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91
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Hopalong on May 22, 2026, 02:19:59 PM »
Very real. Also honest, pragmatic, and in touch with reality.
Good thinking, imo, Hippie. (Lifetime compulsive editing affects my spelling.)

Hard to do when transportation's such a chore, but my experience in recent years is that finding a form of person-to-person volunteering is a soul-saver for the lonely or isolated.

Sending wishes that the right "fit" will be found, even for a dirty hippie.

hugs
Hops
92
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 22, 2026, 04:21:28 AM »
Thanks ladies! Appreciate the caring and concern. Final departure (yes, this early) underway. More coffee required.
93
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 21, 2026, 08:44:31 PM »

Church people:

Pros:

- some of them are mellow
- sometimes relaxing
- encourages types of reflection
- I'm okay with prayer
- structure
- community
- it's a type of socializing

Cons:

- I'm not into the "lord" -- "father" -- "king" -- "he" -- "him" -- feels too male dominated talk
- I do not really like the focus on the afterlife part (and this seems to be basically the whole thing of it) - feels cult
- Today I was thinking how their "friendship" also feels like a conversion project -- yuck --
- They are basically still in colonization mode
- I don't want to give them money A) I'm poor B) they send it overseas as many churches do.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I might take a break from church.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- socializing
- community
- purpose
- positivity
- structure

These things don't have to be linked to the magical daddy king sitting on a cloud in the sky

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also I am not unitarian -- they are too politically marxist language aligned

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So --- I propose I worship seagull shit

Sigh

enough of this thought pattern moving on

at least I am getting real about me
94
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Hopalong on May 21, 2026, 10:34:20 AM »
Permanent pain is hell to live with and also has so much mythology about purification, by which I mean hogwash, around it.

Someone was telling me yesterday that a "new" treatment for severe spinal arthritis pain is actually radiation. I suppose that makes sense, since they can pinpoint any area and reach it without scalpels or damage to other tissue. (If I understood it right, which is always debatable.)

B. must be feeling like that Joe Bltssfyk guy in the old comic. Can't blame him but it's good you model resistance against "always" thinking. My sculptor exH2 was hit head on by a drunk driver on his way to the Art Institute of Chicago with a full load of pieces for a show without a seat belt because he was too manly to need one....had the kind of build-a-back surgery that left him with permanent intense pain. Titanium rods, countless plates and screws, slices of his own ribs and hip grafted around parts of the spinal column, etc. She, the driver, wasn't hurt badly but he's lived with all the consequences and his recovery sounded like torture. Your B's pain story reminds me so much of him. Ex2's scarred back is a 3-D topo map of what he went through...I don't think implant pumps were available to him then. I'd love to introduce those two for a pain bros talk. It's got to be hell sometimes, for both of you.

[Adding gold, pink and salmon light to the cloud above your ride....]

hugs
Hops
95
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by lighter on May 20, 2026, 08:04:49 PM »
Decidedly....
A good war dance is prayer.

Lighter
96
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by lighter on May 20, 2026, 08:03:37 PM »
::adding powerfully charged surgical dance, to my energetic rain dance'round the bonfire::.

Feel free to join in ladies.....Doc?

 Mud, if you ever visit.

If anyone deserves bonfire magic....B surely does on Friday.

To the possibility things go very well!!!

Lighter



97
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 20, 2026, 05:06:50 PM »

Yes Skeptical it seems contingent.
98
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 20, 2026, 11:43:40 AM »
Huh. I've had a life; don't recall making any plans for what I did. Now, there were things I WANTED to do: have kids, go to art school, go horseback riding out west where I couldn't see a single fence. Oh yeah - live near "big water".

Maybe thinking about what you want (including what you've dreamed was possible) will give you a way to access ideas for "life plans". Man, plans are so contingent/conditional on so many things... they almost always change.
99
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 20, 2026, 10:21:48 AM »

Life Plans

-- write something here
(mind draws a blank)
(Google says blank mind IS A RESPONSE to the prompt)
doing little morning tasks
will come back to this
100
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 20, 2026, 09:01:37 AM »
Oh no... not his last Hops! The batteries in med devices have about a 5 yr life span. So to keep pain levels tolerable for the rest of his life, replacement is necessary.* I just hope we get a closer surgical center.

Yeah - I feel he's kind of entitled to his reactivity. Some days I do a better job of managing of my own; and when I can't we're both good with taking our "stuff" somewhere away from each other until we settle. The only thing I interfere with is when he starts his negative tape in his head about how things ALWAYS turn out badly for him; as if he's cursed. We tend to play out: overwhelming force and immovable object with this. After many repetitions, I am slowly making headway to him seeing the possibility that "this is now; it's different; results will be different" as compared to reliving former trauma.


* The scary part is that already, the surgeons are starting to grumble about going thru all his scar tissue - internal as well as external. And that there may come a point when replacement simply won't be possible. That bridge isn't going to be crossed, even in imagination, until we get to it. You've seen Outlander - B's back is scarred; but not as badly as they made up Jamie's to be. He was self-conscious coz of some inconsiderate comments about it. Until I told him "chicks dig scars".
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