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YESSSSS to a Tupp blog!

This is in so many ways, in my opinion, an incredibly positive idea. (No judgment if you choose to abandon it, it just is making me really happy for you NOW.)

You are such a great writer, so verrrry attuned. You notice details and nuances and more. I think it'd be absolutely a fabulous place to put those great talents that you haven't had the chance to attend to respectfully before.



Aw, thanks, Hops :)  No, I know no-one on here will judge if nothing comes of it, that's why I feel comfortable mentioning it - I'll not mention it to anyone else just now though :)

I've been doing quite a bit of work on it.  I think what I'd like to work on (and I'm doing all of this offline so I can decide whether I think it works and if I'm going about it the right way instead of launching it straight away and then getting myself into a muddle) is to have it primarily as an account of places we visit, taken from the viewpoint of a disabled person and their carer, but with some educational input and just practical information (parking's easy, train links are good, disabled toilets easy to find and so on).  But what I'd also like to do is link that to some more in depth information - about disability in general, home education information, managing on a low budget, applying for benefits, dealing with the public sector, recovering from abuse - these are all things that have made up our lives and I do know a lot about now, just from experience.  But I don't want it to be some great, labouring read so what I'm working on is something that's easy to read and fun just in relation to where we go and what we do but then also says, "for more information on sensory processing difficulties follow this link" or "I've written a guide to making your money go further here".  So the additional info is there but people don't have to wade through it if they just want a fifteen minute easy read while they wait to be called for their doctor's appointment.

I feel excited about it.  Son writes a journal and it's hilarious a lot of the time, so I can mix in things that he's written, partly so that it's a shared work but also because I think I would have felt so much more comfortable when he was little if I'd known someone who was an adult version of him and they were having a good time.  I felt so worried that he'd never be happy and I think I'd have worried less if I'd had access to all the information I've accumulated over the years from someone else who'd already done it.  I can also put in pictures, some of son's videos he makes (he's got hundreds), some of his artwork and that sort of thing.  I've had self filmed travel documentaries on in the background and some are really nice - just someone filming as they walk around going, "ooh, this is a nice castle, here's a field with a beautiful view, look at that big magpie".  It doesn't have to be television standard to be watchable so son could do that.  It feels good to be creating something rather than feeling I'm constantly dealing with the things other people have done that they shouldn't.

Anyway, we'll see.  I might give up.  I was filling in a survey today about people who don't finish their projects which made me laugh as I looked at my bookcase full of things I started and didn't finish.  But it feels like a nice hobby to get into, regardless :) xx
Tupp, I LOVE the idea of your writing a blog.  Whether you do or don't, I like it, or whatever comes from the thought.
As I read your post... there was this vision of a fist releasing it's grip... a little at a time.... contracting then loosening again, then, as you begin trusting.....releasing you into your life.  Allowing you to fall forward, then catch yourself.  Maybe you have wings, maybe you have fins?  WHO KNOWS!?!  I so want to SEE!

And you had plenty of reasons to be contracted in survival mode... no choice... you were fighting for your survival, even though that looks dramatic to write and read.  It was your truth.   It's lots of people's truths.   No matter how many dum dums go all DIM about that.... (denial, ignorance, minimization) it's just a truth.   

Wow... I guess what comes next.... what's here and new and different.... is secure attachment and trust in yourself and your abilities.  What you were born with, had stolen  by people who couldn't do better,  then restored for yourself.   


Thanks, Lighter, a fist releasing its grip is just how it feels.  There's always been so much pressure, for so many different reasons and whatever I did, there was always a weight there, just compressing things down and everything felt like an effort.  And it really has lifted.  I'm so grateful we've had this time indoors, it's made such a huge difference and son and I are both so much healthier and happier for it.  Who'd have thought?!  Would never have dreamed that four months of staying at home would be such a positive experience.  I will have to remember DIM!  Great stuff, it is about feeling comfortable in ourselves, isn't it, whatever anyone else may think or feel about it.  We need to do what's right for us xx
Maybe some people have more energy and others less for reasons beyond our understanding.

I think that sums it up perfectly, G, we're all so different, find some things easy, some things not so much.  I'm good at sorting, not good at telling people how I feel or boundaries.  Hopsie is the world leader at boundary setting and saying her peace clearly, just needs someone to organise stuff for her :)  And not for the first time, I wish I lived over there because I'd love sorting out your clutter, Hops :)

Skep, I love that idea of the clothes swap; I used to do that with friends when I was younger and it was great.  Through the lockdown I've been leaving bits out on the step with a sign saying, "Free - help yourself" and it's all gone.  Plus I got some really cute thank you cards from the kids down the road who took some of my son's old toys, it was lovely :) xx
A friend of mine was more or less a hoarder, she was so ashamed of her room/closet/storage/garage etc. she wouldn't even send me a photo of it, she said there was stuff covering the entire floor. Well that was probably 8-12 months ago. Something changed and she got motivated, she chipped away at it and it's mostly cleaned and organized except for one corner of her closet. She has a lot of useless trinkets and silly stuff in my opinion but it's her stuff and her life. Anyhow she radically did clean it up. It's possible to go from being uninspired to inspired. Changes do happen in people.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Coronavirus
« Last post by Garbanzo on August 02, 2020, 10:26:44 PM »
Its sad but yes people are just letting it run it's course but still if people have it they should be diagnosed so they can stay home. So many people just don't care.

The situation is past the containment option and yet it's no reason to be careless.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: When it's SHAME
« Last post by Garbanzo on August 02, 2020, 10:21:55 PM »
Maybe some people have more energy and others less for reasons beyond our understanding.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything
« Last post by Garbanzo on August 02, 2020, 10:17:33 PM »
I feel restless. I don't think it's boredom it's just that I don't feel like relaxing. Got off the phone with a friend, we talked for 30 mins.

So I just finished my first session I'm not sure what it's called because it's not a semester, it's just summer session. It was three classes worth and it was condensed. I think I've got to take 4 classes next round and I'm sort of worried about that but oh well.

I'm almost feeling too tired to write here so maybe I shouldn't.

I'm signed up for a BA in English. I can't spell, my grammar is atrocious but this is the only thing I could figure to do with the preexisting classes I had from many years ago. I'm amazed that I've gotten this far with it. The grades haven't come back yet though maybe that is why I'm anxious and also I went from being busy to not having any deadlines somehow not having deadlines is making me nervous? I don't know what my problem is maybe it's just a bad mood day. It's a feeling of unease that I can't define. I don't feel like reading or watching a movie, I don't feel like doing anything in particular except for maybe visiting friends and that's still not going to happen.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything
« Last post by Garbanzo on August 02, 2020, 10:11:27 PM »
Yeah I think there are real roots to anxiety and depression. Lots of approaches seem to medicate the symptoms.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: When it's SHAME
« Last post by CB123 on August 02, 2020, 06:15:22 PM »
Hi Hops,

So sad to see the shame that you are feeling....I have written several posts and just not been satisfied with any of them so I havent posted, but I have so much empathy for you. I fear that when I post, you feel that I have everything "put together" when nothing could be further from the truth. I've just been successful in a couple of areas with little "tricks" that work in my situation--but overall I have struggled much the same that you do, just without the shame finally.

I hate it that you feel pain from my supposed competence. I wish there was something I could do to relieve that. So glad you have physical help at any rate. When it comes right down to it, that is the best and biggest help!

Much love,

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: When it's SHAME
« Last post by lighter on August 02, 2020, 05:55:07 PM »
Tabouli, YUM!

Waiting for the desire to match up to our motivation and vision.....

Being still isn't doing nothing, Hops. 

Viewing it as "sloth" or "lazyness" makes things harder, creates more suffering, slows the mission, IME.

Focusing on ONLY helpful the exclusion of UNhelpful things....
being kind to ourselves, patient.... waiting for energy and purpose to arrive, rather than wasting precious energy and synapsis on judging and internal voice tracks we'd do well to banish entirely.....

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