, I can say I have never felt the existance she has. I understand your comments now about her condition. So I reflected on how she is voiceless. I always thought of it as another person taking my voice away. Struggling to scream, someone holds your throat, denies your right to have a say. I never realized that one's own illness can create the same feeling. So her expectations of therapy would indeed be different from mine.
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Dr. G., my impression of you is that you could enter, learn fast and practice in the hinterlands with little problem.
What I meant about 'learn fast', is the cultural differences you might encounter on entering the hinterlands. Maybe not though, your essays resonated with me and out here in the hinterlands. Hinterland or urban, I think your patient/client would be blessed.
tt
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Hi PhoenixRising,
It is lucky for Ms. Merkin that therapy is so valued in NYC. I'm not aware of any other place where this is true. My guess is (and this is only a guess) her writing has made her life more bearable. For many writing is a kind of escape from the terrible ruminative, self-critical world that many depressed people live in. Part distraction, part "at least I can use some of these ruminations for some good", part "this is something I'm good at", part entering a different world, part this a piece of my life that I have some control of, etc. Because she is a terrific writer, and perhaps a perfectionist--I would bet the positive reviews help as well. One other comment about writing (related to your reaction to her making her struggles public): writers put their "stuff" out there, and then wait for reviews, reactions, responses--but those responses are not immediate (like getting a response to something you said), the words have typically been pored over (perfected?), and the responses /can be received often when you are alone. In other words, writing allows control where a conversation, argument, etc. does not. I think this also allows the voiceless to write.
Your experience with the insurance agent is sadly typical. The companies want to know whether you have ever suffered from depression because, if so, the suicide rates and their probability of having to pay a life insurance claim are significantly higher. This has often been a difficult issue with my patients. I'm really sorry you had to go through that.
Best,
Richard
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Dr. G., my impression of you is that you could enter, learn fast and practice in the hinterlands with little problem.
What I meant about 'learn fast', is the cultural differences you might encounter on entering the hinterlands. Maybe not though, your essays resonated with me and out here in the hinterlands. Hinterland or urban, I think your patient/client would be blessed.
tt
Thanks, tt!
Richard
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This was interesting. she makes a good point, one that I have also seen--immersion in a real time relationship will also produce change, similar to therapy. Anyway, interesting perspective--esp. about the correlation between literature-lovers and therapy-lovers.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-literary-mind/201008/does-therapy-change-you-or-do-you-need-lover-instead
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Thanks, CB, for the link. I enjoyed Ilana Simon’s post. Here are a couple of the issues it raises for me:
While from the outside, therapy looks like therapy (e.g. all therapy looks alike), my belief is: the sitting together with certain rules and obligations, while important, is ultimately overshadowed by the nature/personalities of the two people (not just the patient) in the room and the relationship that develops. In this sense, each therapy is a unique relationship between therapist and patient (my relationship with every one of my patients is very different). It is not, in some ways, useful to lump all the data together and call it therapy. Are some outside (some would call them “real”) relationships more conducive to “positive change” than some therapy relationships? Undoubtedly, but that would depend on the particular outside relationship and the particular therapy relationship. Both can have dramatic effects on the attachment parts of the brain—for better, and unfortunately, for worse. That said, for me certainly my marriage was more “healing” than either of my own two personal therapies, both of which did more harm than good—except that they taught me a lot about what not to do as a therapist.
I love great literature and therapy, too. But not for the reasons Simon suggests. I love both because each, in their own way, seeks the truth in ways unfettered by social appropriateness. And both foster connection around that truth (in literature, with the characters, and ultimately the author). In my “work”, this is probably as much a relief to me as it is to my patients. I only wish I had found it in my own personal therapies.
Richard
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Dr. G., my impression of you is that you could enter, learn fast and practice in the hinterlands with little problem.
What I meant about 'learn fast', is the cultural differences you might encounter on entering the hinterlands. Maybe not though, your essays resonated with me and out here in the hinterlands. Hinterland or urban, I think your patient/client would be blessed.
tt
Hi tt,
Let me take one more crack at your question/observation (I seem to have avoided it...) What I have learned, I think, is that what I do/write resonates with very few people, but the ones for whom it does, the resonance is fairly strong. I suspect, given that the posters (those for whom it resonates) here are from all over the country/world, I probably could practice in the "hinterlands". I'm sure the wish and ability to make an attachment transcends culture.
Thank you again,
Richard
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Dr. G.,
Thanks for that.
I agree.
tt
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Dear Dr. G.,
What I have learned, I think, is that what I do/write resonates with very few people, but the ones for whom it does, the resonance is fairly strong.
Well, for me your essays resonated very strongly. I hope that's a good sign. Their effect on me may have saved my life.
Thank you so much.
tt
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Hi tt,
Well, for me your essays resonated very strongly. I hope that's a good sign. Their effect on me may have saved my life.
In my opinion it's a good sign! I'm so glad you found the essays, and that they resonated!
Thanks for sharing this with me,
Richard
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Hi Dr. G.,
It is lucky for Ms. Merkin that therapy is so valued in NYC.
At the risk of trifling with details and elevating it beyond what you intended, may I ask, How so?
Is it because the chance of finding a good therapist is greater in NYC?
Or because NYC is a better environment all around because the people get more therapy?
Please don't throw me into the briar patch for asking all these questions! :mrgreen:
tt
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Hi Dr. G.,
"It is lucky for Ms. Merkin that therapy is so valued in NYC."
Is it because the chance of finding a good therapist is greater in NYC?
Or because NYC is a better environment all around because the people get more therapy?
Please don't throw me into the briar patch for asking all these questions! :mrgreen:
tt
Hi tt,
No briar patch for you!
Is it because the chance of finding a good therapist is greater in NYC?
Given Ms. Merkin’s experience, I would assume that the chances of finding a good therapist in NYC are not very good. But I’m not sure they are worse than anywhere else. I believe a good therapist is very hard to come by. In my life, I tried twice and got recommendations from senior therapists whom I knew/worked with in Boston. The first therapist (whom I’ve written about on this site) was destructive to me, and the second was a nice person who didn’t understand and ended up snapping at me for a dream I had (funny story a la Daphne Merkin which I’d be happy to tell in a separate post—I’d never before been reprimanded for my dreams).
Or because NYC is a better environment all around because the people get more therapy?
As far as I know (although I haven’t lived in the area for years), the people in NYC are no better than anywhere else—even with all the therapy they get. (Especially if they participate in the kind of therapy Ms. Merkin got/gets.)
The reason I think Ms. Merkin is lucky is that there is a stigma attached to going to therapy (esp. long-term and more than 1x per week) that is largely absent in NYC—at least in the circle I presume Ms. Merkin travels in. Therapy is difficult enough without having to hide it from the people around you. Boston is somewhat better in this respect than most American cities/towns. But especially outside of academic circles, many people here are still uncomfortable with sharing this information, even when it’s an important part of their lives.
Richard
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the second was a nice person who didn’t understand and ended up snapping at me for a dream I had (funny story a la Daphne Merkin which I’d be happy to tell in a separate post—I’d never before been reprimanded for my dreams).
Now I'm on the edge of my seat.
Lollie
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Hi Lollie,
I posted the story in a separate thread: Bad Dream http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=9607.0#new
Richard
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Hi Dr. G.,
Thanks for not throwing me in the briar patch. Brer Rabbit probably doesn't want a neighbor anyway :lol:] !
I see the point you were making now about Ms Merkin's experience in the world of therapy in NYC.
Thanks for sharing your "Bad dream" on the other thread. Sounds like it gave you advance foresight with excellent timing...
tt
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You know, for each of us the definition of a "good therapist" is probably similar to the definition of a "good enough parent". There has to be some kind of match between the two - whether it's speaking the same language, being close to the same age - and therefore having social eras & philosophies in common... or perhaps one is looking for a parent-substitute to help analyze & process the actual parent-child relationship and work through unresolved issues.
Before I found Voiceless, I used to participate on After Silence - a support site for rape victims. Even though my experience was so far in the past - I found that I needed to work thru the same things as others there, whose experience was excruciatingly recent. What's relevant here, is that so many people complained about the therapists they were with. Whether it was lack of training, or lack of empathy and truly understanding the experiences these women (and men) had gone through; discomfort with a different gender T... the reasons were all over the map. After awhile, I started to realize that people needed to "go shopping" for a good match - and this was recommended a lot. There's no easy way to do this. Even if there's a website and some discussion of philosophy and style of therapy is provided - there's still the issue of chemisty and the fact that if one is faced with the need/realization that one needs to try therapy, the reasons for that need (often unconscious) can cause the client to feel pretty helpless and powerless, even self-blaming if the progression of therapy doesn't seem to go anywhere useful. And to stay longer than makes sense, when the mismatch in the pair just isn't working. After all - we show up that first day not knowing what to expect except the media stereotypes, a little scared and a lot embarrassed at "needing therapy" (that stigma you know) and basically hand ourselves mind, body and soul to this "expert" trusting implicily that they know what they're doing, are professional, and are going to magically "fix" us.
Those expectations get people in trouble - and I think, are a little unfair to the T's. But then, the clients can't usually exactly say or pinpoint what their expectations are at the very beginning, can they? Not as adult children of emotionally unavailable or abusive parents or people with insecure attachment issues... I didn't have a single clue "what was wrong with me" or what I needed to work on - despite having written as much of "Twiggy's Tale" as I remembered to hand over during my initial consultation (who me, anxious? anxious to please? I thought it would save us both some time... I can giggle about that now!). My referral was for stress and anxiety, via my doctor and the university's psychologist. What I ended up working on - still am working on - is the real root cause of my low stress tolerance and anxiety, though the topics are far, far from the meaning of those words.
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Hi everybody,
Thanks for all your comments!
Some more semi-random thoughts re: "My Life in Therapy" and choosing a therapist:
We are still recovering from the Freudian era when therapists were trained to be as opaque/neutral as possible. Unfortunately, all that training did was to make therapists believe they were being opaque/neutral. And make it even harder to decide, in the first few months, whether one had made a good choice or not.
In that era, the best one could do was to go a therapist with a good reputation amongst his/her peers. You went and assumed from day one they knew more or better than you did. Of course, there was never any objective test whether this was true or not. And anything you noticed that bothered you or was hurtful was, of course, transference.
And credentials? When I first went to Mass. General Hospital, I was young and naïve (23!), and I assumed since I was going to one of the best hospitals in the world (Harvard Medical, etc. etc.), my mentors would be among the smartest/wisest therapists in the country. While they were all relatively bright, and certainly accomplished people, what they turned out to be were the most politically astute therapists in the country. Furthermore, just as in graduate school, one could not ask challenging questions or practice in a different way without being labeled as a troublemaker, an ingrate, and/or a dolt behind one’s back (and, of course, behind closed doors). Nor could you ever get ahead in the “system” (i.e. better credentials) unless you were political. For example, I was told by my unit chief that essentially there was little chance of my getting ahead (credential-wise) unless I worked in the head of psychology’s private consulting business. When I asked how that could be, he said: “Welcome to the adult world.” Whether or not this was true, I never learned. But what this meant was: choosing a therapist on the basis of credentials was likely not only pointless—it was possibly downright self-defeating.
So how to choose? Get a name from a friend in therapy? In the 30 plus years I’ve been doing this, maybe twice did one of my patients (reluctantly) offer my name to a friend (who never came in). (This reminds me of a variant of the old Henny Youngman joke: "Take my therapist, please".) This may mean I’m a lousy therapist—but if you ask my patients, they will say they simply do not want to share me (and, of course, complicate matters with their friends), although they will break down and occasionally send beloved family members to me.
So, how will the Daphne Merkins of the world finally find a “good-enough” therapist? As you might have guessed, I think the Web has great potential for this purpose. So much can be revealed about a potential therapist, for better and for worse, if they only wrote essays with human sentences (skip the psychobabble), and revealed themselves. The problem is: very few therapists are doing it. For fun (?) recently, I visited 10 or so therapist web sites in Massachusetts. Boring and completely un-revealing. I certainly couldn’t choose a therapist based on these sites—because I discovered almost nothing about the person behind the credentials. Perhaps Board members have discovered sites where the therapist is revealed. If so, definitely post them so that we can take a look. I think the Web is the best opportunity the public has for making good matches with therapists—if only therapists would have the courage to reveal themselves as human beings.
Richard
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Hi Dr. G.,
I found this as a definition of therapist: a person trained in the use of psychological methods for helping patients overcome psychological problems.
I can't seem to get my wings flapping with this definition. Help!
tt
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You know, perhaps Ms. Merkin's long list of therapists coincides with her own transitions and growth and needs as she changed. Maybe it's not a 100% correlation. And maybe there were some mismatches, too. Perhaps there are valid reasons, even, for changing therapists along one's journey, rather than establishing a life-long one on one relationship. Yet, some people will be more comfortable maintaining that single relationship.
tt: Keep looking; maybe you'll find a better descriptive definition. I suspect that the reason you're having difficulty finding something that sounds like a human interaction, is that the process itself is highly customized to the individual situation. And perhaps the reasons for the vagueness of websites, is intentional - avoidance of creating an expectation or guarantee...
I can see the ads now (this is a joke !):
Is your life a mess? Don't know where to turn?
Call now for this life-saving information that will help you turn things around!
The first call is free! If we agree to work together, subsequent appointments and payment plans are available.
Treatment is absolutely painless and you won't feel a thing.
But WAIT - THERE'S MORE!
We'll send your our free catalog (50,969 pgs) of pharmaceutical methods for changing your emotional and mental state, complete with an appendix of the the side effects of each. ASK your DOCTOR* if one of these drugs could help you... and never mind the side effects. YOU aren't a statistic.
Call NOW - we guarantee that you'll be happy as a clam after just a few sessions and you will live the "good life" happily ever after. Or your money back!!
* Disclosure - the therapist(s) of Fairy-Godmother Psychiatry do play golf and tennis with all the MDs in town to help raise money for charity. And that's ALL... they never talk to each other, refer patients, or collaborate in treatment.
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But seriously - you know the publicity Dr. Oz, Phil, Laura have gotten. I find a lot of their advice a bit shallow - and dangerous, in the wrong hands. You know what they say about a "little bit of knowledge"? But on the other hand, at least there is some mainstreaming (dreadful word) of therapeutic ideas to the masses. This is the way that things become acceptable and commonplace - and not stigmatized - in our popular, group consciousness, cultural mind. Unfortunately, so far the format is Jerry Springer-based and so is the sensationalism.
But what if there were a website that pooled the different approaches of several therapists together and provided a dialogue between them of different approaches to the same case study? Around a group of issues - say, Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families (broaden or limit the scope??). Discussion, debate, even disagreement would reveal some of the inner workings of therapy to people hesitating and wondering if they could benefit?
Have you seen the TED website? Now, there are even TEDx sessions... smaller groups focussed on specific topics. These are recorded 18 min. lectures or presentations and the audience on site then participates in discusssion. There is strong support for interdisciplinary discussion - and many good, even new creative things have come from this. I haven't been there lately, but one of the things I want to see if it exists on the website - is way to comment on or get involved in discussion of some the topics, after the fact or on an on-going basis. Perhaps the idea above could be explored as a TED session first...
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PR
a website that pooled the different approaches of several therapists together - sounds like a great idea, if you could gather therapists together like that.
I love the idea of TED. It's one of the things that exist that make life worth living, unlike so many organisations (including many charities!).
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Hi Dr. G.,
I found this as a definition of therapist: a person trained in the use of psychological methods for helping patients overcome psychological problems.
I can't seem to get my wings flapping with this definition. Help!
tt
Hi tt,
How about this definition: "a person trained in the use of psychological methods for helping patients overcome psychological problems, and then throws out those methods and tries to discover what really works."
Does that help? :wink:
Richard
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Ahhh, you're cute, Dr. G.! I like your definition, especially the :wink: which says to me that a person's therapist shouldn't take himself too seriously, but that he should take his work seriously, remembering that beneath what he/she sees outwardly,is often a hurting and perhaps highly confused (insert your own description) person/soul/spirit resides.
tt