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11

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: facing the world

« Last post by Hopalong on January 17, 2026, 04:50:01 PM »

I still think scotch tape is a miracle.
"Happiness is small pleasures." --Beaudelaire

Your dad had a little head? That's so interesting.
My dad was Casper Milquetoast, not a macho cell in his body.
But, the brain...respected by many.

I remember very snooty people my parents knew were at a
cocktail party in London and met J. Paul Getty. When asked
where they were from and they named this town, Getty said
enthusiastically, "Oh that's where [Hops' father] lives!" After
the snooty people got home they kept sucking up, but the
contrast was too obvious. Ick. I was proud of my folks for
their disinterest.

It was hilarious to me since my dad was always self-effacing
and we lived so modestly. [He got no money from wealthy
parents until after their deaths. Principled and not spoiled.]
I only understood many years later that him making maps
of the South China Sea had something to do with Getty oil.

Sigh. He was a dutiful man. No aggression or naked ambition,
but ... oil? Near Viet Nam? Made me sad to learn that but
didn't change my feelings about him. The safe, good parent.

hugs
Hops

12

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on January 17, 2026, 11:46:39 AM »

Arrived yesterday evening.....a 4 car wreck had North bound lane at a crawl.  I wasn't sure how to handle the stillness, realized I was leaning forward, anticipating future tasks, and switched to praying no one too badly injured.....wondered who/what caused it.....thought about destructive Ns creating damage every day if their lives.....stopped thinking about it.  I might not t wish my ad things for them....but I only pray for them to stop being toxic forces in the world.

The house was fresh and clean clean clean when I got here.  I can see where the matriarch spirits required younger family members ...think young 20s parents of small children .... the step up.  It's a clear demarcation between responsible adult who's identity depends on the job they do, and a young person tossing not so clean things into upper cabinets, bc figuring out where they go is too much for them. I'm impressed the matriarchs have the patience to ride here like that, bc it's easier to just do it, and know it's done right.

And so.....this interests me.
:: dopamine squirt::.
I'm separating downstairs things from upstairs cupboards....finding and matching lids.....on a step stool....no vertigo. 
::more dopamine::.
I'm noticing how the shelves sit on their pegs.....holy guacamole, almost at edge....on several!  I shift shelves till I feel safe again....noticing a little dizziness, but mostly life's pretty normal again. 

The contractor is "running late."
His wife is "spinning out."

He mentioned they were maybe arguing, a bit, over money and getting their basement apartment rented.....his helper was going to move in, but got drunk, name called, just blew it which is sad, bc the money sorely needed ABD there was a plan for him to help with everything, as a younger man.  Contractor maybe 74yo?  I think. Wife has back problems and immune disorder......pigs, goats, dogs, 6 new cats....lots of mouths to feed.  They would have willed the entire place to the helper, had he held it together.  Very sad, but it didn't, could never, work out.  It made sense, bc he's certainly special needs....has a special needs DD.....very child like.  It would have been a good situation, if only it could.

Back to the job at hand .....I found, measured and took pics of antique Teak and Rosewood architectural pieces, newly arrived, at a place specializing in specialty woods and importing every crazy thing you can think of.

There's carved posts......SO heavy, old doorframes, hinged 20' screens and elaborately carved headboard looking ....pieces.  Tables.....my brain's burning....puzzling ideas....how to transport ...install.  And so contractor needs to see the site, then we go back to warehouse or select regular wood.... we're in the thumbnail phase.

Here's where I'm at .....if it costs close to the same..... I'd prefer 200 yo Teak or Rosewood, bc it'll last, and we're working with wonderful pieces .....not designing, distressing  and fabricating.

On another note....I saw a 10' w island with copper countertop and 3K hammered copper sink at ReStore....asking 2K.  It would make a ln amazing flower arranging counter....in a dang castle. 

13

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on January 17, 2026, 11:18:19 AM »

It's funny.....I have Carhartt work coats in tan, black, with hoods, without hoods, heavy, and light.....one for every occasion!

But regular clothes?  Nope.

I think it's to do with interests......maybe?

I ordered socks....
So
Many
Socks.

Apparently we live in Torrid Halloween socks, almost exclusively.  I buy them on sale, in bulk, every so often, bc they're roomy, soft and stay up. I'll take all the old mismatched pairs, pitch the singles, and feel so much better about the overtly full sock drawer, built under the stairs.  It's made of barn wood, 3' deep and 18"w......a drawer to be reckoned with, lol. Very convenient, bc shoes are on shelf at front door....keeps same with same, mostly.

For a while we had boots under the entrance landing......if you can picture it, we took out 2x4 railing at top of 2 step landing, then put in antique 10' frosted glass door with mail slot, for privacy, and bc it's was a great place to sit, when open.....to put on shoes.  A long tray, for shoes and boots used to collect dust there....it pulled out.  Now it houses a single mattress for behind the sofa guests..... there's a rolling trundle frame in the garage.

I wish every stair had a pullout drawer for shoes!!!!  The dang thing was solidly built into the house, so settled for new distressed oak treads. 
::shaking head::
Not everyone appreciates distressed wood.

Lighter

14

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 17, 2026, 08:28:48 AM »

Oh, the distributions of "things"... I've been doing that a long time.

I hear you about good work clothes; I'm still looking. I'll let you know if i find something.

15

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on January 16, 2026, 12:16:37 PM »

It's not radically changing everything...... it's doing less of the things, I don't want the do.  It's doing the things....big and small....that I like to do....sans confusion, or guilt..... it's making mindful work of the unconscious belief systems....why it's such a mystery, is my guess.

I woke up with a very sleepy pug....she wanted only bellie rubs.....no breakies or walkie.  Like, she knows this is our last morning, living, the way we do.  She has 2 portions of pug food in the fridge....will get household through the morning.  I'll give a little think to setting them up for.....food better than kibble.  Maybe leave already cooked proteins, canned/fresh/ frozen veg, for them to sort out, or not.

Have to put it down.

House care list almost complete.  Finish, and put it down.

As I walked the pug, I tried to think about only what I want more of.  Proper clothing......is something I'll have to sort.  I notice "Get your sh*t straight," self directed, pops up for me.  Like a manly order, barked in a manly barracks.  My father never stepped foot in a barracks, but that voice lived in his head.  He installed it inside of me.  I just notice it.....move on to validating my upcoming choices......keep best work clothes. The rest will go to the pug's.  That feels fresh and lovely to have sorted. 

What to replace them with?  More difficult.  Many of the clothes in my closet, hardly worn by me, belonged to my mother.  I'll likely never wear them.....but they remind me if her.....are still pieces of her....maybe the kids will want some day.  Difficult to finish them.  It was a huge relief to hand off the suede and western items to my youngest niece.  My brother ordered me to throw everything out, then came back, softer, asking if I still had the items ...his DD wanted them.  Of course, I did. We agreed she'll get some Grandma J jewelry.....time TBD, as she's not a very organized bear, and has personal items in many places.  I don't care if my Grandfather's saddles are lost, but really wanted her to keep them.....bc she loved them.....she may still know where she put them.  I hope

Eating, didn't go how I thought it would, this morning. There was a brooding teenager.....resisting.  Roast chicken and lettuce?  Nope.  I backed up, turned my full attention to the task......pulled out beef and avocado.... resistance vanishing with choice.  And that's one of the moving pieces.  Mindful proactivity......by now.... pretty familiar. Doable, while bumping and gliding along.

, I look forward to more gliding.....maybe some actual full out flying.

Lighter

16

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on January 15, 2026, 08:06:25 PM »

Always shocked at how well foot injuries respond to ice, elevation and 800mg of ibuprofen. The difference between crawling for 24 hours, and going back to normal life.....the top of the foot injury more specifically. 

Grilled in 22° burr freezin cold.....forgot the surf, but got 4 other dishes out, and the offer of salad.  No takers for salad.

My brother made the crossing safely yesterday.....I just found out.  It's unnerving to hear nothing, esp when they drive 12 minutes hours after boating 2-4 hours, IME. Long long day.

I'm suddenly very tired.....body wants only to mindlessly digest.  I'll be asleep before 9.  Tomorrow will be a whirlwind of tasks.....the very best way to edit and give away things, is to apply pressure, IME.

I'll check out an architectural graveyard, then Habitat for Humanity at 10am.  Start loading truck with barn wood, if that fails.

Will check, what's on offer, at the lumber yard ....I drove by there today.  Twice.  Didn't think of it.

I love this......making beautiful things out of old, unwanted bits and bobs.  Merging pieces.

Lighter

17

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on January 15, 2026, 05:42:52 PM »

I was running to put away groceries, when I knocked a ceramic mug off the
edge
of
the
counter
in
front of the kitchen SINK.

My right foot auto caught it, but vow I'm in a chair, foot raised mitt ice.

Watching the last episode of Schitt's Creek......
and the after show.....and it's another ending.  Reminding me of my ending here, in the mountains....with my girls, as grown children. 

They'll just.... be grown, figuring stuff out on their own.  Calling me, like I called my Dad.

:: sniff::.

And it's hitting me, as hard as any big change hit.....
endings....
different kinds, of goodbyes, I could see coming.....
understood was imminent.

Feeling better....nothing broken. 

BIL feels competently cared for by new docs.

I'm going back to packing, and planning the last dinner we'll have, living under the same roof full time....the way we are now.

Lighter

18

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by lighter on January 15, 2026, 11:02:14 AM »

Lol.....Hops..... you're sharing, not preaching.

My BIL looooves his netti pot. It stopped all kinds of nose/nasal troubles for him.

He's, unfortunately, at the Tropical Disease specialist, this morning, for symptoms begun during a 2 week vacation in Hawaii.....some of it in tents and waterfalls.  Super painful bumps on hands, elbows and feet...separate, some fluid filled
 Some not. 
Fever.
Swollen, red single boy bit.....that started a couple days ago. Cheeks/face not swollen, as with mumps. He's seen many doctors, who have no clue.

Praying this morning's appt will sort him out.

Lighter

19

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: facing the world

« Last post by lighter on January 15, 2026, 10:53:28 AM »

I like the thought of you comforted by your Father's shirt, Hops.  I kept some of my Father's plaid cotton shirts....wear them regularly.....always a happy thing for me. Makes me remember his clean little head....fine baby bird hair, sticking up, fresh from his shower.  Safe and warm....smelling of soap.

I hope you find joy, in every moment, as you can.  I'm trying really hard.

Lighter

20

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on January 15, 2026, 10:42:22 AM »

Well, mountain contractor and his wife, will load up 2 of their dogs and head to the lake on Saturday.  This, only to plan out jobs, give the Puerto Rican family a to-do list.....setting four 4x4s in the ground for the wedding arch.  I guess I decided on what will essentially be a wide triangular European doorway, sans door, about 2 feet deep, with a little metal roof.  Something distressed and charming.

Will make decisions on two broke down sheds....demolish, repair or sell? 

The pile of torn down trees might have some decent wood for lumber.....will just take a look'see.

Lighter