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81

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 29, 2026, 07:53:08 AM »

It's looking like I was right to wait to start seeds; the Rhodis are finally starting to bloom. Might be thunderstorms and small hail later.

Mudroom is almost done; I have some nice rosemaling pieces to put up - and extra splash of color on the monotonous pine panelling in the house. Just need to smash out the pretty cover for the bench cushion.

I do need a dry day to get outside and start working on the herb beds, pull up last years weed fabric in the veggie garden, etc. Oh - and cutting the grass. Looks like Holly might be on strike this year. But B is leaving to bring in another load on Friday... so I'll have some help until his surgery.

Haven't heard from my new buddy yet much this week - but it's a busy time of year.

82

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 29, 2026, 07:40:29 AM »

Hol likes to tell me - repeatedly btw - about the tiny little things... ways of understanding... connecting feeling and thinking... that us 'rents and her teachers didn't explain to her. Because no one explained it to us either.

I sometimes see therapy as a way for another human to see those little understanding connections that we missed. Explain them to us when it pops up. And sometimes, it's a lot more than that. Everyone's journey is different.

I often wonder if for a lot of people, it's just learning to feel OK and accepting the things about our lives - past & present - that we can't change. To change the parameters of our lives, the patterns, to something we have actively chosen for our own satisfaction...........

Rainy day here. Good for pondering.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 28, 2026, 05:45:42 PM »

Lighter,
I really feel how you love plants and rain, equally.
Beautiful descriptions.

I love rain too. (We need some.)

It's the comfort nature brings over and over, no matter what humans are up to.

hugs
Hops

84

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 28, 2026, 05:43:28 PM »

Amber,
I love that you might be finding a new female friend. She sounds very interesting, open and there's SO much in common!

I look forward to how it goes. You (as do all introverts) deserve adjacent friends!

I hope this is the universe providing for you. (Even if the universe doesn't give a dang, it's a happy thought.)

hugs
Hops

85

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 28, 2026, 12:50:02 PM »

Lighter, are the neighbors the father and son you were talking about? AAAAGGHHH.

I'm sorry I got it wrong and gave you a lecture about employees.
I feel foolish now. Presumptuous. Damn.

Hope you'll forgive me.

hugs
Hops

86

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 28, 2026, 12:47:19 PM »

Meh, I found Cinderella with Dogs and LOVE it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHgxR8NSSmY
(The narrator's voice is TOO flat and neutral, but they're supposed to do that generally, so your imagination fills in. Probably a better one out there.)

VERY funny and this dog-girl really enjoyed it. The illustrations are hilarious. Joyful.

hugs
Hops

87

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Hopalong on April 28, 2026, 12:32:58 PM »

Meh,
I wish I could show you examples of the chaos and squaliditude (TM) I live in from time to time, when I'm going through something emotionally stressful. I can relate to the shame and anger at self. I feel it every day when I've let the house go.

And I mean go VERY far down a dank hole. To the point of near scary. Then, I crawl out, an inch at a time. In the process of that right now.

I have really learned that shame can be toxic. I've learned I am entitled to take up oxygen and need what I need. I've learned not an ocean of it, but enough self-love to be kinder to myself about it. I've learned this aging-alone thing can't/won't always be lovely.

I used to wake up and instantly start a river of really lacerating self-criticism. Like a tape on a timer. I'd begin the day railing at myself for what I haven't done. Now, it's just a slow coffee. Shame isn't helpful to me. It's also unkind.

I like Lighter's idea of making your own keys system, including duplicates. I used to lose mine a lot. Now it's two pegs by the door. One for door key. One for car key. More than once I've had to come back inside to get the car key. I like the carabiners, too. With memory and motivation slipping more often, I need multiple little systems. Gotta start again.

About you fearing you're boring the therapist you're getting to see. I wonder what it'd be like if you shared that thought out loud? "I started thinking that I am boring you and it worries me." Even from a simple truth like that, a T gets helpful information. Hope you won't be afraid to experiment with telling her. More and more telling. How this feels, how something felt in the past, how you worry and stress. What you fear. What you yearn for.

You could try seeing the T in a different way. How about: SHE is a journal. So she will look blank sometimes. Her muted "prod" questions are just inviting you to turn to a fresh page.

I used intellect in therapy for ages, which made it VERY slow. Eventually, I learned that insight and intuition were more important for me. Going in, in, in but sharing it.

I can understand why it's all bringing up some stress for you, which sounds so natural. Once that eases (it will) I have visions of you finding some real healing. Your life will change because you are changing. You are accepting the idea of help, whether you feel huge change at a rapid pace or not.

I lost the ability to cry easily. The first time I cried with a T, I walked out feeling so much lighter. Humans need compassion and support from other humans. I hope you feel GOOD that you're seeking it out.

hugs
Hops

88

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by lighter on April 28, 2026, 10:10:04 AM »

Wishing....
Regretting .....
Judging......
=
Time suck, and rarely positive movement forward, for me.

I used to lose my keys....a lot.  It moved me to purchase sturdy clips for every set, single and duo keys.....which leads to a smaller circle of patting down myself.....my purses....pockets and belt loops. Once, I clipped DD's keys to my shirt, absent mindedly, bc they were just lying on a counter, then ordered DD to search till she found them.  I was in the trouble, but DD keeps up a a tad better, than before, with her keys.

We also have extra keys, for everything.....this makes our boats go faster.

What I'm saying is..... systems are helpful.
Mindful systems are more helpful.
Being consistent, for a while, builds good routines.

We have a basket at front door where we, mostly, clip keys ...keep extra keys.  This works for us. 

What would work for you, Meh?

When you're calm.....think about it.  Journal about it.


BTW....I just read some statistics on journaling feelings......how it can process out trauma.....into historic files, which is everything, IME.

I used to do it, for relief, during terrible times.  I think journaling everything, daily, is wiser than I knew.  I think I do it here now!!!

Breathe, Meh.
Accept what you can't change.
Release expectations.
Be very kind to yourself.....and....

Drop judgement. 
Get curious.
Restore creative problem solving skills, and choice. Do what needs doing.....solve problems, then put the story on the shelf.

You've identified a problem.  It's solvable.  Will rumination help? 

You're brave enough to do the work of noticing, and considering outcomes and possibilities.

Lighter
P.S. I didn't proof this post....will likely change and correct.

89

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by lighter on April 28, 2026, 08:53:46 AM »

We haven't seen the neighbors since they left.  It's been nice to wear shorts and not worry.  A relief, in it's truest sense.

I just got ahead of the rain with feeding the azaleas, old and new, before the rain and thunder really began.  I brought in all the heavy Italian terracotta tiles, not used in the meditation garden.  And..... it's amazing, guys. 

Assuming we level the old skinny stumps,c which vexed the last two days.

I'd say I had about the right number of tiles.  All that's left is designing some flowers in smaller tiles....adding some stones .....clearing out the sunny half of the island..
.maybe planting wild flowers.

I have 3 pink azaleas to plant with the 40yo Pink Azaleas in the circle.  I've been waiting for this rain to plant.  Will tell the neighbors to come get the last of the blueberry/fig bushes, and lone Peach tree.  The deer won't allow much to live on their stomping grounds.  Will use that flat area for parking.

Next, all the ferns and remaining forest flowers go in.

We're loving this cool soft rain.  So much.

Lighter

90

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on April 27, 2026, 09:50:23 AM »

Morning, Meh!

I think it's both brave and wise of you to experiment with a Sunday morning gathering. Mainly, I think it's wise that you realize that for you, a sense of connection to human community has been missing. Just repetitive visiting with other humans is healing, or has been at times for me. I was the strange fly on the wall for a long time before I got into the idea. Still hard to get past my introversion (I have both In and Extraversion) and make myself do it, but I'm always glad I did.

I could feel how that young man's sincere warm handshake affected you, too. How real love or good intentions can feel when one encounters them.

I'm in an awkward spot about religion as an agnostic. I belong to but rarely attend services at a progressive UU congregation. As lefty-liberal as I naturally am, I can find our no-dogma dogma (or virtue-signaling either left or right) annoying too. The other "side" can hurt or scare me as I have heavy family history around it. The "covenant group" approach is still very meaningful for me. We don't assume any theology about each other but do share some "spurchul" topics, sometimes deeply. Alas, we're on Zoom now, so I may hunt up some other kinds of mingle-things. Poetry workshops and readings give me that chance also, to a degree. For me the best or easiest satisfaction of positive values I was raised with, without the religion, is volunteering for a nonprofit that helps the elderly age at home. But it takes wheels, since driving them is the main thing they request. Couple days ago I drove another man about my age to his PT and he and I swapped "stroke stories." He was very happy I brought Pup and showed me a lot of pictures of his old dog, a Bouvier. He also mentioned that he'd lost his son; we shared speechlessness over that. He struggled to speak clearly but we got by fine and laughed together. I could for sure do a "dog ministry" but it might be instead a "dog visit service" through the organization. Pup isn't well trained enough for certification so I wrote a note to someone on the board that I could offer "unofficial, non-credentialed, goofy small dog visits." This man said he'd be the first one to request it. LOL.

I wonder if there's a quilting or knitting group near you. You just hear stories the whole time, can be quiet or chatty as you feel, and have something to do with your hands. Probably could arrange a ride, too. I understand it can be very comforting. Women's groups of various kinds (which this merciful board feels like) have been very important to me at different times.

hugs
Hops
PS -- I do love a lot of hymns. Here's a favorite:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhsXl1_rEwI