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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on April 10, 2025, 02:21:52 PM »Today's T appt was good. T named how I'm wearing my skin in the world....
in self energy.
Something's clicked, for now, at least. Conflict is a very short thing, I deal with, sans dread and circular thoughts. Leaning in, just enough. Able to pivot, without rumination. Not quite seeing everything, but seeing there's more to see.....and it's feeling like a charge went off....blowing imaginary boundaries apart.....expanding vision and possibility, beyond the limits I've known as me.
I've internalized this...
My thoughts will never change.
My relationship to my thoughts is changing, and I'm aware, most of the time, and recognizing.....sitting in nonjudgmental awareness is always going to be a practice. Will always be something I stray from, and return to..... everyone does.
I'm researching a Silent Buddhist Retreat. No writing. No electronics. No speaking. Just thoughts and relationship to them. Yikes.
Talked about father/grandfather energy and thoughts.....lots recently, but with enough distance to see the good, bad and unfortunate parts, without grasping on to on any.....and feeling them behind me. In the past. Nothing in the present. It's good.
Upcoming plans, to go and do, feel...... exactly right.
Big take away, today.......
I notice so many levels of awareness, beyond what I felt in the first months, and years, of practice.
Like a tractor clunking into a higher gear.....
but still an old tractor. Nothing speedy about it, but t that's ok.
I wish, as I might always do, that all cultures would teach emotional regulation, to children, as imperative. Heck, just teach it, somewhere....or the language of it.
SOMETHING, for goodness sake. It seems SO plainly obvious, from here.
The pug, vomiting, woke me at 5am....then she sat on my sunglasses, not at all herself. She's in a stupor, upstairs, with DD22.
I started the truck and it thumped under the hood, like something hit the hood.....then made a whining sound. Couldn't tell you what's going on, but will take it to mechanic when the Honda has new struts and swaybars. I did see the naughty neighbor cat, on my porch, so know he's not involved, thank God.
It's going to rain.
Lighter
in self energy.
Something's clicked, for now, at least. Conflict is a very short thing, I deal with, sans dread and circular thoughts. Leaning in, just enough. Able to pivot, without rumination. Not quite seeing everything, but seeing there's more to see.....and it's feeling like a charge went off....blowing imaginary boundaries apart.....expanding vision and possibility, beyond the limits I've known as me.
I've internalized this...
My thoughts will never change.
My relationship to my thoughts is changing, and I'm aware, most of the time, and recognizing.....sitting in nonjudgmental awareness is always going to be a practice. Will always be something I stray from, and return to..... everyone does.
I'm researching a Silent Buddhist Retreat. No writing. No electronics. No speaking. Just thoughts and relationship to them. Yikes.
Talked about father/grandfather energy and thoughts.....lots recently, but with enough distance to see the good, bad and unfortunate parts, without grasping on to on any.....and feeling them behind me. In the past. Nothing in the present. It's good.
Upcoming plans, to go and do, feel...... exactly right.
Big take away, today.......
I notice so many levels of awareness, beyond what I felt in the first months, and years, of practice.
Like a tractor clunking into a higher gear.....
but still an old tractor. Nothing speedy about it, but t that's ok.
I wish, as I might always do, that all cultures would teach emotional regulation, to children, as imperative. Heck, just teach it, somewhere....or the language of it.
SOMETHING, for goodness sake. It seems SO plainly obvious, from here.
The pug, vomiting, woke me at 5am....then she sat on my sunglasses, not at all herself. She's in a stupor, upstairs, with DD22.
I started the truck and it thumped under the hood, like something hit the hood.....then made a whining sound. Couldn't tell you what's going on, but will take it to mechanic when the Honda has new struts and swaybars. I did see the naughty neighbor cat, on my porch, so know he's not involved, thank God.
It's going to rain.
Lighter