Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
....the movie "Mean Girls" (did you see that?
Strange to see such monumental actors in something so silly, huh?
Students are funny...they think whatever you do here is all you do (are you going to paint pictures this weekend? ) and if they see us (teachers) out of context, it's mind blowing for them (teacher's shop for groceries???).
...it's hard to find cool stuff that doesn't look like "art teacher/hippie mumus" or little tart!
GFN: you just had a bad art teacher....
...for no kids to EVER feel they CAN"T in my classroom. The following three-word phrases can be tools to help develop every
relationship.
1. Let me help.
Good friends see a need and then try to fill it. When they see a hurt they
do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they jump in and help out.
2. I understand you.
People become closer and enjoy each other more when the other person accepts
and understands them. Letting your spouse know - in so many little ways –
that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing your
relationship. And this can apply to any relationship.
3. I respect you.
Respect is another way of showing love. Respect demonstrates that another
person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults
you will strengthen the bonds and become closer friends. This applies to all
interpersonal relationships.
4. I miss you.
Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and
sincerely said to each other "I miss you". This powerful affirmation tells
partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved.
Consider how important you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone
call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss
you."
5. Maybe you're right.
This phrase is very effective in diffusing an argument. The implication when
you say "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting, "maybe I'm
wrong". Let's face it. When you have an argument with someone, all you
normally do is solidify the other person's point of view. They, or you, will
not likely change their position and you run the risk of seriously damaging
the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door
to explore the subject more. You may then have the opportunity to express
your view in a way that is understandable to the other person.
6. Please forgive me
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit
their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults,
foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has
been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today
than he was yesterday.
7. I thank you.
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the
companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily
courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many
expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends
is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.
8. Count on me
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential
ingredient for true friendship. It is the emotional glue that bonds people.
Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true
friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating "you can
count on me."
9. I'll be there
If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a
sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from
home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there".
Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are
truly present for other people, important things happen to them and us. We
are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and
spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.
10. Go for it
We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform to
your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how far out
they seem to you. God has given everyone dreams, dreams that are unique to
that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams.
Tell them to "go for it."
B o n u s:
11. I love you
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone
that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs. The
need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your spouse, your
children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words,
"I love you." Love is a choice. You can love even when the feeling, is gone.
12. GOD BLESS YOU!
(Hi, honey. I'm home. What the...?)hahahahahaha! :D And the rest are good *grunt* *snort* *snuffle*
We cannot solve our problems
with the same thinking
we used to create them.
by Albert Einstein
Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the fool upside the head.
hahahahahahahahahahah! :lol:
Brilliant!
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a
pig.)
....the penis becomes knotted inside the female and cannot extract until the "orgasm" is complete and the knot shrinks.
In a pig's eye it should end!
wouldn’t it be great if human mating was also so painful for both male and female? Then we wouldn’t spend so much time and resources chasing it!
I do find nature weird sometimes??Me too, especially the human part of it!
Welcome back GFN, hope you had a good hol
Sorry too Mudpuppy. I started this thread (but didn't sign my GFN). There are lot's of good things here too, if you read back a ways. No worries if you're not interested. That's ok too.
Singin in the Rainand one with Fred Astaire, Rita Hayworth and Adolph Menjou, it had a hilarious script, but i can't remember the name.
mud: these particular inmates were 5th graders but I teach art to the whole school.
I am sure I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body
Are you a fan of Impressionism at all?
I am surprised you like Bosch! Yikes, his stuff creeps me out sometimes (like Dali's can).
Mudpuppy, please what's the name of the thread where we were talking about apologizing and I went about pasting stuff from another thread and now can't seem to find it
My brain cells are dissolving as I write and no telling what will be left as of tomorrow
"Buddy. I bet you haven't had it in awhile!!"
Can you remember phone numbers easily too?
But I think maybe I'll go rent a couple of war flicks this weekend. Pork Chop Hill sounds good, lots of blood and guts.:lol:
Thanks for making me laugh once again. At least I don't need all those brain cells to do that!!
Mud, are you like, one of those savants?
Hpe you didn't take offence at the "gay man in a woman's body" thing
I invariably forget their name by the end of the introduction....And I have a difficult time remembering where I have placed things.
Inner peace...
By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally
found inner peace...
The article read:
"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've
started."
So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and
hadn't finished... and before coming to work this morning I
finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey's,
Kahlua and Wild Turkey, my Prozac, some Valium and a box of
chocolates.
You have no idea how freakin good I feel...
..but I know he heard me.......it really is a beautiful prayer.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.:shock:
Prayers for our Pope, tonight,
as he moves closer to Christ.
His suffering has been long. :(
His peace is approaching.
God bless his soul.
Prayers for our Pope, tonight,
as he moves closer to Christ.
His suffering has been long. :(
His peace is approaching.
God bless his soul.
GFN
PS: I wish they'd shut up about his funeral until he is at least gone!!
Stupid media!!! :x
And Brigid thought I was gonna get a big head?
I might get an inferiority complex instead.
Its half rain and half snow here. Your post makes it seem like a beautiful day, if I don't look out the window.
Your puppy sounds so cute!
It wasn't mudpuppy was it?
I can't remember who was dreaming about mud.
I might get an inferiority complex instead.
mud
I have no fear of this happening.
That reminded me that I need to go and get some seed. Since all the snow melted (finally) while we were gone, I can now get to my feeders.
(dogs are awesome, huh?)
Me either, really. I think we need to dream some more about him and see if we can do more to prevent it though, just in case.
I might get an inferiority complex instead.
(October is good at that).
Brigid
Glad to see some fun spots in between the seriousness!!
See, Canada does produce more than just beer and moose. /quote]
Oh yes Mud! And we eat more than back bacon and doughnuts too eh?
I have made great attempts to see a moose. Lived here all of my life. Trecked through Crown Land (bush) and driven up highways to nowhere and still haven't spotted one! (frustration icon).
My cousin, who I used to go on cannoe trips with, once saw 72 moose on one trip!!! :shock: :shock: He's the winner at moose spotting!! 8)QuoteOMG...thanks for triggering a great memory. My sister and I watched Strange Brew when we were teenagers and walked around saying "eh?" after every sentence for months.
Hey Learning! Good to hear from ya again!
Ya. That movie was pretty funny eh? I was a teenager too and I remember a whole group of us went to see it. What a joke! :D :D
Another movie I thought was halarious but cannot, for the life of me, find anywhere is:
"The Nude Bomb"
With Get Smart and Chaos and the gang! Chaos had this bomb and if they dropped it, the whole world would suddenly be nude! Agent 86 had a desk from h*ll (it turned into just about every gadget imaginable). I was a big "Get Smart" fan!!!QuoteI also enjoyed the teacher piece. H is a HS teacher and I shared it with him. He could relate!
Glad to hear it! All the best to you Learning! :DQuoteI've been challenged for discussing Renaissance, Medieval, Native American, African and other cultures and time periods and art movements....why? Because religion and spiritual beliefs are PART of the deal......cannot be avoided!!! Good news, I can usually explain respectfully, and people come around... or a kid can "opt out" (they never do).
Isn't this world getting crazy?? You can't discuss religion but you can talk all you want about safe sex etc. (maybe that's an exageration but not far off). :roll:QuoteI went to Canada once, I couldn't get "eh" outta my mind for months! It really amused me. Thanks for the memory-it was a happy time.
Hiya Sunshine!
Ya...you really hear that a lot up north.
Reminds me of when I visited small town Iowa once, and noticed so many people said:
"Uh huh" instead of yes, yep, or ya and "Youuuuu bet!" was another, often combined. I found it a very warm and inviting way of speaking. Kept it up quite awhile after I got back and still do it once in awhile. :D :D
GFN
As an art teacher, it's hard to avoid spirituality and religion, especially if you want art to have ANY context at all.... I've been challenged for discussing Renaissance, Medieval, Native American, African and other cultures and time periods and art movements....why? Because religion and spiritual beliefs are PART of the deal......cannot be avoided!!!
I loved "My Favorite Martian." What the heck is the Great Gazoo? Must be a Canadian thing.
Still....I did have a disagreement with a porcupine once.
and I don't think he's in the mood for that right now but I'm quite willing....to wait!!
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.
I was also once attacked, in my truck, for approximately 15 minutes by an amorous grouse.
The Amorous Grouse?
Sounds like a British rock band.
At the same time, I have this image of an entire (male) rock band whaling away at various bits of your truck with their guitars, drumsticks, microphones... with no idea on earth of why they feel compelled to do it, man, it just seemed, like, totally natural at the time, you know? Obviously the truck emerges entirely unharmed, not so the instruments, and when everything is held together by strings, splinters, and wires they all look at each other, shrug, and wander off into the brush... on the back of all their t-shirts is the band's logo, "The Amorous Grouse", which is, of course, a little bitty teeny weeny bird, hightailing it after a logging truck.
I may have a dream about you again tonight. But rather than rolling in the mud, frollicking and laughing, I think you will be strutting your tail feathers trying to attract yo new mama :lol:
I like to think more little nice things are coming my way soon.
The world ain't bad some days, is it!
There is so much to read on this board and I'm not keeping up. "So much to do.....so little time", another one of those phrases I didn't coin. I want to read every thread here and respond to as many as I have anything to add to......but alas......I haven't time.
I just want to say to those who I've posted to and who have responded to me and who I have not posted back to.......
Please forgive me. I'm sorry that I didn't thank you when you said something nice to me, or answered when you asked a question, or thanked you for adding your thoughts/comments. I just don't have enough time, right now but I want you to know that I appreciate every word you type and I thank you for taking the time to do that. I'm trying to read but I like to think over what I want to say before I post (usually), and then it seems I have some other responsibility (in life) that I must attend to and don't get back to write, or I have to disconnect my pc because of something life requires of me.
I just keep thinking about some who might be feeling ignored and rejected when they've bothered to post something and I don't post back and please, please hear that it's my fault...because I'm busy and can't post.....and nothing to do with you. I guess I've been worrying about it, ever since I told you, Stormy, to stop worrying about it.
How ridiculous is that????? :shock: :shock: :? :oops:
((((((all)))))).
GFN
Can I count on you to bring the wine?
For the main course, I would prepare a beef tenderloin with Merlot sauce (sorry if I disturbed you vegans out there), rosemary roasted potatoes and steamed asparagus. I think a strawberry cheesecake would be the perfect dessert
Thunderbird or ripple?
Can I come over early and help?
What are your favorite flowers because I'm bringing some for you anyway so you might as well fess up?
She's quiet,how do you know? I’m not exactly quiet here am I? But in public I’m a wee mouse and you knew it!
but very classy,well thank you very much m’am 8) , as I sit here in sweat pants and an old T shirt of H’s, you almost make me want to take a shower :shock: (that’s blown it) :roll:
neat artistic jewelrythis gets me, how do you know????? How??? You? Know? That is me and that’s spooky!
(anyone want white?)
Okay, I’ll stretch to making a tomato, avocado and mozzarella salad.
Brigid, I'll bring this gorgeous Gewurztraminer, it comes from Alsace, it tastes like you're drinking flowers....
can i hold big old red cat, or does he only sit on his mommy's lap? (in which case I'll hold big old red Sandy cat.)
How about a nice platter with different stinky cheeses and lovely fresh fruits?
how about Grant Burges 1989 Shiraz?8) I have no idea about this wine but I will have soon after your description, my that sounds goooood, like velvet in a bottle 8) appreciation coming from afar...
How about a nice platter with different stinky cheeses and lovely fresh fruits?
Perfect, GFN. However, since you're providing the beautiful bouquet, maybe we should assign this to someone else? I wouldn't want anyone to feel left out.
She's quiet, but very classy, neat artistic jewelry, oh I name thee Portia, and thy friend, who's equally classy and brought a novel with her, thee I name October.
hugs all.
I doubt if I would take a novel along if I had lunch with Portia. 8)
And how come I don't get the classy, artistic jewellry??? :shock:
:lol:
Oh, 'you' had the novel to read while you waited for her... 'you' were early, to get a good table... and 'you' looked just a trifle sad. Had something major going on, didn't quite feel up to jewelry... but very classy in basic black. 'P' persuaded you to come to lunch and get a brief respite. It worked, too. 'You' were smiling by the time the main course arrived, and laughed, quietly, over your dessert.
(((((October)))))
I'ma vegetarian.
what will I do?
I know, this big dining room has a very large painting of mine in it....hows' that?...and there are many others of the artists here as well! Hey, and I can bring music....either live (family's full of musicians) or recorded (I can push a mean "play" button!).
ill bring steamed artichokes w/homemade mayonnaise... cracked crab..... and a massive salad with the freshes stuff in it you can think about. plus homemade bread. hey i like this fantasy cooking.
How is that everyone knows my favorite things :?: I have actually been craving artichokes lately, but the ones in the store look so pathetic (and expensive) that I have resisted. Crab is probably my favorite seafood, but I have never learned to cook it myself.
Bring it on!!!
I will definitely take you up on the art offer.
Can I sing for my supper? Anyone play guitar?
Now a dollar won't even buy a half a gallon of gas.
What's he up to now?
Stupid brothers!!
Sorry, I'm not much help Mud.
(faked more heart attacks than probably any human before or since)
The sob died without ever spending a day in court or paying a single cent.
He had lot's though, and that's another story.
You had business transactions together so you must have valid proof of for as least some part of your claim.
Eventually......they'll nail him down good.
I'm left handed
Sounds eerily familiar.
Who was your dad, Fred Sanford?
He's paying now though, unfortunately for him.
Thank you for sharing some of your story. I know its not easy, but it was much appreciated and helped a lot.
Our entire lawsuit is simply dividing a bunch of real estate we own, so sooner or later it will be divided.
I recently found a quite unpleasant attorney to help me with being compensated.
I'm fairly ambidexterous with a lot of things, hows about you?
Up here we have what's called: letters of litigation..... Our stupid lawyer placed the letters of litigation on the wrong property, or that "sale" never would have happened.
It did? Well.....I guess you're not as bad off as you could be so ya.....it maybe helps some to think about that.
I can definately use a fly swatter, equally accurately, with both hands and both feet (not really but that sounded pretty cool )!!! Talent or what???
GFN, I am so sorry for what you went through. My Nsib tried to do very nearly the same thing to me, but I was lucky enough to be able to compel judicial probate, which forced the estate into the oversight of the courts before assets could be stripped.
But the only thing driving me was the realization that if I didn't do exactly that, I'd end up with the scenario you describe. Can you believe, there are people who think I overreacted. I'm looking forward to hearing about their estate squabbles some day...
Down here we have what's called: malpractice. Sounds like your lawyer was doing some of it.
you do not know a person's true character until they become an heir.
Sharing war stories always helps, if only to let you know there is someone who understands.
I bet you're a credit to our sinister (look up the latin root) ranks.
........from Latin sinister, on the left, unlucky.
but I am done putting my energy into being angry over his crap....cause that's what it is. (after I scream a bit, of course)
I'm still fighting to get that property back and I don't care if I ever see a red cent/if I eat up it's worth in lawyers fees......but I want it back....I want it taken away from the "relative" that is enjoying it.
Sooner or later, I believe it will happen.
Can you believe, there are people who think I overreacted. I'm looking forward to hearing about their estate squabbles some day...
Sorry you had a bad day mum. I hope your fiance was angry with your ex and not you.
I also immediately begin looking for ways to use his antics to my advantage. I have already thought of several just sleeping on it. (or not sleeping as the case may be :roll: )
I'll bring the gasoline. :twisted:
it is exceedingly difficult to make a discreet inquiry on a bulldozer.
So what I'm trying to say in my long-winded way is that good can come out of bad. I'm just in the process of really trying to realise that now. (that's what's so agonising when you're depressed or down - you KNOW there's good there but you know it's just out of your reach - grr!) What I've learned is to try to go slower - it's allowed! And to keep on reaching out - help comes from some very unexpected places sometimes.
just want to share my 2$
In the same way, positive thinking takes cultivation and nurturing, while negative thinking takes no effort at all. No wonder it's so easy to be negative and so hard to be and stay positive.
Just to let y'all know that MY rates are in EURO cents!
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
For me, negativity is such a strong force. It can just pull me right down.
Why is negativity so much more powerful than positivity?
Are we all born with an innate ability to be negative over the ability to be positive?
the very thought of trying to stay away from the negative sneaks up on me without my control.
What do you do in this case:
a mother tells her daughter not to think about the boogey man in the closet when the mother leaves the room and turns off the light. Inadvertantly, the child can't help it but think about the boogey man in the closet. When someone tells you not to think about something, that's the very thing you think about.
Like when your friend tells you don't think about an apple, think about an orange instead. Inevitably you gravitates towards the thought of an apple.
I find this is true for negative vs. positive thinking. I try to think positive, but the very thought of trying to stay away from the negative sneaks up on me without my control. What would you do in this case?
read everything in sight....listened to every tape on self help and enlightenment, and although things made perfect sense to my MIND, I did not FEEL it inside.
WHY? Because although I would KNOW in my HEAD that all these things about positivity were true.....I had no place for this stuff to actually take root and grow. I had some really screwed up belief systems that were poison soil for any of this. And that was the deep down first place to start...sterilize the soil as it were. How? Through my intention. My focus and intention became to purify and have compassion for myself and change my toxic belief system.
What I found was that I did not know HOW to get rid of the negative.... so I was trying to shut it up and put positive on top of it. But this was all in my head....I wasn't feeling it.
K learning.
I'm going for groceries this afternoon and I going to buy soymilk (step one). 8)
I've read so much about the value of soy. I've tried tofu, which I just can't seem to get a liking for. No matter what I do to it, it just doesn't seem like food to me (it's rubber something or slippery slimey stuff or chunky junk, in my brain). I do eat soy beans smothered in salsa (mixed with brown rice) and not only is it an enjoyable meal, for me, but it sticks to my ribs really well!
But I've never tied the milk and I think it might be an idea to develop a taste for it, first (and without fish anything...it doesn't give me thoughts of hurling!! :shock: ).
I'll let you know when I brave the health food store for the fish oil!!
:D
GFN
TOFU should be made a crime against humanity. It's disgusting and you can marinade it forever and it will still be disgusting. I speak as a vegetarian.....................
i dont even like to see people gang up on soybean curd.
Just to set the record straight.....Longtire.....you win. I don't want to invade that competition or take away that accomplishment from you!
Sorry if I bored anyone.
Anyhow, speaking of tofu.....ummm......ok....maybe I'll try the soup thingy. Sometime. And I won't bully tofu or the soy bean if I can possibly help it. :roll:
I mean, it took awhile to develop whatever negative ways we have of thinking...
I do believe it's like any other skill....it can be learned...but it takes time and effort. And it is well worth achieving.
Nothing worth achieving is easy.
Practice makes permanent.
Did I get you in the spirit to streak?
I have a dilemma in the form of a question. How do you stay unattached to people or ideas while maintaining a level of connectedness with them? In other words, how do you keep people at arms length, but at the same time, stay connected and intuned to them? This has something to do with creating a personal boundary for yourself, but not creating a wall.
I'm interested to read how others would approach it.
If you mean..that you wish to continue having contact with someone you wish to disconnect from.....then my opinion would be that you will have to keep the conversation very simple, non-emotional, about the weather, the news, hobbies, nothing heavy....and the visits short. Or....visualize in your mind....the person in some form that keeps you smiling (such as wearing something silly, or having a funny face) and understand that you are dealing with, as bunny has simply defined Nish behaviour......a person who behaves like a toddler (and be prepared to deal with a toddler).
You are one cool rockin' bean
I know this sounds too simple but there is now actually scientific data to support such simple stuff as repetitive training of the mind and the benefits it has on our emotional state and well being.
I’m so anti-mind control that I don’t even want to practise it on myself!!!!!
We chose China because there was a chinese food restaurant near our houses and we figgered we could easily find people to interview at the restaurant ( ). We did a really good job and got a wonderful mark in the course we were taking and guess what???
I'm almost itching to interview you!! Did your mother ever treat any of your childhood illnesses with her herbal mixes?
On the other hand, it’s best simply not to have enemies? One way I guess is not to be frightened of anyone.
I can guarantee if you aren't frightened of anyone you will have plenty of enemies. The only person with zero enemies is someone with he spine of a squid.
"The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough." Bede Jarrett
Did you know that the only man-made structure an astronaut in outer space can see on earth is the Great Wall Of China? Pretty cool, huh?
I didn't know about the child labor in China. How very sad that child labor still exist even in the 21st century. I think India also allows child labor, as well as many poverty-stricken countries. How very, very sad for the children
What do you think of this statement:
"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." Eric Hoffer
So when someone rages and accuses you of, for example: “You’re always so selfish!” you can sure that they are scared stiff of being thought selfish, or being accused of it.
One way I guess is not to be frightened of anyone.
The only person with zero enemies is someone with he spine of a squid.
Eric Hoffer by the way was a longshoreman turned philosopher.
He wrote the book "The True Believer". Indispensible for understanding fanatics of any stripe. A great read.
Someone spent 4 yrs of her life telling just that: that I was selfish.
2cents
"The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough." Bede Jarrett
It isn't meant to be habitual, however.
The only way to deal with it is to learn what it is saying.
Isn’t this a great thread? Thanks GFN for Anything . I need a breath after that dream I posted. It's a bit close to the bone. Weird. Need to come over here and just express some surface opinions, phew
To be honest, I’ve always felt like this, even at school. I wondered where kids got that hate energy from, girls being vicious to each other, boys fighting etc. I was generally confused and bewildered, which makes it difficult to dislike anyone enough to think of them as enemy.
Understanding why people do these things might be a step nearer to stopping it.
I suppose the supreme example would be Christ, who loved everyone, and yet he had sufficient enemies to nail Him to a cross.
Sometimes I think I make them madder by not hating.
Isn't that so awful? Children as small as 3 and 4 working 12 to 16 hours in these stinking factories, for virtually nothing.
isn't this like the ultimate form of voicelessness?
So I guess you are making them madder by not hating, just like you're supposed to.
I've never learned how to express my anger (frowned upon when I was a child), having learned instead to repress it, and the result has been long-term depression, lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence. So I would argue that anger is necessary and even healthy, whereas rage is damaging.
how do you please somebody who gets upset if you DO do something (raging and carrying on) and equally upset if you DON'T do something?
I really tried to help this person with whatever I had ...
...the rational part of my mind knew that the person was projecting their own issues on to me...
I was very angry that this person treated me this way...
...but I'm afraid of conflict, and this fear was definitely used against me.
Anger as a weapon is a bad thing, but as a defence it is necessary IMO
Anger (as I understand it) is a signal and a warning that something is not right, and needs to be expressed.
It is also something that happens in the moment - a reaction if you will.
Rage on the other hand is unspecified, and can linger/ accumulate and "erupt" without specific triggers.
I've never learned how to express my anger (frowned upon when I was a child), having learned instead to repress it, ...
...the result has been long-term depression, lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence.
So I would argue that anger is necessary and even healthy, whereas rage is damaging.
Whew! It's amazing what a little kindness and concern can do... Posting this has helped me shed a few real tears, and it feels great after all this time.
"We can supress anger or act it out, eihter way making things worse for ourselves and others. Or we can practice patience, wait, experience the anger and investigate its nature."
I guess what I'm saying is, sometimes terrible things happen or are done to us, and in that case it is a correct response to get angry.
my inner child has been very badly let down by my inability as an adult to express anger in an appropriate and adult way.
being ABSOLUTELY PARALYSED and unable to take any action whatsoever.
My depression has pretty much gone, but has been replaced by a terrible, life-draining, soul-destroying apathy.
The thing is, at heart I'm a passionate soul, but ALL emotions - good and bad - have been suppressed as I am unable to allow myself to CONNECT with my self or my voice.
I am not violent, or full of anger, but I have been HURT and been unable to EXPRESS my hurt. Other people express their hurt to me, but I cannot do the same to them.
As for rage and triggers, I think rage is essentially something that is constantly under the surface and it comes out at unspecified moments and at unspecified targets. Usually someone who is raging cannot be asked "What are you angry about"? because they will not be able/willing to give a real, true answer.
GFN, I agree with you about losing control and it being an excuse. The problem I have is that when I am angry I am AFRAID that I will lose control, and it's that FEAR that causes me to suppress the anger,
For me, expressing anger or anything really powerful translated into my feeling that anything other than "hunky dory, everything is ok" expressions of emotion were verboten and I should instead spend all my energy spreading happiness everywhere I went. I still do that, and have to be aware of when I am doing it, what my motivations are. It's funny, but the one thing I like most about myself is the one thing I hate most also (this "nice" thing).
I was a great actor when I studied theater, and I don't doubt why.
I am sometimes soooo confused that I have to say "whatever" about myself.
I am pretty sure that the secret lies in knowing that we don't know everything, in having faith in what is good.
yes my disorder is
a disturbance about certain kinds of punctuationing .... :lol:
Anger is definitely necessary for us, pointed in the correct direction, although probably not expressed to those people we can't reach?
Childhood anger needs expressing in safe ways....the problem is, it seems to me a lot of childhood anger gets expressed in the world - by mistreating other people (I'm thinking wars etc).
Probably better to work through the anger safely
I was told as a child that "it's not nice" to show that you're angry because a: I was a child and b: I was a girl - not necessarily always in that order.
what I want is to
a acknowledge them
b understand them and
c express them
Think on This ...
. . to meet the disturbing factors with as much joyousness as if they were bringing pleasure in the material sight, will alter . . . much in the heart and mind of the seeker. For that which is is a result of the thinking of individuals as related one to another.
Where did I learn this....from some book....some great doctor....some scientist.....some secret place???
From a marital arts instructor.
be slow to anger
and
be angry and sin not
I am still sometimes terrified of bullies (like my ex) and of being misunderstood.
I just patiently and persistenly put one foot in front of the other toward my intention.
Does your husband know you're taking lessons from a marital arts instructor?
He's sure one understanding guy if he does.
AND THE ONE THAT FOLLOWS
WHERE ONE WAS WONDERING WHAT WAS GOIN ON
..EQUALLY OR MORE WHAT GUEST IS SPEAKING ABOUT
...ONE WONDERS WHAT IS GOING ON
WHAT IS BEING REFERRED TO
AN EVEN MORE INSIDER THING
PERHAPS
But how do you please somebody who gets upset if you DO do something (raging and carrying on) and equally upset if you DON'T do something?
myself have no children but I do have an inner child that needs protecting too, and believe me when I say that my inner child has been very badly let down by my inability as an adult to express anger in an appropriate and adult way. I'm talking losing money, losing homes, losing relationships and seeing these things happen right in front of my face whilst being ABSOLUTELY PARALYSED and unable to take any action whatsoever.
So I would argue that anger is necessary and even healthy,
Like the dork that tried to rob/attack me, in the deep depths of the dark subway station, late at night (where I should not have been alone ).....who was really looking quite terrified, after I let loose a little on him
2cents: Your post hit a nerve.
I, also, was taught to supress, deny or otherwise ignore my feelings of anger or anything painful. I understand why my parents did this, as they had nine children....and I can imagine, the chaos and sheer terror it would have incited in any parent to have that many personalities expressing themselves. I don't blame/excuse my parents, or really offer any judgement on it, but I do understand where it came from.
For me, expressing anger or anything really powerful translated into my feeling that anything other than "hunky dory, everything is ok" expressions of emotion were verboten and I should instead spend all my energy spreading happiness everywhere I went. I still do that, and have to be aware of when I am doing it, what my motivations are. It's funny, but the one thing I like most about myself is the one thing I hate most also (this "nice" thing).
I need to always be aware of the all important step of staying still inside my "negative" feelings...not moving through too quickly...not negating them so that I can "move on" to happier things in a hurry. My not exploring the dark stuff has caused more pain for me in the long run. I need to constantly remind myself that to move through it, I really need to get into it first.
I am realizing that it's a choice to be this way or not. I see it differently now. I DO get really mad, and I DO have a right to be mad about things. My emotions are real, and I get to own them. This sounds so..."duh!" but it is something I struggle with all the time! Here is what I practice saying (as little me.....) "Listen to me, damnit....I know you have a bunch of other kids and I am smallest but NOTICE ME!!!!!"
I learned how to be noticed by being sweet. When I wasn't sweet and kind, people would say: how selfish of you...don't you know there are others with feelings too? And "others" became more important than little me. Thus it began....and I learned that in being sweet there was a kind of power, but it was pretty fake.
Mum,
this is what I was trying to say but you've said it perfectly! Of course it's right to acknowledge others' feelings, but not at the cost of having to maintain a front of 'niceness' in the face of real injustice to oneself :? And I also learned to 'move too quickly' and RUSH to make things 'better' on the surface, but that's not facing the truth. We HAVE to explore the dark stuff and understand it and FEEL it so we can understand, explore and FEEL the good stuff, and also learn more about who we really are.
I'm gonna go back and reread cause so much stuff is coming up and coming out and I just wanna thank everyone again.
2cents
Rage is a warning that anger has been repressed waaaay too long.....right! I wonder if I’ll see this in muuutherrrr? I hope not. On the other hand, what the heck, I’d cope. Where’s my Linda Hamilton stash of hardware? joking....
wishing you all the best in dealing with the depression
I could have written that about me, especially the long-term depression which I didn't even know about until ..er nowWhat I was badly saying was, I’ve probably been depressed for most of my life until now, but now I’m getting better! I didn’t realise that life doesn’t have to be like – like it was for me. I thought everyone felt like I did. But now I know better.
yes my disorder is
a disturbance about certain kinds of punctuationing
to meet the disturbing factors with as much joyousness as if they were bringing pleasure in the material sight, will alter . . . much in the heart and mind of the seeker.
Makes me enthused about heaven, if they'll only let me in!!Whaddya mean? You’re going to be immortal then? :D I’m gonna take up the bongos (bongoes? Where does bon go?).
I'm starting therapy (AGAIN!) on Monday but this time I think I'm finally in a place where I can begin the real work of confronting certain things and letting them go once and for all.
I think Mud was refering to the spelling "marital" vs "martial"
I struggle a lot with guilt. I find that guilt paralyses me. It is a very toxic thing to have in ones thinking. Guilt literally holds a person back from moving forward with life, psychologically, personally speaking.
I'm with you on that. But, I would add that anger is only healthy if you don't feel guilty about what you were angry about.
GFN wrote:
Quote:
Like the dork that tried to rob/attack me, in the deep depths of the dark subway station, late at night (where I should not have been alone ).....who was really looking quite terrified, after I let loose a little on him
Yeah, you sure showed him who was boss! Obviously, that lunatic was messing with the wrong person, didn't he. Good for you, GFN!
I get what you're saying about anger and fear and letting things out appropriately. All I'm trying to say is that some people - myself included - don't know HOW.
Of course the little me was angry...
Most people tell me - get over it, it happened so long ago...
I'm glad, cause it makes me mad, it makes me cry, and I express myself. See? And nobody suffers any lasting damage.
This person was very controlling and jealous and possessive, and would use any excuse to make other people feel REALLY BAD.
I do have a really hard time with guilt in general.
Just out of curiosity, do your instructors give different colored belts as you become more proficient in the marital arts too?
I knew you meant 'martial' not 'marital' but I couldn't pass up the opportunity.
No worries Mud. It was a good opportunity!!! :D :DQuoteI sometimes wish I could have such a discernable moment of power.
Well, Mum. It was that because I made it that. Some might have thought of it as a horrible experience, terrifying, self-demeaning, be traumatized by it, suffer nightmares and be afraid to walk alone in places from then on! It's all attitude and choice eh?QuoteInstead I seem to have a smarmy undercurrent of semi-evil to deal with in my day to day dealings with my ex. There is no "moment". There are little ones....where I hold my ground, or I say no to this and yes to that.
Those moments do add up. Maybe they end up being even more powerful as a group, rather than individually??? I'm glad you have those moments mum!! Take as much from them as you can to build you up!!!QuoteI wish I could scream and spit and he would back off! But his type of evil is insidious, persistent, nagging, confusing.
What the heck! Grab a pillow and spit away!! Or visualize you spitting and screaming and the evil slinking away, like a timid rabbit. Why not.
It might help a little, maybe??QuoteThe fear is always there, right under the surface, so that every interaction is a decision in mastering fear.
Good for you mum for that! Ignor the fear and think!! It can be done! A skill worth practicing and I have a feeling you might already be mastering it!! Keep trying mum!!! You won't have to deal with this puke forever!!QuoteWhy can't he do something out of control that shows the world, once and for all, what a crazy thing he has become? Why can't I simply get him to run off, scared?
Do you really want him to do something out of control?? Wouldn't it hurt someone? Maybe what you mean is you wish for him to do something to expose himself, for the world to see his craziness? It's so unfair mum!
These one's who look good to everyone else and we get to see what they're really like! I wish I could say something useful to help. I don't know what?QuoteAnyway, living vicariously through your experience was wonderful. Thanks for the great read.
Thanks for reading mum. It was good to write that. Good to remember that "awful" experience. It was awful. I could have lost my life. But to ignor the fear and take the good stuff that helped me from it? Well.....that's all anyone can do after awful experiences I think. Lucky for me that time. Lucky for him too, I think.
QuoteGotta dash but just wanted to say a big hi to Brigid, and thanks for all the encouragement!
Hey 2cents! I think I complimented and congratulated another 2cents on another thread re getting control "of my own anger". Sorry about that! I'm a bit confused. :? I think there might be 2 2cents posting?
Anyway.......I'm so glad you'll be starting therapy on Monday! Good for you! Best of luck! Congratulations on your decision and on taking a big step to help yourself. Good for you for being brave!
Have a great week end (((((all)))))!!!
GFN
One time I was out with my xbf and she'd raged at her own bf and he said he wasn't coming over, so she called me and siad she'd tried cutting her wrists. I rushed over there on the last subway, only to find that her bf had gotten there 5 mins before me, and now she needed to "talk" to him and so I should go to my room like a little child!
I'm starting therapy (AGAIN!) on Monday but this time I think I'm finally in a place where I can begin the real work of confronting certain things and letting them go once and for all.
"I feel guilty ......" is rather, "I regret that I did such and such..." These words, for me, give me less shame and seem to express more realistic, less beatmyselfuppish, more specific feeling about my action, rather than myself. Guilt can be so hard to pin down but regret just clarifies exactly what was done. Does that make any sense? It's hard to explain. Try it next time you're feeling guilty.....ask yourself what you are feeling guilty about, why, what exactly did you do, try to get away from thinking derogatory things about you....locate what you did...and then put it into a sentence......I regret that I blanked. Maybe it will help you too???
I broke his hold in a split second, backing away and roaring, like a wild, crazed animal!! Spittle flying!! Inside I told myself "Ignor the fear, use the anger" and outside, I let loose the most horrific stream of swear words entangled in logical, assertive direction ever known to humankind --telling him exactly what I was going to do to him if he took one step toward me, that I was a deadly weapon, that he was the one going to die if he had the guts......
I'M A WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!!
I come from a third world country
I lived in a strange country with a strange language and no help.
I felt cheated and incomplete GFN. Lost and wrong. Voiceless and inadequate. Irrelevant and unreal. I still feel all those things. I felt cheated and incomplete GFN. Lost and wrong. Voiceless and inadequate. Irrelevant and unreal. I still feel all those things.
I do wonder what you thought of my posts, though.....Whether they are outlandish, make no sense at all, crazy, or something else.
we don't have to end the last chapter of our lives with what we started out with.
Inch by inch, it's a cinch. Yard by yard, it's hard.
I never mourned my mother...
At least she was at peace. So peaceful. Like she was sleeping.
The emotional loss has never been processed.
MY world had just fallen irrevocably apart forever.
I felt scared, and overwhelmed, and guilty for living. I felt in shock, and numb. I felt mad .....
The people around me were just glad it hadn't happened to them, and their insensitivity and shallowness just tore me apart.
.......I couldn't even afford the luxury of mourning.
tore me apart?
I turned away from life and the good things it had to offer because my sense of self was just too fragile to handle it. Seven years ago i needed to step off the world, press pause, and as usual the world has not waited for me to catch up.
I felt cheated and incomplete GFN. Lost and wrong. Voiceless and inadequate. Irrelevant and unreal.
it's my turn now?
it wasn't my fault.
It 's helped me shed some more tears - just a few, but real ones.
I think made a lot of bad choices...
trying to look inside and deal with whatever comes up. I've only just begun to REALLY try this, but it seems I'm getting somewhere.
In the case of my mother I think I have UNCONSCIOUSLY held on to the pain, so it's much harder to reach, also cause her death was so sudden, and her loss was so profound. But I will let it go.
Slowing down now thankfully.
What I think is that they are littered with wisdom and are written with love and much optimism. They are wonderful and wrought with beauty.
I just want to hug you!!
I think the main feeling causing the pain is, strangely enough perhaps, shame.
Because of course it's my fault.
I'm waiting for the day something just feels right again, just because it is.
Thanks for listening
When I discuss my childhood with my T, I'm never quite sure who hurt me more, my mother or father. Fortunately I had a grandmother who I was very close to and lived nearby most of my childhood. She was the only adult in my life who ever made me feel special and loved.
I know you are going to get through this. I'm so glad you are sharing your stories with us now. I hope it is helping.
She eventually changed her will leaving him 80% of her estate and me 20% and no provision for my children who were her only grandchildren.
I think the main feeling causing the pain is, strangely enough perhaps, shame. I know there's fear there too, but I feel very ashamed of being who I am. Like I'm not complete, and normal,
It is helping me big time! Each post i get a little deeper, and let a little more out...
I've got to learn to express the anger to those who wronged me in order to let it go, instead of keeping it all inside.
I was taught that it was wrong to be angry with an adult, and it crushed my insides because sometimes adults do things that hurt.
And tomorrow never does come does it?
Butterfly: Thankyou. Too much.
For you 2cents, you will need to find something that is therapeautic for you, be it some chore, some sport or some creative activity.
A mother 'holds' the world in place as it were for her child, and as the child grows s/he learns to become independent because s/he has a notion of the world as a safe place. Of ocurse their are dangers in the world, but the child learns that there is also a place of safety. What I was doing was 'holding' the world for myself until it was 'safe' (i.e. I reached adulthood) to let go. Only problem is, once I reached adulthood I was too scared to let go even though - in survival terms - I had 'made it'. :?
Hello y'all :)
After the doctor told me on the phone this morning that my mother is not able to have her pancreatic cancer operated on, my heart became very heavy. Without surgery, her survival is very short. Having to tell her of this news will be so difficult. But, I'm really glad that she will have all her kids by her side to cushion the blow somewhat.
Butterfly
you are bigger than your shame. Confront it. Show it who is boss. Never let it be bigger than you. Never let it overpower you. Wrestle with it, if you must.
You're right. I'm not in touch with my sadness.
What I was doing was 'holding' the world for myself until it was 'safe' (i.e. I reached adulthood) to let go. Only problem is, once I reached adulthood I was too scared to let go even though - in survival terms - I had 'made it'.
I gotta go through the pain to let it go, right?
The switch grass equation? (Maybe you wanna copyright that one - great story!
I'm thinking I've just never really felt safe enough to transfer my fear onto another person - REALLY transfer it - and then TRUST that person to be there while I go through the process. Scary thought, but I'm really proud I'm even remotely able to approach it on a cognitive level now. In the past I just never got it.
Sometimes I worry that others will see my tagline and think that I am N. When I worry about that I just remind myself of all the tiny steps over all the years that I had to take to get to this point.
Today will be the day to break the news to her. I hear of death all the time. But, not until it hits home does it become real and raw. I've never had to face the prospect of death of someone close to me til now.
Since the preceding topic to my situation hasn't come to closure yet, I didn't want to divert attention from it.
Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you have to do is look, listen and trust.
I'm just glad I've still got my hypnotherapist cause he actually cares...
shame can be used as a crutch. How so? Because it keeps you crippled. It keeps you weak. Sure, it may feel safer to lean on it than to confront it and disassociate with it.
Anyways, she said,"I am willing to help you but you go dancing too much and if I lend you the money I EXPECT you to cut back to two nights a week. Your brother says that two is plenty". I am 54 years old.
Hello all:
What if I've said or done something shameful.....and I don't realize it?
If so, an empathetic person, who cares, would want to help me realize it but not by trying to make me feel bad about myself. Anyone who cares will have a desire (I suspect) to try to point out my poor choice without blaming or shaming me. They wouldn't use those "You should..." words above. They might ask me how I feel, or state how they might feel, in such a case.
Anyone else....intent on putting shame on me.....gives me the creeps. I tune into their power hunger and wonder what's eating them that they have such a need to put me down?
GFN
shame is something that keeps you from fixing the problem rather than providing an impetous to do so.
I see shame as being the opposite of pride. For me, having pride in something I have done is very useful toward my healing process. Feeling shameful about something I have done has proved to be very detrimental to my healing process.
A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.
Capacity for such a feeling: Have you no shame?
One that brings dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation.
A condition of disgrace or dishonor; ignominy.
A great disappointment.
The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense. See Synonyms at blame.
Law Culpability for a crime or lesser breach of regulations that carries a legal penalty.
Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
Guilty conduct; sin.
To hold responsible.
To find fault with; censure.
To place responsibility for (something):
To feel sorry, disappointed, or distressed about.
To remember with a feeling of loss or sorrow; mourn.
I have to say that when I visit my mom, she wants to determine my bedtime! I am in my 40s. married for the 2nd time, with 2 kids!
What do I need to help I build that faith, if I think you might do the same thing again?
fairth
Thanks for sharing these thoughts of yours here GFN. I really needed to read something like this after tonight at work and your words here penetrated and I feel just so much better now . Suddenly I had a reality check and a context to put it all in. So I can go to work tomorrow without a problem or grudge. You reminded me that it's actually their problem, not mine. That's great and I'm thankful. Thankyou.
((GFN))
Guest for Today
QuoteHave fairth in yurslef!! Yar cun duit!
GFN, I didn't realize you were scottish! :wink:
GFN, I didn't realize you were scottish!
Guilt is what we feel.
Shame is what other people put on us.
Maybe I have said or done something shameful...that I feel guilty about?
I certainly have my own shame as well. But I don't see it as being useful. Quite the opposite in most cases. It tends to keep me down on myself and dwelling on negative things I have done, rather than inspiring me to make better decisions. I also know that some shame I carry is not warranted, but I haven't figured out how to put it in its proper place.
I see shame as being the opposite of pride. For me, having pride in something I have done is very useful toward my healing process. Feeling shameful about something I have done has proved to be very detrimental to my healing process.
Anyways, she said,"I am willing to help you but you go dancing too much and if I lend you the money I EXPECT you to cut back to two nights a week. Your brother says that two is plenty". I am 54 years old.
I'm sorry but this is hilarious! How did you respond? I have to say that when I visit my mom, she wants to determine my bedtime! I am in my 40s. married for the 2nd time, with 2 kids!
I see shame and guilt as both intrinsic emotions. However, the source of the feeling is different. As I understand it, we feel guilty when we commit an infraction against somebody else. However, we feel shame when we commit an infraction against ourselves.
Just the other day, after I got off the phone with my friend, I felt ashamed for ranting about my mother to her.
Butterfly, I think you are being awfully hard on yourself.
didn't feel ashame for what I said about my mother, rather, I felt shame in response to the words my friend had said and not said to me. She didn't give me the acceptance/affirmation/validation I subconsciously needed to hear from her. What I really wanted underneath my words was validation. If my friend had said validating words to me, then I wouldn't feel like what I said was wrong.
my need to vent my suppressed feelings about my mother and a need to hear someone say that it is okay to feel that way about your mother.
Hope you are doing ok Butterfly. You have every right to express your feelings and your needs are valid too. I don't think you are being hard on yourself. I think your friend was being hard on you (and maybe didn't even realize it).
The point I was trying to convey with my story was, I didn't feel shame after I realized what I was feeling shameful of. I'm doing okay. The peace and calmness my mother has about her health condition is helping me feel fine.
I feel like a failure when what he does and says filters down into my being emotional and acting so in front of my children. I never want to be the cause of them feeling bad, but as a parent, isn't that inevitable? Am I allowed to have feelings?
I feel like doing some sort of primal scream!!!!!
I think I need a punching bag...seriously
I love my children so much, and I feel like a failure when what he does and says filters down into my being emotional and acting so in front of my children. I never want to be the cause of them feeling bad, but as a parent, isn't that inevitable? Am I allowed to have feelings? AAAAAGGGGGHH. Why do I have to shut up all the time and never let them know how I feel about their dad and what is going on? And why do I feel bad if I let any of that out to them??
Why do I have to shut up all the time and never let them know how I feel about thier dad and what is going on?
And why do I feel bad if I let any of that out to them??
I think it was simply natural for them to react defensively, as if their father could do no wrong, because at that point.....they just couldn't see it (because I had been helping to hide it and their exposure did not allow for a real view). They were only visiting as if it were a hotel......not at all like a real home life situation. They were guests and didn't experience much of what life is really like with daddio.
They are older now and their opinion has changed and they are expressing their feelings about him to me now. They have experienced living with their father and have found out that it is definately not like being a guest in a hotel. I think my children feel good about themselves because they have been taught that we all have traits that are good and not so good and that they can choose to do what they want to with what they have. And they are valued and loved, warts and all.
As long as some meaningful conversation comes afterward, where they get to express how they feel....whether they are mad at you for being mad at their dad or feel for you because they have also been mad at him before....it will have some positive effect, I think.
As much as you can minimize the secondhand exposure they have from him through you, the better.
And do it with a sympathetic adult, whoever you can find. Perhaps write a journal. Do some exercise and get outdoors in the fresh air.
Oh, and give yourself a break.
I don't see my pattern breaking anytime soon.
We are told not to bad mouth our x's because they are the children's parent and the child might think badly of themselves, because they will wonder if they themselves are "like" that parent..... and thus have the same bad points.
Sometimes, I think this is complete bs because children can think for themselves and will automatically wonder if they are like their parents, notice their imperfections, and possibly feel bad about themselves, a little, regardless of what we say. They'll see the good in us too. Plus, aren't we hiding the truth from them by not expressing what's real and instead pretending or ignoring it or trying to keep it .....together?
and maybe someday they will know who showed it to them.
If you expose them to your feelings too much, that is another burden for them.
I got to process the pain of knowing how much of a jerk my dad was, as an adult, not as a child.
I didn't internalize what I thought about him as part of me. That was him, in my view, and I was me.
What I'm trying to say is that if we slip up and do let some of this out, occasionally, it will not be devistating for our kids, or even all that eye opening (possibly).
...and you had a good mom, too.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to
come back home.
Love doesn't make the world go 'round, love is
what makes the ride worthwhile.
Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like
stripping your gears.
Many such victims have survived only as gutted wrecks, never willing or able to integrate the shock and resume anything but shadow lives.
The glory here is that Plumwood pushed through the horror and outrage of the attack ...
to be reconciled with them.
Polls in most Moslem countries show a majority of their inhabitants would be quite happy to see Israel and the Jews as a race wiped off the face of the earth, and that Bin Laden is a hero.I wouldn’t trust those polls, I don’t trust 100% what is reported and produced as ‘news’ anywhere. Presumably people who can think for themselves in those Moslem countries - and just might disagree with the idea - wouldn’t take part in such a poll…or maybe they would, and would agree with the ‘consensus’ because of fear of what might happen if they don’t. Is that a free vote? If people keep voting in a dictator, does that mean they want him? Or are they acting out of fear?
guest of the Saudi governement for an extended period of timehey….maybe we should stop trading with them? Maybe we should look at how many really vicious instruments of torture we (the USA and the UK) export to various countries.
It is individual people who commit acts of violence, not countries.Some countries by and large leave their citizens and their neighbors alone.
but bombing people – whichever ‘side’ does it – doesn’t solve things.Well it sure seemed to solve the problem we had with Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan.
Anyway we probably agree more than we disagree Mud? I hope so.I'm sure we do.
I see you spreading joy wherever you go.
Anyway by Kent Keith
The verses below reportedly were engraved on the wall of Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta, and are widely attributed to her. However, according to The New York Times, the verses actually were written by 19-year-old Kent Keith in a motivation booklet for high school counselors published while he was a student at Harvard in 1968.
ANYWAY
People are often unreasonable, Illogical,
and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful,You will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you have anyway.
You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway[/color].
....is something that you feel doesn't totally matter...
your inner voice is very critical and hard to satisfy.
I have a hard time thinking that the person offering you a compliment really wants to hear a detailed analysis of why the compliment was not deserved.
That is the other person's opinion, they are entitled to it, and they might just be right!
Hi Moira and all:
Hahahahaha! Those :oops: moments in life do one good thing for us eh? They give us something to laugh at ourselves about. :D
Like this poor lady:
Always wear clean underwear in public
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under you vehicle... From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
:D :D Sela
The leaves were just getting to mosaic stage...all yellows, reds, oranges, pinks, light and dark greens as well as browns, beiges and some mixed up colours in single leaves.
Isn't it such a sweet feeling to have inner victory?!
I really don't care though at this point as it just reflects on him and has nothing to do with me.
hate holidays, and birthdays, and people that cut you off when your trying to merge onto a freeway.
Your funny Sela (in a fun sense),
Birthdays (actually just my own) are a non-event, and I mean non. I just have never celebrated, perhaps because it never really mattered, I am sure it must have been from a few bad experiences with the ole growin up years.
I hate to blame someone else for my deficiencies, so I wont
Now I realize that you think interpersonal conflicts on board are fruitful, you can tell me that I learn from it etc. Well, I see thingss differently.
But it was ironic to me that when I wanted to PM the person who posted SILENCE! to ask a question, I couldn't, because he was a Guest. So I didn't say anything.
Trolls crave attention, and they care not whether it is positive or negative. They see the Internet as a mirror into which they can gaze in narcissistic rapture.
eye-opening
to hate, to look down on, to scapegoat, to dump our stuff on….
"I came here for a good argument."
"No you didn't, you came here for an argument."
— Monty Python
I get all unnecessary about that word.
I walked out one day. Just gave up a job I loved. Had also lost weight, etc. It took me four months to rest and be somewhat functioning again.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
"She's as big as a heifer blessherheart..."
"He drinks like a fish blesshisheart..."
"And she has such buck teeth blessherheart..." etc.
The Mom would get a big pinch of flesh and all but wring it off the bone, while communicating clearly with her look that if the kid even grimaced, there was more where that came from. Is this purely a southern practice?
"Ten years ago, my grandmother visited her doctor, complaining of stomach pains. After a few tests, the results came in: cancer.
She was frightened and upset, but immediately announced that she would have nothing to do with radiation or chemicals.
.........Much has been said about the value of positive thinking in dealing with cancer, but my grandmother's approach was anything but positive...............
...........Recovering from her surgery some months later, my grandmother refused painkillers. "Those doctors just want to get everyone hooked." she confinded in me, glaring at the nurses.
..........The "fighting spirit" she demonstrated may be what many researchers have claimed significantly increases a person's ability to recover from cancer.
...........Cancer patients who keep up a false front in the name of 'positive attitude' are doing themselves a disservice.
..................negative emotions did not translate to a reduced likelihood of recovery from cancer. Factors that did contribute included suppressing one's true self as unacceptable; feeling obliged to conform to social conventions; and sacrificing one's own desires for the sake of other people. The supporting evidence was real and measurable---in one study she conducted, Temoshok found that melanoma patients who rated highter on a scale of emotional expression had less aggressive tumours and stronger T-cell immunity.
Temoshok's work revealed that an artificially positive outlook can actually be harmful.
.................For people diagnosed with cancer, one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with the illness can be the pressure to remain positive. People who are naturally positive may thrive under this pressure, but for those with a different coping style, the exhortations to "think positively" may go against the grain.
More and more, we are learning that it is okay to react in different ways. Some people will fight cancer with love, some with anger. The important thing is to fight it.
.................Sadness, fear, and anger are natural responses to adversity. It takes courage and honesty to express all our feelings, positive and negative, and it is the courageous and honest among us who stand the greatest chance of overcoming any obstacle placed before them.
And what of my grandmother, who fought her cancer with every stubborn, ill-tempered bone in her body? Ten years later, she's still tending her own roses, thank you very much."
I had a couple paragraphs all typed up in response to your post and then lost it all .
Try again:
When things go badly I get mad or sad.
Just need to work on learning what my emotions are and being brave enough to feel them.
He really tried to live while he was alive.
I've also known people who I thought were "too mean to die". They sure didn't think they needed to fake it!
There's an example. I hate it when that happens.....when I type a bunch of stuff and that green cybertooth monster (which is what I picture it as)....steals my posts!! ...............
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad Penny. :( :( He sounds like he was an amazing person. I love that he really tried to live while he was alive.
That's what I want to do only I don't want to wait until I'm dying to start doing it.
Life is just too darn short!!
I promised myself a long time ago to never shy away from people who are experiencing this. As so many people did with my family. In my mind, anyway, I feel that there is strength in numbers and when faced with cancer it is comforting to have a lot of support. Even as I say that I won't shy away there is a part of me that would like to avoid the subject because all of these old emotions start rising to the surface again. Is that bad? I hope that you have plenty of love and support in your life and if you need more then you can find it here. :)
like abusing to feel relief, in which case they suck
Edit in
PP
that they can hardly bear to buy a sympathy card when someone they know has a loss.
Just read your post above and was hit by this. I have huge trouble. I dislike buying any kind of card. It seems so trite. Cards are ……….an issue for me. I guess I’ve received so many insincere, manipulative cards from parents that I can’t deal with it ‘normally’. I can’t handle cards! Ridiculous but recent events have proved it to me, and I’ve only seen it now, having seen your words. I am triggered by cards. Sheesh. Just wanted to state that because it’s so banal.
MarisaML, did you make the comment before about giving yourself all the time necessary and going into nature and sort of being a child as part of grieving? Am I getting that right? It's only been a year and a half for me. I feel improved, but definitely not the same as I have ever felt before. It is hard to think of how long it will take to get used to these new feelings. Like getting to know a stranger sometimes. Only the stranger is me!
Yes, I did. I was speaking of trying to reconnect yourself with the world. A year and a half is not long. It isn't long at all. I know what you mean about getting to yourself again. I feel like I changed into another person after losing my Mom. She took a big piece of my soul when she died and that part of me has died also. I was so confused by my 'odd' ways of feeling that I checked out a couple of books out of the library on grieving. They helped me immensely. One book stated that sometimes it takes a person a year to go through the grieving process and sometimes it takes several years! The first year was the hardest by far but it took probably 10 years for me to let go of the intense feelings that I was going to lose another person close to me. Does that make sense. For a couple of years I had trouble making bonds with people because of this strong feeling that they would eventually leave me to. This was probably not only because my Mom died but because my B Dad left us when I was 3. So I don't have either of my B parents and it does hurt. Someone stated that they couldn't look at Mother's Day Cards. I can't either. Mother's Day is definitely hard. My Birthday's hard. Christmas... well you get the point. So here I am 11 years later and I still have 'triggers' to my grief. Did/Do you have a numb dream-like feeling after your loss?? I did for a year. I hated that.
We're supposed to care for widows and orphans and wounded people.
The person has the pattern of putting the control for aspects of their life outside of themselves.
It's out of control and I think the whole "civilized" world is lunging down a very dark slope.
haha they didn't want to touch me! Very funny.
at peace with her child and husband I hope but don't know
The Earth seems like a good place for action and learning.
When you find peace within yourself,
you become the kind of person who can live
at peace with others.
Just shows how one person, and one who was only 13 years old when he began fighting for these bears, can make a difference. He managed to get logging stopped in the immediate are where these bears live and continues to fight to have their entire habitat protected.
Lumberjacks, flapjacks, hey, if you're a bear it's all breakfast food!
Grubs, Mud.
Plus, they're putting a GPS on your truck.
I hope this poem speaks to your heart as much as it did to mine.
"Life is very short
And there's no time for fighting and fussing my friends."
...The Beatles
The young man who has not wept is a savage,
and the old man who will not laugh is a fool.
George Santayana
The more clearly you understand the basis of your thinking, the more connections you can make, the more limitations you perceive, the more you begin to understand about the process.
It's 40 degrees here and the only way to breathe is to sit infront of a fan with a cool glass of something (ice tea works nicely).
Heading down...now finally...to the safety of my sewing machine and to look upon my fish...with envy.
It seems fear is the basis for most inaction in most of those circumstances.
I guess the way around that is to embrace the idea of not making decisions based on fear.
it matters not one whit whether we care about or empathize with other people so long as we respect their rights as human beings.
It’s sexist to both sexes:
Too much doing, not enough thinking!
fear can serve as a warning that something isn't right and needs to be thought through carefully. Fear can be a healthy warning in certain circumstances, but it can also prevent growth in other circumstances. The trick is knowing whether the fear is a healthy one. That's not always easy I think.
Decisions shouldn't be made based on fear alone.
Now what. Can’t let the bird out here again; I’ll take it down to the nearest field. What if it’s hurt, damaged, what about that wing? If it’s now hurt beyond flying, if it’s hurt beyond living, I’ll kill it, I hate suffering. I find a large stone and take that, with the box, to the field, turning over the idea of whacking this tiny bird with this stone (can I do it quickly and kill it in one blow? Will I bodge it up? Will I bottle out and end up emotional?). I decide I can do it and to put my feelings to one side: if this bird is injured, I’ll kill it.
Now what. Can’t let the bird out here again; I’ll take it down to the nearest field. What if it’s hurt, damaged, what about that wing?
if it’s hurt beyond living, I’ll kill it, I hate suffering. I find a large stone and take that, with the box, to the field, turning over the idea of whacking this tiny bird with this stone
(can I do it quickly and kill it in one blow? Will I bodge it up? Will I bottle out and end up emotional?).
I decide I can do it and to put my feelings to one side: if this bird is injured, I’ll kill it.
Did I have any right to decide whether the bird should live or die? How could I know if it was in pain or not; how do I know how a bird feels pain, how it processes the feelings? I was struck by one thought: it wanted to live, it was fighting to survive.
Also, I wonder if our MRI's are any different than....."normal"??? And whether or not there is a cumulative effect?
it just makes common sense that abusive or neglectful parents would have something different about their brains.
You do not know the process of knowing. All you know is what the process came up with, which is the product.
we probably don't know the process of knowing......we only know some of what happened and how we turned out....so far.I like this a lot!
I lost part of me during traumatic periods and I'm still trying to track that down.Hear, HEAR. Good for you.
Maybe that's why I keep reading about behaviour and the theories about reasons for it (in order to try to better understand the process of how I got to be me?) and that might be a futile waste of time?This makes TOTAL sense to me and I don't think it's time wasted one nanobit. I think different people learn things in different ways, and for inquisitive analytical types reading for insight is a GODSEND. I think whatever path you take to reconstruct/reassemble/love back into shape yourself is just fine. I certainly was SAVED by reading, but in my case it was more behavioral stuff, like Judith Sills. As to your saturation in it, I think we individually reach a critical mass with certain kinds of efforts as we learn. When you're ready for a different kind of tool, or adjusting the balance of your healing tools, you'll know it. (I think part of how you help yourself is working so hard to help others here. Thank you!)
I am actively living a more loving, kinder life and am not so preoccupied with self and am more present
I meant that I take responsibility for bringing about this confrontation
if I upset you in any way, you'll ask me directly and not talk to others
Yes, Portia. That's what I'll do.
another effect of abuse can be an over abundance of trusting. The explanation for that one is that because there is a deep seated need to feel loved and wanted, a basic human need that was not met as a result of/due to abuse, the person goes around trusting, even those who are dangerous, in hopes of developing the trust that should have developed with their primary caregiver, or in their failed relationship/s (not sure who's theory that one is but it makes sense to me too, I think).
abuse trusts too much
Hi Bones (what does your name mean, just out of curiosity if you choose to tell me)...
I LOVE JUDGE MABLEAN! AWESOME LADY, GODLY AND WISE! Glad she did things how she did with that married couple.
Hi Bones,
I don't watch much tv, but when I do, the Court channel is one I enjoy... will keep my eyes open :shock:
Have a great day, Bones :)
Hope
Hi Bones:
I haven't said hello and welcome to you yet and so I'm doing that now.
Hello and welcome!! :D :D
Yep. Talk about anything here on this thread. That's the idea, anyway. 8)
May I ask what you mean by "double binds"? I think I get what you're saying but I want to be sure.
I've seen programs on tv that remind me I'm not alone, I'm not crazy, and that others have experienced similar stuff as me. Even though tv is not "real", I think it tries to comment on the real and the ideal. I don't watch much tv, so I'm no expert, that's for sure.
Glad you posted Bones!
:D Sela
Hi Bones:
I see what you mean. That helped. Thanks.
Do you want to talk some more about it?
Sela
If we can talk about anything in this thread, how about seeing reminders on television that we are not alone when dealing with Nparents who attempt to put us in double binds?
Cool Sela 8) so one post and I'm gone! :D
So Bones, what's your prognosis?
Seriously, is that double-bind example from an RD Laing book? Self and others maybe, the one with the conversation between schizophrenics in it? What else do you read....?
Portia/Uhuru has left the flight deck :D
Gotta get me some of those 5" hoop earings.....
Hi Bones:
Nope. I don't have any more questions right now. I guess I just thought you might want to talk some more about this. What gave me that idea was reading what you wrote:QuoteIf we can talk about anything in this thread, how about seeing reminders on television that we are not alone when dealing with Nparents who attempt to put us in double binds?
I was wondering if you were feeling like talking about this but not sure if anyone else would want to or if it's really ok to talk about anything here. Maybe I misunderstood? I'm interested in letting you know that you are welcome to talk about it, if you want to...in this thread. There's no set topic here and also, that I am interested.
:D Sela
Hi Bones, please don't search!
I checked the stack of books on my stairs and found the DB example in Laing 'Self and Others' as you described it.
I was wrong about the one with the conversation between schizophrenics in it - that's another Laing book.
Recently read Lauren Slater "Opening Skinner's Box - great psychological experiments of the 20th century". Easy reading...compared to Laing I think.
Re: television ads about double-binds.......(that was you, yes?).....half the time I watch tv and think television itself is double-binding me: 'news', advertising, product-placement etc.....okay, I'm half joking. Television isn't quite that clever really. :)
Hi Bones:
Sorry you're not feeling safe enough to talk. Take your time. No worries.
Looking forward to getting to know you better when you feel more comfy.
:D Sela
Hi Bones:
Sometimes I almost envy the ability to use terms like Nmother, Nbrother, etc. My FOO was definitely dysfunctional but it's like some strango guilt thingy that happens when I try to label any of them as N, even in my own head. Maybe I'm afraid/trained to expect/unconsciously waiting for the slap in the head that would surely come for speaking out, as a child, and especially the "Lickin' " I would get if I were heard to use a shameful term ( such as the dreaded ....N....which I had no clue about, ofcourse :?).
Your post there got me thinking about that. Why don't I just say: "Nfather" ? My excuse is usually that I'm not qualified to diagnose but one would have to be a total numb skull to miss it. He defined every symptom and then some!!
Anyway, so sorry for all you had to endure growing up in such a situation, which I bet wasn't nice or easy (and for whatever else even now may still be going on). There's no rushing here so whenever you want to speak.....go for it. And in case you're worried, you can't possibly mess up more often or as well as I have but you can try!!
(((((((Bones)))))))
:D Sela
on edit: why don't I spell check.....first?? :roll:
No worries Bones. I was just sort of rambling away there....no pressure....really.
Well, I've been away holiday--ing and relaxing. Popped in to read a bit and I'm off again for a few days. Wow! There are pages and pages! Don't know if I'll get time to really catch up.
Just wanted to say Hi to all and hope you are enjoying your summer.
I was surfing and found this link (which is really a site devoted to coaching in business but I like this list and thought I'd share it anyway).
http://topten.org/public/BL/BL58.html
Kind of an interesting new goal .......to become the person my dog thinks I am? :shock: :D Gave me a giggle anyway.
:D Sela
It tells of sharing
a misunderstanding
and self discovery.
At last! Words to explain my alterview of co-dependant: "to have pleasure in giving pleasure".
The kind of affliction I'm glad to have! I want more affliction!! Here sweet elephant! Come on now! I will gladly paint your toenails any colour you like!!
There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions.
However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood by family rules.
One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress.
*maladaptive - inability for a person to develop behaviors which get needs met.
*compulsive - psychological state where a person acts against their own will or conscious desires in which to behave.
*sources of great emotional pain and stress - chemical dependency; chronic mental illness; chronic physical illness; physical abuse; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; divorce; hypercritical or non-loving environment.
As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.
Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they’re not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can’t get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship.
Here is a short list of the characteristics of Love vs. toxic love (compiled with the help of the work of Melody Beattie & Terence Gorski.)
1. Love - Development of self first priority. Toxic love - Obsession with relationship.
2. Love - Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow. Toxic love - Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)
3. Love - Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships. Toxic love - Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.
4. Love - Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth. Toxic love - Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.
5. Love - Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.) Toxic love - Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."
6. Love - Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together. Toxic love - Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.
7. Love - Embracing of each other's individuality. Toxic love - Trying to change other to own image.
8. Love - Relationship deals with all aspects of reality. Toxic love - Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.
9. Love - Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood. Toxic love - Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.
10. Love - Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.) Toxic love - Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)
11. Love - Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship. Toxic love - Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.
12. Love - Ability to enjoy being alone. Toxic love - Unable to endure separation; clinging.
13. Love - Cycle of comfort and contentment. Toxic love - Cycle of pain and despair.
Love is not supposed to be painful. There is pain involved in any relationship but if it is painful most of the time then something is not working.
What is Codependence?
This term is an offshoot of co-alcoholic, denoting the overprotective partner of a chemical addict. Though definitions vary, most clinicians agree that the psychological condition (vs. disease or character defect) of codependence is characterized by compulsively sacrificing your own values, preferences, friends, and identity to avoid upsetting or risking rejection by a special adult or child. "Co" notes that the condition involves two people.
Codependents typically deny or rationalize doing this, or say "I can't help it." Usually both people are wounded survivors of low-nurturance childhoods, and don't know this or what to do about it. Because this condition effectively reduces current inner pain and amplifies it long-term, many class it as a relationship addiction. Once codependents acknowledge their harmful compulsion, they can choose to reduce it over time. Project 1 in this site offers one way to do so. There is now much help available because codependence (false-self wounds) affects so many people and families.
making it day-to-day
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
“ A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn’t will find an excuse. ”
Hey Leah,
There also can be scars from physical abuse.
So trust your eyes and ears. And the crook of your neck.
Intro or Extra? Find out at: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
INFJ / INTJ depending on which is in charge, heart or head.
which Jung are you.....?
Note that I left spaces in the quote words in brackets, or else you will have something like this
Individual humans and their sameness and specialness: people who are open to life.
Disconnected can mean the same as dissociation--re cut off from one's self and feeliings.
big pot full of turnip greens, and turnip roots flavored with bacon.
Loved reading your post Sela...tell more about the cabin sometime!
I remember as a child, having an injury to my forehead where I was taken to hospital for stitches and all I could picture was a giant sewing machine coming down on my head, over and over, until it was all stitched up! I was so terrified, all I could do was cry over and over: "I don't wanna needle! I don't wanna needle!!" (I was 3). Poor little guy in your story......must have worried his mum might have him for lunch sometime!!
My class went well. I'm not sure of my final grade, but I'm guessing it will be an A or B. I seem to do very well in college. I will be going back in the Fall, to possibly work toward a degree in Social Work, since, no matter what happens, I tend to lean towards analyzing people...drives my friends/family bonkers!
I saw X yesterday online. It's still hard to not want to talk to her, but every time I'd pop into a room, she'd leave and then come back into the room after I left.
She and I have always gotten along well (I often refer to her as my mil-from-heaven as she has been such a wonderful support to me). This is hopefully a chance to enjoy some time together and help her get back on her own again.Sela, that makes me so happy for you.
I hate feeling afraid. I remember from way back when I thought I was going to see X at a social event and all the advice people here gave me, which really did help. I'm gonna go look for that thread and re-read it.
it's all happening in a parallel universe.
Is it helpful to think of which needs are being met and which are not?
Sela
hiya Hope and Beth
Glad you like and updates will come, Hhope, whenever I figure out what I'm doing alone with everyone else.
Izzy
(3 teeth are aching right now. Say it isn't so--have only one to blame I think and switched to Sensodyne!)
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right!"
Henry Ford.
yep. seems to work that way for me. Anyone?
Where flowers bloom so does hope.- Lady Bird Johnson, Public Roads: Where Flowers Bloom
What grows in the garden, so lovely and rare?- From the TV show A Gardener's Diary
Roses and Dahlias and people grow there.
Who can estimate the elevating and refining influences and moral value- Father George Schoener (1864 -1941), The Importance and Fundamental Principles of Plant Breeding
of flowers with all their graceful forms, bewitching shades and combinations
of colors and exquisitely varied perfumes? These silent influences are
unconsciously felt even by those who do not appreciate them consciously
and thus with better and still better fruits, nuts, grains, vegetables and
flowers, will the earth be transformed, man's thought refined, and turned
from the base destructive forces into nobler production. One which will
lift him to high planes of action toward the happy day when the Creator
of all this beautiful work is more acknowledged and loved, and where man
shall offer his brother man, not bullets and bayonets, but richer grains,
better fruit and fairer flowers from the bounty of this earth.
LOLCarolyn Ya Ya Ya! Now blow out the candles!
Thanks Sela.
How in the world I read 400 and got bi centennial out of it is beyond me, anyhow.
LOL
going back to edit! :shock:
LOLCarolyn Ya Ya Ya! Now blow out the candles!
Thanks Sela.
How in the world I read 400 and got bi centennial out of it is beyond me, anyhow.
LOL
going back to edit! :shock:
Iz
Suffering is the tuition one pays for a character degree.
Perhaps you think this isn't very positive sounding, but I find it helps people (parents and friends) put hardship, which is inevitable, to good use.
People can use their suffering either to gain character or become bitter. The ones who choose bitterness live a long, slow death. The ones who choose character truly live.
Richard is right on the money. Happiness and sadness don't happen to us--they come from within. The story of your life will be written with or without your help. The next chapter is happening while you read this. Will you wait to see what it says later, or will you help write it?Annonymous comment
Here's one of his just for Izzy.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
Steven Wright
tt
Ooh, this deserves some contemplation.
Light is the visible movement of time. Without it, there would be one endless cycle of darkness, an eternal night.
Why is it that sea creatures smell so bad in spite of bathing 24/7?
Why did the spiritualist cross the road?
:D
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ever think about how it's impossible to recycle time?
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/family_values/61971
What would you do if you could do anything you wanted to and don't stop and think about the answer?
(One of these is false, do you know which?)
racism, bigotry, aggression, obstinate stupidity, but I keep it inside and watch my reactions
My brain may be too hot for this type of thinking!
Being in command of all the facts is rare, if ever the case.
I wish I could talk to someone.
Being in command of all the facts is rare, if ever the case.
TT, you summed it up brilliantly! If only that could be added as a postscript to the golden rule eh?
To find solutions for Future of Humanity and having a dialog with other Alien Races.
In attachment terms it's just got clear to me how very untrusting and wary my style is
To find solutions for Future of Humanity
It's one thing being NC yourself, but you can't force that on anyone else.
1. Think of the worst possible thing that could happen - I'm thinking........how about I spend the rest of my life feeling like this? That's not good from my point of view.
What are the other worse things and how bad are they? I can't really think of anything. Other than a repeat of the crime, which I'd imagine unlikely, but not impossible (and if I thought likely, imagine the difference in how I'd be acting, whoever was involved), what is 'worse' than how things are now? That's difficult to imagine really. Which makes that a very interesting question Sela. One that I feel I've 'done' without thinking about. There isn't any worse' thing. It's all happened. Next!
2. Make a plan (what you will do if the worst possible thing happens).
Not necessary,see above.
3. Forget about it because it is more than likely that the worst possible thing won't happen (however, if it does, at least you have a plan). Well I also have a setof kitchen knives and a jumping text box.........
4. In an emergency, go with your gut.
I would. And my kitchen equipment.
What will happen if you run into this NC person? Is that likely?
What, with a new set of wheels perchance? If that person turns up on my doorstep they will be told to leave. Otherwise, I don't expect to see them again in a 'normal' social circumstance, if at all.
Back to hope. I have little to have hope about if I was honest.
Now I've stopped 'being useful', and have stopped wanting to 'be useful',
have stopped feeling any responsibility for my FOO
am I stalling because I know that I am not alone
UUs (Unitarian Universalists) seldom prosyletize. We think it's tacky or evangellical or something uncomfortable. That's why we're such a small denomination.
I have only a few 'facts' which I base my life on!
Hey, 3 of the 6 Founding Fathers were Unitarians.
Musing on why original sin involved man eating something (is there something implied about gluttony in that?) as opposed to some other act like cutting down a tree in the garden or picking that snake up by the tail and snapping its head off?
Interesting, huh, TT?
If you look at a lot of the old tales, eating something figured into a major life change--often something ominous, but sometimes something good. Trips to faerie amongst the Irish were somewhat safe, as long as the adventurer never ate anything. If he did, he was doomed to stay. There was Sleeping Beauty with the poison apple, for example...lots of them.
Maybe, its just the sense that eating takes an outside substance and puts it inside a person....emphasizing the life-changing significance of the act rather than something that stays completely an event and is just something that someone DID.
CB.
One thought about Sela's question: Would you call anyone else nuts if they told you they were doing that?
If someone told me the things that I think about, yes, I'd think they were possibly crazy, delusional. I'd find suspending belief very difficult. I'd say 'show me the evidence' and there wouldn't be any: or there'd be the sort of evidence that would point to delusion. Sometimes I've considered my evidence (not of the topic), in bleak cynical terms, and judged myself nuts, yes. And then i think: but I bet I'm not the only one who is!
The possibility that maybe, sometimes, ideas get labelled: delusions/false beliefs when maybe it's not so black and white crosses my mind because even opinions/ideas/beliefs can be permeable? Know what I mean?
Well, I think if you look at Scriptures, you see a lot of examples of eating symbolizing synthesis--the Last Supper being the premiere example, I suppose. Lots of talk about what is inside a man that counts. Lots of dietary laws that are a picture of something that is not dietary at all.
In all these examples, the idea of eating something being equal to, or symbolic of, something else fits with what is a pretty universal picture. Most cultures and religions have the same kind of thing.
I struggle with other people's stuck beliefs
I won't be let in, be allowed a relationship (offtopic here) due to denial and sick beliefs...but hey, I can let that relationship go, too.
There has never been a relationship, so it is mourning what I never had with time running out.
Acknowledge and move on.Sounds so healthy! Not like a crazy/delusional person at all!! ( :lol:)
So being both invisible/unimportant and powerless to help. That's a bit crap really.
It's all about input isn't it?
Guest - Relax
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business..
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's
only bar one after noon.
She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there
WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!
Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing..
Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house ... walked home . . .and left it there all night.
(You gotta love Frank!)
http://www.wimp.com/elephantrescued/
For those future generations, well, won't it feel good to them to know that way before they were born, someone was on their side who had labored to break the generational curse?
and why not?
It's got all the elements of strengthening cognitive connections... and mind-body connections... which have a positive impact on physical and emotional well-being!
Sounds like FUN, in other words!
Which kind of toxicity? Physical or emotional? (not saying it really matters which...)
It is really an odd, almost coincidental thing about the "7 years phenomenon". I've witnessed it in my own life... and my next birthday will put me 2 years away from another 7 yr. mile-marker. I don't know what the "rules" are about these things or how they work... I just see the recurring patterns of real change in those 7 yr. chunks.
Maybe it's some kind of energy or physics thing on the physical/emotional plane? I think there are also spiritual traditions revolving around 3s and 7s, too. 5 and 9 in chinese systems.
Are there any elephants left to hunt, TT?
Are there any elephants left to hunt, TT?
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43081000/ns/today-today_health/t/one-third-tween-clothes-are-sexy-study-finds/#.T-k79BdfGeE
http://edition.cnn.com/2011/BUSINESS/03/26/abercrombie.bikini.controversy/index.html
Thinking about how it is the parents who get out their credit cards and pay for this stuff since 7,8,9,10,11,12 year olds don't have paychecks and don't drive. It's the adults that are taking them, helping them pick and purchasing.
Just wondering if it has any correlation to the reported increase in Narcissism in our society.
I think it might be related. That parents are increasingly seeing their own children as representations of sex objects as part of their own egoistic self. ?
Oh, and I had to add this 850.00 perfume bottle for DOG perfume:
http://www.sexybeaststyle.com/fragrance_le.php
Hmmm.
I've been thinkin' some more about this. And working through it in real life with hubs (not always well - but he's pretty tolerant and I'm a lot more communicative than I used to be).
Control is a big theme in these little (not always helpful) habits for me. All the way down below the layers of rationalization, justification, excuses - even the cravings and obsession for it - it all comes to "I can do it if I want to". Calories and ever widening tummy be damned.
But: because another part of me would like to feel comfortable (and as attractive as I could be for my age) in a bathing suit in a couple of months... because I'd like my back and sciatica and ankle to shape up and stop hurting... I also want to stop with the empty calories. The teenaged "you can't tell me what to do" doesn't take into consideration that the body is mid-50s you know?
? Explain this: I have this total blank space about food... emotionally... the question of "what do you want to eat" is almost always answered: I don't care. Surveying my body... brain... and taste buds... all I know is I'd like to eat and what it is doesn't matter. Sound familiar? She don't care - I don't matter...
And for the longest time, my metabolism was such that I could take pleasure in eating that whole bag of chips right in front of her... and never gaining an ounce. The other piece of this... is the fact that deciding what to cook, doing the cooking, and then cleaning up... somehow is always MY responsibility... when all I want is for someone else to do that FOR ME.
Yep; old Twigs was the one responsible for having dinner on the table when Nm got home from work and Bro got back from after-school football practice... Food was used to punish Twigs, as well - for just about any infraction. Many was the night I was forced to sit in front of a cold plate of food I didn't like (Nmom is a bad, boring cook) when I simply had no appetite (from anxiety) at all.
LOL... I was a LOT thinner when I was an anxious basket case -- does this mean that me wasn't "normal" and being this weight is normal????
I'm going to pick at and observe the control thing for awhile. Makes sense that this what's at work... just have to find the tripwire that sets it all in motion...
Thanks Two and Hops,
I can remove the add on's from the dress after the wedding and wear it again even with a nice pair of flip flops or sandals in the summer. The other dress I'm not going to sell. I'd rather give it to the places that you can buy affordable prom dresses. Really I'd rather just give it away (no cost). So many good things and good people have stepped into my life in the past and still in present....just because ..and I am playing it forward.
Love
Deb
I think the issue for me is the wholesale brokenheartedness of humanity.
Dear TT, I wish I could hire YOU to come spend a day helping me unpack my office! It's become an open door I'm afraid to look at as I scoot through the rest of the place.
love
Hops
I went shopping for coffee substitutes after work today but they didn't have any, I did get super yummy raspberries. I might have to mail order the coffee. I didn't drink any coffee today, I had two cups of black tea though.
The last customer of my day was one of those situations I hate getting. My co worker ordered something for the guy. He was under the impression it was in stock. Customer calls me and I have to tell him it is out of stock and isn't ready to ship. He needs it for a business. He is demanding that "MAKE IT HAPPEN". as if he is Donald Trump or something... I hate these people who think they are some kind of television personality.
I don't fart rainbows and if his thing is out of stock then we can not get it at the moment. So I have to try and find something else. There isn't a whole lot of other things that are acceptable as alternatives.
He asked me that question manipulative customers ask "what would you do if you were in my situation" I told him I would cancel it :P
I am so behind the times, I am watching a clip of Dr. Phil interview the honey boo-boo family and the allegations of child molestation etc. the issues around that. When did this sort of stuff become fodder for tv interviews? Its such a public mockery and so personal. I wonder how those kids are going to feel when they are older and they look back on that stuff.
I am having a beer with my raspberries and that defeats my efforts at cleaning up my diet (no coffee). Etc.
And now I am watching the Dr Phil episodes of the boy who was kept in a closet under stairs. Somehow I never saw the news story before. Its sad.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2593601/Pregnant-stepmother-father-allegedly-kept-boy-stairs.html
He didn't like my answer.
today a customer tried to do extortion on me, that I should give her money or else she would write a bad review about me
there was nothing that warranted she get money back from us, as if "I" me could even approve something like that
I want to say to the c word "SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT..... YOU are trying to extort me for money!" HAHAHAHHAHAH
I feel like this job is demoralizing and demeaning, people demanding and commanding ridiculous stuff from us
I love this idea. SO happy that nature is demanding that
you allow her to give you something you'll love. You so
deserve the simple joy of growing things, Boat. And it's
wonderful that you'll grow something fresh and great to eat.
I'm going to try too.
I've been going through feeling feeble and old and weak.
I'm only 64! I think it's depression. An odd springtime variant of SAD.
Happens to me every year so I know it'll pass at some point. It's so
counter-intuitive. Just when the weather breaks and the very first
things bloom and suddenly it's sunny, I want to pull covers over my head.
Even on sunny days, I'm not getting outside. Sick of the job.
Sick of missing my daughter. Not feeling well connected with friends.
Allowing aches and pains to persuade me to not bother working outside.
(And I have the aches and pains because I'm not exercising.)
Very excited about one thing, though. Going out of town for two
weeks (almost) next month. One week with a writer friend, who
inspires me. Then a few days+ in the city I lived in when I met my
daughter's father. Old friends there to stay with, and I may connect
with my daughter's father's (my ex's) sisters, who are good people.
Would be good for bio-relatives of my daughter's to know what's
up (they may already to some degree) with her from my perspective.
I'd like to give them my lawyer's card and an idea of how I've arranged
things. If I should become ill or die, her father's sisters will know that
I have left arrangements for her someone should know about.
And, it's my first extended road trip with my pooch. Quite happy
about that. Some of my happiest days years ago were with the dog
I called my "first husband". A truly-huge sweet yellow lab. He would
ride for many miles standing in the back seat with his big head
propped on my right shoulder as I drove. So loved that dog!
And I love my current one. Closest bond I've had with an animal
since him (about 25 years ago). She's bright and the most affectionate
dog I've ever had. Cute, too. Just 20 pounds but she's big inside.
Been having running-away fantasies. I figure I will be working FT
until I am 70 (five years hence) and PT thereafter. I'll survive on a
wee bit as so many people do.
I'm annoyed with my own attitude. Something about losing my
daughter has cracked me inside so I have trouble conjuring up
the gratitude and enthusiasm and bliss-about-nature that I have
usually had access to, at least periodically. I guess I wonder if
anything matters. Have lost my sense of meaning, temporarily.
But thank you for listening. Writing this little whine has eased me
because I think I needed to say it all.
love
Hops
((((((((((Boat))))))))))) (big fat maternal one.. :))
I am sorry. So glad you call it like it is though.
So many people avoid naming loneliness and I think it can make it worse.
I have waves of it and sometimes it's like damp fog and other times piercing.
Most often if I keep up with my small circle of folks, it'll go away again.
But sometimes even WITH friends, it's growling just outside the firelight.
Hope it passes soon and/or some unexpected (maybe UN-work) person
or better, several, find their way into your life. Just good folk/s.
love to you,
Hops
Have nothing interesting to say. Just sometimes I open the board but then I'm too tired to read it, I glance at the blueness of it and kinda space out.
Michelle Carter the chick that encouraged her boyfriend to kill himself and then do an awareness fundraiser after. In the world of strange personalities. This is a very odd one.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-40181522
Warm here. Listening to 80's music, ate leftover ribs after work.
tonight was told how my nephew's friend was killed during a boating accident this week, a 12 year old girl was driving the boat, told by an adult man (drunk) in the boat to knock a boy off an innertube, or told by another kid in the boat to do it. news reports aren't consistent. Some/ a lot of people really have the IMPULSE to harm others. Maybe it's just part of homosapien evolution.
Perhaps they were just trying to cause a wake but the 12 year old driver ended up hitting the boy w/ the boat's propeller. Life is so harsh.
Summer has dangers, I once interviewed for part of the intake process for an emergency room in a big hospital. They have more ER visits on nice days. The more people are out and being active the more opportunity there is for danger.
Life is so hard to live to the fullest sometimes, and yet so many reminders of how fleeting it is.
Anyhow. Summer is still nice. I want to fall asleep in a dress right now but won't.
Mother was just telling me she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer from getting her appendix removed few days ago.
I care it seems, but just how much do I care.... Anyhow.
Just like that the subject is anything because I don't have a subject. It's just hello as subject.
I think about the board here sometimes though just don't make it on. When I first found the board I was unemployed. Now there isn't a lot of free time.
Life progresses, feels like the rat race, I'm getting older. Etc.
I've decided that I want to spend my summer trying to read as many books as I can, I read on the bus, I read walking down the street, I try. On book number 3 right now. Currently I picked up a book somewhat randomly not knowing the plot or topic, just liked the author. Turns out it's about a librarian who is going through a job lay-off. It's bizarrely relevant to my actual job because they walked a lot of people out escorted by security and police during a down sizing where I work. Tonight I spent an hour in the car with my coworker keeping it real and talking about what's going on, she needed to vent, she is super nice in her 60's. The remaining people including myself got retrained for a new position that we didn't apply for and it's understaffed. Shrug. Shrug Shrug. Whatevs.
Into fiction female authors right now that write a lot about travel,food and there always seems to be a romance. I don't think they are considered romance novels though. Not sure what they are called. Travel, romance and eating fiction. IDK
Same crap as ever with my mother, not being invited to family events. Though I'm used to it.
Heya Two,
Thanks, trying to get slightly caught up with people's threads here.
Yeah I'm just taking the job thing day by day and trying to be more chilled about the job in general. Not super worried about it. No control over it. There is fakery going on and corporate executives coming and visiting and having meetings, people we don't know who the heck they are.
Yep Two,
We just some cogs at the jobs.
So, the book I am reading now and totally love is "The Bookshop on the Corner" by Jenny Colgan.
The book I just finished a couple days ago by Jenny Colgan is "The Cafe by the Sea" and I loved that too.
The one before which began my summer readathon spree was "Christmas in London" by Anita Hughes. Liked it a lot because of the food, the romance was bleh. If yer gonna write a romance with dudes in it, why not make them fantasy worthy.
I've got a seven stack of unread ones on my night stand.
Rome in Love ~ Anita Hughes
Market Street ~ Anita Hughes
Secrets in Summer ~ Nancy Thayer
The Identicals ~ Elin Hilderbrand
Summer at Little Beach Street Bakery ~ Jenny Colgan
The Loveliest Chocolate Shop ~ Jenny Colgan
Little Beach Street Bakery ~ Jenny Colgan
Anyhow you get the drift. Girl authors, girl themes, pastel book covers, escapism, fantasy, romances, food, travel.. Yeps.
Tired as I've been trying to calmly stand up to my mother having a verbal alcoholic rampage or narcissist screaming fit. Everybody has their problems. Just needed to put it down. She also gave me a bottle of laxative for Christmas...and said: "well it's a sad Christmas for you". I tell her no gift is fine. Anyway writing it out gives me some relief I think. I go for walks. I try to watch uplifting videos. I need to go meet up with friends soon. Going to sleep, listening to someone recite adult children of alcoholics steps.
If people read up on the side effects of ventilation they might stay home with a bottle of whisky and hope for the best......
I don't think it'll come to all that but preparation is reassuring. It sounds like you were way ahead of the curve on this, G. Now...join me in binge-watching Outlander where the problems of the 1700s make ours shrivel, comparatively.
hugs
Hops
It's okay to stay inside, it's okay to play tennis outside :) It's okay to read, it's okay to watch movies. It's okay to spend too much time on social media for once, it really is, social media isn't going to kill anybody.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EozTm6ZVf1U
So now i know of 5 people who have symptoms they all seem to think they have a cold, all seem to think there is no way it's corona-virus. But if they think it's definitely not covid19 they also aren't taking the maximum precautions. And there is nothing anybody can do about that. So. There it is.
Hope we make it through this. It's like the world is slamming on it's breaks STOPPPP.
The three most common pathogenic belief items that were endorsed “yes” were item 54, “being burdened, overworked or a martyr is a mark of virtue” (41.67%); item 20, “disagreeing with others will result in contemptuous, angry and rejecting reactions” (40.00%); item 1, “I need to defer to others instead of pursuing my own ideas, needs or interests”; and item 31, “I must remain excessively involved with parents or loved ones because separation would be hurtful, disloyal or make them feel abandoned” (35.00%). In contrast, the least common was item 4, “it is wrong, threatening or disloyal to surpass parents, siblings or significant others” (3.33%); item 16, “I deserve to be mistreated and therefore put myself in self-destructive or abusive situations/relationships”; and item 47, “if I am too sexy, others will feel envious, put me down or threatened”.
Of 54 items, 13 items were found to significantly differ between the two groups (OR ranged from 3.76 to 16.79). The top three OR scores were 16.79 (item 26, “others are superior or more competent than I am”), OR 16.79 (item 22, “I am different from other people, isolated from the rest of the world and/or not part of any group or community”), OR 12.43 (item 3, “I am physically fragile, vulnerable and unhealthy”) and OR 12.25 (item 8, “others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat or manipulate me”) (Table 2).
Current events in the news NXIVM cult.
https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/27/us/nxivm-keith-raniere-sentencing-supporters/index.html
and youtube videos, interviews, docuseries, books etc. So much money is made from the fallout of cults.
On a different note, I find it creepy that if there was no family relation, the narcissist in our lives would qualify as stalkers.
- They don't care if they are making other's uncomfortable, they don't even care what other people want or feel.
- Relationships are one sided and selfish.
- Are controlling
- Following video even mentions Narcissists specifically:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okqIU_W54Ps