Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: kellyginger on November 08, 2004, 02:59:44 AM
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Hey guys,
Long time no talk, I hope everyone is doing well? I just had to get my feelings out somehow?! I have been away from my 'N' for nearly a year and today I ran into him by chance. We do not live in the same town anymore and I was driveing a friend of my son's home that lives in the next town over and there he was in a small mom and pop store working as a cashier. I have always wondered how I would handle this incounter if it ever happend. I loved this person very much and he hurt me in more ways then I could ever utter in any one moment in time but here today was the incounter. I always invisioned me feeling the same way as I left him (hurt and alone)but I did not today. I was stopping at this store because I was getting packing box to move my kids into a new house, a house, a real home for them. We have had a very difficult year and this was our reward, a new home! I was trying to get the boxes out of the store and I couldn't see past the check out counter and I went to ask someone if I needed to pay for them but then I heard his voice. I never made eye contact or anything like that but I knew it was him!! I told my daughter that happend to be helping me that we needed to go this other way. When we first met so long ago (7 years) I would always get butterflies in my stomach and my heart would skip a beat but today I am FREE of those feeling because the only feeling I had was I am glad he has a job ( never did much when we were together) and that he was doing ok but no feelings like in the past!! I felt 10 feet tall not getting the old feelings. I was so happy that I was not part of his life and that moving on was the best thing I could have done for me and my kids. I don't feel imprisoned like I did for so many years. We nevered talked or acknowledge each other today but when me and my daughter went past the store to go home he was watching out the window, that just made me sad, not sure why? I said this out loud to my daughter and she said mom you know he really did love you. I said I know but he had a weird way of showing it. I am glad for the experience but I would never want to repeat it and I look forward to the next phase of my life, this one free of butterflies:) Have a great week everyone! kelly
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Thanks for sharing this.
:)
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Me too. Thanks for sharing this kelly. It inspired me b/c you overcame something very painful. Thanks again for posting it here.
Hugs.
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Thanks for the support! I really just needed to get that out and done with!!
Everyone have a great day!:)
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I would always get butterflies in my stomach and my heart would skip a beat but today I am FREE of those feeling because the only feeling I had was I am glad he has a job ( never did much when we were together) and that he was doing ok but no feelings like in the past!! I felt 10 feet tall not getting the old feelings.
Getting out of those feelings when you loved someone so much is very difficult, and I hope you are so proud of yourself for doing so!
I have had a similar experience with my xN in that shift in feelings when I have contact with him, and I still have trouble believing it myself. It was the time of extended zero contact by my request, that allowed me to gain both perspective, and some needed self introspection and strength.
In hindsight now, I think it is really good that you ran into him as you have been able to see first hand, how much you have healed. I'm really glad for you. :)
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Thanks for the vote of confidence! I didn't look at it like healing but you are right!! I have healed and it feels go weird but so good at the same time!! I hope anyone who has gone through what I have, has the courage to do whatever they need to do to break free and feel good about themselves............. it is a GOOD Thing to think about yourself!! Life is be enjoyed (giggle) I have never enjoyed life as much as I have since I left him!! I know it is not for everyone and it was very very very difficult but I wouldn't ever take it back.... not in a million years!! Have a great rest of the week!!:) Kelly