Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on September 14, 2021, 06:00:39 PM

Title: Hair
Post by: lighter on September 14, 2021, 06:00:39 PM
I can't take care of my hair when it grows to a certain length.  Typically, as I did this time last year, I wash it, pulled it around front and lop off about 9 inches.  Usually I  when twist it into a top knot, which you can find illustrated on Youtube by many many people.  My hands are expert at twisting everything up in a couple seconds then BAM.  Done.  Easy peasy, but it  rats at the scalp, nape and sides of my head..... just too long to care for that or anything, really.

So... that said.... I spent a few hours yesterday building maginficant towers of braids.... one verticle. One at the back of my head where I the head rest would hit, if I left it in, which i have not.  I didn't have things mapped out well enough, and realize it's beyond my ability right now.  That's OK.  Better to know than keep wondering what if and doing nothing,IME. 

I lived with the towers for 12 hours and, depending on the pov,  laughed, was overtly concerned at times, then found clarity about what I do and don't like about it, so I can ask someone to help me figure it out when I'm ready to do that. 

My brain and fingers don't know the language of braids, esp backwards in a mirror... just too much to master in a day or after hours of watching videos, which I've done on and off through the years.  I have many many pictures of things I cannot do.  My brother's dd could do it.  I wonder if a neighborhood teen would be willing to work outside for money in this time of Covid?  Maybe teach me something I can handle on my own.

It's just time to DO it.  What marvelous chaos I'm capable of with braided fake dread locks and a bunch of 11 year old tiny hair ties breaking all the time, bc I fished them out of the lice kit I put together in 2010, along with other hair clips I just never bought for myself, bc lack of interest.

I'm going to buy little clear white tiny hair rubber bands that aren't crunchy.

  Splurging, I am; )

To the bath, now I have my hair down and ready for travel.

A trip to Lowes on my way out of town,with the pug, then down the mountain.


Title: Re: Hair
Post by: sKePTiKal on September 14, 2021, 08:03:55 PM
Well, long shag haircuts are coming back in Lighter. And there's no reason you can't have it cut shortER, without the layers, if that's what you like. Viking braiding is a thing now, too. You might could find someone to do it for you to see if it'll work...

but I suspect you just don't want to bother with your hair most of the time. I can relate. I'm going with a longer bob - anywhere between chin and shoulders, depending on how soon my appt is. It will pull back - and cloth headbands and hair wraps are your friend.
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Phyll on September 15, 2021, 06:14:15 PM
My hair is now longer than it has ever been.  I have not mastered the muscle memory necessary to create nice looking braids.  I pretty much tie it back in a tail or to the side.  While in jury duty one of the women who was older than I put my hair in a bun for me, but I cannot replicate that... my hair is very thick and heavy. At this point I am just seeing how long I can keep this COVID hairstyle going.
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2021, 09:57:19 PM
I cut my hair about shoulder length in 2009.  It felt like i was punched in the gut every time i looked in the mirror.  It wasn't me i was looking at. It was as stranger and she's in all the holiday pictures too.... and it's still a gut punch.  I can't even remember who cut it, or what that was like, but I do remember the sweaty curling iron sessions, forehead burns and the desire to flee like my hair was on fire. 

I can't style short hair daily.  Even if I didn't dislike it intensely around my face..... I just can't DO all that grooming. 

Phyl:  My niece has very long very thick hair and she twists it into a top knot a lot of the time, just like the rest of us.  If you pull it up and twist in one direction till it's just a bun.... you can tuck the ends underneath and clip it with little clips or use a hair tie at the base to keep it in place. Usually it lasts longer than I can stand all the weight hanging on the same hairs...... I just take it down, brush it and put it back up in a couple seconds again.

If you center it on your head, the weight sits on top instead of hanging heavily off your head..... it's not beautiful, but it's not bad looking either. 

Amber:  I guess you pull your hair back most of the time, or.... you have to style it every day?


Title: Re: Hair
Post by: sKePTiKal on September 15, 2021, 10:20:05 PM
Lord no! I'd go stark raving mad if I styled my hair every day. Wash it, comb & part, let it air dry - just running my fingers through it. When dry - run a brush through it. Most I ever do, to "style" is blow dry it. Done.
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2021, 10:25:21 PM
I needed help to get the viking braid OUT of my hair.  This is going to have to be simplified by a lot. Scissors were involved :o

The good news was.... dd21 wanted to know if I it was only my hair or if anything had been added.  My hair is shiny where the dreads are very matt and textured.  I think she was relieved my hair hadn't matted INTO dreads.  She's helped me brush my hair out a few times.  I'm glad the color match is as good as it is.

Hopefully dds will lend me their brain power to pull off some kind of hair tie with the braids.  Maybe more than one.

Amber:  You must have more body than I do.  I have to fuss and muss with shorter hair or it's a train wreck. 

Title: Re: Hair
Post by: sKePTiKal on September 16, 2021, 08:52:19 AM
It seems like hair should be sooooo simple, ya know? But we all know it's "KNOT".  ;)

I never did anything special with my hair. In HS, it was long - and herbal essence with a vinegar wash brought out the red highlights in the auburn. Stayed like that for a LONG time. At one point in the 80s, I found a stylist who put the world's best spiral perm in my long hair... and I finally had "big hair". She left, I graduated, and I didn't do anything special again for years, while building the first homestead. Mostly worked jobs where there weren't expectations on meeting any dress code, you know? The PR firm was a little different, and what worked then was to find someone who was a wizard with scissors. When at the university, I landed on a woman who is, to this day, a friend of Hol's.

During lockdown, it grew long again. My bangs (part of the previous bob) grew out to where I could mostly pull them back with the rest of the ponytail. B never cared what my hair looked like - as long as I wasn't fussin' about it. Went back to my usual salon, a year after lockdown - and my scissors wizard was gone. I absolutely hated the haircut the new girl gave me. Despite my explicit instructions. Hol straight up told me she was sick of hearing me complain about the cut. So I grew it out a little more again... and found my wizard at another salon.

My hair is really fine, even though it's silver-white now. Except for funny streaks that are growing back in dark again - sorta a reverse Elmira look. LOLOL. It's naturally wavy - but not so curly. The fingers & air drying are the best (for me) at getting some volume. Yes, my wizard is good with a round brush and dryer - and it always looks smooth & classic when I leave. For about 2 hrs. Then the waves start popping out again. LOLOLOLOL. The waves have their own pre-determinded pattern of what they want to do. A cowlick doesn't help either (thanks daddy!!).

But, making lemonade outta lemons is my thing, and it's my hair. SOoooo... I have a theory of rationalizations all made up about my hair to free myself to focus on things that matter a lot more.  :D  Like actual self-care, for one thing.

See, I think all these years, my hair was always the "real me". No matter the awful things my mom tried to do with my hair, no matter the "fashion" trends and social expectations, no matter if I was in a "I must look like them to fit in" phase... or I WRGAS (angry non-conformist phase)... my hair always did what it naturally WANTED to do. And it was always there, BUGGING me, to pay attention to my inner needs. It was screaming -- be more like ME and all will be well!!!! And I was doing my best to try to make it conform to whatever design idea I was obsessed with matching. Wearing stuff that looked - wrong - on me. But all that time, my hair was doing the "Samson" thing... it was magical, it was my strength & power, if I just stopped trying to make it be what it WASN'T.

Gradually I heard the message. Accepted it. And I noticed, when I looked in the mirror, even with the aging process - I look more like "me". In between washing, all I do to it is brush it - all forward, till any tangles are gone; making sure to massage scalp; then back down.

Hol's got really thick, mostly fine hair - I mean she could make a dog out of her hair, if she shaved her head again. It's shoulder length or below. Jess put layers in it for her, which helps lighten it and give it more wave & volume & texture. She usually twists it up in a bun, too. Forgets to brush it; it does knot up too. But she rocks it. Everyday - no matter how she's dressed. She sent me a pic of her on set yesterday morning as the sun was coming up. Overalls, boots, sleeveless T - hair bun - of her drilling through an 1-3/4 steel plate into the asphalt of a city street, to make one anchor for the car crash effect they'll film next week. She looked like a modern "Rosie the Riveter" - all backlit with the sun coming up.

IMO, after thinking about this so many years... I think it's when we forget to worry about what we look like, and are just ourselves (and comfortable with it)... that the real beauty of "you" can shine through. Even dirty, sweaty, tangled hair, etc.

For now, just brush your hair more often. Maybe try another brush - a wide, flat one with few bristles maybe? Look at all the pretty hair accessories - LOTS of really pretty ponytail holders, there are big clips, too. I liked combs for awhile. There are jewelry style bobbie-pins too. And the soft headbands are probably my favorite - long or short hair.

But start from what your hair wants to be - and work around that.  Hugs.
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: lighter on September 16, 2021, 04:04:53 PM
Thanks for reminder about hair ties and things that are pretty.

I would have bought hundrds of the chunky nubby hair ties I found at Ulta back when I was.... early 30's. 

It's like they sold them for a year then stopped, never to be seen again.

I guess I could MAKE some.

Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Hopalong on September 16, 2021, 09:53:05 PM
Oh to have thick hair again, unruly or not!

Enjoy and celebrate, y'all!

Title: Re: Hair
Post by: sKePTiKal on September 17, 2021, 11:45:55 AM
With all the "big" and "important" stuff we all deal with, focusing on hair seems........ I dunno, frivolous? extremely odd, in light of all the "have tos"? Something like that. That kind of thing runs through my head a lot.

But I don't think it is. I think it's probably MORE important than a lot of those have-tos. I think it's a direct communication from "us" (a part of us that we, yes we, tend to shove aside to take care of people and things we're convinced are essential to our well-being, including US) that we've been ignoring for a time.

So, Lighter - spend some time looking at how you'd design your hair. Even if you're not ready to commit to any big changes right now, at least LOOK and give yourself that time to focus solely on YOU.

It's restorative. It's enlightening, too.
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Phyll on September 17, 2021, 01:03:22 PM
I have always been a wash and wear hair kind of gal.  Fortunately I have great hair.  After losing all my hair from chemo on my 40th birthday, I never had a bad hair day.  It always grows back.  I had a lot of fun with scarves and hats back then.
I did manage a bun today with the help of 2 scrunchy ties.  Not on the top of my head though.  I'll try that tomorrow!
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Phyll on September 18, 2021, 11:26:28 AM
I put my hair in a bun at the top of my head this morning and received an unexpected compliment about it from W. :)
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: lighter on September 19, 2021, 12:17:11 AM
Did you twist it up, P? Twist and twist and twist and twist in one direction till it knots up and makes a bun?
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Phyll on September 19, 2021, 05:58:20 PM
That is a good tip.  I twisted some, but had trouble with it today. 
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Pseudo Mouse on September 20, 2021, 11:37:36 PM
Well, recently this past year I guess, I feel and look run down in a two fold way. Firstly I've not been seeing many people or looking forward to seeing people and so I've not got much reason to keep up appearances.

The other part of me also resents the bullshit and fakeness of femaleness how even unattractive women judge others based of image and appearances but appearances that are false. Appearances that are purchased in boxes of hair dyes and such.

Also there is just the crap about the workplace too. Since I wasn't customer facing at my last job I would dress down most of the time but dress real nice maybe one time a week just to show the managers I was capable of it and that I wasn't socially/professionally incompetent in presentation lol. I think it rather worked considering there were so many daft very young people coming in with those cut-out yoga pants that are not only skin tight but have see-through areas, it was pretty ridiculous.

I don't think I feel so much pressure to keep up my appearances to appease those who see themselves based on something phony, and yet there is always some social pressure.

Definitely it's nice to dress up and see a friend, there is something to it, I'm not poo-pooing it entirely. It's just that I've not got much use for facades it bores me and it's a lot of work for nothing.

I'd rather sit in the dirt and garden or paint something or make something. Being pretty and looking good are not things I'm very good at nor do I derive very much joy from it. Maybe I've just got a bad attitude.

I've gotten used to the cost saving home haircuts. There was one nice haircut I had long time ago and I wish I could have it reproduced but I don't think it's too likely.

I'm rambling.

All in all people want to feel their best I guess. For some that means looking in the mirror and getting a certain kind of reflection back. I'll admit my reflection is sometimes gross these days. Just yesterday I was so disgusted with my random up pointing stray frizz hairs that I smoothed some hand lotion on them because I don't keep a lot of hair products around. I mean it works so why not.

This seems like a silly topic, HAIR, it's sort of is and it sort of isn't, I guess it represents how a person presents themselves to the world.
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Hopalong on September 21, 2021, 09:12:05 AM
My inner cavewoman salutes yours, sister Mouse.

Hair has represented class and beauty throughout history in many cultures. But at the same time, there's implied luxury in having the time and supplies one would need to create those well-dressed tresses. Looking back, I wish I'd rejected the toxic chemicals I rubbed into my skin -- especially hair color.

I absolutely comprehend that there is joy and playfulness within playing with appearance, and I can celebrate those too. I love color, fabric and creativity. But way too often for my comfort, that playfulness morphs into pressure, and twists women's self esteem from a young age. That I dislike intensely. Little girls stuggle with eating disorders at 10, some cut their bodies to release the pain they carry.

I miss having what was accidentally (iow, biological quirk) beautiful thick hair when I was young. It gave me advantage points in the unspoken competition for males, or positive approval from adults when I was little, or a confidence in being viewed,  stepping out, etc. EXTERNALLY I was "good", not due to any quality of character.

Like facial features or anything else physical my hair was pure biological accident. What I've always disliked about the "beauty pressure" in our culture is the way it separates woman from woman and awards "pretty points" that unjustly exclude those who for physical or economic or any other reasons, can't focus on the never-ending search for beauty. Plus, I loathe the whole industry that begins when we are tiny to tell us our female bodies aren't okay as they are and we're supposed to be self-conscious about how we look every day of our lives. Black girls have it double.

Had I money to waste, I'd look better I'm sure -- I'd have services and products and appointments and massages and as much feminine ease as I wanted. But since I don't, I don't. Saves time to keep it simple but I doubt I'll ever be fully free of a thread of tension over various appearance things.

Over many years I've found step by step that it's more fulfilling to focus on other kinds of beauty -- the beauty of other humans old or young, nature, animals, interactions that are loving and not assessing.

Almost as good as caffeine, a nice morning rant. Whew.

Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Pseudo Mouse on September 21, 2021, 07:30:56 PM
To each her own as far as style goes. Sometimes one wants to do it and other times a person doesn't want to. Here, recently there was a windstorm that knocked out power, knocked down trees etc. It sort of felt like a tornado. I went to the dentist and the hygienist was picking leaves and twigs from my hair saying that ladies should do this for each other lol. Face it, doing hair and makeup also means one isn't caught in a rainstorm or whatnot. So much of women's fashion is really based on a kind of person set-apart from working class like you say. The high heels and what not they really aren't practical no matter what people say about it.

All of that being said. Setting aside some time to focus on oneself is ultimately good. It's good to care for oneself it really is, but I'd rather get paint on my fingernails, go hiking, look at beautiful windy landscapes, dig up some onions or whatever instead of looking a woman who is made-up because she needs to see herself that way.

This is a society where for a female to put her best foot forward it does often involve something Geisha-like for me it feels a bit not me. Also, I've got sensitive skin there is no eyeliner or eyeshadow that doesn't bother my eyes I'm not kidding.

I've got some sunscreen with coloring in it so it's sort of like a bit of makeup and that is all I do, for me that is my 'make up'

Still, I've had a super pretty haircut before that I loved and it did make me feel nice, I just don't have that cut anymore.

Teenage girls often instinctually like to do all this stuff, the hair, the clothes, the nail painting maybe it's even developmental phases where some people don't want to do it anymore. Maybe it really does come down to money or lifestyle and how a person was raised.

I've got a friend who is very nice and she loves to read she really doesn't care that much about clothes but sometimes I just wish I could give her a makeover. I get it, looking at other people knowing that if they got a different haircut and color with highlights once and got a couple of new outfits it would really transform their appearance at least. Sometimes there is an issue of some kind of social awareness. I'm rambling.

Dressing and looking nice first all requires a little bit of a blessing to have a decent figure, a decent face from the start, a certain age too, but then on top of that to be able to dress stylishly is sort of a social game, some women don't feel comfortable around other women who don't quite dress right- I've had female bosses like this.

The happy middle point is for people to do what they feel like doing I guess.

Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Hopalong on September 21, 2021, 08:54:20 PM
Amen to that last line!

And never forgetting you are an artist, I bet you'd do beautiful makeovers.
Even though I don't go for the madeup style, I've enjoyed The Makeover Guy stories on YouTube. It's fun to see worn-out women's energy lift like that.

Love what the hair stylist said because it made me think of how animals of so many kinds love grooming each other. Same instinct I'd bet. Dunno what Barbie has to do with it, it's the bonding human touch I find so lovely and comforting.

Nice ramble, Mouse.

Title: Re: Hair
Post by: lighter on September 22, 2021, 12:35:29 AM
For me, caring about my hair, after 15 years of not, means I'm not playing dead anymore. 

I want an easy braided way to wear my hair so I don't have to fight with it so often.  I'm tired of brushing knots out daily.

It's for me and no one else. 


Title: Re: Hair
Post by: Pseudo Mouse on September 22, 2021, 01:45:25 AM
For me, caring about my hair, after 15 years of not, means I'm not playing dead anymore. 

I want an easy braided way to wear my hair so I don't have to fight with it so often.  I'm tired of brushing knots out daily.

It's for me and no one else. 


Yep, that sounds good. Sometimes more attention on looks is a type of self nurturing. If you enjoy it and it makes you feel good then go for it :)   
Title: Re: Hair
Post by: lighter on September 22, 2021, 06:17:02 PM
I went in to Ulta today and bought some little clear hair ties, a couple kinds of chunky hair scrunchies I can triple up and a french hair braiding...... thing.  It looks like you put chunks of hair into it and it holds them for you. Will see.

I phoned my old martial arts instructor and asked if he'd braid my hair.... teach me some tricks. He told me to do what I'm doing..... watch Youtube vids. 

I'm enjoying a super high pony tail right now...... way up high..... feels more like me again.