Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Overcomer on December 18, 2010, 09:43:45 AM
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Hey everyone!! Tensions are running high.
My nmom is clearly getting alzheimers. The family is all up in arms because she is supporting a cousin and his wife while the rest of the family struggles. It is such a mess. You cannot talk sense into my nmom and the more you try to point obvious flaws in her thinking the more she grits her teeth and labels you the bad one. Everyone in the family is talking. My nmom's sister (my aunt who turned our business upside down) is all about getting as much of my mom's stuff as she can.
My mom had a sister that died at 35. She left 3 kids who are now all in their 40s. My grandmother just died and none of those kids got a dime. My grandma split everything three ways and totally excluded the 4th child's heirs. That after my grandmother went and helped raise the kids when my aunt died.
What is wrong with my family? My mom is nuts. My aunt (the baby) is a baby!!
I am sick and I just cannot take anymore of the family drama. It is coming to a head. Everyone is talking about the dysfunction!
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I'm glad you see you need to not take care of family drama, Kel...
You deserve to simply savor life and try to feel as well as you can.
It would be a shame and a waste to keep trying to turn a turnip into a kitten.
No need to be angry all the time, or roiled up, or distressed. They all have their own paths to walk and yours belongs to you, no matter what the money, externals, weather, diagnoses, or dramas.
Lots of love and support,
Hops
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Hi Kelly,
So sorry that you're having to go through this. As if the holidays weren't stressful enough on children of Ns. If your family is anything like mine, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change this behavior. They're all crazy and nothing can stop them, so don't waste your energy trying. Stress is bad for your health, and right now you need to concentrate on taking care of yourself and staying strong. I know first hand how impossibly difficult it can be to sit back and watch family members play these childish games, but we have to try to distance ourselves from it as mush as is possible. I'm able to cope somewhat by trying to accept what I can't change, and working on what I CAN change. I'm putting my energy into my own work and career, and will one day have the last laugh by being truly successful in my own endeavors, with no assistance from them.
In a way, it seems like the best way to fight narcissism is WITH narcissism. They spent their entire lives caring only about themselves. Now it's our turn to quit worrying about their dysfunctional mess, and take care of US.
It's going to be tough getting through the next few weeks, but you can do it. As Hops said, you deserve to simply savor life. Be good to yourself, and know that you have friends standing behind you to cheer you on. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Let's not allow the Ns to ruin our holiday, eh? Be happy, and stay healthy.
((((((hugs))))))
Kathy
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It's crazy making. I walk my own path now. If others want to join me, they are welcome, but I won't leave my path. It's hard to make changes when your whole life has been built around the normalacy of madness! Keep taking baby steps. If you wander off your path, don't give yourself a hard time, it means you're one step closer to staying on it without any effort in the future. If people try and push you off course, tell them thanks but no thanks. Thinking of you xxx
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Sorry your family's so nuts, Kell.
Lighter
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As the dysfunction unfolds and the family becomes more and more aware of it, it is as if the perpetrators of the dysfunction slink back into a corner, continually accusing and blaming others for their "anger," "unforgiveness," etc. My nmom says, "when someone says something bad about someone I love it is as if they are saying it about me." Problem is she is quick to throw barbs and jabs on us. Because we do not keep the dysfunctional family secrets we are the BAD ones!!!!
So frustrating!
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You have been heavy on my thoughts lately. I am so glad to read your post. how are you doing???
I am sorry about what you are going through. It is the pits. It is quite simply insanity - I personallly find that word helpful when I try to imagine myself describing what I endure with my family to another human being. I may as well be talking to aliens who have no idea of the concept of family.
Thinking of you. - GS