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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on March 28, 2025, 01:33:15 PM »Hops: DD22 saw the functional med doc yesterday. He found her lower R lung wasn't moving properly, with the visceral manipulation. She's had pneumonia recently, so that made sense to him.
I'm pretty sure you're right about the anxiety and breathing, for my part..... something locked down in there. It's happened before, back in 2006. Very real, very helpless, but this time I have appetite and ability that digest, lol. Different, but similar. Not noticing my breath now, so better, thank goodness. I've given myself a week off from T to just sit....feels very necessary.
Tupp: DD22 and I will go to lake this weekend and I've grilled off a platter of veg ahead. Yesterday morning was a comedy of errors, involving the grill, huge salmon filet and, again, grilled veg. I notice a frantic energy popping up lately.....and question it, bc it's creating chaos.
Did I tell you I ran to get garbage out, slid in socked feet, on the cement garage floor (picture someone, in a movie, sliding under an almost closing gate, then popping up and continuing on, like nothing happened.) That was as me. The garbage man was very amused....
::picturing mysel, wide eyed, moving very fast, disappearing, popping back up to weave through cars with guge garbage can to the street where I waited a good 30 seconds for truck to align::.
I didn't hurt myself, but geez.....I sure could have.
The garbage would have waited AND I wasn't even late, and it's not the end of the wirld to miss a week and....
had I just walked swiftly, and met him at the curb,
sans
the
frantic escape from zombies at the lowering gate movie scene, it would have been fine. That is a very nutty little pebble!!!
Even if it's not ok.... it's ok. I know this to be true.
The same with the salmon,
in the air....
a flying circus filet, veg in every direction.....3 unnecessary messes, on top of usual food prep and clean up. Just.....
no.....
and why?
Without stopping, to take measure of these moments, I recognize my mother's Lucille Ball like behaviors and know...this is part generational, but also something else. Many something elses, and I'm planning to meditate on it, at acupuncture, this afternoon......
I say I'll be more mindful, with myself and with self care, but then.... I'm erratic, and that's ok, bc I SEE it. I'm aware.
Question is ..
What will I do about it, if anything? This ties back to auto politeness, as well, imo. Auto reactivity....whatever it is.
I'm doing my best and trust myself in that. Whew, already feels lighter.
I'll try to see it, with eyes unclouded by judgement.....trying to see the expanded view, with more choice and zero despair, kwim?
Yesterday , I talked to oldest DD24 about this calm, very integrated way of being, as she's grappling with big hairy life choices......leaving her apartment and roommate situation to live with her bf, for a year, before deciding to move to one of 3 States with Optometrist programs she's seeking. BF is happy and willing to go with her, but feels it's wise to really know what they're getting into...knowing each other better. Seems wise to DD24 and to me. Not sure what his Southern Baptist parents will think, but.....I digress, bc that's what monkey mind does.
Timing the move, having at least 1 big argument, coordinating roommates/leases or no roommates, dealing with her very sad current roommate, who's trying her to slow her educational roll, so as to extend the living situation.....
all the what ifs, rolling around.....
and all I could provide was....
"Listen to your intuition.... don't worry about it ...put it on the shelf till you're calm, with expanded choice and POV." So very calming, keeping heads where the feet are.
She nodded and SAW it......with me ...... no frantic need to solve it before roommate returned from lunch, which she felt pressing in, minutes before. Just That, allowing time to pass joyfully, despite not knowing everything, despite some people being unhappy.
Is it a skill?
A habit?
Something to cultivate and lean back into, when worrying into future minutes, hours or days, pops up?
Pops up.....like an ambush?
Like familiar territory one no longer wishes to occupy?
I'm not sure all the things and ways it is. It seems very large, very important....with many moving parts.
It's my hope, it's simply another passing cloud, I notice.....
as I remember....
I'm the blue sky.
The clouds come and go, like weather, but the sky is always blue sky, no matter.
The sky is blue. The grass is green. That stuff. Again.
When will that wire in....when will focus more easily remain on what I can do, and not on worry about what I can't do?
Seems simple to write and read, but to live in the spirit of it.....
with so many distractions and obligations...
is.....
not an art.....not just habit or wiring in, IME so far.
It's just as my martial arts instructor said, 25 years ago....
it's the Dao...
the path to less suffering.
Distilled down, into it's simplest parts....
that.
It's cutting through the distractions, like a knife, with focus and more ease....maybe.
It's focus on what I want more of....yes?
It's providing the brain and Nervous System the opportunity to integrate and fire on all cylinders.....
with logic and access to creative problem solving!
Too many parts, jumbled up together, is what it feels like.
Lighter
P S
I'm trying to auto remember take my own advice, bc......
sometimes my nose is on the pebbles and I didn't see it coming. Maybe it just jumped up and stuck to my nose? Did I float or fall down TO it? Was it a thought or a fear or a reaction, wired in from infancy?
Don't know, but I'm curious 🧐
Clouds and sky....clouds and sky.
Getting back to observer mode, nose off pebbles....expanded views and more choice.
There's been lots of laughter and noticing the fun stuff, btw. Sometimes it feels like living in a sit com.....and everyone knows it's a sitcom. Lots of singing and dancing in the kitchen. Comfort in the familiarity of eating prescriptively, again....even if familiar mourning's a part of it.
That was a rant😬
I'm pretty sure you're right about the anxiety and breathing, for my part..... something locked down in there. It's happened before, back in 2006. Very real, very helpless, but this time I have appetite and ability that digest, lol. Different, but similar. Not noticing my breath now, so better, thank goodness. I've given myself a week off from T to just sit....feels very necessary.
Tupp: DD22 and I will go to lake this weekend and I've grilled off a platter of veg ahead. Yesterday morning was a comedy of errors, involving the grill, huge salmon filet and, again, grilled veg. I notice a frantic energy popping up lately.....and question it, bc it's creating chaos.
Did I tell you I ran to get garbage out, slid in socked feet, on the cement garage floor (picture someone, in a movie, sliding under an almost closing gate, then popping up and continuing on, like nothing happened.) That was as me. The garbage man was very amused....
::picturing mysel, wide eyed, moving very fast, disappearing, popping back up to weave through cars with guge garbage can to the street where I waited a good 30 seconds for truck to align::.
I didn't hurt myself, but geez.....I sure could have.
The garbage would have waited AND I wasn't even late, and it's not the end of the wirld to miss a week and....
had I just walked swiftly, and met him at the curb,
sans
the
frantic escape from zombies at the lowering gate movie scene, it would have been fine. That is a very nutty little pebble!!!
Even if it's not ok.... it's ok. I know this to be true.
The same with the salmon,
in the air....
a flying circus filet, veg in every direction.....3 unnecessary messes, on top of usual food prep and clean up. Just.....
no.....
and why?
Without stopping, to take measure of these moments, I recognize my mother's Lucille Ball like behaviors and know...this is part generational, but also something else. Many something elses, and I'm planning to meditate on it, at acupuncture, this afternoon......
I say I'll be more mindful, with myself and with self care, but then.... I'm erratic, and that's ok, bc I SEE it. I'm aware.
Question is ..
What will I do about it, if anything? This ties back to auto politeness, as well, imo. Auto reactivity....whatever it is.
I'm doing my best and trust myself in that. Whew, already feels lighter.
I'll try to see it, with eyes unclouded by judgement.....trying to see the expanded view, with more choice and zero despair, kwim?
Yesterday , I talked to oldest DD24 about this calm, very integrated way of being, as she's grappling with big hairy life choices......leaving her apartment and roommate situation to live with her bf, for a year, before deciding to move to one of 3 States with Optometrist programs she's seeking. BF is happy and willing to go with her, but feels it's wise to really know what they're getting into...knowing each other better. Seems wise to DD24 and to me. Not sure what his Southern Baptist parents will think, but.....I digress, bc that's what monkey mind does.
Timing the move, having at least 1 big argument, coordinating roommates/leases or no roommates, dealing with her very sad current roommate, who's trying her to slow her educational roll, so as to extend the living situation.....
all the what ifs, rolling around.....
and all I could provide was....
"Listen to your intuition.... don't worry about it ...put it on the shelf till you're calm, with expanded choice and POV." So very calming, keeping heads where the feet are.
She nodded and SAW it......with me ...... no frantic need to solve it before roommate returned from lunch, which she felt pressing in, minutes before. Just That, allowing time to pass joyfully, despite not knowing everything, despite some people being unhappy.
Is it a skill?
A habit?
Something to cultivate and lean back into, when worrying into future minutes, hours or days, pops up?
Pops up.....like an ambush?
Like familiar territory one no longer wishes to occupy?
I'm not sure all the things and ways it is. It seems very large, very important....with many moving parts.
It's my hope, it's simply another passing cloud, I notice.....
as I remember....
I'm the blue sky.
The clouds come and go, like weather, but the sky is always blue sky, no matter.
The sky is blue. The grass is green. That stuff. Again.
When will that wire in....when will focus more easily remain on what I can do, and not on worry about what I can't do?
Seems simple to write and read, but to live in the spirit of it.....
with so many distractions and obligations...
is.....
not an art.....not just habit or wiring in, IME so far.
It's just as my martial arts instructor said, 25 years ago....
it's the Dao...
the path to less suffering.
Distilled down, into it's simplest parts....
that.
It's cutting through the distractions, like a knife, with focus and more ease....maybe.
It's focus on what I want more of....yes?
It's providing the brain and Nervous System the opportunity to integrate and fire on all cylinders.....
with logic and access to creative problem solving!
Too many parts, jumbled up together, is what it feels like.
Lighter
P S
I'm trying to auto remember take my own advice, bc......
sometimes my nose is on the pebbles and I didn't see it coming. Maybe it just jumped up and stuck to my nose? Did I float or fall down TO it? Was it a thought or a fear or a reaction, wired in from infancy?
Don't know, but I'm curious 🧐
Clouds and sky....clouds and sky.
Getting back to observer mode, nose off pebbles....expanded views and more choice.
There's been lots of laughter and noticing the fun stuff, btw. Sometimes it feels like living in a sit com.....and everyone knows it's a sitcom. Lots of singing and dancing in the kitchen. Comfort in the familiarity of eating prescriptively, again....even if familiar mourning's a part of it.
That was a rant😬