N Mom called today

[bean]

Well, it has been about a month since the disastrous therapy session with my parents, and 2 siblings and I.  My N. Mom called today.  She wanted to know if I got her email.  Me: No.  (I have blocked all her emails, N. Dad's too, but I didn't tell her this).  Mom:  Did you get the letter I sent you from Elgin?  Me: Nope.  (threw that one in the trash, but also felt that wasn't info she needed).  Mom:  Well, that's weird.  Me: What did they say?  What did you want?  Mom:  Well, do you want to go to therapy?  Me:  Not really.  You and Dad are abusive to me, I don't think it's healthy for me.  Also, you never apologize and can never admit when you're wrong.  Mom:  well, I thought you felt differently about me [than Dad was implied], based on your last email.. (in a moment of weakness I did say my Mom at least had the ability to empathize--in an email to her--she is correct).  Me: Do you want to pay for it?  Mom:  NO.  I have already spent to much money, I spent $250 [on therapy with or because of you] already.. Me: [somewhat cutting her off, unbelievably, I can't believe she thinks it will only take 1 or 2 more sessions to "fix" this problem!!] Well, I guess I'm not worth it to you then.  HUNG UP.


Not sure now what to think or do.  I don't want to feel guilty about that, that's for sure!!


I couldn't find DavidP's posts relating to T sessions gone awry.  Does anyone know the approximate time period or title?  I think it would really help me to read somebody else's story of confronting their parents in a counseling session.  Anybody know where that is or can point me to it?

thanks,
bean

[bean]

Hi Jacmac,

GOOD!  I just ordered that one!!    I also ordered "Divorcing Your Parents" and another one called "How to deal with the Narcissist in Your Life" or something like that.  I figure I'll read all three to give me something to do rather than think about how hurt my Mom sounded!  (OOooh, I really did feel bad saying I wouldn't try, weird huh?)

Thank you for your words of encouragement.  They mean more to me than you know.

bean

[Kimscastle]

  Bean,
I think you are giving far too much information to your N mom for her to use against you in the future.  I do the same thing and am working very hard to stop this behavior that gives them fuel to abuse me with.  My therapist told me to imagine my N mom with the work SICK written on her forehead.  IT WORKS some of the time. I am really trying to accept the sickness and realize it is in them.  It is not about me at all.  They are not capable of knowing or loving me in a conventional healthy way.  We as the N's children have never even learned how to really live.  I challenge you to focus on healing and learning healthy ways to live your own life.  Answer their questions with "Yes or No" without explaining yourself.  You need to make no excuses or explanations.  Make them do the work.  Try it and see what happens. 
Kim