Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: sKePTiKal on July 16, 2011, 07:16:25 AM
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OK, here's one that relates to technology. Discuss amongst yourselves; I have some ideas/opinions about this... but I don't know what I ultimately "think" about it...
The whole social network/"friending" phenomenon.
Several social science studies have said that we can only truly maintain real relationships with about 150 people. People come and go, in that group based on time spent together. These are people with whom we share events, feelings and thoughts with... people we do things with. Everything else we post online is "branding" ourselves... creating an image for the external world of "who we are"... and usually so people can "like" us. So, in the pre-technology days... we talked about creating persona masks; now we talk about branding ourselves -- like a product to sell to the world, defining personal success by how many people "like" us..... I guess only the medium has changed and it's still the same thing, right?
I suppose that would explain why I've always been more drawn to discussion boards online than the social-net idle chatter or chat description of me and my life... I much prefer having a one on one discussion and really get to know that person (relationship) versus just making light, witty cocktail (or art student) banter. The latter is fun - in small doses... but it's also "not enough" to sustain me. Empty calories.
But there is something that bothers me about how it easy it is... with profiles, walls, collections of "clues" to how "cool" someone is/isn't... to create & project something that isn't genuine; something we wish we were or that we lie to ourselves about being. Almost as if, we're encouraging people - everyone's doing it! - to create this extra layer of personality - this false persona - and maintain it. As if, we've come full circle back to the social theme of "only appearances matter"....
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I have recoiled from FB, mainly because I think I would be addictively involved, and full of anxiety, and increasingly isolated. I'm already online way too much.
I've had several friends from church tell me I miss out on a lot because I don't do FB and I believe them, so it worries me. I'm isolated already and if I'm missing out on all sorts of casual news (and casual invitations) that go only to those who're checking FB every day...then maybe I need to start.
But I have a sort of resentment about it. I do know how positive and helpful and fun it can be because I hear about it all the time. On the other hand, the entire notion of "friending", "defriending" or "unfriending" people...makes me feel ill. (Yes, people can tell me not to react so literally to the terms and also tell me about their functions and utility and etc.--been there done that.) School was bad enough and cliques persist in adult life, so I just feel better staying away. Plus, I loathe what I learned about Zuckerman, and the FB privacy issues are just overwhelming.
I guess after being Nmom's child, FB seems like a 24/7 boundary exercise and I'd flunk. Reveal too much, risk too much, etc.
My response is more that I'd like to ask the new minister to seriously consider a sermon about the isolation of members who don't do online social networks. Hah. Apparently he's busy on FB too.
:(
Hops
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But I have a sort of resentment about it. I do know how positive and helpful and fun it can be because I hear about it all the time. On the other hand, the entire notion of "friending", "defriending" or "unfriending" people...makes me feel ill.
Ah so I guess I'm not the only one. I've only looked at FB a couple of times and it made me feel physically ill. Big surprise some of my Nish family members are heavily into this stuff. They may not have a positive reciprocal relationship in the real world, but they can tally up 159 friends on FB.
Eventually a lot of the FB users are going to get selected out of the genepool, when they get run down in traffic or otherwise have some kind of accident while staring at their phones. The whole thing just amazes me...
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SL, as with any new technology, doesn't it depend on how you use it? See:
Absolutely Guest. Since my invites to FB have mostly come from Nish relatives and acquaintances, my opinion may be biased up front. But I still tend to be question the ability of people to make positive long term use of any new technology. People in this society jump on any new gizmo with little consideration of the longer term consequences, for themselves or for others.
FB can be used for positive inclusive purposes, but it can also be used for less positive groups.
See for instance:
http://www.newser.com/story/64082/service-members-join-neo-nazi-facebook.html
The same people who are endangering themselves while staring at their phones are endangering me when I dare to walk or bicycle down the street. I've been nearly run over several times by fools concentrating on a phone conversation instead of the road. Then I am encouraged to drive instead of walking, which adds to pollution and road congestion. Any new technology creates all sorts of unforeseen consequences.
A couple of days ago I was standing in line with a bunch of phone people. They all stood there staring at their phones and stroking the display, not saying a word to anyone around them. Two of them nearly got in a fist fight when one lit up a cigarette and the other didn't like it. Seems to me the technology may be contributing to more contentious and unpleasant "real world" interactions.
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I 'like' :D your post SL and agree. Too tired to write now but this is a great topic.
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So, once upon a time a supervisor (in graphic design/public relations) told me that while I express myself really, really well, I don't communicate well. It stuck in my craw (what with 2 degrees that are all about communication)... and it's applicable here, because in the public section of FB I pretty much don't exist. There is nothing in my profile that personally identifies me... except the schools I attended. I tend to use the private message function of FB to actually keep in touch (one on one) with folks that I really care about - my D's, hubs' sibs, other relatives and those "long lost 5th grade friends" that drug me back to FB, after I thought I was done with it.
We used FB and Twitter to post updates when MIL was in the hospital, with her last stroke. It was easier than all four of us, talking to Aunt Sue at different times, and even perhaps saying different things. It was a one to many "push" of info that kept everyone informed of the situation... but also allowed the rest of us to focus on MIL and each other for support, that dreadful, exhausting week. FB eliminated geography and timezones... or at least levelled the difficulty of those. Both my D's live in two different states from me. I use FB to simply watch what and how they're doing - without being a nosy mom. We also send a lot of private messages this way. Sometimes we play together like this, too. When one D went AWOL and disappeared on me, because she wasn't able to phone me, after I'd missed one of those - PLEASE HELP MOM phone messages - I was able to find out what happened and get in touch with someone closer to her... through FB.
In my university online ed job, I found myself involved with FB that first year that it spread like wildfire. A bunch o' tech admins from other schools made a group in FB during a big software conference so we could share session info amongst ourselves and discuss. There was little chance to really just hobnob and informally talk with people... yet that's where the best brainstorming and ideas came from - so we tried doing it online. I already knew better than to expect my profile to be a private thing; I only filled in "required" info... and much of that was already publicly available on the school's website. In reality, we didn't use it that much... and I forgot about the app for a year or two, until they released a plugin that would "push" announcements, assignments and grades to a student's FB page. We delayed installing it for a couple of months, as we discussed the network security... the privacy... and the possible glitches because grades aren't even available to parents online - by law. We had to know they were secure, before activating it.
I have a love/hate relationship with technology. While I'm fascinated with the lego-like architecture behind the pretty web pages and can get totally immersed in that aspect of it... I'm also interested in the "usability" of web page design and how information is presented and what information is presented. How do people interact with the tool, in other words. Does pretty and hierarchal design help people figure out how to use the tool better than something that's merely utilitarian? After 10+ years teaching people (mostly adults) how to use tech tools I also got interested in how the tech shaped the way people thought about their task - versus the "old-fashioned" method. And how dependent people became on the web tool's ability to "think" for them... their panic when the tool didn't work as advertised... where the disconnect was... and the whole emotional side of technology - y'all have been there a time or two, I'll bet. When you wanted to chuck the monitor through a window - for one reason or another...
and now social science is beginning to think about these things. OK - I'm hooked! :oops: I've just recently read a few things that are starting to explore this area. How the concept of "friend" is changing... conformity vs individualism... about the "branding" or marketing of ourselves for acceptance (which has to be as old as the hills, this is just a new way to do it)... and even asking myself WHY I'm so reluctant to be my "self" out in FB-land and take pains to hide in plain sight, unless I have something supportive or funny to say... while here, I'm the proverbial "chatty cathy".
The idea that's floating around is that FB's "like" button IS a feedback loop and through this loop, people are subtly conforming... developing a new group-think-value system instead of thinking things through themselves; perhaps only liking part of the post. Does "liking" indicate approval or validation? Hmmm.... another feedback loop, eh? Why would I "friend" a store or a shop or cause? do I really want to interact with them so intimately online? (and aren't they already buying my online usage data from Google or someone else??)
And my biggest issue, I think, is with the concept that software can predict me. What I'll want to read (Amazon)... or who I want to "friend" (FB). I was an early adopter at Amazon too - so they're still recommending the 2011 Artist's Market book to me; the last one I bought was back in 2004 or 05. This year, I'm reading a lot of neuroscience stuff and literary fiction... next year, it might be dead reckoning navigation on the ocean - who knows??? Or economics for dummies... Or governmental theory... or the psychology of government... or well.... you get the idea. I might even read the The Black Stallion series again. I've never read the Winnie the Pooh books, either.
My point being... a.) I don't WANT software to try to think for me. I turn off auto-completes, auto-spellcheck, and auto-grammer fixes right after I install word processing software. I express myself and communicate the way I want to; the software is supposed to do what I tell it to.
b.) I don't think I want to be the center of attention to the whole wide inter-web world. I had some experience with being the "goddess" of my software system at school - and typically, it made me feel I wanted to run away from campus screaming to people to just leave me alone .... Groupies bother me, too. I delete all friend requests in FB from people I don't know IRL (in real life). And even if I do recognize the name - if I don't remember anything about them... nope; ain't goin' there. I just don't want to be pinned down by all those expectations of me. How can I have a life, if so many people have a claim on me and my time?
Example: the 5th grade friend who got in touch with me through FB, took me to task for being "too quiet" and not plastering the site with pictures, personal info about me, and idle chit-chat. His specialty is politics... and I definitely don't talk politics or religion "out there". In fact, he actually jumped me with a both-feet criticism, when I did venture to bring up a point that wasn't part of his political orthodoxy. He can't discuss something that doesn't agree with his point of view. He can only invalidate it.
And to a degree, I think FB in particular, encourages this kind of herd mentality. There's a feedback loop to find a bunch of people who validate you and your way of thinking - hey! they're just like me. And dissenters or people who think/feel differently are sent to seek their "own kind"... their own herd. There's no in-depth, ongoing discussion - of all viewpoints. So it's a shallow pool, yes. It's also really, really biased and promotes the "us" vs "them" idea... and that's even before we get into cyberbullying, trolls, online stalkers, flame wars... sigh. I've been through my share of those, too. I like hearing/reading about other points of view. That makes me weird and strange in the online universe, I guess. Maybe in 3-D, too. But it's who I am...
So... what happens to "accountability" on the web? Given that, over time, our views and thoughts and feelings all change... if something is archived on backup tape... one "said" it... and right or wrong, it becomes a digital arti-FACT. Does that truly define one's online personality? If one's 3-D personality changes, how does one explain - that's who I used to be? Is it really appropriate for that level of private personal self to be shared -- in public? Isn't one taking a huge risk of being hugely invalidated by people one barely knows... or that we, as a society, begin "accepting" behavior or thoughts that previously were "socially unacceptable"?
I don't think that's the fault of the technology or the tool. It's mere human nature expressed in another medium, rather than face to face. In some ways, the tech reflects a bit of what's going on IRL (in real life)... and can be studied as a microcosm of the larger social trends. I'm not sure we're always going to like what we find, as we study it, though.
That said - VESMB is an online environment. I wonder how many posts have expressed gratitude that finally, they found a place and people that "get it"? It is a place that helps a person develop positive feedback loops; provides validation and acceptance and belonging (IMO). It's also a grand, successful experiment in being able to help people - peer support - group therapy - in the online environment. What are the differences between VESMB and FB? Other than, I know I'm not taking the risk of being torn to pieces by wild, invalidating cyber-dogs if I post a not-necessarily popular opinion? We argue different points of view here - sometimes passionately - and maybe that's another skill we needed to develop; arguing our point of view without being savage - or being savaged. I don't take that risk often or in anything other than a minor way out on FB. That's like walking into a seedy, rough bar just at closing time - I have to expect what exists there, you know? I can just walk past it, too.
Hops: I only saw the movie Social Network, in the last month or so. I intensely dislike the Zuckerman in that film. I've not been able to pinpoint the reason why. Some of my "best friends" have been genius programmers! (LOL...) I think the underlying dislike rests on the characteristic that this person believes he can "change the world" and that he is wise enough to know how best to do that. Sorry, I'm skeptical about that! Especially, when every time his software goes through an upgrade I have to reset all my privacy settings again. DUH... that's easy to avoid in the programming (even Microsoft's figured it out...), so I have to assume that part of this "change the world" scenario requires that we share everything about ourselves with everyone and if one chooses to be more private or anonymous in FB... they're going to over-ride your decision.
It also bothers me that one can't delete an account. I first ran into this trying to close a web-mail account. I argued for 30 minutes with tech support, who insisted that they could only disable the account. I told him I knew he could delete the account record in the user database... and that's exactly what I wanted. Same thing happens in FB; when I tried to delete my account it was simply disabled; archived... and a couple years later, way too easy for me (or someone impersonating me) to re-activate it.
That's dangerous, in the tech world.
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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/15/how-to-delete-your-facebo_n_577478.html (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/15/how-to-delete-your-facebo_n_577478.html)
The one time I signed up (then immediately retreated when I got a flood of emails and realized it was just too much for me)...I used this info to delete my account. Doing the permanent deletion was the only thing that stopped it.
Hops
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and we have an ironic saying in tech support for higher ed: you can't fix stupid!
It applied to us, often enough... because the systems have become too complex to remember everything and know enough about how one piece integrates with another... so it was essential to have a "collective brain", instead of an individual one.
Most of my rant revolves around my own attempt to reconcile myself to the downside of tech... with my fascination with bright, shiny, tinkly fun part of it, I think. Yeah - I contradict myself a lot, especially on this topic. It's a powerful tool with the potential for some amazing human achievements... but in the wrong hands... well, the same can be said for a hammer, too.
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I've been kind of lurking on this topic as I do use FB for my home-based business and try to stay neutral on a LOT of things so it doesn't hurt the business I am trying to launch. The only place I REALLY let my hair down is here on the Voicelessness Board.
Bones
P.S. I sometimes participate in Star Trek role playing games if the storyline intrigues me. Otherwise, I tend to lurk there too.
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I wish I could tap into a collective brain........there's much room for improvement in here. :P
Bones, I Love your PS content. Star Trek! 8)
Does anyone remember Second Life? Is it still going? Is anyone there? I looked at it once. Kept reading how companies were joining. I thought at the time, what a complete and utter waste of time. And very clunky. Awful. Very limited appeal. Speaking of which....
and the web as a whole "the potential for some amazing human achievements" - what % is devoted to pron? Anyone know? It's a biggie (pun intended).
And thanks to SL I have a new euphemism:
"What was the party like?"
"Oh really boring. Everyone was standing around stroking their phones."
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First thing that pops into my mind is that some of the personas posted on the social network sites are not even admirable personas. There is some trend of admiring those with less then high quality personality traits....I guess I am thinking about guys bragging about being jerks but that's nothing new.
I think there is some truth to what comes through on peoples social network profiles. A propensity towards darkness, or naivety or other qualities.
I have an acquaintance that has a personal website showing every darn thing their baby/toddler does and a picture of their house and what neighborhood they live in etc. They are very nice people but maybe too trusting, I do wonder why they don't protect it with a password and only give that to their close friends because everybody and anybody can see every detail of their lives even what they own inside their home. Sometimes I think people just forget that anyone can see.
It's a loss of privacy and a willing loss of privacy in exchange for showing the world how cute their baby is and how wonderful their stuff is.
Also the concept of "friending" itself...brings up thoughts for me. Some people it seems to me just want/demand attention or acknowledgement but those things are very different from a friendship where attention and acknowledgement are involved but are not the the main motivation for the "friendship".
To me it seems hard on the internet to develop friendships rather then just the attention seeking interactions that some people call friendship?
A side note: (I haven't had the emotional energy to waste on FTF interactions with people who are not potential friends, the best I can do is not do anything to make their lives worse but I don't go out of my way to be "friendly" when I overhear everybody elses problems in my real world life....and I think some of them get offended that I ignore them because I get an attitude from them....I just think it's ridiculous how some people believe they have a right to demand attention and time from others who are not even friends at all.)
But that is me just exploring my decision making process for who I give time to....I think I started learning this from a friend who is a law student...she often spoke and had body language in a way that sometimes made it clear she was plain old BUSY! And I liked that a lot.
Think it's funny the way "Modern People are too busy to exercise/Too busy to cook old fashioned meals/Too busy to wait in line" BUT Modern people spend a lot of time on empty tasks like twitter etc.
Last thing I have to add, A male acquaintance of mine posted on his photo-gallery site pictures he had taken of hundreds of women, strangers on the street of their bra straps, their legs, their shoes, their boobs, even shots of underwear showing from under skirts when the women were sitting down...Not only are some people posting about themselves but people are posting about others without them knowing about it.
I b*tched about what he had posted and he locked it so it's not available for the world to see any longer.
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I have recoiled from FB, mainly because I think I would be addictively involved, and full of anxiety, and increasingly isolated. I'm already online way too much.:(
Hops
I like the way that you have pointed out that you believe you would feel increasingly isolated if you were to spend more time communicating electronically with people.
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I suppose that would explain why I've always been more drawn to discussion boards online than the social-net idle chatter or chat description of me and my life... I much prefer having a one on one discussion and really get to know that person (relationship) versus just making light, witty cocktail (or art student) banter. The latter is fun - in small doses... but it's also "not enough" to sustain me. Empty calories.
But there is something that bothers me about how it easy it is... with profiles, walls, collections of "clues" to how "cool" someone is/isn't... to create & project something that isn't genuine; something we wish we were or that we lie to ourselves about being. Almost as if, we're encouraging people - everyone's doing it! - to create this extra layer of personality - this false persona - and maintain it. As if, we've come full circle back to the social theme of "only appearances matter"....
I started getting lost in my own thoughts over this... distracted while laughing at some of Guest's great observations... and well, it seemed I need to go back & reclaim my original focus. And as usual, there's more than one in what I quoted above...
and what I've just realized is that this topic is more about boundaries than technology... and currently all my brain processors are maxxed out both in speed and data... I'm processing a whole bunch o' stuff faster than I can put it adequately into words. But it's all my own story; my own progress... and doesn't have a thing to do with FB. It's just that I am always better able to "see" things like this, in experiences and things other than looking directly at myself. Y'all don't need to hear another iteration of my story and I don't need to write it all out anymore (please! not again)... so I'm going to let the bit-torrent slow down and see if I can render this down to what it is about the two paragraphs above and FB that connects with boundaries.
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Oh, the irony... (((Boat))) :D
I wrote a lay sermon on loneliness and one point of it was, when you get isolated enough, you get depressed, and then if somebody calls to invite you to do something, you say something like, "I don't think I'd be good company right now..."
I have experienced that--being so lonely that if offered a chance to break out of my isolation I felt too lonely to accept the invitation.
YAARGGGGGGGGGGHHHH
I am positive (so far) that I am one of those who would make an alternate onlne life out of FB and wind up lonelier than ever. If I could not go out, it would be a godsend, perhaps. For the old or homebound.
But I'm already nearly homebound during my off hours voluntarily (or I've been through long episodes of self-isolating) and when I'm depressed, even moreso. So I need to push myself toward more ftf interactions and meetings and activities.
VESMB is a grand and positive exception for me. I do miss the times when there were many more voices and dialogues going on here, but hope those who are quieter will pop in again.
xxoo
Hops
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PR
I think FB in particular, encourages this kind of herd mentality. There's a feedback loop to find a bunch of people who validate you and your way of thinking - hey! they're just like me. And dissenters or people who think/feel differently are sent to seek their "own kind"... their own herd. There's no in-depth, ongoing discussion - of all viewpoints.
I think you touched on this - that the above is no different to 'real life'. Who really consorts with people who don't agree with them, who hold vastly different opinions, who don't 'validate' them? In most cases? (!)
And well these sites have quite a cool stalking function I find. Whether people want to tweet their lives, their holidays, their locations, their events, their N personas, their insecurities - it's not like you have to go digging for dirt these days. It must be a huge resource for journalists (those who have a clue). And even for the more mundane things, like seeing that that chap you once knew is now a fat bugger with an insane wife, mixing in a community of like-minded fruitbats.
And of course if one does tread carefully out to interact in the virtual society, it's possible to tell an awful lot about people you do know - and those you don't - just from the way they do interact, or more tellingly, don't. When people ignore you - or each other - it tells you something about them. All human life is there, one way or another. Navigation is important. Fascinating!
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HA! "like-minded fruitbats" -- ROTFLMAO!!! Permission to use this?? I love it!
As to the feedback loop of needing validation and the "us" herd instinct - I've mostly wanted to be challenged by people who think differently than I do. I've wanted to study it... try to stand in their shoes... try to understand what it is that is important and of value in that person's strongly voiced or defended opinion and belief. Even when I strongly disagree with it.
I've spent my life trying to do this with my FOO, you know? To no avail, of course - no way for me to understand. So it's sort of refreshing to engage in this with someone who has real reasons and can talk about them intelligently and not just resort to "because I said so". My beloved D, being a case in point. Our politics are radically opposite. She tries not to engage in that topic, but a few times when she has... I'm listening... and I'm hearing that our viewpoints are not so far apart; we worry about the same things and the same things frustrate us and make us angry.... even as we hold different ideas about our favorite solutions utility. And we agree that we're ALLOWED choose different favorite solutions... so it doesn't come between us. Now, other people don't know that about us... and they respond by trying to smooth things out... or having an "uh-oh" moment... because they are conditioned to expect someone to "win" an argument. Neither of us cares if we win or lose... neither has to be "right"... we're BOTH looking for the something new, original, so-far-unthought-of possibility that "works"...
not many folks have the cohones to go toe to toe like that, shake hands or hug, and walk away still friends... but it sure is worth it! Especially, when you've had a parent who browbeat you into agreeing with them all the time, a parent who had to be always right -- my D's dad was like this, in her life.
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PR I'd love it to think you might speak or write something I wrote.
What fascinates me is when people speak what I have said a while after the event and they think it's their own thought - a thought that they are gracing me with the benefit of (this is the sort of English up with which I will put).
I agree about seeking out those who may disagree; how else will we learn anything new? Ha, particularly about ourselves...
I find those extreme left-wingers interesting: the ones who are so right-wing in their solutions, but cannot see it: they're the ones who love to talk ideology but who won't countenance the pesky facts. Everything has to be black and white. The sort who will accuse you of racism for wanting to discuss the effects of immigration and so on. Very boring.
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I haven't had a problem with soical network. I do have FB with a small list of family and friends. Alright I admit...Come on Down!! Your our Next Contenstant to the Price is Right!! A game or two (and I suck at it) a few Happy Birthdays, look at pics , laugh at a status, like a comment....And I'm off.
I have connected with childhood/teen friends because of face book. I don't think it would have been possible with out FB. We haven't seen or spoken to each other in 20 something years. We live all over the United States but at one time we lived all in the same neighborhood and our years together, growing, were a huge part of our lives.
We have come full circle again and there is not one person that does not say.....I loved my childhood/teen years (and that was outside whatever went on in family). We were bonded. I do remember (the scratch) draw some blood (your blood, my blood, we are bonded/family). Oh Gawd!
I met all you guys, afterall!!!!
I think this is a neighborhood, we all have bonded, we all are growing, and we are all a huge part of each other's lives, I do believe (we even did your blood, my blood, we are bonded family) we connected our bleeding hearts. Sure people have healed, moved on, but I Bet....(Dr. G, the people here before and after) will always be in one's heart (forever). I betcha!
Love
Deb
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tt - don't feel bad, I think I forgot where I started with this... something about Ns, probably and how the medium encourages people to not even try to disguise their excessive ego-feeding. But like Deb, I have a smallish group of "friends" on FB - some from 5th grade even! - and since our family is spread all over god's green earth, it makes it so much easier to keep in touch.
My hubs resisted creating an account for a long time, but while searching for contact info for an old buddy of his I suggested FB - and sure enough, he found him... later called him... said friend just recently died suddenly. Hubs is now in the midst of re-connecting with his HS class to organize a reunion for their 40th, next year - online. His former co-workers are there, too... so he can KEEP those connections he thought he was giving up, to live here instead. That's a good thing! It's a real good thing for me, because he hasn't gone out of his way to try doing things by himself or make friends to hang out with sans moi, since retiring.
I guess, something my Nboss used to say about tech, is probably true: it's just a tool and becomes what you make of it. Some very, very good things have come about for me, because of facebook. There is a beach discussion board - used heavily by tourists and locals alike - and during hurricanes, it's our life-communication lines as long as there's internet service. It's our "town square" and has been used to rally the troops when someone needs help, etc.
So I guess ultimately, I have to agree that the method of being "social" isn't quite as important as the being that way! And that we probably will all find a comfy mix of methods to do this...
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PR
the method of being "social" isn't quite as important as the being that way! And that we probably will all find a comfy mix of methods to do this...
Agreed, definitely, a comfortable way of being social. Although I worry less about my own being social than the bad behaviour of many people I know IRL who lack a certain knowledge of reciprocity and social acceptability.
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Yes, there is that, FW...
I'm not going to go back to living under a rock, just because there might be an N in my next social event. In fact, I know there are Ns and I'm going anyway. I'm not giving Ns the wiggle-room to affect me... when I can. I have no other interactions with these people, than social...
which is a big difference from the impact my brother can have on me, when he flips into irrational passive-aggressiveness. There are degrees... people I can ignore... people I dare not ignore, but don't have to cater to and always have to protect my own best interests, when they're loony.
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Yes PR. There will be at least one unstable and potentially N (or other disordered) person at my next social event. I intend to watch their effect on their adult child, the partners, the relatives and watch how the whole thing interacts and inter-interacts! And I might even take time out to watch my reactions :lol:. Yeah, when the nuts affect our kids, that's when we need to see things clearly because it's not easy. As for semi-Foo events and effects, I'm probably backing out of all of it. I don't need that kind of evil/stupidity in my life. Who does?
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Huh! thought I posted this, but...
Just occurred to me that maybe WE'RE a social network.
Sorta.
Son of a gun.
Hops
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Reckon we are sorta Hops :D
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Yes, the quality of people and the safety and respect for each other... here in THIS social network... is way different than the wide open free for all of say... facebook... unless one deliberately limits one's participation. Which, now that I think of it, is a good boundary exercise...
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Agreed, although the stalking function isn't as good as on FB...errr :mrgreen: