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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Hopalong on March 31, 2026, 11:48:48 AM »FWIW (probably not much), about 50 years ago I was at a hospital ER in Louisville due to chest pain (panic attack, but who knows, maybe I also had the microvascular angina that early). Anyway, two psychiatry residents gently asked if I'd like to "spend the night" and I freaked, nooooooo thank you. First time I realized anxiety could be taken quite seriously or called something. I felt scared and relieved at the same time. They referred me to a hospital social worker (MSW) and I attended both her group therapy and individual sessions for a while. Her compassion and insight blew me away and really helped. The group did too, hugely. Speaking of humility.
I think that's one experience that made me believe in trying to hold out the possibility of good things happening (replacement "belief"). Small or large. Q: No guarantee s/he won't be a burned-out prison psychologist, but would it harm anything to talk to this T once? I have a very smart PhD younger friend who's been working at San Quentin for years and loves her job. Her mother was severely borderline so I could see why she's drawn to it.
Some of what you posted made me start another little cycle of worrying I might be an N, or N-ish. I think of it as behaviors rather than branding but scary stuff. Mainly around the why-don't-I-do-home-tasks-like-I-should. It really is mainly about my back though. Nothing superior about all that. I'm nibbling at it. TONS of shame attached.
The possible overlaps between Nism and autism ring true to me. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, autism (then Asperger's), and ADHD after her father died in her second year of college. She's also very very self-absorbed in ways that read narcissistic to me. I often wonder if my Nmom was on the spectrum. My monster-bro has severe ADHD and, imo, is an N-sociopath. He sure had zero empathy. I believe one of my mother's brothers had severe depression. And probably her handsome preacher father, who felt entitled to abuse his daughters. I probably had serious despression too, but just remember being so sad and lonely as a child that I felt my heart was breaking, a lot. Daily. No therapy back then. (The first time I realized that people were actually allowed to talk about sadness/trauma was watching Dr. Oprah. LOL.) Pondering Poet lately, I often wondered about similar sorts of labels like Nism, Borderline (might explain her rage bursts) and definitely manipulation. I was startled to find "major depressive disorder, remitting"--forget the word-- in my medical record but in recent years thought, am I ashamed of that? Fuck NO. I think back then it was ego, iow, I'd rather label myself than let anybody else do it. Now I'm grateful. Less preoccupied with the syndromes or their analysis, more with general life. Just capacity for peace. Whew.
A couple decades on this VESMB have been priceless therapy for me too. No exaggeration.
I admire your guts in taking a deep dive into it all. I don't think it's wasted.
hugs
Hops
I think that's one experience that made me believe in trying to hold out the possibility of good things happening (replacement "belief"). Small or large. Q: No guarantee s/he won't be a burned-out prison psychologist, but would it harm anything to talk to this T once? I have a very smart PhD younger friend who's been working at San Quentin for years and loves her job. Her mother was severely borderline so I could see why she's drawn to it.
Some of what you posted made me start another little cycle of worrying I might be an N, or N-ish. I think of it as behaviors rather than branding but scary stuff. Mainly around the why-don't-I-do-home-tasks-like-I-should. It really is mainly about my back though. Nothing superior about all that. I'm nibbling at it. TONS of shame attached.
The possible overlaps between Nism and autism ring true to me. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, autism (then Asperger's), and ADHD after her father died in her second year of college. She's also very very self-absorbed in ways that read narcissistic to me. I often wonder if my Nmom was on the spectrum. My monster-bro has severe ADHD and, imo, is an N-sociopath. He sure had zero empathy. I believe one of my mother's brothers had severe depression. And probably her handsome preacher father, who felt entitled to abuse his daughters. I probably had serious despression too, but just remember being so sad and lonely as a child that I felt my heart was breaking, a lot. Daily. No therapy back then. (The first time I realized that people were actually allowed to talk about sadness/trauma was watching Dr. Oprah. LOL.) Pondering Poet lately, I often wondered about similar sorts of labels like Nism, Borderline (might explain her rage bursts) and definitely manipulation. I was startled to find "major depressive disorder, remitting"--forget the word-- in my medical record but in recent years thought, am I ashamed of that? Fuck NO. I think back then it was ego, iow, I'd rather label myself than let anybody else do it. Now I'm grateful. Less preoccupied with the syndromes or their analysis, more with general life. Just capacity for peace. Whew.
A couple decades on this VESMB have been priceless therapy for me too. No exaggeration.
I admire your guts in taking a deep dive into it all. I don't think it's wasted.
hugs
Hops