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« Last post by lighter on January 16, 2026, 12:16:37 PM »
It's not radically changing everything...... it's doing less of the things, I don't want the do. It's doing the things....big and small....that I like to do....sans confusion, or guilt..... it's making mindful work of the unconscious belief systems....why it's such a mystery, is my guess.
I woke up with a very sleepy pug....she wanted only bellie rubs.....no breakies or walkie. Like, she knows this is our last morning, living, the way we do. She has 2 portions of pug food in the fridge....will get household through the morning. I'll give a little think to setting them up for.....food better than kibble. Maybe leave already cooked proteins, canned/fresh/ frozen veg, for them to sort out, or not.
Have to put it down.
House care list almost complete. Finish, and put it down.
As I walked the pug, I tried to think about only what I want more of. Proper clothing......is something I'll have to sort. I notice "Get your sh*t straight," self directed, pops up for me. Like a manly order, barked in a manly barracks. My father never stepped foot in a barracks, but that voice lived in his head. He installed it inside of me. I just notice it.....move on to validating my upcoming choices......keep best work clothes. The rest will go to the pug's. That feels fresh and lovely to have sorted.
What to replace them with? More difficult. Many of the clothes in my closet, hardly worn by me, belonged to my mother. I'll likely never wear them.....but they remind me if her.....are still pieces of her....maybe the kids will want some day. Difficult to finish them. It was a huge relief to hand off the suede and western items to my youngest niece. My brother ordered me to throw everything out, then came back, softer, asking if I still had the items ...his DD wanted them. Of course, I did. We agreed she'll get some Grandma J jewelry.....time TBD, as she's not a very organized bear, and has personal items in many places. I don't care if my Grandfather's saddles are lost, but really wanted her to keep them.....bc she loved them.....she may still know where she put them. I hope
Eating, didn't go how I thought it would, this morning. There was a brooding teenager.....resisting. Roast chicken and lettuce? Nope. I backed up, turned my full attention to the task......pulled out beef and avocado.... resistance vanishing with choice. And that's one of the moving pieces. Mindful proactivity......by now.... pretty familiar. Doable, while bumping and gliding along.
, I look forward to more gliding.....maybe some actual full out flying.
Lighter
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