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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Yard
« Last post by lighter on April 30, 2023, 07:51:36 PM »
I ordered 5 gallons of the ferti-lome shrub and tree drench to deal with the Adelgid problem on the Hemlocks..... NOTHING is stopping me from completing this job, except rain.  I will finish this upon arrival.

All is calm in th neighborhood today.... the 2 well trained German dogs just crossed our path in the forest and I was so glad, bc they looked like fast moving bears at a distance.  They don't even bark.... they heel and everything else dogs are supposed to do.  Amazing to see them in the forest, love it.

We have an Amazon bonfire going..... after last night's rain it's smoking and popping a lot... lots to say.  Seems just right.

My niece just boarded her plane after spending 3 hours staring up at the sky by the river.... dappled shade and blue skys with white nad gray clouds rolling by.... glorious.  The river was way up and the woods green and happy for the rain.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Yard
« Last post by lighter on April 30, 2023, 02:02:46 PM »
I texted the Retired Nurse neighbor permission to dump her leaves in my leaf islands..... then went back to what I was doing without another thought in her direction.

The reason I sent that text was bc I've withdrawn from care about her reasons or stories over the choice to invite Yelly Guy Neightbor into her yard..... I haven't noticed him lately, when he's been near I don't have any energectic reactivity and I'm just ready

I've laid it down without thoiught or agreement to do so.  It simply IS.

Retired Nurse immediately responded with gratitude and asked if I wanted the leaves anywhere in particular, which seemed a bit much.... I offered so she didn't have to drag leaves far.  It would defeat the purpose to instruct her to drag them somewhere specific. 

I guess this is her back to a fawning, sickly sweet tone but hey....... that's her stuff. Not mine.  Yesterday she was handling her leaves and I didn't look over to see how that was going.  I don't need to know or speak about it.  There's peace for me around it.

WHY  there's peace for me...... I think..... if I haven't already posted about it..... was telling both neigtbors on either side of Retired Nurse the facts around Yelly Guy, closing my trail and the Nurse's Choice to invite Yelly Guy into our cul-de-sac, which felt agressively hostile at the time, but doesn't now I'm no longer carrying it in silence.

It just IS.

Whew...... :going to the river forn an hour during a small sunny period in this day::.

I'm going to have my niece all to myself on the river.  We went for a hike yesterday, in perfect weather, in the forest behind the house, with Baby Girl Pug..... it's cool here, so all is well.


We ended up with a Shaman appointment beginning with smoke smudging cleanse using a bundle of sage brush (feminine) cedar and lavendar.  The gal made quick work of it using Golden Eagle feathers so send the smoke where it needed to be in an efficient manner.

The appointment was for one member of our group and that person "got a lot out of the session," but it wasn't what we/I thought would be handled.  The entitiy wasn't brought up or handled, so that's for another day.  The household is relaxed and happy right now... no worries.  Discussions are about psychology, college, work and gettting along with difficult people right now.  Not about the Shaman or the things dealt with or not dealt with,, if that makes sense.

I'm going to look into Sagebrush infused candles, Amber.  Thanks for the suggestion.  Do you make yours?


The easiest way I know to cleanse the house of energies is to burn sagegrass. These days, I use an infused candle for that. You can also ring the outside of your house with salt (but it does harm plants) to prevent the "nasties" from entering.

There are many more methods & traditions but those are simple, effective and require no strong belief or additional steps.
Thanks for responses, guys.

I've had a couple experiences I don't want to repeat with what felt like an energetic cloud of static.... it moved down from a corner and pinned me in my bed, squeaking only, when I tried to scream.  Very disconcerting and stopped around the time it began. 

There's SOMETHING, just not sure what.  My T said there's entities.... pieces of people who've moved on, esp those who were addicted.  Apparently those pieces are driven to continue to use through other (fearful) people, in a nut shell.  Not that addiction and being addicted is the only factor.  Mostly, she said fear is the factor and is dispelled with connection and shining a light on a just dissapears when the light lands.

I hope that's the case, but who knows?  Whatever has been following my BIL's family around for generations, from Country to Country and home to home has apparently with both maternal and paternal families before they ever met.  Puzzling, to be sure.  Jumps to newcomers to the family and the children and sometimes lands on people connected to them,  but only for moments and usually only once or twice.

I spoke with a psychologist referred to me as he does much work with spirituality,  hence, the referral.   He was absolutely fascinated by the story and completely interested in the reasons WHY a family or families would be attached to something... an entitiy...... and wanted to figure that out.  How in the whole world can that be determined when it goes back generations in two families in another Country?  THat IT HOPPED onto one of my family members, and sat on MY chest a couple times means I believe, without reservation, bc I saw it with my own eyes and felt it with my own body.   It doesn't mean I want to understand it or figure it out.  Just make it go away.  I'm waiting to hear from another referral now, should they take the call.  Will see. 

Hops, I don't feel as though I haunt myself.  I used to feel I was in my own way, but that's not the same, me'thinks. Maybe it IS the same, in a way..... I mean..... being too open can be part of why my crazy neighbors and contractors and dates/husbands feel open enough to BE the crazies they truly are....
with me.....
and not everyone else.  Grrrrr..... the exact and precise measure of that statement remains to be worked out.

It's a terrible thing to be one of the people PDs take their masks off for, fully.  FOOs happen to people and it doesn't matter if one is too open or not,, IME.  The masks are coming off, bc of proximity and vulnerability of children and spouses lacking resources and systemic bias I've seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears. 

But with neighbors..... with contractors.... it IS the openess allowing them to unmask, at least to an extent, if they're wearing that mask around most of the other neigbors.  Something I've been thinking about a lot.  I've actually learned to zip up my energy and wear it like a tight shield recently, which makes me feel more tidy....more contained, if that makes sense.

Amber, I like the idea of not allowing the ghosts/entities inside the house.  My T actually asks her ancestors and protectors to clear her home about once a month, and it always goes to the one Southern corner and clears it, always... so she explained.  Anyone can do it and I'll begin doing it too.  I just didn't want to start whle my sis and niece are inside the house, just in case, kwim?

My kids aren't involved..... and I haven't been for 40 years..... it would just compound the situation if some hopping happened, bc right now is a pretty active time for visitations with my niece who'll arrive tomorrow night at midnight.  I'll be away till Saturday. 

Tupp:  I told my lovely next door neighbors about the YELLY GUY problem and how our shared retired nurse-neighbor bought YG's story and invites him into our shared cul-de-sac, didn't judge it, but stated as fact.  The husband said he always felt something "wasn't right" with Yelly Guy, despite his helping them after a fall many years ago.  We agreed helping is the sunny side of control and let it drop.  Lots to catch up on and the grandkids were running around having such fun. 

A few days later I told the Cowgirl about the Yelly Guy and how the retired nurse allows him onto her property, which is YG's only reason to BE on the cul-de-sac now.  Cowgirl said she saw YG hiding in my home once, when I knew he was there I THINK helping me install my washer dryer units.  She said she finds Yelly Guy creepy and  doesn't trust retired nurse and they aren't friendly..... retired nurse is a "gossip" as far as Cowgirl is concerned.   It was funny, bc we were sort of gossiping in that moment.  She didn't see the humor,but she's under the gun and in the weeds,badly, for a long while. 

Cowgirl is the best friend of Yelly Guy's wife, btw, so there's a chance the YG's visitations on our street will end bc she takes him in hand.  In any case, I'm relieved and able to turn back to my stuff without worrying about what others think or do. 

I just handled a vexing problem solved only on computer and there was a wave of upset, then I did what I had to do and it's out of my system.  That would have upset me for days, before.  Cultivating positive pathways and nurturing them leads to an easier life, IME.

The fruits and flowers of sweating and working hard at shifting focus off negative patterns are worth the sweat and work, IME.

There was a time I'd have felt guilty about the piles of leaves around retired nurse's house and on the property line, but I feel nothing about them when I see them now.  She used to blow them onto my leaf beds, easy peasy.  Now she has to blow and drag them around to her back OR get someone else to do it for her.  I used to be the helpful, easy neighbor....... now she has Yelly Guy who does't seem to take a hint, at least not like I did. 

At a point, retired nurse pointed her leaves out to my sister, who also didn't offer my leaf beds as easy accessed dumping ground. 

I might change my mind, but not today.


Well, I feel ghosts are entirely possible. Not all of reality is tangible or concrete. But everything about the "why" of ghosts, is probably speculation; people trying to explain the unexplainable. We have some around the property related to a civil war battle. They only seem to make themselves known at certain times of year.

I usually wish them well and suggest they move on. And they are not allowed inside the house.
Sorry, I forgot to update!

Yes, they're both pretty well healed up now. Hol pulled one more quill from Knuckle's muzzle yesterday, that had worked it's way out. You'd think information like the migration south of porcupines would be somewhere in the news. It's useful information that people need to be aware of. Unsuspecting hikers, kids, etc can all be hurt by those barbed quills. Even though the critters are NOT aggressive, most people will try to get a closer look - curiositiy - and that's a threat to the beastie. They also get large, about 30 lbs. That's a lot o' quills!

The vet mentioned that she treated another pair of dogs just a couple weeks ago. City over the mountain. So, be alert when out walking in the woods. And give any porcupine a wide berth.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Things Are Going Well
« Last post by lighter on April 26, 2023, 07:38:44 PM »

My T said anything to do with language is about being our heads.

Living in our bodies... being in nature..... being present in the moment is absent language, so she says.

Noticing when we're inside our heads and returning to our heart center is about returning to our body.  I can do it, now..... and it was pretty natural, surprisingly, to do.  It also restored peace and joy, immediately, to make that shift.

But first, I have to notice I'm IN my head....
have to
notice I want to shift out of that space....
have to
notice I have choices and choose to shift out of head space and into heartspace.

Sometimes I forget or I choose to just go to a dark place of anger, resentment or rumination and that's OK too.  Maybe I put a time limit on it, then shift.

Maybe I forget for a week, a month.... a day, but there's always releif when I remember I can practice and return to practice.

Not for the others, but for me and my serenity. 

No matter what happens with the speed and conditions of your son's placement and access to services.... you suffer more or you suffer less during the process.....
and it changes nothing about that trajectory.

Suffering less is better, but easier said than done, IME.

My neighbors are quiet right now, btw.  All of them.  The retired nurse is pushing her leaves around when she used to blow them into my piles without trouble.  That ended when she chose to honor the Yelly Guy and give him reason to be in my cul-de-sac.  I'm cool with that and don't care why she made her choices.  WHOO BOY, how amazing it is to NOT be interested in reasons and stories around other people's choices.  SO much space and spaciousness for lovely things.  It frees up everything and makes life simpler.

The Cowboys have been silent today after Cowgirl asked me to let her cats out yesterday, then she did it herself on her way out and I spent a while searching her house nervously for cats that weren't there.  She apologized for not hitting send on the message instructing me the cats got out earlier..... and I'm not making anything out of that.  It is what it is. Cowboy wasn't there... the workers had gone home AND I picked up my housekey which was on their credenza from from when Cowboy was feeding and walking the Pug.  Score! 

Then I lost the key and spent an hour searching for it: /  It's always something.

I have no theory on ghost energies or apparitions, Lighter, but I do and have had mystical, inexplicably synchronous experiences. And sometimes I feel like my own haunt, being too open at times to darkness.

Happy Ghosts Welcome Here -- could hang that on my porch.

For me the whole question jives nicely with agnosticism, which to me means personally, "I don't know but I remain open." Not open to believing a theory as much as being open to mystery. Or mainly, very interesting in humans' responses to the unknown.


PS Any time Tupp offers an arse-kicking, it's empowering to imagine it!
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Things Are Going Well
« Last post by Twoapenny on April 26, 2023, 12:53:35 PM »
It's a court process Hopsie so it can't be hurried or adjusted in any way.  It's a standard thing that I'm largely not involved with, solicitors sort everything out but six months is the minimum it takes and the social worker chose not to mention it needed to be done until she'd been out four times over seven months to do an'assessment'.  It should have been the first thing she told me because it could have all been set up straight away and would be in place by now.  That's the kind of stupidity that really bothers me; it's like cooking your potatoes and vegetables and then putting the chicken on.  Once the court order's granted (giving me legal permission to manage son's affairs) then she has to reassess and carry out a financial assessment.  So essentially we're nine months into the process now and we've got nowhere when the whole thing could have been sorted out in six months flat and I could already be back at work.  I've lost around half a million in lost earnings over the last twenty years - it sounds like a mad amount but when you take into account salary rising with promotions and general increases, pension, property going up in value (as I'd have bought a place rather than renting) and the possibility of meeting a partner and then having a combined income, it adds up.  Not to mention me just retaining my sanity and not spending twenty years on my own most of the time.  Apart from wanting a life of my own I really want to get back to earning money so that I can save as much as possible so that son's got a bit put by when I pop my clogs.  It's infuriating, they all treat it like a game and they don't seem to realise how much harm they do to people.

Anyway.  We have got the spring, summer and autumn to enjoy and son is loving life which is good.  I have found what looks to be a very good facility - again, slightly baffled as to why social worker hadn't mentioned it because if their website is full of accurate information then it could be a perfect fit for him.  Wide range of activities and support, various locations, everything from drop in sessions once a week to full time residential nursing care and everything in between.  Waiting to hear back from them at the minute but if that fits the bill then at least we'll be good to go as soon as the funding's in place.

I hope your birthday weekend is the loveliest it can ever be Hopsie and that you all enjoy yourselves endlessly throughout it :) xx

Lighter, I am seeing glimmers in being able to catch my mind and bring it back to a different place.  It's hard work a lot of the time and sometimes it still runs away with itself but things are easier now and I can notice what's going on inside myself.  One thing I was reading about is how living in your head is a trauma response - being in your own body and feeling your own feelings wasn't/isn't safe, so everything takes place inside your mind instead.  It really summed up how I am.  So I'm trying very hard to focus on how I feel, emotionally and physically and deal with that.  Unfortuantely at the minute it's often bored and in pain so it's no wonder my mind goes somewhere else but hopefully it will shift at some point xx
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