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« Last post by sKePTiKal on August 26, 2025, 09:21:23 AM »
It's different things with each of them. B sees all current behaviors/events as exactly like what he has had to deal with in the past. It can ONLY be that one thing, in his mind. I keep pointing out how it isn't necessarilly the same. Repetition can have magical results. <smile> Especially for someone as OCD as he is combined with ADHD attributes. Yes, he has days he needs a lot of "adult supervision". LOL.
Hol thinks EVERYONE "can do better", "try harder", and learn different ways of being, communicating & behaving. My only issue with that, is that the only acceptable result (to her) is to be exactly like HER. Choosing something ELSE gets charactized as being defensive, ashamed, afraid, stubborn, controlling, negative, and disrespecting her "need" to "understand". SIGH. Again, repetition is my chinese water tactic to get her to "allow" people to be something DIFFERENT - and just as equal or valuable.
Neither one of these idiosyncrasies rises much above a level of annoyance for me. Yeah, it's tiresome. But it is familiar and if it threatens to go beyond annoyance - the boundaries get enforced sharply & quickly and both will back off. Then, I'll go read a book for 6 hours. Buh-bye.... I'm done.
I think that's just my introvert coping - I've peopled enough for that day; now like Greta Garbo, I just vant to be ALONE. LOLOLOLOL.
Both have just enough intellectual understanding of psycho-speak to develop rational "explanations". But neither is busting their butt to work through to the letting go point, of things that are based on old traumatic realities that no longer exist in their lives. Hol, in particular, is having a difficult time separating her self, from how she learned to cope way back when, with different people, in different circumstances.
She IS a smart one. And ALWAYS thinking (and overthinking, and recursively thinking). I see a little bit of her learning to relax - truly relax - more. But that's new. Her hypervigilance and anxiety about how she's perceived by others leads her to go as far as imagining other people's feelings and perceptions - and then claiming it's what she sees. And then, she spirals up into her overthinking again. And dominating conversations so much, I in particular can't even form or finish a sentence before she interupts again. If I call her on it, then "I'm not hearing her". SIGH. The implied message is that I'm not accepting her perception, her decision on the motivations behind it, etc etc, ad boredom.
Yeah, I see old patterns from my past - but these are different people, I'm different, and circumstances are VERY different. I look at things for a LONG TIME, before I trust my own discernment of a situation to open my yap and talk about it. I want to know I'm "seeing" and "understanding" my SELF correctly and think about the words I'm going to use so that other people can understand my arcane & fuzzy ways of combining perception and feelings and conclusions.
Some days just aren't "people" days for me.
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