Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on February 19, 2011, 01:02:34 PM

Title: Re-visiting The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker
Post by: lighter on February 19, 2011, 01:02:34 PM

I read it years ago.

Once.

I should have read it till I was clear on everything in it, which I certainly was not.

I've checked out the book on CD from the library, and it's interesting to note how many "red flags"  listed are flags I should have seen, but chose to deny or ignore.

I engaged in DIM thinking when the stakes weren't so high. 

I could have avoided a lot of trouble had I just listened to my first instincts.

I wish I had.

He explains why we don't protect ourselves, and how disordered people get around our attempts to protect ourselves.

I recommend it to everyone here.

Lighter

Title: Re: Re-visiting The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker
Post by: Guest on February 19, 2011, 07:01:43 PM

I just ordered it, thinking that I will say to myself, I knew I was right, and I already knew it (because I know it now). But a book never hurt.

Title: Re: Re-visiting The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker
Post by: Baddaughter on February 20, 2011, 12:46:31 AM

Thanks for the tip!  I'm reading now and will pass on to my sister.  It is providing some of the validation that I crave.

Title: Re: Re-visiting The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker
Post by: Guest on February 20, 2011, 09:45:59 AM

Validation is good, but it is not extra information. With information, one is able to decide/judge for oneself (validation becomes/is redundant). A bit like arguiing with people who don't agree with you or who state the opposite to what you think; eventually you pass over it, don't bother speaking much about the topic in question. I sometimes wish I was there.

Title: Re: Re-visiting The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker
Post by: nolongeraslave on February 23, 2011, 08:18:09 PM

I loved this book. It's a favorite of mine.

My favorite quote from his is "Anyone who doesn't respect your no is trying to control you."

A lot of us have come from families where we thought it was normal to have our no's disrespected and not honored.

What's even more disturbing is that I was surrounded by "friends" who thought it was perfectly okay for males to disrespect a woman's no when it came to sex. It sure is validating to see a male author tell you to stay the hell away from males that persist.

Title: Re: Re-visiting The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker
Post by: Hopalong on February 24, 2011, 07:39:26 AM

Yes, NLAS!

About the No.

Your body belongs to you your body belongs to you your body belongs to you

xo

Hops