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81
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by lighter on February 02, 2026, 11:24:18 AM »
Oh. ((Hops.)) There's maybe some brand new shame, over learning Poet lessons  in increments....till they finally get in....and that's ok.  The really difficult lessons, always go in and out of focus, for me.  It's, as you mentioned, a process of internalizing ...finally....and mostly, completely. Some debris, remains. Old pathways don't just disappear.

Then there's helping younger selves learn....internalize, and trust it too.  That's why it feels ok one minute, and goes all sloshy the next, IME.....and it's ok to notice.  Ok to validate, understand why they feel that way, and work together to resolve it....IME.

And is it always resistance.....when these difficult feelings sweep in?   Mostly, so say my T.  Resisting acceptance often root cause.

For me  ....giving up hope, completely, is missing from my DNA....feels like, sometimes.  But that's part of it....dialing in realistic expectations, for adult selves, but also every younger part.... there's no magic on/off switch.

I'm having trouble with the board.  Can't post, though I try, often.

I'm glad you feel better.  Glad you're feeling your boundaries, and feeling more solid inside them.

You asked about BIL's health.... he's recovered.  My sister got sick ....her fingers are peeling in sheets now....painful in hot water.  Turns out the cause is a version of hand/foot/mouth disease, sans the mouth. 

Lighter



82
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 31, 2026, 12:32:48 PM »
The deer you're seeing in town, are foodies - and they're likely pruning your neighbor's favorite evergreen shrubs. They must've gotten tired of the same old in their normal haunts. They make nests in the snow that insulate them from the cold. They'll be fine.

My poor friend has been on the hormonal rollercoaster since menopause. She's been seeing a naturopath, who tests regularly and corrects whatever is out of wack. So whatever was in her version of GLP just kicked it off balance again.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by Hopalong on January 31, 2026, 09:19:15 AM »
Hormonal? Howzzat?

Six deer just came single file up my street, a bigger one--antlers--in the lead; I feel so badly for them. No food, no shelter....some freezing to death at night I'm sure. For me, it's sad.

Thanks to a frenzy of posting, esp. Amber's kindness, I'm mostly over my anxiety surge of yesterday. Physically and mentally wiped out but that will pass. Gotta find a way to stop Pup from barking me awake from his crate at 5am. I can let him sleep on my bed but then he wakes me at 5am by doing doggy CPR on me. Violently! LOL

So I made an appt with a sleep specialist and will probably have another overnight study.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 31, 2026, 07:59:29 AM »
No she didn't have any cardiac side effects; all intestinal and hormonal.
85
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by Hopalong on January 30, 2026, 12:54:32 PM »
Lighter,
I'm imagining you in a PERFECT place to weather a winter lock-in. Naked trees, snow, ice everywhere including the lake....do you see any wildlife yet? I try not to think about it.

Hope cozy outguns cold, and that you and DD are realllllllly relaxing.

hugs,
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by Hopalong on January 30, 2026, 12:51:00 PM »
My doc's available but we made no extra appointments. I can always reach out for one though.

Do you mind sharing more about friend D's GLP-1 side effects?
Were any of them cardiac?

Gracias.

hugs
Hops
87
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on January 30, 2026, 12:20:44 PM »
Ahhhh, thank you.

I don't know why I needed somebody to tell me to stop feeling shame, but I did, and you did. It helped instantly. Maybe it's because I was empathizing with y'all reading through my mud that you must've thought we'd already cleaned up.

I'm grateful.

Mega hugs,
Hops
88
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 30, 2026, 10:44:07 AM »
Hopsy, you're still here. Whole. No worse for wear. "It's just a flesh wound."  :)

Yeah, I can hear how your brain is hijacking your feelings. This is not what your inner child went through; it just echoes that. You aren't making the same mistake over & over again, either. The people who are vampires have the power of a "glamour" - illusion - that makes them seem honest, caring and trustworthy. Only when they are stressed, do they reveal their true nature.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT you didn't pick up on this sooner. So stop putting that responsibility on yourself. Just stop it. You are in charge of you - and 10 slow deep breaths will calm down the panic enough, to go snuggle with pup, who will probably wash your face till you giggle.

It's true that in quiet, empty time-spaces... things that happen to us can be magnified simply because there just isn't anything else competing for attention. And it happens to all of us!!

Therefore, you are totally normal.  :P  It's been awhile, but I have stayed in a Holiday Inn.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on January 30, 2026, 10:18:02 AM »
Not anxious? Hah. It took a day.
I'm sorry, y'all, but I need to put this out there again.
I need help. My heart was tachy for an hour. It's slowing now, but scary.

I think it has a lot to do with processing what happened, the Poet conflict. I get deeply rocked by that kind of thing. Feel unable to trust her and I think the abandonment and unease I feel are primal. I did push back with plucky assertions and my right to speak -- all true. And I labored over insights, the analytical things (most of which I think were perceptive). But there's another level -- my inner child -- that's not doing well with what happened at ALL.

Reminds me a little of how I felt about telling my D's half-bro that she could not live with me, because my heart literally can't take it. I just can't handle knowing that some lacerating criticism, verbal attack or punishment could happen at any moment if my D (or Poet) were in proximity (emotional if not geographical). Living on alert, waiting for the other shoe to drop, walking on eggshells, all that.

So, Poet does not live here. She is not invited back. I'm letting go and giving up. So why do I feel disturbance enough to affect my heart rhythm? (It's more normal now.)

It's an irrational fear and also a real one. I could say more analytical things about her, but the truth is I think I'm back to the original reason I'm here...Poet is wounded and narcissistic and I was BLIND, floating into her orbit like a ladybug in a breeze. For me it adds up right now to feeling like I'm starving for oxygen in a big room. I feel frail and need comforting. There are not many friends who can hold space for deep anxiety, in my experience. I think it's the hardest task. Feeling protected seems far away. And loneliness, too, can kill. Loads of elderly die of it.

These are the times when living alone, being alone so much, begins to darken. I see also that Poet has manipulated me, lavishing things like "I'm so happy to have a friend like you, your support is so important, don't stop caring about me," etc etc etc." With a clearer mind, I see it as being praised to encourage repeat behavior or obedience. My Nmom did that. But I don't want to demonize Poet; these are survival impulses for her.

Good god, how could I repeat this pattern? I did it with M, the bf, too. He was dynamic and full of himself and the love bombing was head spinning. But say the wrong thing and he'd slice me up like a master chef. Not raging, just using his flow of words to paralyse the listener (me) and eliminate any resistance. I always fought back and eventually freed myself of him, but it's starting to feel like I'm living in a reenactment of the same old inner war. Maybe I need therapy again. I might revisit my old T, the compassionate one (not the Sikh) who knows all about Poet and could probably set me back on my feet, so to speak, in a few sessions. A tune-up.

I have to tend to the scared child inside who's feeling newly alone in the world right now. It's as though a big person injected into my ears some dark, sticky stuff that started to poison me. It's like I have no self-protective filters, sometimes. It all just seeps right in. Maybe I'm too open hearted for my own good.

It honestly also makes me afraid. That because clearly, a person with some of those issues can affect my psyche so much. I can give Poet so much Co-D compassion, pouring it out like a tanker, but am having trouble healing myself. How stable AM I? How sane? How functional? Is this flaw going to take me out soon? This stuff can start a cascade, even a kind of collapse. Hope my heart won't fail. I've been feeling weak, literally, for a long time.

Jesus. I think I've just gone a few rounds with a vampire who "takes too much", as my old T said about her. I know the friendship is over now, but I'm feeling very depleted. Shaken, is the word. Drained. Fearful. The last one is the irrational part.

I'm just never READY for sudden outbursts or controlling commands. "Do not write about this." Shit.

I even feel shame about writing here sooooo much about the same old life lesson. Can you bear with me? (I promise, I'm emailing old T right now. I don't want to poison you guys!)

hugs and thanks,
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 30, 2026, 08:11:51 AM »
Your doc is monitoring that shot closely aren't they? Friend Debbie had some awful side effects that sent her to ER. Stopping the shot willy-nilly apparently isn't good either.
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