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91

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on January 04, 2026, 10:54:19 PM »

Googled about limited interests:

"Yes, static or limited interests—such as sticking to a few long-term activities for decades, while showing no initiative for new ones like learning —can indeed relate to certain personality disorders beyond autism. While restricted interests are a hallmark of autism spectrum disorder (a neurodevelopmental condition with early onset), similar patterns can emerge in personality disorders as secondary traits tied to rigidity, resistance to change, or emotional dysregulation, without the core social communication deficits of autism.

mdpi.com

For instance, in schizoid personality disorder (Cluster A), individuals often exhibit a limited range of emotional expression and interests, preferring solitary or repetitive activities due to indifference to social engagement or novelty. This can manifest as "static" hobbies that provide comfort without requiring adaptation or interaction, but it's rooted in detachment rather than neurodevelopmental fixation.

mdpi.com

 Similarly, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD, or anankastic traits in ICD-11) involves rigid adherence to routines, stubbornness, and inflexibility, which might limit interests to a narrow, familiar set—resisting new ones like a card game because they disrupt established patterns or require effort seen as unnecessary.

mdpi.com

 This aligns with the negativistic or passive-aggressive traits you mentioned earlier (removed from DSM but still discussed in psychology), where procrastination, inefficiency, and passive resistance to demands lead to inertia and avoidance of change.

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

In narcissistic personality disorder (Cluster B), limited interests might stem from entitlement or self-focus—disinterest in anything not enhancing their ego or requiring vulnerability (e.g., learning something new where they might "fail").

92

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on January 04, 2026, 03:45:40 PM »

They helped themselves to the food I got and prepared didn't say thank you didn't say it was nice. They didn't put the rest in the refrigerator.

I am tired and I do not want to be here. There is no privacy. There is no more of the narcissist being thrilled they are the center of attention. They didn't thank me for cleaning out their vacuum.

I have to get out of this situation.

When I first got here they were were talking in like this weak voice. Now they are loud jerks. It was an act.

They've still not taken their pain medication or given any indication of real sudden backpain. I am staring out the window and just watched a seagull from the adjacent building rooftop fly. Trying to do the most basic things... cleaning and eating... they've got to control all of it and try to make everything a moment of inert misery. The weird outburst today I am not going to like it sort of makes me nervous. The strange unpredictable landscape of their mental problems.

They had bags and bags of dusty papers and junk piled up in the living area and in their bedroom. I spent hours helping them shred papers they had hoarded... because the mess and dust filth id depressing to look at and i can't DO that. I can't look at filth and ignore it. I took out so many bags of garbage. Here is the sad thing. I went on Amazon and I ordered an inexpensive but nice new bed quilt. I was feeling sorry for them and depressed for them but also myself. I just can't understand why people insist on low functioning. Even with all the cleaning their room is still a mess and they've not made their bed with the nice new quilt. I hate being around this person because of how controlling they are. Just now they opened a draw sounds like they looked at a pill bottle and then tossed it loudly back into the drawer. They didn't take it though. I would hear them noisily gulping water.

"1:25 PM PST, followed by the Sunday Night Football game at 5:20 PM PST."

Had started to wonder if there is autism OR something like Diogenes syndrome OR from writing and Google  ....
had wondered if it was:

"The term you are looking for is passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD), which was officially renamed negativistic personality disorder in later clinical literature before its removal from the standard diagnostic manual.
While it is no longer an official, standalone diagnosis in the DSM-5-TR, its characteristics are still recognized as a problematic behavior pattern or part of other personality disorders."

I don't know WHY this above was removed from the manual. Also I don't care at the moment.

I am going to go ahead and apply all of the above. Controlling, covert narcissist, conversational narcissist, PAPD, dependency disorder etc.

They've got one friend in their building complex who is female and yesterday they awkwardly called that person and asked them if they wanted to "go shopping for underwear" at a local store. I heard the other person on the phone decline saying they didn't need anything. So N didn't go at all. ... few days ago I had offered to just order it on Amazon because I have a trial. They refused. They give irrational explanations "I don't want the boxes piling up in the mail room."

There was a posting on the bulletin board inside the building for haircuts.. I texted the person and she does it in your home and she is very very affordable. I let N know that the lady sounded nice etc. They refused. I don't care. It's just depressing looking at this person but it's not just all the outward stuff it's the gross mental landscape that leads to all of this. Anyhow. I heard N friend on the phone ask them N was going to get their haircut and N said no "they don't like all the people returning Christmas gifts and this is why they won't go to the barber shop... because you know lots of people are going to the barber to return Christmas gifts.

My benedryl is so kicked in right now I am tired. I will set my alarm for two hours or so and then maybe go for a walk.

- i did succeed in cleaning the area where I have to sleep.
- I did make breakfast
- I did some laundry
- I reflected
- I am going gray rock

I do not have to match their inertia. I do not have to match their negativity. I do not have to match their neglect. I do not have to match their self absorption.

- There is a book on tape about anxiety I half listened to. I want to finish listening to it at some point.

This relative person they may have co-morbid disorders....It's possible a person could be on the autism spectrum AND also have personality disorders. These are not mutually exclusive.


 

93

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on January 04, 2026, 03:13:13 PM »

I haven't seen this person in decades and I do not want to be here. Things are getting weird. I am waiting for them to leave as they said they would to go watch TV. I will probably try to lay down when they leave. They are still slowly milling about in the kitchen so that I can't put the food away like I said I would. And now they are going to sit down and eat the food I cooked right now. What a waste of time to be around an N. There are so many weird things that have transpired but I am not sure I am going to write them down. It doesn't matter what their diagnosis is... the diagnosis they never received.  It doesn't matter if it's conversational narcissism OR if it's Narcissistic personality disorder OR schizoid personality. What matters is that it has a bad impact on me. It is selfish, not self aware, argumentative, controlling. Very controlling. Okay I am going to put the food in the fridge as they are not standing in the kitchen and it will only take me a few seconds. And if they say anything I am going to do gray rock verbally. Few words as possible. 

94

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / N.

« Last post by Meh on January 04, 2026, 03:06:05 PM »

Some stress. Confirmation stress.

No way I can put down all the details.

Unfortunately I have found my self and at my N F's apartment after not seeing them for decades. It is filthy. They have maximum inertia. This morning I first cleaned out one of the two vacuums that are also covered in dust. I am allergic to dust mites have been tested for allergies years ago on advice of my general provider. Did the skin prick test. Anyhow. 1) I got a dust mask from a box which was also covered in dust. I grabbed the newer looking of the two vacuums and told my N. Relative I was going to clean it out... they started going into some long winded crap which I can't even listen to. I was taking some action they were going to fill up my ACTION with the sound of their own voice and their inertia and negativity. 2) I did the vacuum cleaning in the living area where I am sleeping on the floor. It's not a big area. There are several boxes of cardboard with unused stuff in them. Few days ago I found a pan of rotting food in one of the boxes tht had been sitting like that for two years when N Relative moved into this building. I cleaned under and behind the boxes and then I restacked them up in a much more tidy way. I wiped the surface of stuff down with a damp paper towel. Earlier I cooked some potato and boiled some eggs. I said I am going to put the food away soon if you want some go ahead before I stick it away. They said they would have some.... now they are just lingering around the kitchen but not eating so I can't go in there at the moment... I have decided to type and look out the window... it's only food getting cold it's not worth another argument. I will stay away from their proximity.

But here is the thing after cleaning I said "I took a benedryl don't be surprised if I fall asleep" ... I was just making a statement. They said they were going over to a neighbor's house to watch football earlier. Anyhow when I said I was going to take benedryl... they launched into talking about their health problems something they do all the time. Today right when I had told them I had taken a benedryl for my allergies they started saying they might take a pill for their back pain ALL OF A SUDDEN. They said nothing about it earlier. So even me stating that I am having allergy problems they have to somehow route everything back to themselves. Well they are just milling about right now as I don't look at them. They are not in any apparent pain all of a sudden like they seemed to be complaining about. Anyhow I eventually just reiterated what I said when they started complaining about their back. I just reiterated "well I am having allergy health problems." AND TO THIS THEY RESPONDED TO ME BY SWEARING AT ME AND GETTING MAD AND MEAN. The relative said something like "well than F me" but it's hard for me to type out how they said it. You see I had been wondering over the past couple days if the N actually has a touch of Autism because of the strange behaviors they've got. But This mean self centered outburst just now really seals the deal for me that they are "N," and I should NOT FEEL BAD FOR THEM.
 

95

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on January 02, 2026, 03:19:28 PM »

Okay, can't sell y'all on the neti pot.

How about air cleaners in your most-occupied rooms, Amber?
They make really nice discreet silent effective ones these days....
Just avoid the positive ion generating, which is ironically, polluting.

Lighter, after the first couple times I bent over the sink and learned to flood my sinuses with warm salt water and watched in shock as so much gunk gunked out of the "other nostril" -- and then reversed the process for my other nostril, washed my face and BREATHED, I was sold. Some folks use it daily during the heat-the-house season, some even year round. I forget if it's Ayurveda or another form of eastern medicine, but one-a those.

Anyhoo, no preaching. (She says RIGHT after preaching, LOL...)

Happy New Year, youse guys. I support you always. Meh, if you're around, you too.

hugs
Hops

96

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on January 01, 2026, 09:15:41 PM »

Youngest DD and I attended a festival of lights the other night.  We expected winter wonderland ish-Santa-Christmas theme, but walked through an extravaganza of many themes....many flowers, bugs, wrapped trees....springtime themes present.  I'd say zero Christmas/winter themes.... but then we weren't pristine in covering every inch of a walk expected to take 1 to 1.5 hours.  Something could have been tucked in.

I'm still coughing, but not so much.  Left ribs don't feel broken anymore.  Second Mucinex pill seems to have shaken out residual phlegm.....mostly.  I didn't take any other cold meds yesterday.  The misery has passed....slept through much of it.

Oldest DD thinks her cold turned into an ear infection.  She's chuffed, about brand new iPad, from BF's mother, who received a large bonus.....shared it with the kids. Magnetic pencil.....very fancy.

Truth is ..... I'm glad my potential in-laws are much younger than me.  Glad they're competent, family centered people. Glad a full set of loving Grandparents are still present.  Glad they have the big family gatherings with big tree, decorations, and wrapped presents...I did at their age too!  It's comforting. Truly.

Youngest DD mentioned she'd like to date again.  It's been a while.  She's a little anxious about my.....traveling.  She thinks about when I die....and wants me to stay.....wants to hang on, but it's a fearful thing....makes me want to hold on....back.  The good news is.... she's fallen into a happy place at her new job.... she's part of "the dream team.". Her lady boss is a single mum, 5 kids, youngest 17yo with a deadbeat (2nd) baby daddy, who's unemployed and borrows her car.  DD is watching....listening ..paying attention....wants boss to "get it together, girliepop, you're part of the dream team!" DD's desire for romance, is constantly balanced by the reality around her.....men typically=toddler behaviors, and often,  ruin for smart gals,who might have kept distance, but failed.  So few success stories out there. So many friends, acquaintances and family with nightmare situations.  Lordy, save us.

 In a way, it's like DD's head popped above the clouds..... she appreciates a peaceful (female centered) home, sans raised voices and broken things....fear ....walking on eggshells.....sees the gift, where she used to see.....well..... it's changed through the years, what she missed, mourned, and made peace with. At first, it was Jack Black "tossing her in the air, and not being mean to her."
::heart breaking::.
It became hurtful contact/lack of contact from people who should have been safe, comforting stand ins, for absent father.  So painful, but it's about mitigating harm.....had to be about that. I can see it no other way ..... it's so clear, now.

Oldest DD and her bf are overtly ready for me to go......bf would like for pug and youngest DD to leave with me, but with humor.  I know this bc youngest joked about going with her sister, when she attends out of State optometry school.  BF said "nope." They get along well, but I think he's on high alert, most of the time, monitoring relationships and moods.  It's how he was raised, and......so far we aren't nutters.  Maybe, if we're together enough, he fears that'll change?  I guess everyone likes walking through an empty house in their underwear.

I like this bf.....but remind oldest DD about allowing her NOs be turned to Yes, for temporary comfort. About allowing sour moods to alter her course, in appeasement.  It doesn't just steal your peace/freedom.....it steals anything good in a relationship, ime.  Is the kiss of death, for any good thing, IME. 

Boundaries keep us safe, yes.

 Trouble is, I guess I always saw placing and enforcing them as....
struggle, work, acts of war, which is ridiculous.

I want my girls to see it as routine maintenance...
As keeping the water off their fuzzy, adorable gremlin.....and maybe that's the truth.  Maybe not.

Sure.....sure ...... it's always the woman's responsibility to control the.....
the what? The EVERYTHING, right?

We choose monsters/toddler boys in man bodies(tbimbs).....allow ourselves to be chosen by monsters/tbimbs.....we end up with a scary childman, endure, struggle, get free.....maybe. God help us if we gift the world with children.  And so, youngest DD watches her super nice boss/mother of 5 struggle with her second tbimb. SO obviously not the move.

Doc G and Mud....lovely men. My cousin has a lovely marriage with a lovely adult man....there for her, and their daughters..... granddaughters....SonIL.  Without fail.  Always....with feminine side and humor in balance.....not ruined by the toxic masculinity culture.....who want to lable him horrible things, but can't bc he's also equally masculine.  They're so confused ...have no way of squaring that up in their limited toddler understanding of the world.....women less than.  Men better.  Men break things, get loud.....ummmm, again, toddlers get loud/break things.  Something in their brains has been disconnected.....logic......reason.  Its like they're casting a spell on themselves.... pretending women lack logic and reason......creating legends, with them as heroes....women as unlikable and unproductive dependants, to be dismissed, even as they depend on us. I'm working through this, for what comes next, with daughters.

And.....I think some of the toxic men actually believe it's manly to cheat, and make fools of women.  THAT is their pov.....for reals. Then they go all wide eyed and finger point at the reactivity they created.  Gaslighting.  I am SO unwilling to engage in the games.  Shocked at the blowback, refusal to engage, creates in men....and some women.



Blech, and I hope women continue to SEE through the veil of tedious misogyny, dressed up as "the norm", by men and women (the ignorant and the intentional.)  Dropping the rope......scary, but necessary.  Choice restored, but then....those charming mf'ing pigs. The one's who set traps, are good enough, long enough....till commitment is in place.  There should be classes taught on THIS
one
 predatory
 reality.  I mean....from a young age.



I wasn't aware.....not in a way I could clarify.  My sister could.  Always. From early twenties....she knew, and resented it. 

My girls have mouths full of the stuff.  They KNOW.....things, but have they honed their instincts, and learned to honor them, without fail?  It takes mindful practice. Lessons....learning the hard way. There's been a guy full of hard lessons.....so many.

I have family traveling all over the world for holidays.....boating, helicoptering, taking many flights.....airports pretty empty, I'm hearing. Will be relieved, when everyone is back home, safe.

We're out of the flu woods. All over, but the coughing.

Made chabbit for dinner....chick n thighs in the style of red wine rabbit with garlic and oregano.  Almost identical in flavor and texture, sans the little bones.  Really good.

Lighter

97

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by lighter on January 01, 2026, 08:59:40 PM »

I use xylitol and Ocean nose sprays.....netti pot gives me ear infections.

Lighter

98

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on January 01, 2026, 08:57:40 PM »

Right now it's a coughing war..... I'm in second place. 

We're all at the end of it......ears and throats stopped hurting.  Fevers and aches gone. Zombie sounds still come out of my lungs, when I breath out deeply.  Sometimes I mistake it for pug snoring.

Stay well, Hops.

99

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by Hopalong on January 01, 2026, 09:23:44 AM »

How are you and DDs feeling, Lighter?

That sounds like some epic winter misery.
Hope it passes soon and goes back into its virus cave.

Happy New Year despite everything!


hugs
Hops

100

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on January 01, 2026, 09:20:58 AM »

Neti pot? Helps me a lot when sinuses go awry.
Non-iodized salt in the solution is advised but regular has worked for me.

Sounds like you'll weather this with no damage, but sorry you've having
to wade, Amber.

hugs
Hops