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91

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on June 08, 2025, 10:46:01 AM »

I woke up, made coffee, walked the pug and experienced such clarity this morning.

The shift to immersion in nature, pug, stretching and walking....
vs
Readying an FU deployment, should one of my, very human, neighbors is inappropriate, again.

I ticked through morning ablution, sans auto-armoring up, preparing mentally, making sure I had something....a pen/phone in my hand.....and just enjoyed the rain soaked moss, hydrangeas and cool morning.

That's the switch ... th stay grounded in the food things, while gliding over the stupid and harmful things, bc they win if I'm stuck thinking about them.

And I noticed what's in those spaces, instead.

"Sitting in non judgemental awareness" is the shift?  Is part of the shift?  Feels like the thing, that's really 100K small choices in a day, firming and making up new defaults.

But one must notice first.

Yesterday was completely angst free walking,c working, covering over massive pile of dog mess,  Neighbor's leaf pile, mdm several smaller piles on the trails and other lead pile.....zero emotional charge to it.  New.  A relief.

The real challenge will be noticing charge/lack of charge when BGP snarfs the top off a leaf look gob of poop, or I slide through another pile, esp in my yard. 

::breathing::.

I wonder if this is where the saying ..
"Don't sweat the small shite," came from?

Someone identifying an old reactivity default overlaying their present....and refusing to suffer twice about it.

Bc that's how it feels, to feel it, and put it down .. no tapping on the shoulder, again and again.  Just, have it, and notice it dissipate and quiet.  Leave neutral space, rather than continue filling space with resentment, frustration and anger.

And there's justified anger when people leave dog mess in public places/private yards, etc.  But it shouldn't be in a day, or pop up, like a demented jack-in-the-box, unbidden, throughout a person's daily life, IME.

Nobody needs that.

And in that open space, I seek out more joy with my 3 girls.  More singing, dancing, cooking, talking, laughing and bouncing logistics around.......checking in.

For a bit, it was overwhelming to think about ....but it's rolled forward, smoothed out and taken shape ......
girly girls ...
Renovation....
Readying lake for weddings ..
Upcoming family visit and travel for our if State wedding in 2 months.

I'm enjoying discussions with cousins over decorations and rustic serving pieces, vases, cupcake and nut vessels.

Enjoying 90% research, 10% execution on my considerations.

I notice editing my house didn't make the list.  Hmmmm.🫣

Lighter

92

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on June 07, 2025, 06:13:06 PM »

 Contractor planting figs at his home. FIGS!

Door to outside shower ordered this afternoon.

::crossing fingers::.

Contractor helper just retired, so I'm it.

93

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on June 07, 2025, 01:46:00 PM »

The dad and son are starting on a 7 course dinner for the upcoming wedding at their chateau!  Apple sorbet!  Toasted nuts and seeds for the cheese coarse!  Seems insane, but my brain is thrilled!

I imagine pig roasts at the lake.......and wildflower meadows!!!

94

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on June 07, 2025, 01:40:06 PM »

At the moment, Escape To The Chateau, season 9 on Peacock is tickling my brain, in the background, as I work on master bathroom renovation, here at home, numbers. 

Also got the motherboard from the stove, figured roofing materials for shed, which will become studio space for DD24's boyfriend and his band mates.  He could use it to give private lessons too, should he like.

I switch to the logistics around all that, then switch back to decisions at hand.
The wedding prep, on the show, reminds me of the lake chaos, before first guests arrived.
My lake contractor's out of town, so will get whatever's I need him to handle, figured out.  Perhaps materials on site. 

I guess I'm doing this.

I have a lake sofa and bed with mattress and box spring to carry home, as I move between properties.

The idea of turning the basement mechanical room into a marriage room for flowers, etc, pleases me a lot.

Perhaps put in a little sleeping room....BUT.

And it's a big BUT.....my heart years to offer the bedrooms, sans sheets, for wedding party use......I just don't want to keep up with that much laundry.

I almost booked a San Francisco property requiring guests bring their own sheets and towels.

I have a bad feeling about that, BUT it's feasible, to my mind, as I focus on micro and mini elopement wedding packages.


Straight forward.....pared down...."affordable", but also special, bc on a private peninsula with 4 fireplaces and 3 fire pits.....if I settle on that.

Basement area turning back into one great space, with kitchenette, huge bar, fireplace and patio, waiting to be tweaked and lit with big floral chandelier arrangements!  The part I love!

Angel, the lady wife at the Chateau, is setting tables, in the orangerie, with mix and match china ..
:: swooning::

So beautiful!




Heading to ReStore and Home Depot now.  Must order the door and select tile and flooring.

Lighter

95

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The island

« Last post by lighter on June 07, 2025, 07:47:18 AM »

Maddening!!!!
:::pulling out hair::..
But, thanks, Amber.

96

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The island

« Last post by sKePTiKal on June 06, 2025, 12:29:26 PM »

There is an all natural ingredient spray called No-no-see-ums. It helps. I even spray it on soft furnishings if the cats or I are followed inside by the little buggers. I STILL get bit - no matter what repellent I use. Even the high content DEET doesn't protect me.

Lots of Afterbite, cold black tea bags on the bites in the shower, an ACV rinse... all help with the itching.

97

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on June 06, 2025, 10:08:02 AM »

Oh, joyful cadence of the zone.

Darn it.

Trying to hold my finger on the pinpoint... but shifting into auto do do do....feels like I should be doing something else.

Creates pain....top left top of head.

:: forgetting exactly what my finger's in, cabs what::.

And THAT'S how it happens folks.

::,putting productivity on the shelf::.

Oh .....ya. 

Mindfulness.  Discernment. Choice restored.  Turning away from default settings and reactivity.

Turning, back towards,cegat I want more of, again and again.

It's a loop ......will it get smaller and tighter, or wider and looser, till it's just space?  Mostly discernment and responsiveness?

Hopefully, Contractor will be here, so I've cleaned the oven, and will try to figure out mother board removal for oven settings.  If I can't, I'll ask him for help.

I need tools to take apart bed upstairs, and mount headboard to the wall.

Need to clean out down bath cabinets....maybe today. 

::breathing.....focusing on what I want::.

Would rather have sunny access to outdoor shower than new vanity.

Would rather have light green glass tile shower tiles, but will use huge grey stone looking tiles, if I have enough.

Will purchase LVP flooring this contractor prefers......
need to ask who he used for glass shower doors and countertops.

Considering replacing one 2' sink base with a less deep storage cabinet to the ceiling, so door access less cramped.

Th th th th that's all, for now, folks.

Lighter

 




Lighter

98

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The island

« Last post by lighter on June 05, 2025, 12:12:46 PM »

 Guest left 5 Star review, despite no-see-ums bites, reported as "bedbugs," but guests talked into understanding NOT bedbugs....only "clever beast no-see-ums" carried in by guests, as another guest wrote in prior 4 star review. 

The bugs are tough, not gonna lie.
The stellar review, and relief of it....amazing. 
Will navigate even more proactively, going forward.

A reminder.....my karma IS immediate.  Touching the frog, no bueno.

Lighter

99

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on June 05, 2025, 11:08:14 AM »

Hi, Hops:  I think I responded, to you his post, on another thread.  I'm rushed this morning, but appreciate your thoughts.

Lighter

100

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: I met DD24's bf's parents

« Last post by lighter on June 05, 2025, 11:03:33 AM »

It feels huge, Hops. 

And .... it's part of the rewiring....the recalibrations in'me brain pan.  To observe from a distance.....and stop every mindless scamper into negative worry spirals....doing doing doing, to relieve discomfort.  Mine and others.

What will I do with that time, instead? No head pain ...but that part remembers the pain.  Interesting.  Feels heavy.

It's, at once, uplifting and empowering to stand in this new place, now.

Easy to shift, into worry, as my traditional cadence of moving quickly in the world (more chaotic, and what if? focused) is pulled back, and asked to rest, while problem solving and action are required.

It's feeling like a magic trick ....and both magician (Me), and assistant (my parts), wonder how these new, untried tricks will work. IF they'll work. 

The old tricks worked, but not optimally. 

And....maybe this is more nuanced than I'm coming across?

I'm more focused on my reactions/responses, and less focused on others/needing them to be ok/feeling responsible, which was a larger issue w/T.

One can KNOW something is true, but be haunted by it, just the same.....to consistent distraction.  Old trauma overlaying present moments....or not overlaying, kwim?

This is more about avoiding the haunted, familiar and deeply rutted places on my map......and....what you said.....in the other thread ....about occupying new places on the map. 
If I followed correctly.
That.

Generally, and about grown kiddo's standing in their own power, bc I've taught and modeled and must trust, regardless of the mistakes I know I've made and modeled.

I did my best.  Will have to be enough.  It's ok.  Even if it's not ok..... it's ok.

It's similar with the renovations, yard, mechanics of keeping things going .....emptying the house,partially, shaking up my belongings, like dice, and sorting it all out.....with terrible executive function skills, and at least 1 bathroom renovation (on very tight budget) and roof/gutter replacement looming........while mindfully quieting the parts of my brain usually in charge of such things asked to be still.....take a rest.....not worry, act or jump in when the heat's turned up.

Feels like I've just written all that out in other threads, but didn't come across as intentioned.

I feel woozy in the world.  I feel one hand is tied, behind my back.....my creative, super active hand.....BUT.....in return, chaos is quieted...... mindfulness restored......
positivity enabled ...
new program up......
but, not quite running.

It's a lot.
Stemming from parts work.
Identifying patterns, no longer serving me.
But, ultimately about programming my RAS/Reticular Activating System, favoring what I want, consistently, while extinguishing things, that belong, but I'm ready to let rest. 

Now.

And, it's ok.....doing it imperfectly.  Figuring it out.... perseverance through frustration leading to reactivity, but catching it, bc I've worked to cultivate that second to consider rising above the old programs, again and again. 

Choice restored. ✔️

The doing......while calm and comfortable, is one thing.

The doing,vwgile under duress, or the presence of young people's suffering.....is the same trick, but, as is the case with martial arts, all skills, new and old, are diminished by half on the street.....in practice......on develops muscle memory/builds brain pathways stronger/faster,c transfers myelin from other, more reactive pathways.  It takes so much energy.....the b ain, despite being 2% of the body, requires 20% of the energy,cand this while in a resting state.  Higher processing requires much more energy ....is expensive.  I absolutely experience this, physically.

All in all ...now ... there's less confusion, bc less suffering , bc less resistance to acceptance.....
bringing more consistent focus on identified goals, with identified outcomes.....less floundering back to reactive defaults....less recovery/judgment/shame/confusion.

I prolly think and write with a lot of static .... I know these posts could be skinnied down, put down with more clarity, but it's how I navigate my internal world/biochemistry/restoration of choice, again and again.
Now.

Thanks for being a cherished sounding board, (Hops.)

Lighter



 









Turning towards trust and curiosity.....fully away from fear.