Recent Posts

91

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on July 23, 2025, 05:59:10 PM »

The shed roof got done today.  Tomorrow we peek behind the house gutters, and see what's going on there.

The exterior bathroom door order was pushed back to August 5th....promised on the 22nd.  Plenty to do, until it comes in.

Lighter

92

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on July 22, 2025, 04:43:45 AM »

Contractor I'll with vomiting yesterday.  Might show up today and address gutters on front of house.....pick up shed roofing.

I'm still pondering how to finish the shed interior......heat and cool it.  Will use the same LifeLock LVP flooring.....could continue up the walls with it.  Maybe.

The old gravel path is exposed again.  The hurricane moved much of the gravel...or buried it.  There's maybe 40' of new path, through a wooded area, needs addressing, as it's very soft ground. 

I have some large ish stepping stones left from pallet of stones.  We dug them out of the leaves.  Uncovering the old path feels like an invitation to be invaded by neighbors.  Again.

A bear went through a couple days ago.  A big guy......stood up on his hind legs and kind of bounce-swayed, then disappeared down the trail. The pug was oblivious.

The loft is shaping up.....kind of lovely.  Likely a very useful space.  The kids want to add an 8 person game table.  There's room if they use the sofa as seating.

I'm keeping my desk, my desk.  The antique ribbon and mail pieces stay. The huge armoires, out of Biltmore, fit perfectly on either side of tapestry......8 foot tilt table slide in between, perfectly.  Beautiful.

Lots of paint, tools, and materials sorted.  It's nice to see the antique decorative iron rail exposed.

DD23 wants peg board......I see 3 places for it. 

The journey continues.

Lighter

93

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Nothing much really

« Last post by lighter on July 21, 2025, 05:05:31 PM »

It's important to give your energy to what you want more of.

Starve, the things, you want less of.

I like the strength in your posts, Meh.  A lot.

Lighter

94

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Nothing much really

« Last post by Hopalong on July 21, 2025, 10:17:23 AM »

((((Meh)))))

If the mother-trouble starts around 9am, does that mean phone calls
from her?

Hoping if that's the case, you can ensure you have caller ID and control
when you are interrupted by her (or your aunt).

I would find it impossible to tap into morning serenity if someone who
was disturbing my serenity and causing anxiety were calling me then.

Maybe I'm guessing wrong about her patterns, though.

I'm glad to know you have a new job and hope you'll prioritize taking kindly,
gentle, loving care of yourself. Treating yourself the way you wish to be treated.

Mothering yourself in a good-mother way. Not waiting for the turnip to shed tears.

You deserve it.

hugs
Hops

95

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Nothing much really

« Last post by Meh on July 20, 2025, 09:17:42 PM »

A truck I was taught....
when people, in positions of authority, say dumb things......
treat it as an opportunity to educate them.

Like you're talking to a child .....calm, simple, very short.

Also .....nobody can do/think 2 things at once, so choose the thing you'd like to do/think, and focus only on that, maybe.

Worth a try.

Lighter

  sounds good Lighter

it is important to think positive stuff. It works sometimes. Not ALL the time but sometimes it does shift stuff.

I am just going to do simple tasks tonight and as I do them I am going to enjoy the feeling of being organized afterwards I hope.

96

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Nothing much really

« Last post by Meh on July 20, 2025, 09:11:35 PM »

And.. Incoming I just got a threatening text from my Aunt. Haven't heard from her since my brother kicked the bucket. That's the only time she bothered to call me and I didn't want to hear from her then. Had nothing to say to her. She had nothing kind to say to me. Man I haven't had any reason to think of her in a while.

Deep breathing.

Perhaps I will mark it as spam and pretend I don't know her.

Let me see I think I haven't seen them in, well it's been over 10 years I think.

Nice to know all the fam is talking shit about me. But actually that doesn't matter.

This is the aunt who claimed my father molested me in court records for my brother's divorce. Something which my aunt made up and never happened. Yeah that was an ugly lie.

She wants a piece of the drama. I can picture her now just waiting for any tidbit like a vulture.

Meh, Blocked and reported it as SPAM. Was that a flying monkey that just flew into a wall... maybe.

I'm not responding to her. It's only a text. Cheap talk that fills some need for drama.

God what day is it anyhow Sunday? It's still only Sunday.

I look forward to Monday sort of I mean at least it's so busy at work I can't think about anything else when I'm there really. Contemplating my nicest and easiest outfit. It's 6:00 PM...

So
- cops
- MHP
- Lying Aunt

Good ol' mom is on a role this weekend.

I have to find my makeup. And order something new.

97

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Nothing much really

« Last post by lighter on July 20, 2025, 09:11:11 PM »

A trick I was taught....
when people, in positions of authority, say dumb things......
treat it as an opportunity to educate them.

Like you're talking to a child .....calm, simple, very short.

Also .....nobody can do/think 2 things at once, so choose the thing you'd like to do/think, and focus only on that, maybe.

Worth a try.

Lighter

98

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Nothing much really

« Last post by Meh on July 20, 2025, 08:45:01 PM »

Yeah I just got a call from a "Mental Health Practitioner." I told them I saw my mother and my aunt weaponize social services against my sibling and that it's really nothing new. My mother tried to make my brother appear insane. He was definitely fucked up but he was never insane.

I don't even have drug problems and never have.

Reminding myself be neutral, disengage, try to be polite. Even when I am grumpy and annoyed try to stay polite. It's really hard sometimes.

Am I angry /am I utterly bored? I think I should really try harder just to be bored.

I choose boredom. Apathy?

I do have several important tasks I need to get done today.

Also I did go out for a walk so there's that.

I can try to be more apathetic towards drama and not be apathetic to how it impacts me.

Narcissists don't want calm, relaxed, stable, functional.

99

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Nothing much really

« Last post by Meh on July 20, 2025, 08:54:37 AM »

Thanks for sharing poem Lighter. Maybe I'll print it and keep it in my purse. It has an invocation quality to it.

Thanks Hops.

Woke up at 5 AM on Sunday. I didn't get any exercise yesterday, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and hug my bed comforter. Honestly kind of "hiding from life" but nothing going on is anything that I feel like I'm a part of. Well maybe after I get the coffee through my system I will go for a walk. The N bullshit typically starts at 9 AM ish... So maybe I have 2-3 hours of peace.

I'll print it and keep it in my purse. Because I am sitting here picturing myself doing it but I am also picturing all these problems I am going to have this upcoming week and wondering when I will get time to do anything. Drinking coffee, doing anxiety brain stuff, and okay open document copy paste print and fold and stick it in my purse. I'll just hold on to it like a security blanket.

100

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on July 20, 2025, 07:58:58 AM »

Yesterday was a mishmash of making material lists, starting smaller jobs,cand planning larger ones.....finishing others.

Until the shower and exterior door show up, the bathroom remains unfinished.  There's also a piece of trim contractor is fabricating for the exhaust fan.  I figure will take a much time as patching the Sheetrock, but will elevate the space.  A little sanding on mirror legs, staining and blending ......Bob's your uncle.  One bathroom down, then I caulk and paint doorframes and baseboard to put a bow on it.....seal the shower grout. Yup yup yup. Almost done.

DD24 asked if the upstairs bathroom was next.  I said it was.  She was very unhappy to hear that.  I thought, but didn't say, perhaps she should live at her apartment,since her lease ends in September.  Apparently, her roommate isn't keen on the boy spending multiple nights in a row, is problematic, so DD and boy stay here all the time.  Their space is about to be 100% finished.... including emptied bedside tables, armoire and the one large closet......open....fresh....new start together. I only have books to move from TV stand and my big closet to edit and organize.  Always something.

I'll miss the Robin's egg blue tub upstairs, but we really want a deep soaker tub to replace it.  We won't be tiling every inch of this one.  Should go much faster....jinx.

DD23 stopped criticism of my tile choices, once I began pressuring her to make tile choices in her bathroom.  My sister and AI have little workshops to instruct on proper cleaning of kitchen, baths and yard work....changing HVAC filter, etc.  They're going to have to grow up and handle it all. 

There will be lists.
::nodding::.

The journey continues.

Lighter