Recent Posts

91

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Developing A Personality

« Last post by Twoapenny on November 12, 2024, 05:30:10 AM »

I'm finding the inner work difficult.  The anger that comes up is overwhelming, particularly very early in the mornings, which is when I tend to wake up.  I've been doing cord cutting meditations, and decided to try it on different aspects of myself that I feel hold me back.  So I did one today to cut cords with the part of myself who had just been told her father had died.

I can see myself at that age, so young, with this huge news and life changing situation thrust upon me - and there is literally no-one there.  Not one person, at any stage, gave us a hug, attempted to comfort us, made an effort to spend time with us, anything.  No-one.  Not an aunt, uncle, parent, grandparent, family friend, school teacher, neighbour, nobody.  Seeing that in my mind, feeling that, my attachment problems and desperate need to be needed make sense.  My reactions to rejection make sense.  Two little girls, and no-one thought a cuddle and a trip to the swing park might help a bit.  Not even a hot drink to try to take the edge off a little.  What the f was wrong with all these people?  I know things were different back then, but surely not everyone thought a hug would be the worst thing in the world?

I've got food being delivered today; I'm trying to eat healthy so the plan is to cook ahead and prep as much as possible, fill the freezer up and then hopefully avoid the snacking and late night munching.  Might see if I can lure son out for a walk later with the promise of a hot chocolate at the end of it.  It's cold but dry.  Be better than staying indoors.  Maybe that's it, plenty of food prep and organising and then out the door for a wander and a hot drink.  Wtf is wrong with people?

92

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Captain's Log - 2024

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 11, 2024, 08:56:37 AM »

I find just naming the thing I'm struggling with, shortens it's duration (most of the time). Yeah, the winds still swirl & buffet - but I don't have to succumb to it. Make some personal choices, find some quiet time, tackle one task to the end... the toolbox to handle it, is varied. Sometimes, I just escape into a book or movie - but I don't beat myself up over it. That's just shifting from active mode to passive - and it does provide some actual rest.

It all works. I seriously need my hermit time. I don't feel like I'm missing out socially.

93

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Developing A Personality

« Last post by Twoapenny on November 11, 2024, 04:37:27 AM »

Great idea to find folks through shared interests. I think you'll love the process because your intellect will also be engaged. Then an easy shared laugh or finding a thinker who'd enjoy a cuppa will be so pleasant.

Just don't look for people with no problems, because everyone has some. And some have hidden losses, etc, that you don't pick up right away. It's the yesbutters that bug and drain you.

Surely, though, you (and inner Tupp) can practice NOT NOT NOT NOT trying to fix it. (Mantra: We're NOT trying fix this. I literally run that through my head.) And then distance yourself as needed when/if another vampire turns up.

I think it's wonderful to recognize how desperately (old survival behavior from Little Tupp) you lapse into being so focused on people liking you. You can now, in full faith and confidence, like yourself. (Another mantra: I like me, I like me, I like me....). I remember memorizing the statement that practically every self-help article about emotional vampires advises: "Wow. What do you think you're going to do?" In an open and curious tone. (That's friendly. Just don't add "about it?" which somehow turns it into criticism.)

Catalog your moments of peace and confidence, too. Enjoy them.

Enough of me blah-blahing and making up scripts. Writer feature, friendship bug.

hugs
Hops

It's the not fixing that's the hurdle for me, Hopsie, I don't think I've ever existed in any other way? I genuinely can't think of a single situation in my life where I haven't prioritised other people over myself, often without them even asking me too.  It's as deeply ingrained as blinking and I think that's where my problem will lie, talking and getting to know people (and of course you're right, everyone has problems).  "What do you think you are going to do?" is the key, isn't it, because if the answer is, "well I checked with this online group and I've followed their advice, next step is to see the doctor, I've cut down on cake/drink/ciggies etc, etc", that's the key isn't it?  Are they doing something about the problem or not?  I don't think I'd feel put upon helping someone who was helping themselves, I'm just feeling dragged down now by the weight of those who, although in genuinely difficult situations, just plod along continuing to do things they know are making things worse.  That kind of baffles me.  "What do you think you're going to do?"  I need to print that on a T shirt and just flash at people lol

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Developing A Personality

« Last post by Hopalong on November 10, 2024, 01:01:32 PM »

Great idea to find folks through shared interests. I think you'll love the process because your intellect will also be engaged. Then an easy shared laugh or finding a thinker who'd enjoy a cuppa will be so pleasant.

Just don't look for people with no problems, because everyone has some. And some have hidden losses, etc, that you don't pick up right away. It's the yesbutters that bug and drain you.

Surely, though, you (and inner Tupp) can practice NOT NOT NOT NOT trying to fix it. (Mantra: We're NOT trying fix this. I literally run that through my head.) And then distance yourself as needed when/if another vampire turns up.

I think it's wonderful to recognize how desperately (old survival behavior from Little Tupp) you lapse into being so focused on people liking you. You can now, in full faith and confidence, like yourself. (Another mantra: I like me, I like me, I like me....). I remember memorizing the statement that practically every self-help article about emotional vampires advises: "Wow. What do you think you're going to do?" In an open and curious tone. (That's friendly. Just don't add "about it?" which somehow turns it into criticism.)

Catalog your moments of peace and confidence, too. Enjoy them.

Enough of me blah-blahing and making up scripts. Writer feature, friendship bug.

hugs
Hops

95

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Captain's Log - 2024

« Last post by Hopalong on November 10, 2024, 12:49:52 PM »

Ooo, good reminder! I love the smell of geraniums.

Sounds like you are back in gear, true Amazons.
Hope you've shifted down ONE gear, though, just
to keep well.

Swirling world.

hugs (and dental sympathies to Hol),
Hops

96

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Developing A Personality

« Last post by Twoapenny on November 10, 2024, 11:35:56 AM »

Aw Hopsie, I can't wait to be an awesome old bat!  I think the old bat bit is already there lol.  Something definitely pinged today, I just feel - different.  I think I'd just really like to meet people through interests and hobbies now, rather than circumstances and 'support' situations.   I don't want to meet people with problems anymore, I think, or at least, not in the ways I have before.

I can see how my intense need to be liked has made me listen very earnestly to other people's problems, help them where I can and check in on them often.  My need matches theirs, I think.  But I don't want to do that anymore.  I have managed to read three quarters of a book this weekend, which has been really nice, and means I have got something I could talk about in passing with someone else.  I'd like to be able to talk to people about interesting topics and not be watching for 'signs' of anything.  Accept or issue an invitation for coffee because I find the other person interesting, not because I feel sorry for them, or because I'm just grateful to have been asked.  The next stage in the journey, I guess.

Squeaky hugs welcome, although you have to include the cat.  Lol

97

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Developing A Personality

« Last post by Hopalong on November 10, 2024, 09:35:36 AM »

((((((Tupp)))))), hon.
Sounds like your clarity (astonishing) pierced through a snow shelf above your head and it all came plummeting down. Sounded exhaustingly cleansing, but needed.

I'm awed by your thinking, the way you spot the nuances, the cracks, the thin places. When you can see them, you can step around them. It won't be a positive routine alone that gives you strength to find new people, imo. It'll be recognizing that little inner one, comforting her with all your kindness to self, tenderness, compassion and, soon, invitations to look, to play, to just be. With yourself. *AND around others.* Setting down the need to be on watch at all times, to take notes for future evaluation, etc. Just be with people once a week and see what happens.

You've got NO JOB to do, other than just be. The recitations of solvable problems? You can silently chat to the curious little girl inside you: "Hmm. What do you think she'll say today about it all?" And, "Do you want to say something different than usual?" Curiosity is a great friend to you, as Lighter often mentions. It means open, but not necessarily vulnerable. I imagine a puppy tilting its head. A lot. You can be curious but still as detached as much as you need to be to keep your inner peace.

You are a great person, Tupp, and your personality will evolve and change forever, even as your creative, insightful core only gets stronger. You're going to be an awesome old bat!

I know if I was next door I'd come have tea and give you an enormous hug until you squeaked uhhhh, thanks Hops, you can [cough, can't breathe] let go now....

hugs
Hops

98

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Captain's Log - 2024

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 10, 2024, 09:01:31 AM »

I'm overwintering two porch geraniums, Hops. Bright red is cheery inside this time of year. And I finally got parsley to thrive in a pot, too. So good to have fresh for chicken & dumplins!

Speaking of which, I need to make preps for dinner plans. (Whatever that turns out to be.)

Slow day today. Which suits me fine. End of the week gets a little busy again. Not sure what all I might get up to, today. Might depend on what Hol's situation is. Her friend C has been here, working on computer stuff again. Cooking for her, too. She goes for the 2nd half of dental surgery mid-week, so C might hang around to pamper her again. In which case, I don't have to dogsit for a day. New propane company will come fix my leaky tank, and hopefully fill it; and then B has to run in for labs for the stimulator lead test, the following week. I need to check in at the shop; I've been AWOL for months now - just no brain space for it. Instead, my Bro has been stopping by more frequently. But things are going well there, under new Prez. I'll need to talk to the older one, to see how he's adjusting too.

I soon have to give the kittens even more space to terrorize; they're outgrowing the bedroom too. They need to run & play & explore & make peace with the 3 big boys. There is a definite pecking order between the boys and Freddie remains firmly in charge despite Stinks becoming the biggest cat. No idea how they'll react to have two little girls around... and they'll need shots soon and prep for their spay.

99

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by Hopalong on November 10, 2024, 08:48:13 AM »

Lighter, what you could do for him is immeasurable.
Add an ether-squeeze to that hug, please.

hugs to you and all around you,
Hops

100

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Yard

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 10, 2024, 08:43:22 AM »

Absolutely any damaged trees need to come down Lighter. I don't like doing it either; love my trees. But we lost all our ash trees (blight) and now the oaks are having issues. So taking out the damaged ones allows new seedlings to have the sun to make it like it used to be.

Last spring it was so dry here, we had wildfires around us. B and I have already decided how much room we want to cut back for a fire break. It's a necessary thing. Hol wants a pump & firehose for her place - I have a pond too - but both those ponds lose a good bit of water when it's that dry.

It's been windier here lately. Enough so we haven't been able to burn cardboard. Depending on what winter brings us, a strong wind can break damaged trees or throw branches in your buildings. Maybe today. Not much of a breeze and a strong chance of rain later. I need the space in the garage!