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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Developing A Personality
« Last post by Twoapenny on January 02, 2025, 01:10:22 PM »More practise. Just received an 'official' and immediately went into a spin. Heart pounding, head started whirring, felt sweaty and panicky and interestingly, noticed that I immediately started berating myself for all the things I haven't done today. Don't quite understand the relevance of that, but anyway.
Told myself, whatever it was, my stock response now is "Thanks, I'll get back to you", and then to wait at least two days. Calmed down a bit
Looked at the header and there's no attachment, so it is just an email and not a huge document to wade through. Calmed a little bit more. Did some deep breathing and calmed down a bit more. Opened the email and carried on with deep breathing while reading it. Noticed - panic at not being able to recall the information they're looking at immediately (this is a complaint I put in about the housing situation we left nearly three years ago). Anger at it taking this long for them to deal with it. Fury at knowing they may well not find in my favour and all the work that went in will be for nothing. Resentment that the drug dealer is another abusive man being protected and cosseted by people in authority while we had to pack our lives up and move hundreds of miles to get away from him (echoes of my mum and step-dad, again). Carried on deep breathing, calmed down a bit more.
I have a week to respond. So - I can do a bit each day, re-read the original complaint I sent in, draft a response in which I confirm/clarify the main points and can ask them to confirm they have the evidence that was originally submitted. I have additional evidence here; I can ask them if they need me to send it in.
Whilst I do still feel angry about the whole situation (and these situations in general), I did get us out of there, and that was no mean feat. We've had a big life style change, which has been very positive, and we've had our Scottish experience which has been/is amazing. We had the financial help from people on here which was extraordinarily kind and the (good) ripples from that are still being felt now because it was such a huge help. It may be that they don't find in our favour, the law being what it is and disability often being misunderstood and dismissed the way it is, but I know that if we'd had accurate information about the situation, I wouldn't have moved in there, I know that they didn't risk assess appropriately (I'm just not sure if they're legally bound to; we'll find out now, I guess), I know that I went through all the appropriate lines and methods to deal with the situation and I know they left us high and dry (but again, I don't know if the law is on my side on this one). I know they could have moved us and chose not to; I know they could have installed an inexpensive camera in the public area outside the property and stopped the drug dealing themselves, but they chose not to. Whatever the law is on that, morally any half decent person would have forked out a couple of hundred pounds to put a camera up in the stairwell and he'd have had to have stopped what he was doing anyway.
It might not go in our favour and if that's the case I will be disappointed, but we got away which was the main thing and I did everything in my power, both at the time and after we left, to get as much done about the situation as possible. No-one can do any more than that.
So still feel a bit panicky but not as bad as when I saw it. Slowly dealing with the triggers as they come up.
Just editing as more thoughts pop up so that I don't forget things. Whatever the outcome of the complaint, I have a load of photos, videos and paperwork that can all be destroyed once it's dealt with. That will feel cathartic whatever comes of it.
Also noticing my thoughts/feelings as people reply/don't reply to messages. I realised I do 'assess' the response, do they seem happy to hear from me, do they seem to want to chat or not, do they seem irritated that I contacted them and so on. I hadn't really realised I do that before, for some reason today I noticed it. I do tend to forget that everyone has their own lives, problems, situations going on and that there's really no hidden message to be found in a reply to a text. I think, again, always feeling completely responsible for my mum's emotions (and having to tiptoe through the hidden meanings because she'd just explode if we missed something), when younger if she wasn't happy in some way, it was my fault. Okay, another thread to let go of now, people don't always need to be in hyper effusive mode, a brief or missed reply doesn't mean anything about me and if it does happen to, well that's fine, too. Okay, need to keep focusing on that. No more thoughts today, I'm tired lol
Told myself, whatever it was, my stock response now is "Thanks, I'll get back to you", and then to wait at least two days. Calmed down a bit
Looked at the header and there's no attachment, so it is just an email and not a huge document to wade through. Calmed a little bit more. Did some deep breathing and calmed down a bit more. Opened the email and carried on with deep breathing while reading it. Noticed - panic at not being able to recall the information they're looking at immediately (this is a complaint I put in about the housing situation we left nearly three years ago). Anger at it taking this long for them to deal with it. Fury at knowing they may well not find in my favour and all the work that went in will be for nothing. Resentment that the drug dealer is another abusive man being protected and cosseted by people in authority while we had to pack our lives up and move hundreds of miles to get away from him (echoes of my mum and step-dad, again). Carried on deep breathing, calmed down a bit more.
I have a week to respond. So - I can do a bit each day, re-read the original complaint I sent in, draft a response in which I confirm/clarify the main points and can ask them to confirm they have the evidence that was originally submitted. I have additional evidence here; I can ask them if they need me to send it in.
Whilst I do still feel angry about the whole situation (and these situations in general), I did get us out of there, and that was no mean feat. We've had a big life style change, which has been very positive, and we've had our Scottish experience which has been/is amazing. We had the financial help from people on here which was extraordinarily kind and the (good) ripples from that are still being felt now because it was such a huge help. It may be that they don't find in our favour, the law being what it is and disability often being misunderstood and dismissed the way it is, but I know that if we'd had accurate information about the situation, I wouldn't have moved in there, I know that they didn't risk assess appropriately (I'm just not sure if they're legally bound to; we'll find out now, I guess), I know that I went through all the appropriate lines and methods to deal with the situation and I know they left us high and dry (but again, I don't know if the law is on my side on this one). I know they could have moved us and chose not to; I know they could have installed an inexpensive camera in the public area outside the property and stopped the drug dealing themselves, but they chose not to. Whatever the law is on that, morally any half decent person would have forked out a couple of hundred pounds to put a camera up in the stairwell and he'd have had to have stopped what he was doing anyway.
It might not go in our favour and if that's the case I will be disappointed, but we got away which was the main thing and I did everything in my power, both at the time and after we left, to get as much done about the situation as possible. No-one can do any more than that.
So still feel a bit panicky but not as bad as when I saw it. Slowly dealing with the triggers as they come up.
Just editing as more thoughts pop up so that I don't forget things. Whatever the outcome of the complaint, I have a load of photos, videos and paperwork that can all be destroyed once it's dealt with. That will feel cathartic whatever comes of it.
Also noticing my thoughts/feelings as people reply/don't reply to messages. I realised I do 'assess' the response, do they seem happy to hear from me, do they seem to want to chat or not, do they seem irritated that I contacted them and so on. I hadn't really realised I do that before, for some reason today I noticed it. I do tend to forget that everyone has their own lives, problems, situations going on and that there's really no hidden message to be found in a reply to a text. I think, again, always feeling completely responsible for my mum's emotions (and having to tiptoe through the hidden meanings because she'd just explode if we missed something), when younger if she wasn't happy in some way, it was my fault. Okay, another thread to let go of now, people don't always need to be in hyper effusive mode, a brief or missed reply doesn't mean anything about me and if it does happen to, well that's fine, too. Okay, need to keep focusing on that. No more thoughts today, I'm tired lol
Lol. Pup dates sound like the best idea ever. Love watching dogs running around enjoying themselves.